Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Lost in Roman wilderness of Pain.....

Your thought for the Day:
A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.
Ralph Waldo Emerson US essayist & poet (1803 - 1882)

The weekend that was:
Well, dear reader I went to Indy Friday morning for my follow-up post surgery visit. And what a visit it was. The doctor took one look at my leg and said Wow, which I didn’t take as a good sign. He said there was way too much swelling, I thought swelling was normal after a surgery he said it was but not that much. My understanding is the normal knee has about 5 mm of fluid on it which is normal, and mine was well above that. Ergo, the pain I had been having.

He then gave me a local and pulled out the biggest needle I have ever seen in real life (think of those Bugs Bunny cartoons you watched as a kid) and shoved it in my knee. It was fuck A creepy feeling. I could feel him hitting bones etc. inside my knee. He then started pulling this stuff out, which was blood from a vessel that got nicked during the surgery, it was a lot like red cottage cheese, well the doctor pulled about 480mm from my knee and yes the swelling did go down and has stayed down, but fucking hell folks, that really sucked big dick.

They had told me this was going to be the easy surgery, if that’s the case the next one will truly fuck me up. We set a date about a month out, because I have a minor infection, so the date is the 29th of June for the big cut and getting the dead man’s knee put in. They already have his knee on ice just waiting on me.

The rest of the Weekend:
My wife and I spent the first weekend at home for a Memorial Day; sober, in years…many, many years. The funny thing was it was enjoyable. We read a few books, watched movies and cooked out. It was a very wholesome, kind of a Ward and June Clever on crutches thing.

Now for the downside, in my current state there is little I can do outside, which is killing me, I really love working outside. As many know, I am not handy on home remodeling projects but when it comes to gardening, I am the mother-fucking-man, dig it?

So, it’s been hard to watch her go out and work in what has been my world, Sunday we potted annuals for the porch and the walks and Monday she mulched the whole back yard and it looks great. I have been helping as much as I can, which pisses my off because there isn’t more I can do, and truth be known I was more than a little bit of a prick about the whole thing, I mean she even used my Webber charcoal grill, I mean damn, lame and nutless…

I know she was just trying to get things done that bothered me that I hadn’t had time to do before my first surgery and she knew it would make me happy, so there I go acting like a royal-ass-hole. So, I rubbed her back last night and made love at her request, which if you didn’t know is much easier with two legs than one, and told her how sorry I was for acting like a fuck.

Let’s just say May has been a fucking shitting month for us and June/July don’t hold a lot of promise to-date. Hats, off to my sweet and caring flower, she has really been going the extra mile in being a caregiver, at times a bit over board, but she says its helping her deal with her heath crisis earlier in the month. God Bless my sweet and loving wife.

Brother man, I am really feeling for those kids who are getting all kinds of fucked up over in Iraq right now, kind of makes me want to shut my pussy mouth, and keep on keeping on for my brothers and sisters in boots.

Retarded Male Orgasm:
Now that’s a fun title is it not? Besides throwing up I have found out a few other side effects of taking pain medication. Chiefly, I have found it is impossible to ejaculate, nope, none, nada.

Now I could understand not being able to rise to the occasion, but to not be able to plant your flag when you have climbed the summit, just plan old sucks big time. A lot of one legged work with no pay off. Now it normally takes me up to an hour to get to where I need to be anyway, but at least I get there.

As the sweet and loving Mrs. JQP says, in the first three months of a relationship I am a dream lover, but after that you realize that any sexual encounter will take the better part of an afternoon it isn’t as much fun. Quickies, what the hell are those? Sadly, I have always been this way, but damn, now not only does my leg hurt like a bitch and I can’t get off at all. What a long summer this is going to be.

Your Joke for the Day:
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people"... Just as the priest finished his talk, the local Republican Senator arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the
first one to go to him in confession.........."

Stolen Post:
This is from http://glitzier_numerary.blogspot.com/ check the sweet thing out. I stole it because I have been sitting on the perfect pic to go along with it:

Feel my wrath! South Florida Style:
old people and hips

I forgot to share this when it happened.

A couple of weeks ago I stopped by a grocery store on the way home from work. It was actually on the first gorgeous day Ann Arborites had experienced in quite awhile. I parked kind of far back in the lot to enjoy the sunshine. Since there was some traffic in the parking lot, I walked down the right side of the road. The rears of the parked cars were to my right.

As I neared the crossing area to get to the store, I found myself walking behind one of the cars in the handicapped spaces. There was an elderly guy in the car. All of a sudden, his back up lights were on and the car started moving. I was directly behind this old dude's car.

He started honking at me. I hadn't stopped walking mind you. He was honking something fierce, too. So what did I do, I turned around and proceeded to yell at him.

"Why don't you watch where you're backing out?!"

Well, that was just too much for him. He started honking even more at me. By this time I was nearing the entrance of the store. Some people had looked around at the 'ruckus'; not a lot of yelling in parking lots goes on in Ann Arbor.

By the time I got in the store I wondered where the hell that came from. Apparently you can take the girl out of South Florida but you can't take the South Florida out of the girl.

Your Bill for the Day:
Is it for fear to wet a widow's eye
That thou consumest thyself in single life?
Ah! if thou issueless shalt hap to die.
The world will wail thee, like a makeless wife;
The world will be thy widow and still weep
That thou no form of thee hast left behind,
When every private widow well may keep
By children's eyes her husband's shape in mind.
Look, what an unthrift in the world doth spend
Shifts but his place, for still the world enjoys it;
But beauty's waste hath in the world an end,
And kept unused, the user so destroys it.
No love toward others in that bosom sits
That on himself such murderous shame commits.

Quote of the Day:
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

I remain; late for court and wearing briefs:

JQP esq

Thursday, May 26, 2005

razzor blades and jello:

Thought for the Day:
If you treat people right they will treat you right - ninety percent of the time.
Franklin D. Roosevelt 32nd president of US (1882 - 1945)

My Desk:
You know there are few things in life more humbling than throwing up all over your desk and work. Of course this works best when there are several people in your office when you do it. Best of all it was all over imporant court papers, just a day full of shits and giggles. File this little fact away, pain pills may make you feel better but they can also make you puke your guts out. Well, I think I am going to go home for the day, perhaps change my puke covered shirt and tie (it was a new tie too).

Your Drinks for the Week:

Malaysian Wormer Drink Recipe

Drink Ingredients:
2 ½ oz. Pineapple Juice
1 dash Grenadine
1 1/2 oz. Light Rum
1 1/2 oz. Triple Sec
2 oz. Bacardi 151
fill with Red Bull

Traditionally, this drink is created in an empty 20oz bottle of water. Fill the bottle 1/4 full of crushed ice. Add the 3 shots in any order. Add the dash of Grenadine. Fill with Red Bull and pineapple. Close the cap, and shake.

And a Chic-Drink for the week:

No-noon-no’s Drink Recipe

Drink Ingredients:
1 oz. Rum
Top With Whipped Cream
Wedge Lime
1 oz. Kahlua

Run cut side of lime around rim of large goblet or heat- proof wineglass. Invert glass and swirl in sugar to frost rim. Add rum and liquor. Pour in coffee to within about 1 in. of rim; stir. Taste for sweetness; add sugar, if desired. Pile on whipped cream

Today’s Bill:

"I go, and it is done; the bell invites me.
Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell
That summons thee to heaven or to hell."
--From Macbeth (II, i, 62-64)

Quote of the Day:
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
Confucius Chinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC)

I remain, just a ray of fucking sunshine in everyone’s world:

JQP esq.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I sat sharping my knife in a darkened room, when I heard his foot steps at my door:

Thought for the Day:
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker, (attributed)
US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

On Mrs. JQP:
Well, dear reader, as many of you know the month of May has been a hard one at the House of Public. On my flowers birthday (two days after her party), she had a medical emergency that we are still dealing with. The sweet and loving Mrs. JQP is doing better and we now have an ob-gyn who is at least willing to sit down with us and explain things and options, which is better than where we were.

I however still worry about her; she pushes herself much too hard. I have to go to her appointments with her, so she doesn’t minimize her symptoms or the effects. My poor flower, I hate when people I love are hurting, as she says I do much better with pain, both physical and emotional than she does. Has a result, I wish that I could carry this all for her. She said last night, that sometimes it’s better to have never known what it would feel like to have a life that far along in you, because now she can feel it gone. There was nothing I could say to that, so I just held her and told her it would be ok. It was the longest we have ever gone in 5 years of trying, we had gotten to the point where its seems real and we where investing in it, funny how soon giggles and smiles can turn to tears.

On Surgery:
On Thursday I had my first knee surgery of the year, the least painful on the lot, and if this is the least pain, I am fucked. I do have to say those folks down in Indy got cutting a guy down to an art form, I was in and out. I have my follow-up appointment on Friday, to set up the big surgery.

I am getting a dead mans knee put in, which is kind of creepy I know. They called me on Monday and said they had a donor already, someone from Texas, odd, me walking around with some cowboy’s knee. Not to mention to religious ramifications, what do I on “All Souls Day”? Since this is an experimental surgery, there is going to be a crowd of doctors watching it. I understand the folks from Bethesda are coming, so lets hope they learn something that can help those troops coming home with fucked up legs.

My sweet and kind wife has been great through this, I can be just a bit grumpy (I know its hard to believe), but she has just been wonderful, especially with all the stuff she has had going on. Today is my first day back at work (even thought the doctor told me to stay home till next week, you know me I just can’t stay away from the job.

That and staying at home is driving me nuts, I don’t like the feeling I get on pain pills, and there is nothing good on TV, 168 channels with nothing on, however I have read 4 books since last Thursday. Nothing really note worthy, just chewing gum for the mind.

On the VA:
My friend Dave asked me about my thoughts on the VA, Dave and I served together in Africa years ago and he recently signed up for health care from the VA. Well Dave, the army and the VA are the reason my knees are in the shape they are (that and I have a habit of zigging when I should be zagging), but in all fairness the technology has changes a great deal from the time of my first injury. For routine medical care I think the VA is great, it’s a great place to get meds or to go if you have a cold, but over all I would never get a surgery there if I could help it.

Now I do want to give some props to those hard working health care providers, the government (W’s gang) is actively cutting funds and closing facilities. They have to make do with nothing at a time when we have more combat veterans than Vietnam, and we have not even started to address the Gulf War syndrome. It’s just another back door way the government screws the troops, it just that they don’t know it till they get discharged and find out the nearest place to get treatment is 175 miles away.

Yes, and other case of the rich get richer and the poor get fucked, but now they have the media and the preachers telling ‘em how good it is that the tax cuts for the rich are and anyone who says anything different is an enemy of the state.

Today’s Bill:

Why is my verse so barren of new pride,
So far from variation or quick change?
Why with the time do I not glance aside
To new-found methods and to compounds strange?
Why write I still all one, ever the same,
And keep invention in a noted weed,
That every word doth almost tell my name,
Showing their birth and where they did proceed?
O, know, sweet love, I always write of you,
And you and love are still my argument;
So all my best is dressing old words new,
Spending again what is already spent:
For as the sun is daily new and old,
So is my love still telling what is told.

Quote for the Day:
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
H. L. Mencken
US editor (1880 - 1956)

On bent knee, I remain:

JQP esq.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Your poet-sage for the week is the polka guy who wrote this little tune:

I know everyone out there just loves a good polka:

Too Fat Polka

Can she prance up a hill?
No! No! No! No! No!
Can she dance a quadrille!
No! No! No! No! No!

Does she fit in my coupe?
By herself she's a group.
Could she possibly sit up on my knee?
No! No! No! No! No!

She-s too fat for me!
I don't want heryou can have her
she's too fat for me.
She's too fat for me.
She's too fat for me

ohI don't want her
you can have her
please do that for me
She's too fat
she's too fat.
She's too fat for me.

I get dizzyI clet numbo.
When i'm dancing with my Jum-Jum-Jumbo.
She's a twosome
she's a foursome
I seh'd lose some
I would like her moresome.

Now, you know JQP always says "... fat girls need loving too....."

Monday, May 23, 2005

Your recipe for the Week:

I just had someone ask me what sweetbreads are, well dear friend here is a quick and easy definition:
There are two kinds of sweetbreads: stomach sweetbreads (also known as heart or belly sweetbreads), which are an animal's pancreas, and neck (throat or gullet) sweetbreads, an animal's thymus gland. (The animal in question can be a hog or calf or just about any other large mammal) They're called sweetbreads for the obvious reason that if you called them thymus glands or whatever you couldn't give the damn things away.

You ever get hungry for sweetbreads? Well me neither, but after reading this recipe I am just wanting to cook up a big old pot full.

Creamed Sweetbreads recipe
1 1/2 lb (675g) calfs sweetbreads
1 sprig of lemon thyme
1/2 pt (300ml) water
1 chicken bouillon cube (stock cube)
1/4 pt (150ml) dry white wine
salt and black pepper
1 1/3 cup (100 g) very small burton mushrooms
1/2 stick + 1 tbsp (5 Tbsp) 2 1/2 oz butter
1/3 cup (50 g) plain flour (All purpose)
1/4 pt (150ml) single cream
Chopped parsley (to garnish)

1. Soak the sweetbreads in very cold water for about 2 hours to remove all the blood, then drain well.

2. Place them in a saucepan, cover with fresh water and add 1 tsp of salt. Bring to the boil very slowly (allow at least 5 minutes, or longer if possible), then drain off the water again.

3. Carefully remove any membrane without tearing the sweetbreads.

4. Rinse out the pan, then add the sweetbreads with the lemon thyme, 1/2 pt (300 ml) water and the crumbled bouillon cube, wine, salt and freshly ground pepper.

5. Bring to the boil, cover with a lid and simmer for 10 minutes.

6. Add the button mushrooms and cook for a further 5 minutes.

Enjoy, and let me know how they turn out!


Sunday, May 22, 2005

Breaking up is hard to do...

Your Joke for the Day:

Dear Meg,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Meg ."
I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Erie House and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right?
But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed?
Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Meg? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch.
Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Meg , I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around.
I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Meg ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicki's just a girl and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Meg, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about
happier times. Here's this girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicki's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it
and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, Meg. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is.

Love, Jimmy

Monday, May 16, 2005

A hard rain is a falling:

The Weekend in Review:
Well, friends and neighbors, it was a wonderful party that was thrown for my precious flower. We had a steady group of around 60 people from 6pm until 4am. The roadhouse has not seen that much drinking and hell raising in 30 years, or so the owner told me.

They ran out of money for change and several types of distilled liquor, prompting the owner of this fine Macedonian establishment to go replenish his supplies in a limo accompanied by nine of the female guests.

Mrs. JQP recived many gifts and tributes, her many friends, and fine food all served to make her special day "just wonderful".

No fights, no jail, and sadly no frontal nudity, unless you count the dirty boogy dance I did in honor of my bride. She, would like me to thank all of you who were in attendance and those of you who were there in sprit. I hope to soon post pics of the event; it was much like my high school prom, “A night to Remember”. My flower deserved it.

On other news:
It’s been a hard Sunday and Monday so far for us, sometimes things don’t work out like you want them to. I am leaving work to go be with her, my poor, poor, flower, a hard day all the way around.

I am on the road Tuesday and Wednesday, so I don’t know if I will be able to post before my surgery Thursday down in Indy. So, until then……

I remain,

JQP esq.

Friday, May 13, 2005

The first human wave attack is over, so I have time to write now:

Thought of the Day:
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
Benjamin Franklin
US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)

The Events of the Day:
Well, children of all ages, as you know the party event of the season “Mrs. JQP’s Annual Surprise Birthday Party is tomorrow and I still have so very much to do. I don’t know that she will be getting as wild as she has in the past, which is in a odd way, something good. The money I had set aside for bail could be used or other projects around the house.

Today, I am in meeting all f’ing day. Such is the joy of life on the road, they save stuff up for you. I had wanted to sneak out early, but no joy there.

We have a wedding we should go to tonight, but my love says she isn’t feeling a 100% so we’ll have to see. Shame, because I like the ppl. getting married. I have a list of things I need to pick up tonight for some projects I need to get done before next week.

A Cold Rain Fell:
Yesterday, was the shits, my truck broke down early in the morning. About two hours from home, nothing like walking along the road in a strange land in the rain with a bad leg. Shits and giggle all the way around. By about 2:00 it was fixed and I was back on the road. It pissed me off having to cancel my training, but probably not as much as it pissed off the people who had signed up for it. Shit city, children, shit city. So, there was a much needs 300.00 shot in the ass…but it sure beats walking.

The night before, Pastor Bob and I went out and got drunk at a little known Mexican Bar…my god, even to this day and time there is still a Mariachi band playing in my stomach. . So, truth be known my hangover didn’t help matters much.

When I got home, I mulched the beds, went and rented some movies, got a shower and when my sweet and pretty wife got home (might I add, in a psycho-kind-of-mood) ordered pizza. Sine I am going under the knife I couldn’t take anything for my leg, which by that time was about twice has large as it should be (why cant that happen to the part of the body you want it to).

Well, the sirens or going now, and the officials are telling us to head to the shelters, so for now, I wish you a good day and a wonderful weekend.

Joke for the Day:
The high school coaches in Boise, Idaho went to a coach's retreat. To save money they had to room together. No one wanted to room with Coach Daryl because he snored so bad. They decide it's not fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they vote to take turns.

The first coach sleeps with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess, eyes all bloodshot. They say, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Man, that Daryl snored so loud, I watched him all night."

The next night it was a different coach's turn. In the morning, same thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They say, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player-looking type of man's man. Next morning, he comes to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning."

They can't believe it! They say, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He watched me all night long."

Your Bill for the Day:
"Was ever woman in this humour woo'd?
Was ever woman in this humour won?"
--From King Richard III (I, ii, 227-228)

Quote of the Day:
The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others.
Friedrich Nietzsche
German philosopher (1844 - 1900)

I remain, steadfastly refusing to proof read, or piss in any cups:

JQP esq.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Helpful tips for the Home:

Hungry? Broke? Well, lets look into cheap meals your family will love:

good eats

1 fresh Sinai Kosher Beef Tongue3 sm. onions2 sm. carrots4 stalks celery & leaves6 sprigs parsley8 peppercornsSalt & pepper1/2 c. almonds, blanched & split2/3 c. seedless raisins6 tbsp. cooking fat3 tbsp. flour1/4 c. crushed gingersnaps1 lemon, cut into sm. cubes

Place tongue in a large kettle with onions, carrots, celery and parsley.
Add water to cover.
Add peppercorns and salt.
Simmer gently until tender, 3 to 5 hours.
Reserve liquid. Melt fat and add flour and stir until blended.
Gradually stir in reserved raisin and almond liquid and enough tongue liquid to make 3 cups in all.
Add gingersnaps, almonds, raisins and lemon cubes.
Season with salt and paprika.
Pour over sliced tongue (I just love this part and you will too!).
Serve hot.

And it goes just great with:

public fritter

1 c. sifted flour1 1/2 tsp. baking powder2 tbsp. sugar1 1/4 tsp. salt1 tbsp. shortening1 egg, beaten1/3 c. milk2 c. corn

Sift together flour, baking powder, sugar and salt.
Cut in shortening.
Combine egg and milk and add to flour mixture.
Add corn and mix.
Drop by tablespoon into hot grease.
A deep fryer works best.
Serve with maple syrup.
Makes over a dozen.

To store extra, place in baggie and freeze. To reheat place a cooling rack on a cookie sheet. Put fritters in oven at least 250 degrees. Heat until thawed or thaw at room temperature and refry to get crispness back.

Ture in next week when I tell you how to get those nasty yellow stains from the pits of all your white shirts.


Your Poet-Sage for the Day, the Group known as The Police:


De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da
From the album Zenyatta Mondatta
(A&M)Words and music by Sting

Don't think me unkind
Words are hard to find
The only cheques I've left unsigned
From the banks of chaos in my mind
And when their eloquence escapes me
Their logic ties me up and rapes me
De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da

Their innocence will pull me through
De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da

They're meaningless and all that's true
Poets, priests and politicians
Have words to thank for their positions
Words that scream for your submission
And no one's jamming their transmission
'Cos when their eloquence escapes you
Their logic ties you up and rapes you
De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da

Their innocence will pull me through
De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da
They're meaningless and all that's true

or to my brothers and sisters from down south:

De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da (in Spanish)
Words and music by Sting

No preguntes mas
Si este amor es verdad
Si es un sueno o realidad
O un simple viaje especial
Quiero que sepas que no miento
Quiero cantarte lo que siento
De do do do De da da da
Te digo con sinceridad
De do do do De da da da

Repito con honestidad
De do do do De da da da
Te busco con loca ansiedad
De do do do De da da da

Te quiero con velocidad
Tu me das el paraiso
En todo lo que yo presiso
Con tus palabras me desliso
En un prufundo precipicio
Quiero que sepas que no miento
Quiero cantarte lo que siento
De do do do De da da da
Te digo con sinceridad
De do do do De da da da

Repito con honestidad
De do do do De da da da
Te busco con loca ansiedad
De do do do De da da da

Te quiero con velocidad
Quiero que sepas que no miento
Quiero cantarte lo que siento
De do do do De da da da
Te digo con sinceridad
De do do do De da da da

Repito con honestidad
De do do do De da da da
Te busco con loca ansiedad
De do do do De da da da
Te quiero con velocidad

In have view of events in the past 18 months, dear reader, no more true words have even been spoken:

I remain, like the Raven, rapping gently:

JQP esq

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

"All I had was three rounds, a rusty K-Bar, a used condom and a Zippo lighter, as I faced 10,000 screaming chinamen’..."

"...well what the hell more do you need?"

Thought for the Day:
You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.
Albert Camus French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

IT professionals and Clear communication:
I got into a fight with Pastor Bob yesterday, who moonlights here at my place of employment when he is not out saving the souls of strippers and street prostitutes. It seems my data has been corrupted, to which point, while asking him ways to fix it he replied in several flippant manners that, quite honestly made me start plotting about how many steps that it would take me to block the door before I started torturing him with a sewing kit, vice grips and an acetylene torch I keep in my desk just for that very event.

Needless to say, I was a bit more than pissed, I have not been that mad at him since we got into a fight in front of Indians Stadium in 1994, a fight of which ended up in the middle of a four lane Interstate.

I had things I wanted to do at home, instead I went and took a nap to clear my head and prepare for my loving wife’s return to the manor house. We had agreed to have a family meeting after supper.

On Supper:
Mrs. JQP stoped by Sam’s Club on the way home, so now our home looks more like a well stocked fallout shelter, after putting away an assortment of Raman Noodles and dehydrated things, I served her a meal that would have been the delight of any Southern Belle.

It was an oddly quiet supper hour with my bride; the BBQ’ed beef roast was wonderful. With cornbread I made Sunday, fried okra and green beans.

On a Personal Note:
Things are afoot and the goddess runs amuck, flowers are growing and has is the motto for the week, life changes on a dime. My sweet and kind wife and I had a rather surprising evening, one that has left us once again slack jawed, but in a good way. So, I dragged myself to work, after a night of unrest and thoughts running like steam locomotive through my head. What wondrous things await.

The Day at Hand:
I am once again on the road today and Thursday, I travel to the northern part of the state to conduct a day long training for members of the law enforcement community.

Todays Bill:
O, how I faint when I of you do write,
Knowing a better spirit doth use your name,
And in the praise thereof spends all his might,
To make me tongue-tied, speaking of your fame!
But since your worth, wide as the ocean is,
The humble as the proudest sail doth bear,
My saucy bark inferior far to his
On your broad main doth wilfully appear.
Your shallowest help will hold me up afloat,
Whilst he upon your soundless deep doth ride;
Or being wreck'd, I am a worthless boat,
He of tall building and of goodly pride:
Then if he thrive and I be cast away,
The worst was this; my love was my decay.

Quote for the Day:
Children might or might not be a blessing, but to create them and then fail them was surely damnation.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991 US science fiction author

Trimming the hair from my genitals with a lit match, I remain:

JQP esq.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

She had mouth full of spit and gravel in her eye, when I asked; "Sr Mary, what are you doing with that knife?"

Thought for the Day:
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

(that goes out to all the hard working nazis, those masters of busting my balls, those good folks at USA Group Student Loans, if the rest of this great land worked with the single minded effort you do, this nation would never have to worry again.)

The Day Ahead:
Well, I am in court off and on most of the day today. So perhaps, just perhaps there is a chance for me to sneak out of work early and/or take a long lunch. I seem to be suffering from a bad case of the “I really don’t wanta be here todays”. It nice out and there is a shit load of things I need to get done to the manor house before I go under the knife next week and am hobbled for the not only the rest of the summer but well into next falls rugby season.

On my flowers surprise Birthday Party:
Since many of you have asked, no this is not planed as a kinky sex drug fest (that was two weeks ago, sorry if you missed it). But then again, the best parties are the ones that are not planned as such. Keep in mind however that nothing “wild” will happen until the elderly, family members and employers leave, if even then.

On Cooking:
I didn’t get home till about 7:00 last night, I got caught up in a fast and furious game of chess with a colleague across the street at my favorite bar. After two games and as many beers I called it quits. My sweet and ever so pretty wife had called and said supper was done.

Now its not well known but my tiny flower is not much of a cook. That and we really have not been to the store in about two months. There was little in the cupboards to prepare, yes, dear reader my body shook with fear as I anticipated a meal that I would have to smile through.

She made some kind of box potato mix with cream cheese, red pepers and two pounds of smoked sausage. Odd, yes but odd in so much in that it was tasty. However the downside was the heart burn I woke with this morning. Good job my princess!

Before I left for work this morning I started a beef roast that I am BBQ’ing, slow roasted goodness Low Country style. In my special secret South Carolina sauce. Yes, dear friends, tonight when I get home it going to be cow eaten at its finest.

Da' Meeting Yesterday:
Odd how life can turn on a dime. Yesterday, I was in a planning meeting in which my co-workers said how important my program was to the agency and its mission and what a great job I am doing etc….

Ok, I don’t know about everyone else, but I was scared, I mean, come on, this group of people saying nice things? It must mean, I am up for budget cuts, you know your only paranoid if they really are not out to get you.

Your Bill for the Day:
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
--From Hamlet (I, v, 166-167)

See what happens if you happen to hook a mermaid with diarrhea?
the joy of the great outdoors

Quote for the Day:
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. W. Somerset Maugham English dramatist & novelist (1874 - 1965)

Much like a Toll Booth Attendant on the New Jersey Turnpike, I remain, bitter:

JQP esq.

Ok, cant beat 'em join 'em:

So have you ever…

Y snuck out of the house
Y gotten lost in your city
Y seen a shooting star
Y been to any other countries besides the united states
Y had a serious surgery
Y that almost killed you
Y gone out in public in your pajamas
Y kissed a stranger
Y hugged a stranger
Y had sex with a stranger
Y been in a fist fight
Y gotten you ass kicked in a fist fight
Y kicked someone’s ass
Y been arrested
Y spent more than a night in jail
Y pushed all the buttons on an elevator
Y swore at your parents
Y gotten you ass kicked for swearing at your parents
Y been in love
Y been close to love
Y thought it was love
Y wished they loved you
Y been to a casino
Y been skydiving
Y been scuba diving
Y skinny-dipped
Y skipped school
Y seen a therapist
N done the splits
N played spin the bottle
Y gotten stitches
Y woke up someplace you didn’t know
Y woke up with someone you didn’t know
Y bitten someone
Y been called kinky
Y had sex with more than one person in the same day
Y had sex with more than one person at once
Y been to Niagara Falls
Y been to NY NY
N been to LA
Y been to more than 25 states
N been to all 50
Y gotten the chicken pox
Y kissed a member of the opposite sex
Y engaged in sex act that are illegal in some southern states
N crashed into a friend’s car
N been to Japan
Y ridden in a taxi
Y been dumped
N shoplifted
Y been fired
Y fired someone
N had a crush on someone of the same sex
Y had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
N gone on a blind date
Y lied to a friend
Y had a crush on a teacher
N celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans
Y been to sea
Y been to Europe
Y slept with a co-worker
Y been married
Y gotten divorced
N had children
Y seen someone die
Y had a close friend die
Y had someone try to kill you
Y killed someone
Y been to Africa
Y been in combat
Y driven over 500 miles in one day
Y driven over 1000
Y been to Canada
N been to Mexico
Y been on a plane
Y been the Rocky Horror Picture Show
Y thrown up in a bar
Y pissed yourself (adulthood)
N purposely set a part of myself on fire
Y eaten Sushi
N been skiing/snowboarding
Y met someone in person from the internet
N lost a child
Y gone to college
Y graduated college
Y gone to grad school
Y been to court
Y fired a gun
N purposely hurt yourself
Y taken painkillers
Y taken illegal drugs
Y sold drugs
Y hitchhiked
Y had sex with someone older than you
Y had sex with someone of a diff. race
Y blown-up something
Y been shot
Y been stabed
Y written something that got printed
N coached
Y played sports
Y owned a bad ass bike
Y worked in a Union shop
Y surfed

Ok, I showed you mine, now you show me yours.....

JQP esq.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Your Poet-Sage for the Week:

Capt. Beefheart Poet-Sage for the Ages:
Capt Beefheart

Making Love To A Vampire With A Monkey On My Knee

Making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee
The pond shined dry like a ladies compact
Lilies leaped like flat green hearts with white hearts
Squirting yellow pollen...cocks...
Ferns ran like cool spades.. fossils. ..away from rocks
Bees echoed dark carbon hums that dashed in nothing
Gnats fucked my ears 'n nostrils
Hit my brain like hones 'n numbed t' nothing
Wings stuck on liquid bones
Making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee

The moon poured hollow down my milky leg
Splashed still ‘n moved
The wind peed down the willows 'n pricked the needle vine
The monkey moved a fur shadow... its soot tail curled in twos
Its lips smiled needles.. its eyes rolled loose
Her throat broke open... glistened in the dew
Red berries dangled like a dream of rubies too S
not muscles ran down her ivory chin 'n tooth within
A locket... a pin held fast to then, my love, my pocket deep within

'N senses dangled the chain that clasped me to her then
The messenger spoke the wind that blows between our time
I sensed you then 'n whispers spin 'n flow in silver dust
Around the pointed pin
Sent to nothing God, please fuck my mind for good
Making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee

Oh fuck that thing.. .
fuck that poem...
yes crawl out with maggots
White cloth bones pile up light thrown blades
Rags ‘n skull..
scoops soil cracks.. .
drain screams.. please
Take my hand 'n join me...
too soon its clutches gleams
Making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee

Death be damned... life

(its a sweet little ditty, dont you think? I heard it on the way to Mass Sunday)

I remain, a fan of all Art:


I have "Sunshine" on a cloudy day:

sunny butt

Thought for the Day:
There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.
Michel de Montaigne
French essayist (1533 - 1592)

For my Flowers Birthday:
I have planed a surprise birthday part for the sweet and loving Mrs. JQP. It has always been a hit in years past. If you didn’t receive an invite please consider this your humble invitation and/or drop me an e-mail if you really want to come:

The Invite:

Mrs. John Q. Public’s Suprise Birthday Party
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson US journalist (1939 - 2005)

Yes, Dear friends it’s once again time for “My Flowers Annual Surprise Birthday Party.” This year the party will be held on May 14th two-thousand and five, year of our Lord. Starting at 6:00 pm.

Keeping in the spirit that is my loving wife, the search committee selected an establishment that: A) was not our home (our homeowners rate went up after all the claims last year) and B) someplace we could play without scaring the locals. After careful consideration a fine dinning establishment was chosen to host this year’s event. This event will be held at a roadhouse on the far south side of our fair city.

While enjoying full bar service (cash or checks only, no credit cards and/or ATMs are available) you and a guest will be able to sample the finest in Macedonian, Greek, and White Trash cuisine available in that neighborhood, all while basking in a tap-house like atmosphere on the bad side of town.

6811 XXX XXXXXX Road
XXXXX, Indiana
(260) XXX-XXXX

Business casual and full frontal nudity are welcome, we are after all among friends and if not friends just other freaks we have not meet yet. While cash is always welcome, gifts are not necessary; you and your guests’ presence will be more than enough.

However it should be noted that we ask that you bring along an open mind and a wiliness to experience new things, for this will truly be a night to remember (a disclaimer should be added at this point; much like the great city of Las Vegas, what happens at the roadhouse stays at the road house, or at the very least until the statue of limitations has expired). For more information (questions, comments, concerns) and/or to reserve your spot on what very well could be the social event of the season please feel free to contact your host:

JQP esq. at (260) XXX-XXXX

***please note this will not be a child friendly event and it also has the tendency to be a movable feast, a bail bondsman will be on call for the duration.
The Guests:
However this year I committed one slight error, I e-mailed the invite to my sweet and loving bride. Needless to say, she was astute enough to discern that a party was in the works. No surprise there, that and she reminded me that I have thrown her a “surprise birthday party” every year for the past 10 years.

For all you photographers out there it should be a great opportunity to celebrity watch:

It should be a fun mix of people, to include, people from the music industry, the fields of education and social services, trade unions, family members, nudists, truck drivers,pagans members of the clergy, various camp followers, convicts, performers of erotic dance and the legal, law enforcement and fire services communities.

On the Derby:
Well the derby sucked, I didn’t win, but then again nether did anyone else. I was up going into the race by about a 100 bucks which is not bad given that I started out with 20.00. Needless to say, I lost my ass. Somehow the mint juleps helped me in my woeful defeat.

The Road:
I am only on the road two days this week, so it will be a welcome break. I will try to post with a bit more regularity (that sounded like I just took some Ex-Lax, perhaps I should, I just got told by a colleague that I am full of shit).

On Weddings:
This Friday we are going to attend a wedding of a mutual friend who is in the employ of the corners office, yes the wedding is on Friday the 13th. Talk about a good warm up for Mrs. JQP’s birthday party on Saturday. I can’t wait to see the type of conversations that will abound when we hit the reception.

On Burial:
Well, we got my grandfathers ashes back last week. So, I was asked to put a short service for the family. So, I have to write something up for that. I am thinking a few quote and a few prayers followed by anyone who wants to say something before we put him in the family crypt with grandma.

Todays Bill:
FROM fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed'st thy light'st flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content
And, tender churl, makest waste in niggarding.
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.

Quote for the Day:
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
Spanish Proverb

I remain, snapping back wash after wash:

JQP esq.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Fund Raising:

You know I will never look at those gum-ball machines next to the cash register the same way. You know the ones, "Buy Gum Ball help a Blind Kid etc..."


Monday, May 02, 2005

Pissing up a rope can be fun and profitable:

Thought for the Day:
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

The Weekend in Review:

I made a mad dash from Avilla to Terre Haute and then to Fort Wayne. Yes, a long shitty day on the road. I made it in time for the rehearsal and the dinner following, enjoying the company of people I had not seen in a long time. For the meal we had Jerked Chicken that was quite wonderful.

I had been looking forward to a shower and sleeping in my own bed after such a demanding day and a week on the road, but regretfully I had forgotten that my pretty and loving bride snores like a drunk Greek sailor. Needless to say, slumber did not come easy for me, at around 2:30 in the morning myself and the hounds relocated to the music room where we all were able to get a few hours of sleep before sunrise.

Well dear reader the wedding went well; you have not lived until you have heard the Trumpet Voluntary played on bagpipes. (Yes, that really happened) I found it interesting to be in a room with 63 cops and their wives/girlfriends. I don’t know about you but I find that women are their most beautiful two times in their life, their wedding day and when their pregnant. She made a very pretty bride. All in all it was a fun night, the lovely and captivating Mrs. JQP and I were in bed by 9:00 (see was d-r-u-n-k).

My flower made an outstanding breakfast, eggs, dilled Irish potatoes, rib-eyes, sliced tomatoes and rye toast. After that feast I started working in the yard, making new beds etc. trying to get as much done before I go under the knife in two weeks. I am fucking dreading my surgeries, its going to screw up my whole summer.

After that I my sweet and kind wife went to work promoting her current boy band and I went to the rugby bar to tip a few pints and enjoy the company of my fellow Sunday afternoon drinkers. Oddly enough I seemed to have enjoyed myself a bit to much, seeing as I stayed there until 9:00 pm and dropped about 60 bucks, which is a lot of beers and shots when you consider that I had every other one bought for me.

My Pussy is Bad-Ass:
my pussy is bad ass

Joke for the Day:
During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies "Wait a minute, I'm going to take a piss"

The teacher says : "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says : "That's much better but to mention the word "toilet" during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "

Your Bill for the Day:
"Give me my robe, put on my crown; I have
Immortal longings in me."
--From Antony and Cleopatra (V, ii, 282-283)

I just shit my pants
(Caption: “Hey ya’ll! No one can tell I cut the pockets out a my pants.”)

On Love:
I read somewhere a few weeks ago that we learn everything we need to know about love in middle school (Jr. High if your old as dirt like me). There is where we learn about the nuclear explosion of both falling in love and a relationships ending. That it’s in adulthood where we learn to put all the stuff in the middle and carve out a life for ourselves. I like stuff that makes me stop like that and think.

Quote of the Day:
You cannot have a proud and chivalrous spirit if your conduct is mean and paltry; for whatever a man's actions are, such must be his spirit.
Demosthenes, Third OlynthiacGreek orator & politician in Athens (384 BC - 322 BC)

I remain much like the redheaded step child at the family picnic: