Friday, December 31, 2004

Slainte! A New Day is Upon Us:

Thought for the Day:
Bacchus hath drowned more men than Neptune.
Dr. Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732
British physician (1654 - 1734)

On Last Night:
Upon my return to the manor house I supped alone (Mango chicken with curry-rice), since the Sweet and Ever Popular Mrs. John Q. Public was spending the evening with her dear friend and sometimes mentor Mr. Ted Nugent (the real Detroit Rocker, and all around asshole, if you have ever meet him) It was a Happy Nug-Year concert to benefit stem-cell research, domestic partnership laws and Greenpeace. I skipped the event, instead I stayed in and read and watched Law and Order reruns and BBC, I love the Trailer Park Boys.

On What I am Reading:
Let’s see, the Gospel of St. Luke, three books on Hitler (hey, I want to know what to expect) and a how-to-manual on canning fish.

On What I am Listening to:
Right now Solomon Burke’s Greatest Hits, Bread, MC 500 Foot Jesus and the collected works of Mr. Johnny Paycheck.

Plans for New Year’s Eve:
A small party with about 3,000 guests and South Florida’s Number One Cover Band (what a treat, yes, its one of the Lovely and Erotic Mrs. JQPs events). I am ranking the prospects for the evening up there with my last NASCAR race, the time I thought bathing our two Great Danes in the hot-tub was a good idea, and the night I threw up on my Prom date, it a nutshell not very promising.

However, I am planning on hooking up with Major and Mrs. Steve, who just got back in-country, my dear wife is afraid that I will allow myself to get talked into going back into boots. Me an officer and a gentlman, LOL... I look fat in tan...

New Years Eve Drink Re-Cap:

Liquid Redneck aka “Carolina Suicide”
3/4 oz. Grand Marnier
3/4 oz. Amaretto
3/4 oz. Southern Comfort
3/4 oz. Bacardi 151 Rum
Serve in a Pint glass
Fill w/ Orange & Pineapple Juice
Garnish w/ a Orange & Cherry

In memory of “Thumper” who showed me how to make this drink at Scotty’s Beach Bar the summer of ’02. Sadly “Thumper” hung himself on his front yard from a Palmetto tree (which in and of itself, was no small accomplishment, being that the tree was only 5 feet tall and he was 6'2) after his wife “Pretty-Girl with the Socks” left him for a midget who worked on the board walk. (True Story). Bottoms up to you “Thumper”!

Red Army Cocktail aka “You Lost your Panties?”:
3/4 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. Gin
3/4 oz. Rum
3/4 oz. Midori
3/4 oz. Triple Sec
1/2 oz. Sloe Gin
Serve in a Pint glass
Splash of 7up, Garnish w/ Cherry & Olive

Made famous by the Sweet and Kind Mrs. John Q. Public’s last tour of mid-south National Guard Armories and Country Fair Grounds, with the Boy-Band she tirelessly promotes. She is often quoted as saying “It’s the only drink that goes well with Clogging”, however she recommends wearing good underwear.

Any New Years Resolutions?
Hell no, that’s for the Prots, I am Catholic, we have Lent.

Your Irish Toast of the Day:
Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer—and another one!

and on a side note, I found this statment and thought it somehow fit...

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)

Props to my Peeps:
So long Gerry-Lenny, you were a hell of a song and dance man.

Bad Shit:
Sad fucking shit about what hit the folks in Asia, I don’t feel like commenting on it because its been blogged to death already and I have let my thoughts be known in everyone’s comment sections.


From the: “If you needed another reason to hate Wal-Mart file”

Two store employees charged after cat killed
A manager told them to get rid of the animal.
From The Associated Press

EVANSVILLE — Police arrested two Wal-Mart employees on felony animal cruelty charges after they shot and killed a cat that lived in a storage trailer behind the store.
The men, both assistant managers at the Supercenter, told police they killed the cat after the store’s manager told them to get rid of the animal. Christopher Scott Anderson, 29, and Jeffrey Alex Hardin, 21, were released on their own recognizance after a court appearance Wednesday. They were scheduled for a hearing Tuesday in Vanderburgh Superior Court. A Wal-Mart spokeswoman said all the managers potentially involved in the incident have been suspended without pay pending an internal investigation. Depending on its results, they could be fired, said spokeswoman Sharon Weber.
“We were outraged when we learned of this incident. This kind of action is completely inconsistent with the way we do business. Outrage is probably putting it mildly,” she said. A truck driver reported the incident to the sheriff’s department after he saw store employees placing what he believed to be a dead animal in shrink wrap, a day after he heard workers joking about shooting the cat. Anderson and Hardin repeatedly shot the cat with a pellet gun from the store until it died the next day, a Vanderburgh County Sheriff’s Department report said. Store manager Darrel Weitzel told police he had told some of his employees to get a gun and get rid of the cat after repeated attempts to coax it from the trailer failed, according to the report.

Headline of the Day:
Greeting '05 with gunfire discouraged
As New Year's Eve approached, county leaders and activists -- concerned about stray bullets -- urged residents to omit gunfire from their holiday revelry.

(ok, now who didn’t get the “what goes up must come down part”?)

Your Bill for the Day:
That he's mad, 'tis true, 'tis true 'tis pity, And pity 'tis 'tis true."
--From Hamlet (II, ii, 97-98)

Quote of the Day:
If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
Rene Descartes, French mathematician & philosopher (1596 - 1650)

I remain a bitter angry man, but a hell of a good dancer:


Thursday, December 30, 2004

Your Poet-Sage for the Week:

Fitting for the years end and also the year I had:

Those Were The Days, My Friend
by Mary Hopkins

Once upon a time, there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours,
Think of all the great things we would do

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Then, the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and we'd say

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Just tonight, I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass, I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me?

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Through the door, there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la

I always liked this song, its nice and sad for my Irish-Gypsy heart....

I remain,


Wednesday, December 29, 2004

JQP writes...

Thought for the Day:
Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, US essayist & poet (1803 - 1882)

Winter time is a great time to re-read some of that Emerson that’s been sitting on your book shelf since that Lit. course you had to take your sophomore year at the Community College, the man was on to something….

My Day so Far:
Sorry, not a lot to write today, I am working on a Federal Grant, that was designed by the inhabitants of somewhere close to the Seventh Level of Hell, plus two State grants and one Private Funder grant. Also, since I am the only management person here, I am on-fucking-call, oh joy. So, I am playing grown-up at work today and for the rest of the week.

Surfside Beach SC:
You suck, yes you…I can’t get home to see you this holiday, no not even for New Years and its going to be in the mid-seventies over the weekend. I am home-fucking-sick.

The Magic Hand Trick:
Take a Snifter glass and fill it with Sambuca. Ask a guest at the bar if they could pick up the glass just using your palm of one hand ( no fingers ). Here's how its done: Take a match and light the Sambuca on fire, then place the palm of your hand over the snifter. The fire will use up all of the oxygen and create a large suction so you can pick up the glass and wave it around in the air. Easy and a great way to win a small fortune. Very Easy!

Your Drinks for New Years:

Liquid Redneck aka “Carolina Suicide”
3/4 oz. Grand Marnier
3/4 oz. Amaretto
3/4 oz. Southern Comfort
3/4 oz. Bacardi 151 Rum
Serve in a Pint glass
Fill w/ Orange & Pineapple Juice
Garnish w/ a Orange & Cherry

In memory of “Thumper” who showed me how to make this drink at Scotty’s Beach Bar the summer of ’02. Sadly “Thumper” hung himself on his front yard from a Palmetto tree (which in and of itself, was no small accomplishment, being that the tree was only 5 feet tall and he was 6'2) after his wife “Pretty-Girl with the Socks” left him for a midget who worked on the board walk. (True Story). Bottoms up to you “Thumper”!

Red Army Cocktail aka “You Lost your Panties?”:
3/4 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. Gin
3/4 oz. Rum
3/4 oz. Midori
3/4 oz. Triple Sec
1/2 oz. Sloe Gin
Serve in a Pint glass
Splash of 7up, Garnish w/ Cherry & Olive

Made famous by the Sweet and Kind Mrs. John Q. Public’s last tour of mid-south National Guard Armories and Country Fair Grounds, with the Boy-Band she tirelessly promotes. She is often quoted as saying “It’s the only drink that goes well with Clogging”, however she recommends wearing good underwear.

Quote for the Day:
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
Aristotle, Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC - 322 BC)

Filled with a Lust for Life, I remain:


Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Random Thoughts of past Events:

Why Karaoke and family events is a bad idea:
This year a cousin of the family started a Karaoke business to help pay the bills when his roofing job wasn’t. Now, I don’t know your feeling on Karaoke, but I tend to view it with has much joy as say getting my teeth drilled, or perhaps a prostrate exam.

Now, add to that mix your family and large amounts of alcohol. Yes, dear reader it is disturbing. In fact, it is a quick and easy way to turn any Hallmark Christmas celebration into something akin to stopping by the bar over by the interstate; you know the one within walking distance of the trailer park. Does any one need to see their grandmother and grandfather dance and sing along to Sir Mix-a-Lots hit single “I Love Big Butts”. Or better yet, your sisters and Aunts dirty dancing?

Dear reader it was scaring. Thank God, we have EAP here at work.

On Law Enforcement:
Over the holiday I had the opportunity to go on a “ride along” with Officer Matt. Keep in mind that rules don’t apply to members of the law enforcement community, or has Officer Matt is fond of saying “I am the Law”. The one point of action for the night was when “…two male subjects entered Taste of Bombay Indian Buffet and proceeded to rob the place.” What made it odd was the part of taking the statements from those poor owners who had just been robbed. “I am standing here beside myself with fear, from the robbery of my restaurant”. My hats off to you, you Princes of the City, protectors of our freedoms. Sadly, this is all I can share about the time spent with those fine members of Indiana Law Enforcement, for fear of jeopardizing future investigations.

Rednecks with PhDs, merits and mistakes:
There are a large amount of veterans, parolees, and PhDs in my family. To an outside observer it may seem odd, but to those familiar with our primitive mountain village it makes sense. Now there are some un-enjoyable things about this mix of people, one is the fact that if you get two of us together there is going to be three opinions. Do you have any idea how much fun it is to argue the merits of the land war in Iraq with the veterans, who is the better defense attorney with the convicts and Comparative reading of Post Modern French Writers with the Rednecks?

Give me the first two anytime, something about the Rednecks with PhDs just isn’t right. Picture this, 7 of us playing the family game of quoting Shakespeare, where you have to site the act and scene. While chewing tobacco and drinking shots of cheap Irish whiskey and ice cold Miller, its taxing. That and these old boys just don’t give up, I got into work this morning and there are 22 e-mails correcting my quotes. Don’t worry dear reader I sent out a few of my own, yes…we by nature don’t let things drop and will keep going till we prove our point.

Why you should not bet everyone that you can field strip an M-16 blind folded in under 30 seconds:
Now, to set the stage, before everyone left for Midnight Mass all the “men-folk” brought out their new firearms to pass around and show-off. You know nothing says Christmas like an assault rifle. It was at the point of my Nephew playing show and tell with his AR-15 that the Sweet and Inebriated Mrs. John Q. Public said: “JQP can strip this thing in less than 30 seconds blind folded. (Yes, I know what your thinking, Wow, JQP what a neat party trick, well dear reader in the circles I run in it is). I

t was at this point the competitive nature of my family came out, money was bet. Did you ever notice that when your whole family is watching you, 100% of the time something goes wrong? I know many of your are very familiar with the proper method of field striping an M-16, its very easy to do and a smooth process to watch in well trained hands. It was however the putting it back together again that became the problem.

There is a very small pin that holds the whole thing together, and that dear reader was the problem, it was split, so, it took me an hour and a half to put the damn thing back together. I was asked “Well, what did you do in the service when this happened” Well, if I was getting shot at, I looked around for a M-16 laying on the ground or ran the fuck away, if I wasn’t I went and got a new pin” Word of advice, carry spare parts.

Cool Gifts I received:
This year from an old Army buddy named Danny Big Hair, I got a box of dried meats, I would tell you what they are but I have no idea, but has I told the Kind and Dieting Mrs. John Q. Public I am sure they are Atkins approved.

From a friend in the Middle East I got two oriental rugs, nice ones….very nice.

My dear friend and chum from my Eaton days, Tattoo John got me a necklace made out of human teeth, it looks cool and it does get noticed.

And from my loving wife two cook books, one on Tuscan cooking and the other on Improvised Munitions. She said she hopes that I will look up recipes before I start trying to make Semtex in the kitchen again from memory.

Thought for the Day:
Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.
Aristotle Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC - 322 BC)

Your Bill for the Day:
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,To the last syllable of recorded time;And all our yesterdays have lighted foolsThe way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,And then is heard no more: it is a taleTold by an idiot, full of sound and fury,Signifying nothing."
--From Macbeth (V, v, 19)

Todays Poem:
The Night Has A Thousand Eyes
THE night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of a bright world dies
When day is done.
The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.
Francis William Bourdillon

Quote for the Day:
No tree has branches so foolish as to fight amongst themselves. -- Ojibwa Indian saying

I remain, to you....

JQP esq.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Happy Birthday Jesus:

I type to you dear reader after spending the morning recovering from frost bite and exposure that I got while enjoying the company of the “men-folk” who are members of this primitive tribal band of Celts that I call my family.

Yes, we spent the morning out hunting, or as you know I like to call it “freezing my ass off-while armed”, during which time a bunch of half drunk men shoot their latest semi-automatic assault weapons at anything that moves (my family is big on Christmas gifts to ourselves if in involves firearms, HDTVs, motorcycles, or bass-boats) this is my gene-pool. But, they are good people and my God these folks can cook. And best off there were no hunting accidents this year, we did however drink a round or two to Uncle Pat, God-Bless his soul…

I will fill you in on much more later, subjects include why Karaoke and family events is a bad idea, Bluegrass music and Jazz, Rednecks with PhDs, Why women should not be allowed to drink the “JQP”, how to estimate the amount of liquor a large Irish-Catholic family can consume in a four hour period. Law Enforcement, and why you should not bet everyone that you can field strip an M-16 blind folded in under 30 seconds. This and much more awaits… however, just stopping by for a change of clothes and off yet tonight for the UP, as if it isn’t cold enough here.

A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment,and after some small talk,they retired to his bedroom and made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile," finish?" She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed.This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again.

Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Danish."

Now thats was a cute one to share at the family dinner table with grandma and grandpa...

Merry Merry etc...


Thursday, December 23, 2004

Just Loving Life and all Gods People

Thought for the Day:
A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy.
Benjamin Disraeli, Speech in the House of Commons, Mar. 3, 1845, British politician (1804 - 1881)

The News as I see it:

Heart Warming Rummy:
WASHINGTON – Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld described himself as “truly saddened” Wednesday as he offered an unusually personal defense to criticism that he has been callous to soldiers in Iraq worried about their safety and to the family members of U.S. troops killed in the war. After two weeks of lying low while Republican senators and conservative commentators called for his resignation as the Pentagon’s boss, Rumsfeld poignantly paid tribute to, and identified himself with, the U.S. troops in the war zone. Secretary Rumsfeld was quoted as saying: “What we have here is a bunch of winning pussy boys, their in the god-damn army, their suppose to get shot at, it’s all the blacks and Hispanics and white trash kids that are the trouble makers.” The Secretary then cut his press conference short by saying that he was late for a T-Time with the President and they were going to try to get in 18 holes.

Be Afraid, be very afraid:
Gov.-elect Mitch Daniels has named a member of the Fort Wayne Police Department to be new superintendent of the Indiana State Police. Paul Whitesell, 53, is a member of Police Chief Rusty York’s staff, where he oversees training and is an in-house police psychologist. As superintendent of the state police, he’ll oversee about 1,300 state troopers. Whitesell has a bachelor’s degree in police administration from Indiana University, a master’s degree in psychology from the University of Saint Francis and a doctorate in human services from Walden University Online. He is a 30-year police veteran and renowned trainer for the U.S. military, federal law enforcement agencies, and state and local police departments. He has served as a lieutenant at the Indiana Law Enforcement Academy, worked eight years with the Indiana State Police, and was the team leader of the SWAT teams for the Allen County Sheriff’s Department and the state police. Gov.-elect Daniels feels this will be a good match for his vision of “The New Indiana”. “I sought out someone with extensive Bag-Bag operational experience, with all the new “crime… I am going to push through the House, I need an elite combat trained force to protect myself and my Vision and punish wrong doers”

In the Navy:
WASHINGTON – The Navy has relieved at least 800 commanding officers for performance problems since 2003, a number that includes a recent spike attributed to inappropriate personal behavior by about two dozen officers, Navy officials said Wednesday. Those behavior problems include adultery, drug and alcohol abuse, theft of naval property, homosexual relationships, voting democrat, nudity and inappropriate relationships with subordinates, according to a survey by the Navy inspector general. The report did not attribute the rise in behavior problems to any particular cause. Other commanders lost their jobs for poor performance, for actions like grounding their ship or colliding with another vessel at sea, surrendering a ship of the line while not in combat and at least one case of losing the vessel, according to the survey.

When Turkeys Fly:
Joe-Don Williams ruffled a few feathers while driving on Interstate 64 in Beckley, W. Va. A wild turkey flew into the truck’s windshield Tuesday. Williams was traveling about 70 mph at the time but managed to pull safely to the side of the road.
“It looked like someone stuffed the turkey in the windshield,” said Dave Creager of Creager Automotive Repair Service. “It didn’t look real.” Williams, 22, had been driving a company truck for Appalachian Laboratories during the collision, and endured turkey jokes from his co-workers the rest of the day. “ That old boy is lucky to be alive, think about having the 25 pound Butter Ball tossed through your windshield while you’re driving about 70 miles an hour.”

Sniping for Santa:
A 9-year-old is accused of firing a pellet gun from a second-story window in Shamokin, Pa., hitting a man dressed as Santa Claus on Monday night. Police said the boy confessed. Scott Slodysko, a volunteer fireman, was riding atop a fire truck when he heard a popping sound at an intersection. “It felt like a bee stung me – like a very bad bee sting.” Slodysko said he knew immediately that somebody with a pellet gun was to blame. He described the wound as “a black-and-blue mark about the size of a silver dollar” between my eyes and said the attack won’t stop him from portraying Santa next year. The Volunteer Fire Dept. will continue to have “Santa on Parade”.

On Other matters:

Your Drink Recap:
“Cafe' Barbados”
1oz. Meyer's Rum
1 oz. Tia Maria
Fill w/ Coffee
Topped w/ Whip Cream

“Cafe' Cuba Royal”
2 oz. Cognac
1oz. Meyer's Rum
Cube of Sugar
Fill w/ Coffee (Use a Pint Glass)
Topped W/ Whip Cream (stir in)

“My Hairy Ass” aka “The John Q. Public”
1 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. Capt. Morgan’s
3/4 oz. Apple Schnapps
3/4 oz. Peach Schnapps
Fill w/ Red Bull

Ok, It’s Snow:
It took me one hour to go the ½ mile to work today. It is amazing how many people forget about that white stuff called snow and how to drive on it. I pushed out a total of 9 old people who somehow got stuck in the middle of the road.

Why the hell, do old retired people have to go out at 6 am after a snow storm for anyway? Its not like they have to go to work. That and dumb asses in their SUVs who now think they are driving a fucking M-1 Abrams Tank, three wrecks I saw on the way in and all were SUVs that I know the driver was going about 65 in town on snow and ice, d-u-m-b-a-s-s.

There I feel better.

Well, looks like we might be staying here in Icy Indiana (oh f'ing Joy), eating all the food I have been cooking all week, since the path south is blocked by snow and idiots, no planes no nothing. …and you know what? that sounds better, down time with Mrs JQP, fire, food and spirits, maybe even a lil' nudge nudge wink wink, perhaps we can get out of the mad dash to MI later on in the week….

Quote for the Day:
In the bleak midwinter Frosty wind made moan, Earth stood hard as iron, Water like a stone; Snow had fallen, snow on snow, Snow on snow, In the bleak midwinter, Long ago.
Christina G. Rossetti, A Christmas Carol, English poet (1830 - 1894)

Holiday Wishes:
To those who are dear to me,
know at this time my thoughts for you.
I wish you Joy,
I wish you Luck,
I wish you Love,
You are remembered well,
this Christmas Time and always.

All My Best to you and yours:


Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Wishes and Obligations:

Happy Birthday:
I, JQP would like to wish Lady Bird Johnson a happy 91st birthday. What stories I bet you could tell once you get a few Hot-Toddy’s in you.

The Day so Far:
Well the Borg is back in the office again today, we had something blow-up in our faces here at Mission Control, so its recovery time. So, I have my firemans hat on, and off I go putting out fires. Makes for a fun morning, on a plus side, I will be on the news at 6 and 10, and I am dressed for it, that and I am feeling a bit better, my high-yellow-coloring has calmed down a bit. It's never a good sign when work starts calling you before 5:00am. This afternoon I am off to the funeral home to drop of the food, then later for the Vigil, and then the Wake…we Irish send someone off right.

Plans for New Years:
I am trying to talk the Adventurous and Socially Active Mrs. John Q. Public into going to this little get together.

Date: 12/17/2004
To: Friends, Co-Workers, Peace Loving People, Students & Assorted
Unindicted Co-Conspirators
RE: New Year’s Eve/Birthday Party/Party Congress
Priority: [Urgent]

By virtue of receiving this you are hereby invited to attend the aforementioned party.

Should you accept this invitation (absence will be noted by the Party Leaders) be advised that the festivities will begin around 9 pm, Fri. Dec. 31st, 2004, ending sometime in the first week of 2005.

The location will be at my living abode, located @ XXX XXth St. N.,
Moorhead, MN. (Call 218-979-XXXX or 218-287-XXXX for directions.

The password is Eugene V. Debbs

(She is not sold on seeing the wonderland that is Northern MN and Eastern ND during the winter, but I know these people and it will be a party....)

Quote for the Day:
To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting. -- Sun Tzu, 300 B.C.

Alla Salute! I Remain, asleep at the switch:


It goes on and on:

Rally around the Flag:
My heart goes out to those who lost a loved one fighting in Iraq. 22 killed while eating lunch, yesterday plus another 60 wounded. Soldiers, just doing their duty.

This train-wreck doesn’t seem to be getting any better, I for one am ready for W to get someone into there to pull his nuts out of the fire and stabilize the whole thing (very unlikely) or pull a Nixon, declare a victory and pull out right after the elections. Many opportunities were missed and one day I hope we will hold him and his merry band of neo-cons, accountable.

Lets rally around our troops, call for some clear set of plans, some kind of vision, not the Washington double speak, I don’t care how many times you repeat a lie, its still a lie. My dear old father was fond of saying “shit or get off the pot”.


A joke for Women:

Sent to me by Sue-Sue, with threats if I dont post it:

The Miracle of Toilet PaperFresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies. I stopped. "

Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again. Stupid, stupid man.

The Sweet and Kind Mrs. JQP loved that one.

I remain,


Your Poet-Sage for the Week:

In Your Wildest Dreams (Moody Blues)
Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Reflected in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
Once the world was new
Our bodies felt the morning dew
That greets the brand new day
We couldn't tear ourselves away
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you still remember
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
And when the music plays
And when the worlds are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Love was all we Knew
And all I knew was you
I wonder if you know
I wonder if you
Think about it
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
And when the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Mirrored in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams

By request, something not done by a redneck band, and thanks to Deno' for the CD, kind of makes me think of an Asia song from the very early 80's, and what was it that John said "You may say I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one."

Thought for the Day:
Only the curious will learn and only the resolute overcome the obstacles to learning. The quest quotient has always excited me more than the intelligence quotient. Eugene S. Wilson

I remain, and fan of the Arts:


Luck of the Irish:

Let me buy you a Drink:
Yesterday in Belfast thieves took the families of two top bankers’ hostage and forced the bosses to help them steal more than $39 million from the vaults of the bank’s main office. Police are reported to be looking for a group of very drunk Irishmen buying beer for everyone at the pub with hundred Euro Notes, seems this is a common tactic and has proven reliable in the past. Local authorities blame it on the recent release of Oceans 11, saying that movies like that just put bad ideas in young people’s minds.


Tuesday, December 21, 2004

A bit More Up-Beat, A votre sante!:

On Getting an Invitation to the Governors Inauguration:
Some funny bastard put me on the list for “My Man Mitch’s” Inauguration. Like I am willing to shell out 1000.00 for some catered chicken breast and cold green beans?

There is a good chance I would break out into a rash the minute I was with that large a group of fundamentalist republicans. I see it as being much like the crowd at a Gun and Knife Show but in better suits. So, who ever did this kind act, be forewarned, I will get you back.

Hell, I just might write a bad check and go, I am sure the Sweet and Petite Mrs. John Q. Public could help to make it a night to remember…. now there is an idea.

More Indiana News:
Corn Holes force 130 year old Elkhart bakery to shut down, By Bob Cook, THG staff writer
The baking business has always been a labor of love to Elkhart’s Abbott family. Now after 130 years in business, Abbott Bakeries were forced to close their doors this week due to bankruptcy. More than 60 workers are now unemployed, including several members of the Abbott family, who have owned and operated the company since its foundation by William Abbott in 1873.

Abbott Bakeries, which also has stores in Mishawaka and Goshen, have closed all three stores because of a lack of revenue generated the last several months. After being the leading bakers in the area for generations, the community has boycotted the bakeries due to negative publicity the company has received over marketing their bite-sized corn fritters.

“Our corn fritters are very popular so we decided to create a bite-sized version that could be easily carried and eaten anywhere,” said Larry Abbott, manager of the Goshen store and grandson to company owner and family patriarch Joseph Abbott, “We never dreamed they would lead to the downfall of the company,”

It seems a poor marketing decision on the part of 91 year-old Joseph Abbott has incensed the community so extremely that many long-time customers had stopped frequenting Abbott’s stores. When trying to decide what to call their new sweet-tasting corn treats, Mr. Abbott decided they should be named “Corn Holes” since they resembled doughnut holes. Apparently he was unaware of the double meaning these words hold.

“How is a 90 year-old guy supposed to know that “corn hole” could mean something else? Paw-paw (Joseph) seemed so proud to have come up with what he thought was a great name for our product. We all love him so much that none of us had the heart to tell him. We had to use it. We figured people would like them so much they would overlook the name,” said grandson and production manager Steve Abbott.

Soon after choosing a name for the new product, Abbott’s began their marketing campaign. Billboards began popping up in the region advertising the mini fritters with slogans like “Running late? Pack some Corn Holes!” and “Corn Holes: Once you pop’em, you can’t stop!” Needless to say, locals did not respond well to the ads.

Your Drinks of the Week:
By request, some hot drinks. I was going to do my famous Hot Buttered-Rum, but that seems to only be a big hit with residents of Nova Scotia and veterans of the Royal Navy. Now the one to watch out for is the Café Cuba-Royal, a few of these and you will be telling your brothers and sisters what crappy parents they are, and asking your aunt where she gets her wigs.

Cafe' Barbados

1oz. Meyer's Rum
1 oz. Tia Maria
Fill w/ Coffee
Topped w/ Whip Cream

Cafe' Cuba Royal

2 oz. Cognac
1oz. Meyer's Rum
Cube of Sugar
Fill w/ Coffee (Use a Pint Glass)
Topped W/ Whip Cream (stir in)

Your Bar Trick for the Holiday:
Note: with this one you need a helper, but its very easy and works every time.

Mind reading Straws:
This is a Great Trick to pull on an a guest. All you need is 5 different objects, and a helper. First place 5 different objects, (you could use fruit, bottle tops, matches, coin money, etc it doesn't matter as long as the 5 objects are all different) in front of a bar guest so the objects make an appearance of a 5 on a dice :-: . Tell them to point to an object when you are not looking, but to let other people see so they can verify it. Then take 2 straws, hold one in each hand so that the straws are parallel and hold them over the objects that you have set on the bar. When you come to the Object that was picked, just move the straws so that they touch. Then tell everyone that the Magic Straws have chosen this to be the Object that was chosen! It works every time and blows peoples minds.

Here is how it is done:
Since the objects are placed in a certain order ( like a 5 on a dice :-: ) just have your helper place there drink on there cocktail napkin in the position of the object that was picked . Example: If the person picking the object picks the object in the middle your helper puts his drink in the center of there napkin, if they pick an idem on one of the edges your helper puts there drink on the corresponding edge. Just look to see where your helper sets there glass so you know what object was picked. If done right this will blow people away!

Your Irish Toast for the Week:
"May the grass grow long on your road to hell, for want of use."

Your Southern Word/Phrase For the Week is:
Big 'Ol Hee Haw-Looking Boy -- Handsome Young Man and/or Redneck

Your Word of the Day is:
Noun-The sack below one's lund (penis) Example: Lick my Haandiey (plural for Haandia) (Lick my balls) or All Pakistanis got no Haandiye!
Or Verb, the cost to enter the club, Exapmle: Yo! you aint going no where unless you Haandia

Your Thought for the Week:
The brain is like a computer. If a person whacked their computer against the wall hundreds of times, eventually it wouldn't work.-- Dr. Henry Powell, head of the neuropathology department, UCSD, on the dangers of boxing.

I remain, as always, my humble self:

JQP esp

It's Tuesday and I am John Q. Public

Your Thought for the Day:
(I have been reading one of his books, and this one struck me)
What the mind cannot believe the heart can finally never adore.
Bishop John Shelby Spong, “Rescuing the Bible From Fundamentalism”

On Plans for the Holidays:
South and then North, our own Mason-Dixon Line Christmas. Lots of food, hunting (and you know how much I enjoy that), drinking, and getting to know each other again or in some cases for the first time. Makes us both wish we would have gone to Key West again this year, it always nice to call your family on Christmas, and then head out to get some sun. Other than that cross-country mad dash in inclement weather, we will be relaxing around the manor house in front of the fire drinking egg-nog.

On Food:
I baked bread last night, and put the horseradish-mustard rub on the prime rib (looks great). Put the Memphis BBQ rub on the chickens, and finally started work on the goose (we eat more than one meal when we get together, I think I am one of the few people who travel across county with coolers, but hey its good and everyone in my family can cook, men and women).

On funerals:
It odd, I have buried many family members and not a few friends, its one of those things that as a child my parents did not shield us kids from, we had to go to the funeral home at least once a week, and listen to people say “they sure did a good job on them, they look like their sleeping” “I am so sorry for your loss” “Well they are at peace now”. You know all the things people have say when they don’t really know what to.

When someone passes in my family, everyone knows the party starts after the rosary. We are a family that wakes. The point is to remember the person not the death. We end up telling funny stories about “do you remember when that idiot…” I am not saying its better, but its how we send those we love off (along with two silver dollars, to pay the river-man).

This is the first time I have ever had a woman that I knew, some one who I was with, someone I hung-out with die, and it does stop and make you think. It makes me sad, for her. For what she could have done, what she wanted to do. I don’t know perhaps she was a peace with it all, but the girl I knew was a lot of things, she was not a quitter. I guess it’s that time, when we stop and remember others well.

What do you send flowers? I know how important that is to people to get flowers at their loved ones funeral (my family is big for counting, est. cost, and taking note of who sent it). A few years ago, I started sending meat and cheese trays. If you ever have to hang around a funeral home you know how much your feet start to hurt and how you need both some food and a cigarette, but you can’t leave. I think this makes things a bit easier for the family, and the flowers end up on a compost heap at the grave yard anyway.

Since funerals are really for the living, what do you ask yourself? Will I be remembered, am I remembered? Did I do enough good? Did I matter? I guess that’s for us left behind to answer for them.

Your Bill for the Day:
Thy bosom is endeared with all hearts,
Which I by lacking have supposed dead,
And there reigns love and all love's loving parts,
And all those friends which I thought buried.
How many a holy and obsequious tear
Hath dear religious love stol'n from mine eye
As interest of the dead, which now appear
But things removed that hidden in thee lie!
Thou art the grave where buried love doth live,
Hung with the trophies of my lovers gone,
Who all their parts of me to thee did give;
That due of many now is thine alone:
Their images I loved I view in thee,
And thou, all they, hast all the all of me.

Your Quote for the Day:
Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
John Howard Payne, US actor & dramatist (1791 - 1852)

Oddly Empty, but Focused, I remain:


Monday, December 20, 2004

Sleep well, Good Lady:

I just got the message that Jen died today around 11:30, in Indy.
She had been very ill for the past few years; her life long battle with Lupus took its toll.

We “dated” “hung-out” were-together” or whatever you call it when your two hippy-gen-X-left-wing-college kids, years ago.

It was the summer I spent living in a kind of commune at the end of a long lonely country road in the middle of nowhere down in south-western Ohio. We drank wine, woke together, wrote poems and talked about all the big-thoughts and things.

I went to visit her when she started her PhD at Kent state. After she nailed her dissertation she took a teaching job with one of the Ivy’s, got married and started what turned out to be her life’s work.

She then got sick, got divorced, and came back home where her family has been taking care of her.

She did a lot in her time, the wild child, the early 80’s punk girl who with her sister haunted the clubs in Chicago, who walked the streets of Bangkok in the early morning hours, who fell in with fishermen in Australia, who took a bus from one end of the country to the other, just for shits and giggles.

She packed a lot of living into her time, and I was glad to have known her.

I have some of the poems she wrote me…and yes, there are still times I read them.


Brief Weekend Re-Cap:

Was one of those forgotten days; I went home from work early at the request of my co-workers. Seems, everyone didn’t want to get sick for the holidays. Once at home and took at least two of everything in the medicine cabinet and slept until Saturday.

I went to a party at the rugby bar to watch St. Francis play in the NAIA National title. Good food; gumbo, fried-chicken, and fresh venison. What a game it was dear reader, a bitter, sad game, but still some great football. The cheerful and team-supporting Mrs. John Q. Public started the new tradition of the “dirty” touchdown dance on top of the bar and was joined by not a few of the more colorful bar patrons.

She found herself greatly enjoying the drink of the week, “My Hairy Ass”. A word of caution, for those of you who have not already tried the drink, based off of your body weight, it seems that two of said drink, is more than enough to make a “normal” individual, somewhat psychotic and delusional. For her safety, and the safety of those around her she was stopped at 8 drinks.

After the game, which USF lost in the last 30 seconds (notice, I said lost, they were not beaten). We returned to the manor house for a quick change of clothes. Then we were off to her New Boss’s new million dollar house for his staff Christmas party. Let me just say now that at times it is refreshing to go out with someone and be the “grown-up”, it became obvious to even the disinterested observer that those in attendance at the “New Boss’s” party had not had the benefit of eight drink’s named “My Hairy Ass” to loosen themselves up and get the party running.

The food: it was the normal party fare, meat balls, little weenies, cheese, etc. I believe that the evening will best be remembered by all in attendance for the Beautiful and Star-Struck Mrs. John Q. Public’s karaoke renditions of “These Boot’s are made for Walking” and “Fever”. Especially since her “New Boss” did not own a karaoke machine, and that they were preformed while taking a shower, fully clothed. Shortly, there after we made our exit.

The morning, I woke at 4:00 am and made my famous Borsch, which I found causes instant vomiting when tried by someone who has over dosed on “My Hairy Ass”. (File that one away). After cleaning her up and returning her to bed, making sure she was on her side, I went to Mass. I spent the rest of the morning watching re-runs of Matlock and the Home Shopping Network.

At 2:00 pm, I woke her and got her dressed and off we went to yet another Christmas party. This one was more of a low key, come one, come all parties held by a prudent Catholic family at their bar. After a few beers and some chicken wings, I noticed that my dear sweet wife was not bouncing back, (she thought three Bloody Marys and several shots would help, but it was not to be). So, we left, once again I put her to bed and went out to make care packages for our troops, after which I spent some time picking up litter along the lonesome back country roads until dark. Once at home I worked on a paper that I need to get published if I want tenure. All, in all a fairly normal weekend, nothing to exciting to report.

Local News:
Children find marijuana; Noble deputies arrest 2, The Journal Gazette
Two Noble County children found a pound of marijuana in their home Saturday and turned it over to police, the Noble County Sheriff’s Department said.
The children, ages 10 and 12, were home alone when they discovered the drug and related paraphernalia in the house at XXXX North Long Lake Road in Albion. The children called police about 12:30 p.m. and showed officers what they believed was marijuana, the sheriff’s department said. Police obtained a search warrant and found a pound of marijuana plus paraphernalia in the home, the report said. Mark D. XXXX, 41, and Beverly J. XXXX, 33, both of the same address on North Long Lake Road, were each arrested on a charge of possession of marijuana more than 30 grams, the report said.

And you thought it was bad when your toddler found that you keep your sex-toys in the second drawer of the night stand, during the 50th wedding anniversary party for grandma and grandpa you were hosting. Bet, those kids will not get a lot for Christmas, but it does go to show that if you have a pound of weed, you probably shouldn’t piss off your kids after they had that DARE program at school.

Your Bill for the Day:
"The barge she sat in, like a burnish'd throne,
Burn'd on the water." --From Antony and Cleopatra (II, ii, 193-194)

Your Thought for the Day:
To put your life in danger from time to time... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities. -- Nevil Shute

On the Mend in many Ways: I remain,


Friday, December 17, 2004

Infectious, and loving it:

Back at my Desk:
57, yes 57, the number of e-mails awaiting me this morning. The Borg was busy in my absence. Three, the number of my staff who said they wanted to quit as a direct result of the Borg’s actions while I lay on my sick bed. 18, the number of days till the Borg gets back from vacation. Oh, yes I shall be ready… yes I shall…

Re-caps, for the weekend:

The Drink of the Week:
“My Hairy Ass”
1 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. Capt. Morgan’s
3/4 oz. Apple Schnapps
3/4 oz. Peach Schnapps
Fill w/ Red Bull

Your Cocktail of Choice:

Dry Rob Roy
2 oz. Scotch
1 dash Dry Vermouth
Garnish w/ an Olive

Bar Trick for the Week:
Don’t Touch the Cherry Trick: It's very simple, and all bars should have the items to do it. You'll need a brandy snifter, a stem less cherry (rinsed and dried), and an ashtray . Place the snifter upside-down over the cherry. Challenge a bar guest to get the cherry into the ashtray without touching the ashtray or the cherry.

The only thing they can touch is the snifter, and the only thing the cherry can touch is the snifter. The snifter must remain inverted at all times. (Mashing the cherry on the rim is not permitted.) Note: You can use an olive instead of the cherry, and to add more Difficulty to the Trick you can use a glass of any kind instead of an ashtray, and or use obstacles that the Cherry has to go over. It's easy give it a try. Here's how its done: Simple take the snifter glass place over the cherry and begin spinning it. The centrifugal force will keep the cherry in the glass.

Thought for the Weekend:
The Book of Five Rings -- Miyamoto Musashi, 1645 Earth
Stategy is the craft of the warrior.
Water - Study hard to absorb these things into your body.
Fire - Become the enemy. Move the shadow. Let go of the hilt.
Wind - The sword swung violently is coarse.
Emptiness - To know form, know emptiness.

Go Cougers, Nat. title down in Savannah, g-o-o-d f-o-o-t-b-a-l-l!


Thursday, December 16, 2004

Revenge of the Borg:

On being Hopeful when I Awake:
When I woke from my fevered slumber at 3:30am, I thought to myself, I just might be getting over this. Knowing that my co-workers and society at large depends on me, after all my motto is “anything for the children”. I set my mind to going to work. I laid out one of my favorite suits (my lime green Brooks Brothers knock-off, with a Black DKNY tie, I have loved this suit ever since I bought it from a small shop off of Fatima Square in downtown Beirut). Thinking that I, JQP would cut a dashing figure in court today.

But, it was not to be… even though I had stopped by my neighborhood Korean health food store (every block should have one), and was told the “medicine” I purchased from Mrs. Kim would set me straight in 24 hours or less (she even threw in some kimchee, have you ever had a Kimchee Bloody Mary? I am working on perfecting the recipe).

After my shower, first pot of coffee, honey ham, with Red-Eye gravy, two eggs over easy, with toast, I still felt like shit. About that time, the Hard Working and Dedicated Mrs. John Q. Public returned to the manor house. She had been working tirelessly promoting her new “Boy-Band” in Evansville, Indiana; where they had a concert at the National Guard armory.

On looking somewhat Odd:
She was the first person to notice it, I am yellow, yes yellow (gee, makes you want to invite me over to sit in your hot-tub, doesn’t it? Anyone for soup?), after attempting to administer a rectal thermometer (un-successfully I might add). She insisted that we go to the ER. I however was reticent toward the idea, since I was just there for the dog attack and head trauma on Monday night, and I blame my visit there for my current malady.

After taking my temp. in a more conventional way, I found that yes indeed I am still sick, (101, for those of you who are like myself, health care professionals, after all I didn’t work my ass of at those medical schools in the Bahamas for nothing). But, still I was yellow, having seen cases like this before I started ruling out possibilities, I had not traveled to the tropics in at least the past seven days, I quit drink from mud-puddles years ago, I had not used any public restrooms recently, and my last liver function test was ok, so that ruled out any quick acting diseases, drug interaction perhaps, after consulting the PDR, I could find nothing more that I was used to. Environmental factors, there might lie my answer.

On Women and Soap:
I proceeded to retrace my steps, bed and bath, and there I hit upon the answer. It was at this time 4:38, my eyes had adjusted to the fact that I was in fact awake, and I saw it. Now, I don’t know about you, but it has been my experience that women love to buy anything that has the words “body wash” in it.

Don’t even get me started on decorative soaps, I mean what the hell is the point in having soap you cant use, but I guess it makes since because the only thing to dry you hands with would be those hand towels you cant use. Which is why when I am a house guest, I make it a point for men everywhere to use both the good soap and the decorative hand towels my hosts have so proudly displayed (there, you are forewarned).

You didn’t notice it didn’t lather-up?
I must say, that it was not without some surprise that I found the root of my yellow coloring sitting there in the shower. It should be noted that during my shower, I realized that we were out of soap (I am an Irish Spring man myself). Reaching out of the shower I grabbed the closest bottle of what at the time I assumed was “body-wash”. It seems the Cost Cutting and Resourceful Mrs. John Q. Public had a coupon for self-tanning lotion. Why they would package something like Self-Tanning lotion in a bottle that mirrors one of those “Body-Washes” is anyone’s guess, I feel it to be a public health hazard, and said so in an e-mail I sent off the customer complaint department of the manufacturer. At this point, my Sweet and Kind wife started laughing so hard she fell onto in floor. So, dear reader, I remain with sick and with a high-yellow look about me.

Enter the Borg:
Which of course brings me to the Borg, who called me at 5:00am (which I can only assume is soon after it arises from its cocoon or pod, whatever they plug themselves into). “Good Morning John, sorry did I wake you?” No been up for hours, as a matter of fact I was just going to call you. “Oh, are you still sick?” No, I just wanted to find out what your wearing to work today, yes I am still sick and no I will not be in. “Well, who is going to cover for you” I don’t know. Perhaps you could find out, and have them give me a call, and I will tell them over the phone how to perform my job without killing anyone. “Hey, Ok, that sounds like a good plan, hope your feeling better, Soon”.

Now it should be noted that it most likely sounded like a cocktail party was going on, Dear, Sweet Mrs. John Q. Public had put in a CD of French café music, turned it up all the way and while still laughing very loudly had decided it was a good time to rearrange the wine glasses (in the process breaking only three, a new record for her). I guess my point is the Borg thought it was going to get me back for calling it early. Now, was that silly or what? Its just as well, cricket is on ESPN 2 today, followed by Bull-Riding. I wonder what Lifetime will have on this afternoon.

Quote for the Day:
Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady.
Francois de La RochefoucauldFrench author & moralist (1613 - 1680)

Really Jaundiced Looking, I remain:


Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Your Joke for the 15th of Dec.

Since many of you read my postings to your children, warning this joke has adult content:

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.

Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

One I had heard a long time ago, but I do like the way the author tells the story, paints a picture in your mind, eh what?


Words from the Sanitarium:

On Health:
After returning to my home at 1:00am this morning (On-Call, not Last-Call), I noticed that I felt like shit. Not just normal shit but sore throat fever kind of shit.

I just knew I was going to pick something up sitting there in ER next to the snot-vomit children and their loving and attentive parents (both on there cell phones bitching about having to be at the ER) Monday night. Now I can handle a lot, blood, guts, no problem…but puke, if your tossing you just might as well move over because if I am close enough to hear or smell, I am joining you. So, anyway, as I sat there with my concussion and bleeding from being mauled, I said; damn, I bet I am going to get what those kids have, it’s just my luck.

On Spirituality and your Health:
The holistic and spiritual Mrs. John Q. Public, sat next to me has I said that and she replied with “Dear Husband, you know all sickness starts with a thought…” (She gets like that, you see she was raised by Indians and her mother was a Witch Doctor, hell she even has an Indian name which translated means Little Beaver, true story) I told her that I would keep this in mind next time I got malaria or say cancer.

I believe she got some degree of perverse pleasure this morning when I woke feeling ill and with a fever, noting that she felt fine and she was the one who cleaned the kid puke from our shoes, a fact she sited as her power of positive thought and ritualistic animal sacrifices she performs during her menses.

On Calling in Sick:
Which of course brings to my calling in, now my employment might not pay well, but it does have some benefits, such as the month of paid vacation, personals days and flex time. So, I took it upon myself to make use of these perks.

I called in, now it should be noted that my boss, the Borg, had in no uncertain terms told me that calling the office staff and letting them know that I would not be in just wasn’t good enough, I needed to talk to the Borg personally (I guess if one member of the collective is sick, all the members of the collective are).

So being the good worker bee that I am, I thoughtfully placed that call at 3:43am, funny how people sound when you call them that late/early and dear reader I was chatty, details, I went into details. Needless to say, I don’t think the point of talking to the Borg personally if I am not going to be in is going to be pushed in the near future. Hell, I am going to use flex time to cover it, by the time I got home last night; I already had my 40 plus in for the week.

On Self-Medication, its Merits and its Draw-Backs:
So, dear reader, here I am reclined on a bed of pillows, watching Real Sex on HBO drinking cough medicine like middle school kid trying to get a buzz before the Sadie Hopkins dance. Later, I will make myself some French onion soup which I will wash down with a Bloody Mary (medicine comes in many forms) and finally enjoy my Christmas gift from Joel the Bar Man, the complete first season of the Rockford Files. Or catch up on some reading (I am currently reading seven books, and the management here at the manor has started to voice some complaints about all the books lying around). On the mend, dear reader…

Jaundiced and Jaded, I remain:

JQP esq.

Sick of Politics:

Politics, War and other shit that pisses me off:
Now being an avid reader you know that I am not a fan of the ruling junta, (I know my name is on a list somewhere and one cold night the jack-boots of the Homeland Security Black Bag Operations Team will crunch the snow coming up the drive of the estate, just a matter of time, dear reader, a matter of time).

Now, often people call me a liberal democrat, I think that’s because its to easy to label people like myself that don’t agree with flushing the good things that America used to stand for not only for “We the People” but for the world down the toliet.

For starters, I am not a pacifist, ask anyone who decided to “take it to the next level”, hell I have those nice framed awards and discharge papers, plus my VA card. I was raised by a family of Trade Unionists; an early lesson was that some times a fist makes a point better than words. That being said (wow, a very testosterone rich post so far), I would like to address someone who just really has pissed me right the fuck off.

Donald Rumsfeld, now all of you have heard his comment to the soldier who asked why they were not getting the armor they needed. His quote was “we go to war with the Army we have”. True statement, very true, we went to war in Afghanistan with the Army we had, and have done a pretty damn good job there (compare that to the Russians), but that was a war based on a sneak attack (like Pearl Harbor). Off to war we went (and funny how you never hear about what going on there anymore, I was talking to a friend who just got back, man… just like when I was in boots, there is a lot going on in the world we never hear).

How did Rummy handle things on his watch? Well, I found this from one of his own people, “I've had my differences with this secretary of defense, and I have been very clear on it. I don't like the way he has done some things. I think they have been irresponsible. I don't like the way we went into Iraq. We didn't go into Iraq with enough troops. He's dismissed his general officers. He's dismissed all outside influence. He's dismissed outside counsel and advice. And he's dismissed a lot of inside counsel and advice from men and women who have been in military uniforms for 25 and 30 years.” Senator Chuck Hagel, Rep. Nebraska.

Not to mention, that old hell and leather Rummy has never so much has played a game of paint ball let alone served in uniform, I am sure he knows what’s best.

Afghanistan. That one made sense to me, go in and take them out, cut and dried, eye for an eye, etc. But Iraq, come the fuck on, we could have prepared, made sure we had enough troops, and they had the stuff they needed, before commenting to a War. I don’t think even my right-wing friends (yes, I have some, for God-Sake this is Indiana) believe that WMD crap anymore.

It was a war W chose, not one we had to fight then, that day and that time. I can’t get behind an administration that lies, no matter what party. God, damn I hope they run McCain and Powel for the next election, because God knows the Dem’s will screw around and put Hillary in the seat, thus flushing any hope that party has at once again becoming the party of the common man.

Veterans and Health Care:
Now many of you don’t know this, but they are actively gutting the VA systems, and friend there was not a whole lot there in the first place. They are doing this at a time when we are having more wounded, hurt, scared people coming home than we have since Vietnam, when I was in the rule of thumb was that for every fatality you heard about bet that there were 10 wounded requiring evacuation. That’s a lot of people and the number keeps growing. I know how much fun recovering from wounds can be in a military hospital, try that after your discharge at a VA 100 miles from you home.

In a lot of ways, it just seems like another way to spit on the soldier, thanks for your service, good luck, hope you find a job and heal up well, Folks yellow fucking ribbons just don’t cut it, when your 19 and have a colostomy bag.

On a lighter Note, Your Thought for the Day:
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. Frank Zappa

It should be noted that both the countries we are at war with dont have a beer, next time lets go to someplace where after we kick ass, the college kids would all want to go to on spring break, about Cuba?


Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Who gives a shit?

Ok, I have had three people ask me about this since lunch,
so off the cuff, here goes:

Scott Peterson jury just voted unanimously for death, Wow
Now that old boy, besides just being an all around little fuck, was also a dumb-ass. If ever there was a time to cry and beg its when a bunch of people who were not smart enought to get out of jury duty, are going to say if you live or if you die...

"Tough shit, Scott"

Now, who really givies a shit? I know we all dont like to hear about a woman with child getting killed, but...If his wife and unborn baby were black, how many would even notice? How about if both him and her were mud-ugly? How much air time? What I am say'en is this kind of shit happens all the time, with this case someone made the call that it was going to be news, so everyone has an opinion.

People, there are many, many, bad stories out there (and most often close to home) you dont have to look hard, come follow me around for a day.


I just like to Help People:

On why I need a raise:
A “normal” person complains about their job they might include their work load, their boss, and at times their co-workers. Brothers and Sisters, if it were so easy. Ok, What makes your job so different John Q. Public, you ask?

Well let’s see, yesterday I started work at 6:30am, and was knee deep in a crisis by say 6:38am. No big deal, that’s what I get paid to do, deal with other peoples crisis, but still, I had to pee (I was going to use piss, but it sounds to bad for this early) and had not even had a chance to sit at my desk, not a positive start to the work week.

On doing my Part:
Later I conducted two trainings for other professionals, both went ok. However upon my return to the office I found that a colleague had booked herself several places at once. So, yet again, I was asked to cover, one was a television interview (I hate doing TV, you always worry if your going to say the wrong thing, or if you have a bugger in your nose or something) and the other was a sales pitch to a major funder. Both would be no problem if I am prepared, however since both were kind of “big-deals” with 10 minutes each of prep time, I was less than pleased, but like any good employee I was a good soldier. Victory from the jaws of defeat.

After doing my part (because after all I am a team player) I had hoped to get some lunch. thinking that this would be easy since I had beaten the lunch rush by oh say about 3 hours. But dear reader, this is where I made one of the classic blunders; I called in to check messages.

On being a People Person:
Back to work I went. Needless to say I spent the rest of the day and not a small part of the night in the “field”. I only received two death threats and was spit on only once by a 12 year-old at my next stop of the day.

On being a Dog Lover and Medical Care:
The highlight of the rest of the day was being able to sit down to a movie and a meal at home at 11:53pm (The Big Empty, it was at least worth the rental fee, with smoked pork chops, french cut green beans with red bell peppers, and half of a left-over shrimp and tomato stuffed leak), after being discharged from the hospital where I received treatment for a concussion and a dog bite. Sadly, the kind and animal loving Mrs. John Q. Public’s was more concerned about the status of the Pit-Bull.

All in a days work, for your average humanitarian.

On why My Boss has been taken over by the Borg:
Which of course brings my to this morning, since I, JQP had worked late and was wounded in the line of duty I thought oddly enough I might just come in late. Bad, call on my part it turns out. I was just required to write an “I am so very sorry for missing the monthly ten minute program report out meeting, by two minutes” e-mail. Seems everyone else had the same idea and only 6 people showed up, my absence was missed.

On that Ad for Truck Driving School:
My sour disposition is made even more so by my pronounced limp and petty office politics. It makes me long for those care free days when I was a garbage truck driver, I should have kept that job after I finished my dissertation. Oh, well back to filling out my OSHA accident report form.

I remain, with the hope not yet beaten out of me:


The Joy of Reading:

The Things You Pick Up from Books:
I am your enemy, the first one you've ever had who was smarter than you. There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will ever tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you. I am your enemy from now on. From now on, I am your teacher.
-- Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game

Joy in a bottle and Mary on my lap, the highway ahead....

...and I aint look'en back.....

Ok, quit sending e-mails, here it is. There now go and have fun!

Your Joke of the Day:

The Survey Says
Seven bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down
to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of

Drink: Blender Drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying; ditzy, and a
pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want
to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks - no umbrellas
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows
what she wants.
Your Approach: If she wants you, she'll
send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (bottled not 4 liter cask )
Personality: Conservative and classy,
Your Approach: Try and weave Paris and
clothing into the conversation.

Drink: Alcopops
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and
sophisticated, actually has absolutely no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than
she is...and you're in.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or
looking to get drunk ...and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint.
Nothing to do but wait.

Then there is the male drink analysis....
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut.

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants
to get laid.

Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will
give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whisky: He doesn't give two shits about
anything and will hit anyone who will
get in his way of getting laid.

Tequila: Piss off, all you fucks, I'm
gonna go tag something with a pulse.

Alcopops: He's gay

Your Mental Defect for the Week:
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Diagnostic Criteria
The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following were present:
-the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others

-the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
Note: In children, this may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior
-The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
-recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions.
-Note: In young children, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed.
-recurrent distressing dreams of the event.
Note: In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.
-acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
Note: In young children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur.
-intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event

Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following:

1 efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma
2 efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
3 inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
4 markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
5 feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
6 restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
7 sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span)

Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following:

difficulty falling or staying asleep
irritability or outbursts of anger
difficulty concentrating
exaggerated startle response

Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than 1 month.
The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Specify if:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms is 3 months or more
Specify if: With Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor

(I called in with this one three times last week, it works, esp. if your a postal employee!)

The Drink of the Week:

“My Hairy Ass”
1 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. Capt. Morgan’s
3/4 oz. Apple Schnapps
3/4 oz. Peach Schnapps
Fill w/ Red Bull

Bar Trick for the Week:
Don’t Touch the Cherry Trick: It's very simple, and all bars should have the items to do it. You'll need a brandy snifter, a stem less cherry (rinsed and dried), and an ashtray . Place the snifter upside-down over the cherry. Challenge a bar guest to get the cherry into the ashtray without touching the ashtray or the cherry.

The only thing they can touch is the snifter, and the only thing the cherry can touch is the snifter. The snifter must remain inverted at all times. (Mashing the cherry on the rim is not permitted.) Note: You can use an olive instead of the cherry, and to add more Difficulty to the Trick you can use a glass of any kind instead of an ashtray, and or use obstacles that the Cherry has to go over. It's easy give it a try. Here's how its done: Simple take the snifter glass place over the cherry and begin spinning it. The centrifugal force will keep the cherry in the glass.

Your Bill for the Day:
Tempt not a desperate man. -- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

A knight jousting with windmills, I remain:


Your High Brow Crap for the Week:

Ed Note:
Dear Readers, Hope this helps to make you fit in with the rest of the "Gap meets Polo Crowd" this week. Send them my love and tell them I will bake the brownies for the next book burning!

Your Saint of the Day:
ST. JOHN OF THE CROSS: John was born in Spain in 1542. He was the son of a weaver. He went to a school for poor children and became a servant to the director of a hospital. For seven years, John worked as a servant while also studying at a Jesuit college. Even as a youth, he liked to do penance. He understood the value of offering up sufferings for the love of Jesus. When he was twenty-one, his love of God prompted him to enter the Carmelite order. With St. Teresa of Avila, St. John was chosen by God to bring a new spirit of fervor among religious. But his life was full of trials. Although he succeeded in opening new monasteries where his holy way of life was practiced, he himself was criticized.

He was even thrown into prison and made to suffer terribly. At one time, too, he had fierce temptations. God seemed to have left him alone, and he suffered greatly. Yet when these storms of trouble passed, the Lord rewarded his faithful servant. He gave him deep peace and joy of heart. John was very close to his God. In fact, the Blessed Mother herself showed John how to escape from his prison cell.

St. John had a marvelous way with sinners.

Once a beautiful but sinful woman tried to make him do wrong. He talked to her so that she was led to change her life. Another lady, instead, had such a temper that she was nicknamed "the terrible." Yet St. John knew how to calm her down by his kind manners.
St. John of the Cross asked God to let him suffer every day for love of Jesus. To reward him, Our Lord revealed himself to St. John in a special way. This saint is famous for his spiritual books which show us how to grow close to God. He died on December 14, 1591. John of the Cross was proclaimed a Doctor of the Church by Pope Pius XI in 1926.

"The gate which gives entrance to these riches of his wisdom is the cross; because it is a narrow gate, while many seek the joys that can be gained through it, it is given to few to desire to pass through it."

Your Poem for the Week:
Coronemus nos Rosis antequam marcescant

LET us drink and be merry, dance, joke, and rejoice,
With claret and sherry, theorbo and voice!
The changeable world to our joy is unjust,
All treasure's uncertain,
Then down with your dust!
In frolics dispose your pounds, shillings, and pence,
For we shall be nothing a hundred years hence.

We'll sport and be free with Moll, Betty, and Dolly,
Have oysters and lobsters to cure melancholy:
Fish-dinners will make a lass spring like a flea,
Dame Venus, love's lady,
Was born of the sea;
With her and with Bacchus we'll tickle the sense,
For we shall be past it a hundred years hence.

Your most beautiful bride who with garlands is crown'd
And kills with each glance as she treads on the ground,
Whose lightness and brightness doth shine in such splendour
That none but the stars
Are thought fit to attend her,
Though now she be pleasant and sweet to the sense,
Will be damnable mouldy a hundred years hence.

Then why should we turmoil in cares and in fears,
Turn all our tranquill'ty to sighs and to tears?
Let's eat, drink, and play till the worms do corrupt us,
'Tis certain, Post mortem
Nulla voluptas.
For health, wealth and beauty, wit, learning and sense,
Must all come to nothing a hundred years hence.
Thomas Jordan
(Man, I love his work)

Your After Work Cocktail of Choice:

Dry Rob Roy
2 oz. Scotch
1 dash Dry Vermouth
Garnish w/ an Olive

Your Greek God for the Week:
Agnostos Theos: Greek 'unknown god'. Greek cities made offerings to the 'unknown gods' so that no gods should be overlooked in religious observances. They covered all the bases, didn’t they?

Quote for the Day:
Winston could not definitely remember a time when his country had not been at war...war had literally been continuous, though strictly speaking it had not always been the same war. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil. -- George Orwell, 1984 (I have been rereading a lot of Orwell, these days...seems fitting, eh what?)

Pissing in the corners of your mind, I remain:


Monday, December 13, 2004

Gone but not forgotten

Damn it, I cant find my cell phone...
or my keys
or my chewing gum for that matter....

They were in my jacket,
I dont know where it is...

shit, think man.... wear did you last have your jacket on?

I have to catch someone before they drive home with all my shit!


On working late

I should be home around 10:00pm tonight....
Now that doesnt sound like fun does it, I hate being on-call.
That and I am back on the road this week, joy oh joy..
What really ticks me off, is that I got an early x-mas present from
Joel the Bar Man,

The whole first season of "Rockford Files"

I had really wanted to spent the night eating beef jerky and picking up some of Jim Rockfords fast paced lines. I guess there is always the weekend.


Your Poet Sage for the Week of Dec. 13th

Sweet Home Alabama
(Lynyrd Skynyrd)
Big wheels keep on turning,
carry me home to see my kinsinging songs about the southland.
I miss ole bamy once again and I think it's a sin. Yes.
Well, I heard Mister Young sing about her.
Well, I heard ole Neil put her down.
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember
a southern man don't need him around anyhow.
Sweet home Alabama where the skies are so blue.
Sweet home Alabama,
Lord, I'm coming home to you.
In Birmingham they love the Gov'nor.
Oooh hoo hoo.
Now we all did what we could do.
Now Watergate does not bother me.
Does your conscience bother you, tell the truth.
Sweet home Alabama where the skies are so blue.
Sweet home Alabama, Lord, I'm coming home to you.
Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampersand they've been known to pick a song or two.
Lord, they get me off so much,they pick me up when I'm feeling blue,
now how about you.
Sweet home Alabama where the skies are so blue.
Sweet home Alabama,
Lord, I'm coming home to you.
Sweet home Alabama where the skies are so blue.
Sweet home Alabama,
Lord, I'm coming home to you.

Monday the 13th:

On the Weekend that Was:

My meeting in Indy went well; I didn’t have to do much, other than disagree with everything that the speaker from C-Town said, it was however the long drive back on a belly full of Pizza Hut pizza served stone cold at the cafeteria in the government center, that was trying. Something about a long drive, carbohydrates, fog and rain on a winter day that will sap the life force out of you.

Upon my return to the office, I found things in a state of disarray. I used my skills of triage to solve everyone’s problems, stopping just short of my walking on water trick. I then hurried to join the hedonic and cutting edge, Mrs. John Q. Public, at a restaurant. I enjoy eating at this place, I find that they have the very best tuna steaks in the mid-west (and yes, there is such a thing as a good tuna steak in the mid-west).

After sitting there, finishing my third drink (Bombay and Tonics), the sweet and remorseful Mrs. John Q. Public called to let me know she would be running a “little” late and would I go ahead and order for her. (seems there was some kind of problem with the strip searches that her security were conducting with fans of a major rock group, whose name will not be mentioned).

So, order I did, now I don’t know if you have ever been in this situation before dear reader, but nothing says loser like having two meals sitting there getting cold in a busy expensive restaurant. So, I ate them…and dear friend nothing says double loser like eating two meals at a crowded expensive restaurant by one’s self, oh…did I mention that I happened to know not a few people dinning there that very night? It was nice of the state senator, the mayor and a colleague from the hospital to ask me to join them, but I steadfastly refused.

Three hours later, the pennant and remorseful Mrs. John Q. Public was able to catch up with me, as I bartered canned goods for table dances at a local exotic entertainment venue (it was after all a charity event).

Was a particularly busy day for me, my agent unknown to me at the time, had booked two speaking events, both after my normal Saturday morning class. Now let me paint a picture for you the reader that might not be familiar with the great state of Indiana. One presentation was at the University of Notre Dame and the other was scheduled for the Posey County Extension Agents Annual meeting, opposite ends of the state dear reader, opposite ends.

My class is done at 10:00AM if there are not many questions, there seldom are, I am very thorough, that and I find that if I teach half the class in Latin and the other half in classic Greek if keeps them on their toes (both languages of which it should be noted I only have only a very basic understanding of, oh well learn by doing that’s what I always said), and I didn’t get to be head of the Richard M. Nixon Center for Head Trauma and Research by not taking risks, however since it is a wielding class that I teach, it does cause a few unexpected results from time to time.

Given the ground I had to cover in one day I called an old friend of mine and master bush pilot “Ace of the Skies” Craven, off we went in his new acquisition picked up for a song from a gentlemen who was actively involved in the import-export business in Central and South America, now I don’t know how many of you have ever flown in a Douglas C-124C Globemaster II, that was most recently used to fly raw pork products and live chickens to and from remote airstrips in the Amazon basin, but it was an event I am sure not soon to forget.

Since the aircraft was at best poorly maintained, cleaning was as can be expected was less than say your normal Shell station men’s restroom in Mississippi. My concern for soiling my new Brooks Brother suit (3-Button Solid Italian Super 110's Wool Nested Suit, nice, very nice), was redirected, when “The Ace of the Sky’s” helped me on with my parachute and told my that due to hydraulic problems I would have to hand pump the system using a converted bicycle tire pump. Pump I did dear reader, pump I did.

My first stop was once again at University of Notre Dame, my third visit there this week (I have been at the request of a friend stationed in the Vatican, helping redesign the business curriculum and also lending a hand to the Football coach selection and interview process).

I delivered my presentation of the works of the poet John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, I greatly enjoy his collection of works, at many times he has mirrored many true life experiences that I have encountered. While some may say his poems are at times risky, dirty and/or pornographic. I however, find that they speak rather loudly and very clearly to a base human nature that it seems is very popular to repress in thought word and deed in these reactionary times, I highly recommend it for those of you who are not faint of heart, poems for that secret side of ourselves. The video aids were very well received by the standing room only audience.

Now then rounding out the days activity, we then flew to the Posey County Extension Agents Annual meeting where after a flurry of television and print interviews, not to mention the autograph hounds, I was able to make my way to the lectern there in the back room of the Denny’s.

My lecture was on Asimina triloba, a multi-stemmed shrub or small tree with short trunk and rounded top that presents a semi-tropical appearance more commonly known as the Paw Paw. Now I know the many of you know the trees average about 15' in height at maturity. It prospers in moist soils and when placed at the edge of a wooded area as an under story tree. It is recognized by its ‘sleepy’ summer foliage and nodding bright purple flowers in the spring. The unusual 3-lobed flowers are followed by a black, edible berry, with a taste similar to banana-pear with a custard consistency. This deciduous tree is growing in popularity largely because of the edible fruit it produces. These highly nutritious oval fruits get 2 to 5 inches long, and turn yellow-orange when ripe. The fruit is an excellent source of vitamins A and C. Two trees are necessary for pollination reasons. Fall color is a brilliant yellow.

A full day indeed, dear reader; upon our return, I was picked up at the airport by the Passionate and Resourceful Mrs. John Q. Public, driving her 1963 Jaguar XKE. We dined on a meal of her making, Dinte Moore beef stew, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (Velveeta added, it's her secret ingredient) canned corn with butter and for dessert Jello-Brand snack-pack assortment puddings. A taster meal never graced the table of any trailer park. The Mrs. Slept… from 6:00pm that night until mid-day Sunday.

Dear reader Sunday was a day…it was the Unflappable and Energetic Mrs. John Q. Public’s Company Christmas party and no I did not hit anyone this year. You know how they always say you should not drink and/or get drunk at company Christmas parties? Well, she never heard that bit of wisdom.

Her words this morning when I woke her with some corned beef hash and poached eggs with a celery juice cocktail, involved something along the lines of “”please kill me”, “we need some more trash bags upstairs”, “I took my bra off at the rugby bar right? not at the party”, and my personal favorite “I didn’t really French kiss the boss’s wife on the stage did I?” Once again dear reader, mistakes we made, and rest assured alcohol was a factor. Hey, baby…it’s the price you pay for living the rock and roll dream.

Today's Bill:
"Oft expectation fails, and most oft there Where most it promises; and oft it hits Where hope is coldest, and despair most fits." --From All's Well That Ends Well (II, i, 145-147)

Thoughts on Advice and the Path of Least Résistance:
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. Harry S Truman 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

I remain, ready to start a new week, full of hope and good will: