Sunday, December 31, 2006

From the Desk of Mrs. JQP:

A guest posting preformed at gun point:

Ok my first posting and it’s not even me, JQP: I have not posted for a month; I’m tired of getting hate male, or is it mail… ok, mail. Well, I have had absolutely nothing to talk about.

So tonight, New Year’s Eve, I’ve hung out at a British bar name Longfellow’s, or was it Churchill’s, oh yes, Churchill’s…I think it’s on the web.

Well, anyway, a few weeks ago I was standing in the desert, ok, my back yard which happens to be nothing but rocks, not lawn, and I decided it was a good time to teach Tattoo John how to box and sonuvvabitch if I didn’t manage to fall backwards into what (in Indiana) would be a 6 foot tall wooden fence, but here happens to be a 7 foot tall concrete brick blockade, followed by my skull skipping down the concrete into, what (In Indiana) would be a soft cushy green lawn and here happens to be a large block of nasty brown rock… therefore succeeding in knocking myself unconscious which proceeded in Tattoo John calling for the lovely and caring, yet mostly intolerant Mrs. JQP to come see for herself that he (being JQP) was NOT waking up, breathing, but NOT waking up… Oh Great… So me, Mrs. JQP has hauled her wonderful loving husband out to the desert and has managed to finally collect on that million dollar life insurance policy when she ran outside and realized for the first time in her life, as many times as she had wished it upon him, didn’t really want him to die…CRAP 923, or was it 9-01, shit, what the hell is the number for 911… Amazing what happens with panic!

The helmet looks good on him, tapioca pudding works well, and the hover-round fits nicely in our bathroom built here in the retirement community. The colostomy bag is a little tricky, but because I am kind and loving and he can’t remember me most days, I can let it go a little bit. I do the laundry every day and am extremely tolerant since he wouldn’t be half brain dead if I hadn’t brought him out to this godforsaken place called Arizona.

So, with nothing else to say for myself, I’m off to watch the Law and Order Marathon – SVU, it’s only 9pm, I’m ready for bed, not to stay up for the next couple hours waiting on the New Year. Damn I’m hoping that 2007 turns out to be a MUCH better year than ’06. The Lord’s lookin’ out so I’m hoping we just don’t take the wrong turn in the road.

The Kind and Loving Mrs. JQP

Saturday, December 30, 2006

In the News:

Public, Spears hook-up in Scottsdale?
Dec. 30, 2006 12:43 PM

If you've been wondering who has been mending International Blogging Sensation John Q. Public's sore head recently, wonder no more.

According celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton, it's none other than the soon-to-be-ex-Mrs. FedEx herself, Britney Spears.

Sources reported to that Spears, who has been absent from the L.A. party scene for the past week, has been spending her time in the desert south of Phoenix. The singer is no stranger to the Valley, she and her soon-to-be ex-husband Kevin Federline, spent time kicking back at Sanctuary Camelback Mountain Resort & Spa while she was preggers with her first child.

But on Friday night, according to Perez's sources, Spears hit the town. She was spotted at the Jackrabbit Lounge cozing up to JQP. Spears who normally travels with a large entourage, kept it simple with just a couple friends and a beefy bodyguard in tow.

Public and Spears were allegedly spotted on the lounge's patio dancing provocatively and whispering into each other's ears. At one point proving both that pop diva is still sans panties and that, JQP is sans sense of smell.

We wonder if Brit's ex-BFF, Paris Hilton is jealous seeing as though Hilton allegedly hooked up with both Mr. and Mrs Public earlier this year in action we were told would make a Greek Shepard vomit.

But don't go on a mad dash to Scottsdale to search for the singer, she's scheduled to ring in the New Year in Las Vegas at Pure in Caesar's Palace. Chances are she will be walking funny.

Now, if Brit and JQP do get serious they need a good couple name ...

What do you think?
Post a comment about this article

Friday, December 08, 2006

On Work Parties, ER, and paying to much for Drinks:

Well, it was an event filled day for yours truly. As some of you know I have been very sick all week. Vomiting, fever, joint aches, numbness in my feet and fingers, and a racing heart. You know one of those laugh a minute weeks.

However, my Flower had her work “Holiday” party and I being the dutiful husband, had to put on my Wedding-funeral-interview suit (in reality a lime green 1982 Rose Bowl Blazer, crushed red velvet v-neck sweater and a somewhat clean pair of Dickies work pants. While I was getting ready, I noticed a large lump (oddly, I wasn’t doing my hourly testicular cancer self-check, one can never be to vigilant) on the back of my leg. A lump the size of a golf ball.

I asked my loving wife to look at it and she said “my God, what is that!” followed by "lets pop it". She then squeezed and I screamed, she then said “wow, look at what I just pulled out of your leg”.

It seems that at some point over the weekend, I sat, fell on, or was knocked down on a Bark Scorpion. What she had pulled out of my leg was the stinger and venom sack of one. At least that’s what the doctor at ER said it was, he also said, it was no wonder I was sick for three days.

I have been here 62 days, and I have driven 70 miles on one lane dirt roads in the mountains (I still have not gotten the stains out my underwear from that one), been to a ghost town, toured a whore house museum ( I am big on culture), had two jobs, seen the Stones and Aerosmith, pee’d on the Roosevelt dam, gotten asked to leave two bars, went to Indian bars with Mexican gangsters, played in a nation rugby tournament, got thrown out of a Rugby party 3 times (for being drunk, What? It’s a R-U-G-B-Y party, fucking white people) and now I have gotten stung by a damn scorpion. Retirement agrees with me eh, what?

Back to the “Holiday Party” well, getting stung and going to the ER didn’t get my out of it. We drove to Scottsdale, think of a Western themed Beverly Hills, and attended the party on the roof top of the Hotel Valley Ho, really that’s its name, Google it. I was a big hit, especially when I grabbed the microphone and sang Dixie followed by Leader of the Pack. Since, I am unemployed I spent a lot of time shoving appetizers in my pockets.

Really, the place was trendy and swank, we had two drinks at the bar (a normal gin and tonic for myself and a vodka tonic for my flower) for the amazing low price of 38.00, which was a good thing, it keep us from getting drunk and making even more of an ass out of ourselves, than noraml. All in all we had a good time. Dec. on a roof top, and 70 degrees...

Wait till I tell you about what we have going this weekend…

All, my best:


Thursday, December 07, 2006

Up-Date on Pearl Harbor Day:

My wireless is fucked so, limited web time.

Ok, here 60 days and already I have gone through two jobs, one at a brokerage, and one being a academic time share salesman, (I lasted every bit of two days, before the smell of bull-shit got to bad, and if your wondering who that was, think spam).

I am just looking for a job that kind of pays in my field, I have tried playing in the grown-up for profit world, and I need something a bit more. I am what I am and that’s all that I am. Looking for work sucks, I want my old job back.

That is all…


Saturday, December 02, 2006

Play this in Honor of Me:

Never Been To Spain as preformed by Three Dog Night:

Well, I've never been to Spain
But I kinda like the music
Say the ladies are insane there
And they sure know how to use it.
They don't abuse it,
Can't refuse it,
Never gonna lose it.

Well, I've never been to England
But I kinda like the Beatles
I was headed for Las Vegas
I only made it out to Needles.
But can't you feel it,
You must believe it
'Cause it feels so good.

Well, I've never been to heaven
But I've been to Oklahoma
People tell me I was born there
Lord, I really don't remember.
In Oklahoma or Arizona
What does it matter.

--- Instrumental ---

Well, I've never been to Spain
But I kinda like the music
Say the ladies are insane there
And they sure know how to use it.
They don't abuse it,
Can't refuse it,
Never gonna lose it...


Friday, December 01, 2006

On the Desert, Rugby, Ohio State, and Iraq:

Thought for the Day:
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

guest room
(I added a guest room here at La Casa Publico. There is a method to my madness, I am going to rent the extra space out to Ohio State fan’s for 300.00 a night, hot showers, live chickens & Spam sandwiches extra. Hell, they don’t wear shoes in that state, so this will be luxury accommodations.)

On living in the Desert:

It’s fucking cold here, it got down to 32 last night and I turned on the furnace. Everyone said “Don’t worry about the 120 degree summer heat, it’s a dry heat.” Well, it’s a fucking dry cold. At least I am not scraping ice off my windows.

Allergies, I was told that moving to the desert that my allergies would not be a problem; however what I have found out is that I am just allergic to a whole new bunch of weeds etc.

When it’s windy, it’s a like standing in front of a sand blaster.

We don’t get snow days down here in southern Arizona ....ok, I have not gotten a snow day since I was a school boy, yet another reason I should of gotten a education degree, starting pay in the 30’s, Christmas and Spring Break, every legal holiday, plus summers off, if I ever hear a teacher complain about how under paid they are I am going to kick them square in the crotch (male or female, you say ERA I say YES).

Some things that are handy to have a working knowledge of before moving here, Spanish, or as the white people call it here “speaking Mexican”, the dialect’s of the states of Minnesota and Iowa, 4-WD trucks & ATVs, high performance bicycles and how everyone and everything is better in California.

On Trigger Moments:
A little know fact, but JQP’s pretty round ass, has not been occupying a bar stool for sometime. This as been a planned event. Since I am not bringing in fat cash, I don’t feel like running my Loving Flower’s pay through my kidneys. However, there are two trigger events this weekend, this little event with like minded individuals, and the time honored Army-Navy Game.

Both events that tend to make a lad like me drink like a fish. I have not decided what I am going to do yet, but Kevin the Cosmonaut has already called 3 times.

On Iraq:
I said when this whole thing started that I was wondering how they were going to keep that cluster fuck from turning into another Vietnam, folks we are there, no more wondering. I don’t know who else caught in the news this week that to date the War in Iraq has now cost the US tax payer as much as the entire Vietnam War.

I have to say is I am glad I am not in charge, I really don’t see a good way to clean up that mess, just a lot a bad ways, some worst than others. I however would love to see those who got us into this mess held accountable, they would of hung Clinton on the front yard of the White House if he would have thrown us into a pile of shit 10% this fucked.

Today’s Bill:
And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of.
William Shakespeare

Quote of the Day:
“A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.”

I remain, both the sand in the shorts and the snow down the neck of your enemies:

JQP esq.