Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Life of a Traveling Bible Salesman:

Quote for the Day:
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.

Bible Sales

...and what a day it was:
Fear not children, I have returned from what turned out to be a rather taxing trip to the quaint Victorian burg of Franklin, Indiana and I am still pissed. What should have been a 3 hour trip each way was extended to a 5 hour trip one way and a four hour trip in return.

I got behind some kind of wide load convoy that was so large the thoughtful State Police closed down all lanes behind it; I also had the misfortune of following said convoy, all the way to Franklin. Lets just say I wasn’t in the best of moods upon arrival, add to that that I some how managed to spill a cup of coffee on my leg during the trip and you get an idea of the day.

However, on my return trip after enjoying a bag of pork cracklings and a Mr. Pibb soda, I found my mood boosted. My flower called and told me she was planning on having supper waiting for me at my return. She then asked if I would like those New York Strips we have in the freezer. My reply was a resounding “Yes!” I spent the rest of my drive listening to Blue Notes recordings of the great John Coaltrain and thinking about those steaks.

Upon my arrival up the manor drive, I finally felt some relief, a day from hell was at an end, a Monday to remember. I entered the home though the servants gate at which point I was racked by the hounds in an over-exuberate effort to bond with the alpha-leader of our pack (myself). I picked myself up and continued onward to the front parlor where I found my wife engrossed in a re-run on E, of the SAG awards and a meal of box mix macaroni and cheese waiting me.

It seems the steaks would of taken to long to cook and she was engrossed in the show she was watching. I don’t know about you but I find box mix macaroni and cheese a suitable alternative to food only when A) you have children (we do not) or B) when your shit faced drunk and entertaining an Irish Rugby team at your home (a story for another time).

I did what any married man would do at this crucial point, I wisely shut the fuck up and ate my box mix macaroni and cheese with a side of Lima beans and commented how god-damn tasty it all was, and how thoughtful she had been. After which I said I was going to bed. Which I did, turning in at 9 pm. Soon afterward, my loving bride traipsed up-stairs and in our marital chambers tried to seduce me by lip-syncing the 70’s soul classic “Brickhouse”.

Brothers and sisters, this is when I had both a stoke of genius and a revelation. The genius was my response. I said “Baby, I would really love to, but I have had a nasty stomach problem all day and fear that half-way though I might have to dash off to the toilet” we are married, married people can say stuff like that to each other. The realization was that I am getting old, in my younger years (i.e. last year) the way to come down from such a fucked day would of be to go get drunk and screw like rabbits. I just wanted to go to sleep. Which I did, with no hurt feelings.

Which takes me to sleep, I woke once again having someone else’s dream, chiefly I suspect the Texan whose knee I have. I dreamt I won a rodeo, yes all dressed up like a cowboy. I won and after I won I was approached by a older heavy-set women who gave my a hug and said “Honey, I do so wish Gary would have been here to see this, that and your Mama would have been so proud”. I don’t know anyone named Gary, but I must say that win was for you and Mama. This was at 1:30 am. I have been up since then and so starts another fun filled day in the service of my fellow man.

For Today:
I am in town today and back on the road Wednesday afternoon not to return until late Thursday afternoon or early evening. I have some planning to do with the new job stuff and a few things to get off my desk, so I need to get my head in the game early and keep it there.

The News:
It was stupid has fuck to try a filibuster on Alito, done deal, to the victor belong the spoils. We all knew how important the second term would be for the direction of the country and the best they could do was run Kerry.

What the democratic party needs to do is connect with the middle class and help them see how fucked they are getting and re-connect with the poor, notice I didn’t say the poor black or the poor Hispanics but the poor, NASCAR fans vote to. Instead they focus to playing to a far left that long ago got tenure, got vested in their 401k, signed a new multi-million dollar movie deal, or joined the Green Party. I am calling it yet again, if they put up Hillary to run it will be the death knell for this last best hope to protect and look out for the working classes, the democratic party.

Your weekly Bush Bashing:
one ring Bush
(One ring to unite them, precious)

Today’s Bill:
“To sleep, perchance to dream-
ay, there's the rub."
--From Hamlet (III, i, 65-68)

Thought for the Day:
Eat a third and drink a third and leave the remaining third of your stomach empty. Then, when you get angry, there will be sufficient room for your rage.
Babylonian Talmud, tractate Gittin

I remain, the kid who had back hair & smoked Camel Non-Fliters in 5th grade:

JQP esq.

Monday, January 30, 2006

On the Road:

One the Road 1
I will be back Tuesday, take care of the place while I am gone and don’t forget to water the plants.


Friday, January 27, 2006

…the egg of the phoenix

I love tennis
(I am starting to love tennis)

Thought for the Day:
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.
William James

NLT Re-Cap:
It's easy for me, I didn’t go. I blame my shoddy attendance on the following factors: a new found respect for my liver, to much time on the road and most telling a lack of disposable income. I instead slept the sleep of angels for a total of 14 hours, thusly I woke this morn feeling like a new man. I trust my esteemed peers soldiered on with out my guidance and biter caustic comments.

Meetings till 1:30 then I am thinking about playing dead. My pretty flower is working till 7:00, so I might go out for a beer with Pastor Bob. All my best to your and yours this weekend.

tray guy

Your Drinks for the Weekend:

Ulster Sunset:
Drink Ingredients:
1/2 oz. Lemon Juice
1 dash Bitters
1/2 oz. Gin
1 oz. Irish Whiskey
1 1/2 oz. Scotch

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine all of the ingredients. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass.

Four Horsemen at a Bull Fight:
Drink Ingredients:
1/4 oz. Jack Daniel's
1/4 oz. Jose Cuervo Tequila
1/4 oz. Johnny Walker Red Label
1/4 oz. Jim Beam
Red Bull

Pour, fill with Red Bull, salt rim and garnish with lemon and lime.

An Irish joke for a Friday:
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Praise Jesus! He's done it again!"

Today’s Bill:
"I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament."
--From Julius Caesar (III, i, 60 – 62)

Quote of the Day:
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
Nelson Mandela, 'A Long Walk to Freedom'

I remain, the pebble in your shoe of life:

JQP esq.

From my Head Librarian Dobbs:

Dirty Harry

If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared. Niccolo Machiavelli

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello ."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter? "Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program? "He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!

"One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black
BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is", he said.”Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.” Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front. “What’s your name?" I asked.” My name is Don Hansen," he said.” When’s a good time to catch you, Don?” I’m home every evening after five.” Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1."Hello.""You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)"Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said.” Stop calling me," he screamed.” Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.” I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up. Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.” Hello, asshole," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...""You'll what?" I said.” I’ll kick your ass," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.” Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel
9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch
two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Happy No-Love-Thursday, you dick:

adult spanking
(I am reliving the made for TV movie, "Convoy" ie: for those of you to young, I am on the road, hugs and kisses play nice)

drunk-day_after girl pee
(btw: its make your own caption day)

I still have a j-o-b, a lot more work, more hours, same $


Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Surfing in Zion:

(A candid shot of my new vacation home and ATV)

Thought for the Day:
It is common sense to take a method and try it; if it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

The Big Business of Government:
It seems a few folks across the pond have their collective panties in a bunch over the actions of our elected government. Chiefly, this week it’s over the US subcontracting out torture to other countries. I myself find that anyone shocked over this is either stupid or uninformed. This great land is being run on a business model.

As anyone who has seen the effects of NAFTA on communities across America can a test, we have a solid business model of taking things we need done to where they can be done cheapest, ie: Wal-Mart killing the US textile industry, so that child labor in some 3rd world hell hole factory can work 14 hours a day 7 days a week on machines with no safety guards, for 5 cents an hour. God Bless the American corporate man, I for one happen to enjoy my new 12 dollar windbreaker.

So our government, had some things they wanted to do that are against our laws, they subcontracted it out. Problem solved, it’s not us torturing and killing, it’s someone else. We have a built in case of plausible deniability and low overhead.

Add to that the number of civilian defense contractors (we used to call them mercenaries), plus those hired to provide routine support services in Iraq and you have proof positive of the privatization of the US military.

In my own state our enlightened governor is hell bent on divesting the state of the assets our tax dollars bought. From toll-roads to state hospitals & prisons. No one seems to ask the question, if these folks can come in and run this stuff and make money at it, why in the hell cant we, but then again that’s something for another post.

We are seeing a time soon on the horizon when instead of voting we will buy stock, instead of buying elected officials and/or elections, business will step from the shadows and openly run things. Your local police, a subcontractor for Halliburton, your roads owned by great minds at GM, your parks managed by timber companies. Hell, the insurance companies already control your health care. Children, it’s a brave new world.

On the work front:
We had our big re-organization meeting last night and were told that everyone will find out today who, when, where and what they will be doing. Talk about anti-climatic, but I was told that I am both flexible and a team player. So, at least it looks like I still have them snowed. More after my meeting…

Some of the things I found myself thinking about this morning:
Last week marked the 15th anniversary of the First Gulf War.
Does the rule about not wearing white after Labor Day apply to my new Bucks?
The Republicans were going to end big spending.
I want to bring the ascot back, it’s easier to tie.
We use to have a budget surplus.
Things were better under Clinton, chiefly my 401k.
Rally’s is only good if you’re hung over.
We have lost more personal rights than at anytime since the civil war and no one seems to notice.
I need to have more sex, a lot more.
In today’s politics, one is just as bad as the other.
The rich and/or well connected can and often do get away with murder.
Uruguay looks nice this time of year.
Why doesn’t brown go with black?
I should call that truck driving school.

Your Weekly Bush Bashing:

Today’s Bill:
What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculties! in form and moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension, how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so."
--From Hamlet (II, ii, 115-117)

Quote of the Day:
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
Theodore Roosevelt

I remain, the ingrown hair of your hopes for the future:

JQP esq.

Happy Burns Day

(Have some Haggis for wee’ lil’ JQP, the pipes the pipes are a calling)

John Q McPublic

Your Recipes for the Week:

Scotch Eggs
scotch eggs
(Scotch eggs are great for breakfast also it’s good drinking food.)

4 medium eggs (at room temperature)
1 pound bulk pork sausage
1 cup all-purpose flour seasoned with
salt and freshly-ground pepper
2 eggs, lightly beaten
2 cups fine, dry breadcrumbs
Oil (for deep frying)

Pierce each egg with a pin at its rounded end. Place eggs carefully into a pan and cover with cold water. Bring to a boil and when the water is really bubbling, immediately cover with the pan lid and remove from the heat. Leave them for 10 minutes, then run cold water over and around the eggs in the pan for 2 minutes. While the water is running onto them, crack them so that some of the moisture gets in. Peel the eggs carefully.

Divide the sausage meat into four equal pieces and roll each out on a lightly floured surface into a 5- to 6-inch circle.

Put seasoned flour in one bowl, the egg-milk mixture in the second, and breadcrumbs in the third. Dip a shelled egg into the egg mixture, then in flour. Repeat with each shelled egg. Now place each egg onto a circle of sausage meat and bring up the sides to enclose egg completely. Hold it in both hands and squeeze gently to eliminate the air. Dip each ball into the egg mixture and finally roll each in the breadcrumbs.

Heat oil to 375 degrees F to 400 degrees F.

Fry 2 eggs at a time until each egg is a deep brown all over, about 10 minutes. Remove with slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Repeat with remaining 2 balls.

To serve as a main course dish, halve each ball. As an appetizer, quarter each ball.

Serve with English mustard. These can be made 3 days ahead and refrigerated, but not frozen.

Ploughman's Soup
ploughmans soup
(Since its cold a snowing here, I thought a soup was in order)
3 tablespoons butter
2 medium onions, peeled and chopped
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
2 cups chicken stock
1 cup light ale (do not substitute beer)
3 dashs of Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 cups crumbled Cheshire cheese
Salt and pepper, to taste
slices of scallion (for garnish)

Melt the butter in a large, heavy pan. Gently sauté the onion until golden. Stir in the flour and cook for 1 minute. Remove from the heat, then gradually whisk in the stock and ale. Return to the heat and bring to a boil. Simmer 5 minutes or until thickened. Stir in the Worcestershire sauce.

Reserve 1/4 cup of the cheese. Stir in the remaining cheese, a bit at a time (keeping the heat low), until the cheese is all melted. Season with salt and pepper. Garnish each bowl with the reserved cheese and the onions.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

My Loins are girded:

VD its Not What you think

Thought for the Day:
Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another. Anatole France, The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard

A few Up-Dates to bring you up to Speed on my Fast paced Life-

On Wednesday of last week, I had my quarterly “dinner and drinks meeting” with my spiritual guide the Monsignor. I left both drunk and confused, but I am told that’s what spiritual guides do.

I had to skip the NLT meeting last week and there is a chance I will have to skip it this week, driving hours across the great state of Indiana hung-over to do training is not the path I am choosing this year. Sadly, it seems IT Chic was buying for everyone; I always miss the free ride, damn-it.

I am now well versed on the beauties of Winamac, Indiana and am considering it as a vacation destination, when I finally break down and buy a bass boat.

I was a good boy for the most part all weekend, Friday I was on my own since my bride was tirelessly promoting her current boy-band at a National Guard Amory in southern Ohio. So, instead of going out and hitting the bars, I made myself a dinner of two steaks, a baked potato and asparagus. After my evening vespers, it was popcorn and movies at the manor house.

Saturday, I spend the day visiting down south with family and visiting graves. Later my pretty and petite bride and I went out with another couple from my work for some of the much coveted sausage rolls served at a tap on the city’s un-fashionable near west-side.

Sunday, I woke early as is my custom, did my household chores and went to Mass (the early Mass). After which I came home and made my love breakfast in bed. After she ate, we watched a chic flick (Must like Dogs, which was ok, since I think John Cusack is the most under rated star of my generation). After all this ass-kissing and being a good boy I though I was in the running for hitting the freaky-love-time-no-extra-charge jack pot, but alas dear reader it was not to be.

My flower announced that she was off to get her nails done, then shopping followed by a purse party with Pastor Bob’s wife and that I shouldn’t wait supper. Thusly I didn’t.

I went to the Rugby Bar where I joined M. Chamberlain News Paper Man for some fermented hops and watched Denver get swept from the field of combat. After that, we both adjourned to my favorite bar, where we made the company of Tattoo John, already in progress, soon afterward Sky-Captain and his glamorous blond headed wife dashed in after flying the torturous mountain passes that surround our humble port city.

I was at that point in my self induced alcohol poisoning decided it was a good time to go to the Macedonian Road House, which I did. Food fortifies the soul and also soaks up Rumplemizt (ie: JQP crack).

I ate 38.00 worth of pickled Macedonian farm produce, to include regretfully the “Special Hot-Egg’s” which turned out to be a good investment, since it had the longest effect on me.

I retuned to my ever so humble home around 9pm to find my wife busy around the house, doing things she had been putting off. It was then that I knew, it was then that I understood, my flower had been on a spending spree and was now the proud owner of half a dozen knock-off purses. Thusly I, JQP am running on a rather limited budget, for the foreseeable future.

This takes me to Monday. I had Doctors appointments all day, so I was in and out of four different offices, getting poked and prodded, all in an effort to insure I remain the picture of health you see before you. In between appointments I dashed into work often enough to confuse them into thinking I was somewhere in the building all day. Smoke and Mirrors dear reader, Smoke and Mirrors, that’s all it takes to survive and thrive in today’s business climate.

Today is the day of the “big super secret re-organization meeting”, a day when we find out who our new bosses will be, what our new jobs will be and by suggestion and assignment who will be getting pushed out the door. They set it up for 4:00PM the end of the working day for many of us, which I personally don’t take as a good omen. However it could be worse, if it was me I would of done it at quitting time on a Friday, but then again I am an asshole like that. Chance of drinking after work 98%.

Today’s Bill:

Look in thy glass, and tell the face thou viewest
Now is the time that face should form another;
Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest,
Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother.
For where is she so fair whose unear'd womb
Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?
Or who is he so fond will be the tomb
Of his self-love, to stop posterity?
Thou art thy mother's glass, and she in thee
Calls back the lovely April of her prime:
So thou through windows of thine age shall see
Despite of wrinkles this thy golden time.
But if thou live, remember'd not to be,
Die single, and thine image dies with thee.

Quote of the Day:
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. Bertrand Russell, Conquest of Happiness (1930) ch. 5

I remain, the shadows of the dreams you had for yourself:

JQP esq.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Proof that I have a half-brother back in Vietnam:


The Candy Man Can:


Who can take a sunrise,
Sprinkle it with dew?
Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two…
The candyman, the candyman can,
The candyman can 'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…

Who can take a rainbow,
Wrap it in a sigh?
Soak it in the sun and make the stra'bry lemon pie
The candyman? The candyman can…
The candyman can 'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…

The Candyman makes
everything he bakes
Satisfying and delicious.
Talk about your childhood wishes.
You can even eat the dishes!

Who can take tomorrow,
Dip it in a dream?
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream,
The candyman? The Candyman can, the candyman can…
The candyman can 'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…
And the world tastes good
'cause the candyman thinks it should

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I’ve Got Sunshine on a cloudy day:

(I am in love)

Thought for the Day:
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Sir Winston Churchill

Well, children it’s the day for yet another meeting of the No Love Thursday Drinking Club and Mutual Aid Society. It’s a time to reflect on our lives and the pathetic worms who curse our existence.

I don’t know if I will be back in town for the meeting, since I am much like Kane in Kung-Fu; just walking the earth looking for adventures. I am after all like that. I have no idea who will show up, last meeting was very sparsely attended, I find the meetings are like Christmas presents, you never know what your going to get until you get there.

The Day at Large:
I had to go to the dentist this morning (note to self, not a good way to start the day). I think the girl who had her fingers in my mouth was flirting with me. But, then again, how could the sweet young thing help herself, I am after all wearing that new men’s body spray.

I just dashed into the office to grab supplies and then dear reader I am off to exotic Indiana communities. There I go selling my Bibles to the eager locals . I will not be posting on Friday, so it’s a great chance for you to take part in the exciting contest I spoke of earlier in the week.

Your Weekly Bush Bashing:
w smoking-weed
(I often wondered where he came up with some of his shit)

Your Drinks for the Week:

tray guy

Absolut Salt & Pepper Dog
Drink Ingredients:
4 oz. Grapefruit Juice
1 1/2 oz. Absolut Peppar

stir with ice and pour into a salt rimmed glass

The Paddy Wacker
Drink Ingredients:
1/2 oz. Vodka
1/4 oz. Kahlua
1/2 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream
1/2 oz. Brown Creme de Cacao

Mix the ingredients in the blender with ice. Tastes like a chocolate shake.

And since its that time of year:

Girl Scout Cookie
Drink Ingredients:
1 Part Milk
1 Part Coffee Liqueur
1 Part Rumplemintz

Your Bill for the Day:
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow."
From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 185)

Quote for the Day:
How many observe Christ's birthday! How few, his precepts! O! 'tis easier to keep Holidays than Commandments.
Benjamin Franklin

I remain the Willie Lohman, of your Life:

JQP esq.

Brains from Dobbs:

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking ampaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." ---Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."--Department of Social Services,Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead,there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The mortar fire has just stopped:


Thought for the Day:
With reasonable men I will reason; with humane men I will plea; but to tyrants I will give no quarter, nor waste arguments where they will certainly be lost.
William Lloyd Garrison

12 things about me, that I think prove that I am just a Normal Guy:

1) I often wake up humming Disco tunes (this morning it was “Ring my Bell”).

2) I kiss my wife’s ass every chance I get.

3) I when inebriated will often sing one of the following: Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald, Molly Malone, or Dixie.

4) The last fist fight I was in, I broke my hand and arm. Yes, I hit that hard.

5) I go to Mass, even though people tend to piss me off.

6) I do all the cooking at our home.

7) I can speak three or four sentences in over 14 languages. However, I never understand the replies.

8) Better luck next time (as in next life) is my New Years mantra.

9) I am in debit up to my perfectly round white mans ass.

10) I vote democrat because they are the ones closest to looking out for the ‘Little Guy”.

11) I like women who look like women.

12) I am singularly hansom.

Proof that when I was younger I was the only Amish-Catholic NASCAR driver:
Amish Race

Comments on the News:

Physician Assisted Suicide:
Ok, so now you have the right to end your life if you’re dieing from some horrible disease (only in Oregon). My hope would be that other state legislature jump on that band wagon as the boomers age. Anyone, who has held the hand of someone dieing a slow painful death, being keep alive by the entire cast of St. Elsewhere, would understand. You live your life, pay your taxes, serve your country and raise your children, well then damn you should have the right to make an informed medical decision about when check-out time is.

Big Brother:
“The disclosure that Bush authorized warrantless surveillance of telephone calls and e-mail between Americans and people overseas suspected of links to al-Qaida or other terrorist groups. Bush has defended the program as a vital tool in a fast-moving battle against elusive enemies, and he has cited the inherent powers of the presidency in circumventing a long-established secret court that issues warrants in intelligence cases.

The American Civil Liberties Union and the Center for Constitutional Rights filed separate lawsuits Tuesday claiming Bush exceeded his authority and violated Fourth Amendment guarantees against unreasonable searches and seizures by ordering the National Security Agency surveillance.”

Ok, so we have secret courts, a President who has lied, and an intelligence agency that says “don’t worry we are not spying on you, just the bad guys”. I am sorry, but I don’t trust them, not at all. Don’t think they are not reading your blogs, a what does it take to be a person of interest? A hit on your blog from someone in the mid-east? From a green party member? From some animal rights activist? They and their secret courts decide. Your Bill of Rights went right out the window with the Patriot Act, hate to say it but I called it.

On another Note:
I am starting to sound like a libertarian. More and more, I am becoming a fan of individual rights.

Today’s Bill:
That thou hast her, it is not all my grief,
And yet it may be said I loved her dearly;
That she hath thee, is of my wailing chief,
A loss in love that touches me more nearly.
Loving offenders, thus I will excuse ye:
Thou dost love her, because thou knowst I love her;
And for my sake even so doth she abuse me,
Suffering my friend for my sake to approve her.
If I lose thee, my loss is my love's gain,
And losing her, my friend hath found that loss;
Both find each other, and I lose both twain,
And both for my sake lay on me this cross:
But here's the joy; my friend and I are one;
Sweet flattery! then she loves but me alone.

Quote of the Day:
Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.
James Boswell, Life of Samuel Johnson, 1791

I remain, the big kid who smokes on the back of the school bus of your life:

JQP esq.

Your Recipe for the Week:

(Or has it is said in the Low-Country: Chicken Perlou)


2 ½ lbs. Boneless Chicken Breasts
1 cup Chopped Onion
1 ½ lbs. Smoked Link Sausage or Kielbasa
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 cups Long Grain White Rice/ or Wild Rice
Salt (to taste)
Hot Sauce or a pinch of Cayenne Pepper (to taste)
…and what ever else you fell like throwing in to it.

-- Boil chicken breasts & chopped onion in 4 cups of water (6-quart saucepan) until tender

-- Remove the chicken and pull into bite size pieces; put pieces back in pot with broth

-- Slice the sausage into ½” pieces; add sausage, pepper, and rice to pot

-- Simmer slowly until all the broth is absorbed and the rice is fully cooked

-- Salt to taste; I suggest adding a splash or two of hot sauce to get it up on it’s feet!

-- Serves 6-8 people.

Note: Chicken Bog keeps nicely in the fridge and often tastes even better the next day.

Also a fun lil’ quiz:

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Hit and Miss:

ass car crash


I will be on the road and/or working late for the foreseeable future; as a result many of my posts will be “hit-and-miss”. Knowing how much you have come to rely on the staff here at PTOPM for your up-to-date news and social commentary and due to my laziness, I am starting a new contest:

Pick you favorite post:

Pick your favorite picture:

The winner will be announced next week sometime and will receive an wonderful prize package.

Know that I am doing the good work in your honor, until then, please feel free to dig though the archives for your favorite.

In this spirit and do to my lack of creativity these days I am also starting a new advise column titled simply “Dear John” ask me anything, and I will post the answers weekly. I however have the right to pick and chose your questions and/or be completely wrong in my answer. To enter either the contest or to send a question drop a line to indianacityboy@yahoo.com


The News:

Cav Iraq
Oddly, the on the list of complaints among forward deployed Cavalry units more body armor comes in a distant 2nd.

Your Album of the Week:


Monday, January 16, 2006



he isnt going to make it

Friday, January 13, 2006

On the Road:

(Make up your own comment)

Happy Friday Kids...


Thursday, January 12, 2006

No-Love-Thursday and Other-Non Notable Musings:

Thought of the Day:
Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
George Bernard Shaw, The Devil's Disciple (1901) act 3


It is once again dear reader its that time of the week, when the cultural vanguard of the tri-state region join forces in a festival of mutual contempt, sharp wit and pointed barbs. Yes, it is the meeting day of the "No-Love-Thursday Mutual Aid Society".

Sadly, it currently looks as though neither my loving and dutiful wife nor I will be in attendance at this most venerated of drinking clubs. She went out last night and I have to work until around 7:00pm. Thusly I would be missing the first two to three hours of club business. However, as with most things in my life, I might stop by after my work here at the orphanage is complete tonight, it’s hard to tell.

Last Night:
My pretty and red headed wife went and got her hair cut at 5pm yesterday, retuning at 11:00pm drunk as a skunk and smelling of dogs and cheap cigar smoke. Needless to say, sometimes it’s best not to ask questions.

What did I do with my evening to myself? Well friends, I went to Mass, and a SVDP meeting after that, I am a pillar of the community that way. Oh odd note; last night I had a dream about nuclear war, this morning it made me realize how much the threat of the A-Bomb has slipped from our collective fear.

Rolling a Stone up a Hill:
Yes, we are rolling into my busy time of the year, next week I start taking my snake oil salesman show on the road and will be so occupied until March 1st. I am starting to plan my tour of the southern counties of this great state (any tips on places to eat and/or get into trouble in would be greatly appreciated). I have mixed feelings about this, first I don’t really enjoy living out of suit case for weeks on end and second, I don’t ever any feel smarter after staying in a Holiday Inn Express.

Well, they a calling for it to get all the way up to 54 today with sunlight, yes, there is a chance I might see the sun. So, I would say my mood is cautiously optimistic. I have a gig at 6pm, and have no idea how long its going to last, so its another long day in the life of JQP. I woke up starving this morning so this eating nothing but salads (which I hate) must be starting to work. Right now I am craving lasagna, Texas toast and cottage cheese from a truck stop diner.

Today’s Bill:
"Is this a dagger which I see before me..."
--From Macbeth (II, i, 33)

Quote of the Day:
Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I remain, the only other person who remembers your first unrequited love and when drinking will make fun of you for it:

JQP esq.

Your Recipe for the Week:

Pork Tenderloin

Regional cuisine ala JQP
“The Hoosier Breaded Pork Tenderloin”

1 1/2 pounds pork tenderloin
2 large eggs
1/4 cup whole milk
1/2 cup Italian-style dried bread crumbs, table spoon of corn meal
1 pinch garlic powder
1 teaspoon course black pepper
salt to taste
vegetable oil or lard

Slice tenderloin into 1/4 inch rounds. Place rounds between sheets of plastic wrap and pound until very thin.

Preheat deep fryer or skillet up to medium high heat .

Beat eggs and milk together and pour into a shallow dish or bowl. Set aside.

In a separate dish or bowl combine breadcrumbs with spices. Crush and mix all together. medium high heat.

Meanwhile, dip tenderloins in egg mixture, then coat with bread crumb mixture.

When oil is hot, add coated tenderloin to skillet or fryer and fry until golden brown on both sides, or it floats to the top

(Or if you what some thing fancy try this don’t cook it through and place browned tenderloin in a 9x13 inch baking dish lined with aluminum foil. Cover tightly and bake in the preheated oven for about 45 minutes or until meat has reached an internal temperature of 160 degrees F (70 degrees C).)

Serve with: Beer, dill pickles, onions, spicy mustard, and/or Hot pickled eggs.

Original recipe yield: 4 servings.

I wish I could ask a few Questions:

Kennedy jump-starts dreary Alito proceedings
By Dana Milbank
Washington Post

WASHINGTON – It looked to be a second dreary day in the confirmation hearings of Supreme Court pick Samuel Alito, as the senators droned and the nominee dodged. Then, just before lunch, the old lion roared. Actually, it started as a growl. The gray-maned Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., read quotations published by a conservative Princeton group to which Alito belonged, protesting that blacks, Hispanics and women “don’t know their place” and suggesting medical experiments for gay Princeton students.

The nominee’s wife, Martha Ann Alito, sighed. Alito’s White House handler, former Indiana Sen. Dan Coats, started working his BlackBerry. The reporters began tapping on their keyboards. Kennedy took a sip of water, flashed a tight smile at Alito, then a broader smile in the direction of the photographers in the pit.

Thus did Democrats take their last stand against Alito. It had become clear that the committee, with unified GOP support, would clear the judge. Surveying the various lines of attack against Alito – his opposition to abortion, his support for a powerful president, his conflict-of-interest issues – Democrats concluded that their best hope was in Alito’s membership in a group opposed to gains by women and minorities. Clarence Thomas had Anita Hill. Alito would have the Concerned Alumni of Princeton.

Whatever the charge’s merits, it drew blood.

As several more Democrats joined Kennedy’s assault – Sen. Joseph Biden Jr., D-Del., donned a Princeton baseball cap for the occasion – Alito’s replies grew more frantic. “I disavow them. I deplore them. They represent things that I have always stood against and I can’t express too strongly,” he told Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C. “If you don’t mind the suspicious nature that I have, it’s that you may be saying that because you want to get on the Supreme Court, that you’re disavowing this now because it doesn’t look too good,” said Graham, trying to help Alito. “I’m going to be very honest with you,” Graham continued. “Are you really a closet bigot?”

Alito’s ears turned scarlet. “I’m not any kind of bigot,” he said, emotionally. “I’m not.” Behind him, Martha Alito had had enough. She stood up, tissue in hand, and rushed to the back of the room, where Capitol Police whisked away the tearful woman. She didn’t return for an hour.

Comment: I just love confirmation hearings and don’t think for a moment his wife’s tearful out burst, wasn’t a staged event.

Buckeyes in the News:

Teacher scandals shake up Defiance

About two weeks before a Defiance County grand jury in Ohio is to decide whether she should be charged with a felony, a 29-year-old English teacher resigned because of allegations she engaged in sexual conduct with a 17-year-old student.

And the same grand jury will hear evidence that another Ayersville High School teacher showed an inappropriate video to her Spanish class. The Defiance County Sheriff’s Department received a report from a concerned parent late last year.

Nicole Long of Defiance taught English at Ayersville High School, and on Monday night the Ayersville Local School board accepted her resignation, tendered Friday. On Jan. 18, prosecutors will present evidence to a grand jury about the alleged sexual encounter, asking it to indict Long on a charge of sexual battery, a third-degree felony punishable by up to five years in prison.
Megan Espen, 39, of Bowling Green is accused of showing an adult movie to her Spanish class in November. She may be indicted on a charge of disseminating matter harmful to juveniles. That charge could be either a first-degree misdemeanor or a fifth-degree felony, officials said.

Comment: Where in the Hell were these teachers when I was in school, however if it was my kid I would be calling for heads on spikes.

Some People should not be Parents:

Mother faces neglect counts in daughter’s bathtub death

The mother of a 16-month-old girl who drowned Saturday afternoon has been charged with two counts of neglect.

Noble County Prosecutor Steven Clouse requested a warrant Wednesday morning for the arrest of Maria M. Guzman, 23, of Ligonier. Later Wednesday afternoon, Guzman was arrested on two felony counts of neglect of a dependent, a statement released by Clouse’s office said. An autopsy was conducted Sunday, and Bianca’s cause of death was ruled as asphyxia due to drowning, according to the prosecutor’s office.

Police determined that Guzman had placed Bianca and her 2-year-old sister in the bathtub and then left the home for about 15 or 20 minutes. When Guzman returned, she discovered her 2- year-old was out of the tub, but Bianca was floating face down in the water, the statement said.

Comment: I cant get my mind around this one, how could anyone think it’s ok to leave a 1 and 2 year old in a bath alone for a half and hour

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I get more ass than a toilet seat:

3 great asses

"Shake That"
(by the great American composer Mr. Eminem, this song is destine to be a new classic)

Shady, Aftermath
There she goes shaking that ass on the floor
Bumpin and grindin that pole
The way she's grindin that pole
I think I'm losing control

[Verse 1 - Eminem]

Get buzzed, get drunk, get crunked, get fuucked up
Hit the strip club don't forget once get your dick rubbed
Get fucked, get sucked, get wasted, shit faceted
Pasted, blasted, puke drink up, get a new drink
Hit the bathroom sink, throw up
Wipe your shoe clean, got a routine
Knowin still got a few chunks on your shoestring
Showin I was dehydrated till the beat vibrated
I was revibed as soon as this Bitch gyrated
And hips and licked them lips and that was it
I had to get Nate Dogg here to sing some shit

[Verse 2 - Nate Dogg]

Two to the one from the one to the three
I like good pussy and I like good trees
Smoke so much weed you wouldn't beleive
And I get more ass than a toilet seat
Three to the one from the one to the three
I met a bad bitch last night in the D
Let me tell you how I made her leave with me
Conversation and Hennessey
I've been to the muthafuckin mountain top
Heard muthafuckers talk, seen 'em drop
If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock
And when I bust yo ass I'm gonna continue to rock
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet
It's real easy just follow the beat
Don't let that fine girl pass you byye
Look real close cause strobe lights blind

[Verse 3 - Nate Dogg]

We bout to have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (Go head shake your butt)
I'm lookin for a girl with a body and a sexy strut
Wanna get it poppin baby step right up
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I'm lookin for a girl that will do whatever the fuck
I say everday she be givin it up

[Chorus - Nate Dogg]

Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Come on girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Ohh girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Come on girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me

[Verse 4 - Eminem]

I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygentist
Open your mouth for about four or five minutes
Take a little bit of this flouride rinse
Swish but don't spit it, swallow and I'll finish
Yeah me and Nate d-o double g
Looking for a couple bitches with some double d's
Pop a little champagne and a couple E's
Slip it in her bubbuly, we finna finna have a party

[Verse 5 - Nate Dogg]

Have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (Go head shake your butt)
I'm lookin for a girl I can fuck in my hummer truck
Apple Bottom jeans and a big ol' suck
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I want a bitch that sit at the crib with no panties on
Knows that she can but she won't say no
Now look at this lady all in front of me, sexy as can be
Tonight I want a slut, will you be mine?
I heard you was freaky from a friend of mine

[Bridge - Eminem]

Now I hope you don't get mad at me
But I told Nate you was a freak
He said he wants a slut, hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind

[Chorus - Nate Dogg]

Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Cmon girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Ohh girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Cmon girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
We bout' to have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (go ahead shake that butt)
I'm lookin for a girl with a body and a sexy strut
Wanna get it poppin baby step right up
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I'm lookin for a girl that will do whatever the fuck
I say everday she be givin it up

[Outro - Eminem]

There she goes, shaking that ass on the floor
Bumpin and grindin that pole
The way she's grindin that pole
I think I'm losing control

God, come one

[Eminem makes noises]

I ain't leavin' without you bitch

Come here home with me

And my boy, and his boy, and his boy, and his gurl

haha, Nate Dogg

[deep breathing]

In Other News:
my little brother

Last night I went out with M. Chamberlain News paper Man, and in two hours and numerous shots solved all of the world’s problems.

Sadly, I had written our solutions down on a cocktail napkin that also contained a navigational chart for the waters around Hiltonhead, SC. Much to my dismay, the world will have to continue suffering, as to the fact I also set my Miller Lite on said napkin and the ink ran.

Contrary to media reports, I did not get into a fight with a well known and highly regarded Pastry Chief at a local watering hole frequented by such people (it wasn’t much of a fight; I just kicked him in the balls).

After our cocktails, Mr. Chamberlain volunteered to drive me home, I readily accepted, however I insisted we stop at a local Bodega, thusly fortified with Mexican deep fired pork fat we continued to the Public manor. We then sat through the worst scary movie I have ever seen, even in my inebriated state.

However after M. Chamberlain News Paper Man, left our humble home, my loving and kind bride was taken over by a demonic force and beat the shit out of me, just for attempting nasal sex, by forcing my forefinger into her left nostril (hey, in some cultures it’s a big turn on). My flower gets moody when her egg drops.

Today, I am covered in bruises from where she threw some Marine/Rugby/Roller Derby moves on my ass. Needless to say, I slept down-stairs in the music room with a fireplace poker…

My baby doll, can be dangerous to the uninitiated when she gets like that. All in all, a nice “blow off steam” evening.

I remain, a lonely drifter traveling the highways and byways of your soul:

JQP esq.

Black Eyed Pee:


Going with my Music theme:
Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas claimed she didn't piss herself at this San Diego Street Scene Show concert, and that the huge wet spot in the middle of her crotch was just sweat. She would have gotten more points in my book if she would of said "Hell Yes, I pissed myself, its the new cool thing". Lets see someone try to market that.


Can Pat Roberson be far away?

sexism in the far east

Dateline: Cairo
An Egyptian cleric's controversial fatwa claiming that nudity during sexual intercourse invalidates a marriage has uncovered a rift among Islamic scholars.According to the religious edict issued by Rashad Hassan Khalil, a former dean of Al-Azhar University's faculty of Sharia (or Islamic law), "being completely naked during the act of coitus annuls the marriage".
The religious decree sparked a hot debate on the private satellite network Dream's popular religious talk show and on the front page of Al-Masri Al-Yom, Egypt's leading independent daily newspaper.

Suad Saleh, who heads the women's department of Al-Azhar's Islamic studies faculty, pleaded for "anything that can bring spouses closer to each other" and rejected the claim that nudity during intercourse could invalidate a union.

During the live televised debate, Islamic scholar Abdel Muti dismissed the fatwa: "Nothing is prohibited during marital sex, except of course sodomy."

For his part, Al-Azhar's fatwa committee chairman Abdullah Megawar argued that married couples could see each other naked but should not look at each other's genitalia and suggested they cover up with a blanket during sex.

Lifted with out shame from the hottie from down-under: http://theladyjustitia.blogspot.com/


Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Another Day in the Service of my fellow man:

Thought for the Day:
There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted.
James Branch Cabell

Sr. on Porn
(Sister Mary-Computer Lab, discovers the joys of online romance)

Random Thoughts on Overcast Day: all starting with “I”:

I put on ten pounds on my trip to South Carolina.

I watch the following TV shows: Mythbusters, Law & Order C.I., Little Britain and 60 Minutes.

I think the people who follow Pat Roberson scare me more than he does.

I think that living off the grid on a self sufficient farm might turn out to be a damn good idea.

I feel at home in South Carolina, Indiana, and the Maritime Providences, (odd eh what?).

I think raising kids today is scary as fuck and know that I would be way to over protective.

I believe we are witnessing how Nazi Germany got started, right here.

I am a news junkie.

I am in fact left handed.

I am getting grey hair.

I am a Gemini.

I am currently a bad Catholic, but am going to Mass Wednesday.

I have pretty green eyes.

I drive a truck.

I read a book or two a week.

I am going nuts; there is no sunshine in this state.

I lead what to others is an interesting life, but to me is just another day.

I find it hard to let go of hate and I am known to hold a grudge.

I would like to visit India.

I want to go fly-fishing this spring.

I like most of America, am in debit up to my ass and the student loan ppl. are demons from hell.

I can tell that I am depressed; I have not been in the mood to cook.

I am haunted, by would of, should of, could of and wishes.

I am proud of my wife, my family and my friends.

I read last night that every time an old person dies it’s like burning a library.

I have been in to many fights and by fights I define them in the broadest sense.

I find that being around kids makes me wish I had some of my own.

I think I should quit reading Russian novels when I am in a mood like this.

I miss Sunsets.

I think that because my great grand father died at 29 from the Spanish Flu epidemic, this current Bird Flu thing is really getting my attention.

I wonder how many people know why “33” is on the back of every bottle of Rolling Rock.

I wish I was closer to some people and further away from others.

I was raised to feel less than and to this day it’s a struggle.

I believe we do what we know, but we can always know more.

I am thinking about shaving off my goatee and getting a high and tight hair cut.

I look good in a suit.

I don’t know my wines anymore, but do know my tobacco.

I miss the Army sometimes; at least I never had to worry about what to wear.

I am middle aged and friends what a long strange trip it’s been.

I have a hard time feeling, these days.

Your Album of the Week:

Your Mail Order Brides for the Week:

Your Bill for the Day:
"Give me my robe, put on my crown; I have
Immortal longings in me."
--From Antony and Cleopatra (V, ii, 282-283)

Quote for the Day:
Be silent as to services you have rendered, but speak of favors you have received.

I remain, the Star of the Movie that is my life and you all have a walk-on:

JQP esq.

Monday, January 09, 2006

It Pays to be Flexible:

Thought for the Day:
Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.
Bertrand Russell, Unpopular Essays (1950)


It was a quiet weekend around the Public household, spent in large part visiting shut-ins, reading our family Bible and knitting socks for the soldiers. That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

However there are a few points I would call attention to. Chiefly, Saturday. On Saturday my loving bride and I took BBG out for her birthday. We enjoyed a fine dinner at a local fish and chop house, after which the ladies adjourned to my favorite bar for some coffee drinks, I myself being the designated driver refrained (yes, me the double D).

Later, we went to the home of OB/GY Kenobi and his kind and loving wife Land O’ Lakes Girl. While there we partook of distilled grains seeped in Peat and played children’s board games. My flower and I then returned to the manor house and turned in early (by early, I mean around 6 am Sunday morning). It was , all in all an enjoyable evening.

The Week Ahead:
I have a few projects I need to get jump started this week, plus toward the end of the week a lot of night hours and road time. I don’t think I will have any down time until at least Saturday next. So, a busy little a beaver I am. Everyone play nice and have a wonderful Monday.

Today’s Bill:
So am I as the rich, whose blessed key
Can bring him to his sweet up-locked treasure,
The which he will not every hour survey,
For blunting the fine point of seldom pleasure.
Therefore are feasts so solemn and so rare,
Since, seldom coming, in the long year set,
Like stones of worth they thinly placed are,
Or captain jewels in the carcanet.
So is the time that keeps you as my chest,
Or as the wardrobe which the robe doth hide,
To make some special instant special blest,
By new unfolding his imprison'd pride.
Blessed are you, whose worthiness gives scope,
Being had, to triumph, being lack'd, to hope.

Quote of the Day:
If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
Hermann Hesse

I remain, sleep-walking though others nightmares:

JQP esq.

Friday, January 06, 2006

I just Love kicking it to REO Speedwagon in my Trans Am:

My Son

Thought for the Day:
Men seek but one thing in life - their pleasure.
W. Somerset Maugham, 'Of Human Bondage', 1915

A brief re-cap of No-Love-Thursday:
Well children, it was a fun filled No-Love-Thursday. Those in attendance were: Tattoo John, The Bitter red Headed Lady, Pastor Bob, M. Chamberlain News Paper Man, The Dungeon and Dragons Player of the Week, Tiny, Tony 2 Times, Flavia Puff, Roy Rogers, Mrs. JQP and myself, also some virgins, IT-Chic (first time) LL Bean Girl (first time) Punkin-Head (first time).

There were several new events, besides "stump the chump", there was "Pick on JQP" which I might add was a crowd pleaser, there were both a Pan Flute (Zamfir) and a Billy Joel sing along. However the high light of the evening was the group sing of that cult classic “Little Red Barn”.

Sadly, my suggestion of trading underwear was not well received. We were momentarily distracted by a fundy cult girl who came into our bar and handed out tracks of the Holy Word, sadly she did not wish to debate the true nature of God with Pastor Bob (and IT-Chic wonders why fundys’ freak me out worse than clowns).

The meeting was called to order, and since it was a new year, elections were held, we changed the bi-laws and by unanimous decision M. Chamberlain News Paper Man was re-elected to an unheard of second term as Club President.

33 to you baby
(Prospective NLT members are screened at birth, “33” to you baby.)

Truly, a man of vision, his campaign pledge to start NLT chapters in all of the 48 contiguous states was well received (think of a very drunk President James Garfield). All in all, it was a fun night out among friends.

I was just informed by my boss that I don’t have to be here today, so guess what; I am not going to be. I have to go get tested as per my knee, which will be fun, “Hey Doc, can you test me for every know form of VD, I think I got it from my knee”.

Your Drinks for the Week:

tray guy

Irish Spring
Drink Ingredients:
1 oz. Orange Juice
1 slice Orange
1 Cherry
1/2 oz. Peach Brandy
1 oz. Irish Whiskey
1 oz. Sweet & Sour mix

Pour all ingredients (except orange slice and cherry) into a collins glass over ice cubes. Garnish with the slice of orange, add the cherry on top, and serve.

Der Zorbatini
Drink Ingredients:
1/4 oz. Ouzo
1 1/4 oz. Stolichnaya Vodka

Prepare like a Martini. Garnish with a green olive.

priceless wedding
(I just love these)

Todays Bill:
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
--From Macbeth (V, v, 19)

Quote of the Day:
The more laws and order are made prominent,
The more thieves and robbers there will be.
Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu

I remain, the pill popping, bourbon smelling, step-mother of your self-esteem:

JQP esq.

From the “I can’t make this shit up” file:

WASHINGTON – The TV evangelist Pat Robertson and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may not agree on much, but both suggested Thursday that the severe illness of Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was deserved.

Speaking on his Christian Broadcasting Network’s “700 Club,” which says it has 1 million viewers, Robertson said God was punishing Sharon for dividing the land of Israel. Sharon, who engineered Israel’s pullout from the Gaza Strip last year, suffered a massive stroke Wednesday.

“Sharon was personally a very likable person, and I am sad to see him in this condition, but I think we need to look at the Bible and the Book of Joel. The prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has enmity against those who ‘divide my land,’ ” Robertson said.
Sharon “was dividing God’s land, and I would say: Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the EU (European Union), the United Nations or the United States of America,” the 75-year-old Baptist minister said.

Robertson, who ran for president in 1988, has a history of controversial statements. In August, he called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, then denied the remark and, a day later, apologized for it.

Rabbi Eric Yoffie, president of the Union for Reform Judaism, said Robertson’s latest comments violated “simple human decency” and were “profoundly offensive.” Abraham Foxman, national director of the Anti-Defamation League, said it is “outrageous and shocking, but not surprising, that Pat Robertson once again has suggested that God will punish Israel’s leaders for any decision to give up land to the Palestinians. His remarks are un-Christian and a perversion of religion.”

Ahmadinejad, elected in June, previously made headlines by calling the Holocaust a myth. “Hopefully, the news that the criminal of Sabra and Chatilla has joined his ancestors is final,” he was quoted by the Iranian press as saying Thursday. An Israeli commission found Sharon indirectly responsible for the massacre of Palestinians by Christian Phalangist soldiers during the 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon.

State Department spokesman Sean McCormack called Ahmadinejad’s remarks “hateful and disgusting.” He was not asked about Robertson’s remarks, which were not widely known at the time of his briefing for reporters.

He is a Fucking Grade a Nut Job:


Thursday, January 05, 2006

Aucun Amour Jeudi

anthro 101
(A candid photo taken the last time they let me teach Anthro. 101, my field trips rock)

Thought for the Day:
The overman...Who has organized the chaos of his passions, given style to his character, and become creative. Aware of life's terrors, he affirms life without resentment.
Friedrich Nietzsche

It’s No-Love-Thursday:
As you the reader know, today is the day for the meeting of that most venerated of drinking clubs (National Chapters Now Opening), The No-Love-Thursday Mutual Aid Society and Meeting for Intriguing Intellectuals whose lives are a series of Un-Realized Dreams, Dashed Hopes and Bitter Realities.

Yes, dear reader I hope to count myself in their number. With any luck, I shall take my place down at the end of the bar has soon as my shift is done here at the Orphanage. But, like many things in my life it is subject to change. I wonder how many of my fellow members plan to be in attendance. I am sure details will follow.

News of the Day:

News Point A: My liver and I made up, so we decided to go out for a drink or two together tonight, wish me luck.

News Point B: The Israeli prime minister suffered massive bleeding in his brain and is unlikely to return to office. The illness is likely to influence upcoming Israeli and Palestinian elections. Commentary: Ok, the Right Wing guy starts doing some good things ie: pulling out the settlers etc, and his brain explodes.

News Point C: Joe Paterno smiles following a 26-23 win over Florida State in triple overtime at the Orange Bowl at Dolphins Stadium in Miami Tuesday. Commentary: Hats off to Joe PA! Hell, I shit my Depends on that one.

News Point D: President Bush and Vice President Cheney teamed up Wednesday to offer an upbeat assessment of the war on terror and press for renewal of the anti-terror Patriot Act. "There's a lot of work to be done in this war on terror," Mr. Bush said at the Pentagon after a meeting with top military brass. "But the American people can rest assured this administration understands the task, and understands the challenges and understands our obligation to protect you, to protect the American people." Mr. Bush then went on to say “For instance, we now understand those terrorists have infiltrated Green Peace, the Amnesty International, Organic Groceries, the ACLU, the NAACP, AFL-CIO and the Democratic Party, we would not have know this if it wasn’t for the Patriot Act”. No Commentary Needed.

News Point E: Gen. George Casey, the top U.S. commander in Iraq in response to President Bush’s statements announced the deployment of the Super Secret Elite Ronald McDonald Strike Group 5, to forward areas in Iraq.
Commentary: Here is an Excusive photo shot by one of this blog’s reporters hours ago in the streets of Fallujah, something you will only see here on PTOPM.

News Point F: For nearly two days, the Sago Baptist Church sheltered family members praying for the safe return of 13 trapped miners. For a few hours, it was also a place of celebration after a mistaken report that all but one had miraculously survived. Commentary: Now my loving and petite wife worked in TV and Radio for years, so I know if it bleeds it leads, but damn, NPR got into the show, yes NPR, there they were asking some mother how she felt when she found out her son was dead. WTF. An act that showed no class, like how the fuck do you think she felt.

News Point G:
USC bet by Texas. From USC’s quarterback “I still think we are the better team”. Commentary: Got to love that true sportsmanship. I am an American, I cheer for the underdog. Good job Texas in handing their asses to them when it counted.

Your Bush Bashing for the Week:

Hairy Pits by Request:
pit lick
(CPF told me this was his favorite and that I should get back to my roots)

Today’s Bill:
"Not that I lov'd Caesar less, but that I lov'd Rome more."
From Julius Caesar (III, ii, 22)

Quote of the Day:
God enters by a private door into every individual.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I remain, the bruise on the soul of the foot that is your life:

JQP esq.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

By Request: No-Love-Christmas Drink Recipe:

drunk-day_after-a-bild tampo

One and one half shots of Old Granddad
One and one half shots of the cheapest Tequila in the place
One and one half shots of Capt. Morgan’s Spiced Rum

Chilled and shaken, served to only those deserving.


Individual dosage may vary, consult a physician before operating heavy equipment and like “Brill Cream, a little dab will do you”.


Your Recipes for the week:

From the Island People famous for good cooking, a section from Scotland, England and Wales:


Haggis (Scotland)
1 pound steel-cut oats
1/2 pound minced suet
1/4 pound baby beef liver
1 onion
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
Salt, to taste

Parboil liver; grate when cold. Mix all ingredients with water into a stiff paste. Tie in a pudding cloth three-quarters full (our a cleaned sheep’s stomach if you have one on hand). Put in boiling water and boil 3 hours.

This is an old-time English drink. Beware of the raw eggs in this recipe!

1 quart beer
1/2 pint brandy
2 whole eggs, beaten
Granulated sugar, to taste
Pinch of cinnamon
Pinch of cloves
Pinch of nutmeg

Stir thoroughly.

Source: post-gazette.com

This is an old Scottish recipe meaning rumbled, or mashed, potatoes and thumped, or pounded, together, according to Virginia Peet.

1 pound potatoes
1 pound cabbage
1/2 cup minced onion
1/2 cup melted butter
Salt and pepper to taste
1 1/2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

Peel, chop and boil potatoes until tender. Finely chop cabbage and sauté with onion in melted butter. Mash potatoes by hand; don't make too creamy. Fold in sautéed cabbage and onion and season with salt and pepper. Place in an ovenproof dish and sprinkle cheese on top. Cover and bake 20 minutes at 350 degrees F.

Serves 6 as a side dish.

Singing Hinnies
A treat from Wales, the name of these scones is derived from the way they were supposed to have "sung" when cooked over an open fire.

1/2 cup currants or raisins
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/3 cup butter
1 egg, beaten
1 cup sour cream
Rind of 1/2 lemon, grated

Dredge the currants in two tablespoons of flour. Resift remaining flour with dry ingredients. Cut in butter until mixture looks like coarse meal.

Mix egg with one tablespoon of water and add to flour along with the sour cream, currants, and lemon rind. Mix well. Divide dough into 24 balls. Flatten to round cakes. Bake on a greased cookie sheet in a preheated oven 425 degrees F for about 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown.

Makes 24.

Random things about my Last two Weeks:

dip stick

1) I am starting to find myself to old to party like a rock star, but for some reason that doesn’t stop me.

2) I (we) have had an impact in peoples lives, positive or negative, I am not to say, but it was heart warming to see how many people were actually excited to see us.

3) I got into the following discussions: War on Drugs = Social Control Program, War in Iraq is going just has it been planed.

4) South Carolina started “The War of Northern Aggression”, and dragged the rest of the south into it.

5) It is nice being in a society that values being polite.

6) Food is better in the South.

7) Most Southerners did not own slaves, the rich did, and your great, great, grandpa did not live on a plantation (the ruling 5% did).

8) The Mexicans are not here to steal your jobs, unless you really wanted to change sheets at the hotel or bus tables.

9) On the coast people can drink, a lot….

10) When my wife gets “real” drunk, there is a good chance she will punch someone and/or take off her clothes, often at the same time.

11) It was good to blow off steam, but some down time would have been ok too.

12) Living life in the fast-lane can leave one’s judgment cloudy.

13) Life is a matter of prospective.

14) Kindness is often over looked.

15) I read four books (big-boy books with no pictures).

16) I met a fellow Blogger, and really had a “kickass” time hanging out with him.

17) Next trip, it’s either to Nova Scotia etc, or out to California, but most likely it will be a mad dash to Memphis for BBQ and visit with J. Thoms. The Jazz Man.

18) Make Love not War, is a good rule to live by.

19) I have the mid-winter blues.

20) I am tired of my fucking knee hurting, but refrain from crying like a little girl.

21) Mountains vs. Ocean, I will take Ocean 100% of the time.

22) 99% of people are inherently good.

23) Women are beautiful, all women, some times you just have to look.

24) My wife is my best friend, really no shit.

25) I have fallen away from the church, I have been witness to “to much man and not enough God” but that seems to be the norm.

26) I am proud of my family and who they have become.

27) I think I am getting fat.

28) I saw more Confederate Flags in KY than the Deep South.

29) I love teaching friends children “The Internationale”

30) I still know how to field strip a M-16 in under 30 seconds, while under the influence.

31) I don’t like to fish, it bores me.

32) I really love a good cigar, but cheap will do when out drinking.

33) I stop at mom and pop places vs. chain stores, everyone should.

34) I paid 6 dollars for 10 pounds of sweet potatoes along the side of the road in the Low Country.

35) Hot pickled eggs go with everything.

36) I now know more about slave pottery and its current market value, than I ever dreamed I would.

37) I could live on beer and shrimp.

38) Its odd, being somewhere where everyone is a transient.

39) Calabash seafood still sucks.

40) Mostly, you can never go home again, you change, it changes.

JQP esq.