Monday, June 30, 2008

You 4th of July Holiday Week Moment of Zen:

(God Bless America)

Sunday, June 29, 2008

The realities of the new Africa

I saw this one while watching the Rugby World Cup this year...


Friday, June 27, 2008

On Rap, Convenience Stores and Nacogdoches:

(I myself make it a point to support free market economies nationwide.)

Thought for the Day:
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891

On rap, the American educational system and inner-city convenience stores:
Since my much heralded return to the bread basket of this great nation, I have noticed a rather inconsequential but noticeable change in either the hearing capabilities and/or reading levels of those I do business with (convenience stores, clergy, law officers, dry cleaners & prostitutes), or I have developed a heavy accent or perhaps a lisp.

I seems that daily in my interactions with others and I am required to use my name, they inevitably ask me “ummm, how do you spell that?” I reply, “Lets see, John Q. Public”. “How?” in reply I say “J-O-H-N Q. P-U-B-L-I-C”, you know like get a fucking clue, sound it out, buy a fucking vowel. It’s not that damn hard.

I could understand if my name we say: Hiram Xavier Fitzpatick-Carpstinkbutski (which by the way is the nom de guerre I use when traveling in Northwest Asia and Ohio, but that’s a story for another time).

Ok, the first 30 times it was no big deal, but now I am forced to ponder…is there something bigger going on and this morning dear reader, I can only come to the following, I live in the ghetto, and first hand I am able to observe the effects of loud bass driven rap in the closed confines of automobiles.

Hell, they rattle the fine china tea set I have on my Louis the VII buffet in the main hall of the manor house when they drive by. Thus, the first cause is voluntary hearing loss, I am talking like being a roady for Van Halen in the 80’s hearing loss.

Secondly, I would like to site the educational system, they coddle these kids today (think grumpy old man) when I was in school, from kindergarten on, they ran a tight ship. If you didn’t know your shit, you my friend were fucked. I spent most recesses in the classroom learning how to tie my shoes, spell, read a clock, and divide fractions (yes, high school sucked for me). But thanks to the schools iron handed discipline and frequent use of corporal punishment I now can do two of those four previously mentioned tasks.

I know it can’t be me.

Your Drink for the Week:
tray guy

Kokomo Joe Recipe
1 oz Banana Liqueur
1 oz White Rum
½ oz Cheap vodka
5 oz Orange Juice
3 oz Pina Colada Mix

Combine ingredients with one cup of crushed ice in a blender. Blend until smooth. Pour into a hurricane glass, garnish with a slice of orange, and serve. I had 9 of these little wonders one morning at the Hip-Hugger in Kokomo, Indiana. I would recommend both the strip club and the drink.

Nacogdoches Dave Cocktail Recipe
2 oz Dark Eyes Vodka
1 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Peach Schnapps
5 oz Sunny Delight

Pour ingredients into a highball glass, stir, and serve. Texan’s love their sweet drinks and I love this shit, but after 12 or so I want to puke my asshole up. Warning: do not chase this with white wine and shots of Jaeger.

Today’s Bill:
Free from gross passion or of mirth or anger
constant in spirit, not swerving with the blood,
garnish'd and deck'd in modest compliment,
not working with the eye without the ear,
and but in purged judgement trusting neither?
Such and so finely bolted didst thou seem.
William Shakespeare

Quote of the Day:Temptation rarely comes in working hours. It is in their leisure time that men are made or marred.
W. N. Taylor

I remain, standing naked in the darkened corner of your soul, playing canasta with your subconscious:

JQP esq.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Skinny Chics and High Power Weapons:

Come the revolution, me and My Flower will be just fine, it you skinny folks that need to watch out.

Behold the Sublime Power of Intellectual Curiosity:

(Well, so begins another day in the salt minds of your soul)

Thought of the Day:
Truth is what stands the test of experience.
Albert Einstein

JQP on Four Timely Subjects:

Granted my horse in the race won, but I see some pit falls ahead for Mr. Obama. 1) Those stupid remarks cutting working class white voters (guns, God, etc..) will be played over and over again. 2) Changing course on campaign funding, smart but is going to bite him in the ass. 3) His hot wife, who just happens to be smart. 4) His lunatic ex-preacher, now they tell me he is a Muslim, but they also say he has a Baptist preacher? Where the fuck is that at in the Koran?

Fist Slam:
First off, when I was in AZ this thing swept the state; from Republican golfers to Indians selling baskets along the road. So, imagine my surprise when Fox News tells me it’s a secret terrorist hand shake and I thought the fucking Masons were odd with theirs. For the record, I refuse to bump fists, I do the whole Dap, ‘cause I am down with it that way.

VP Bets:
The Big O will make the choice of Edwards, McCain, will bow to pressure and pick up the Mormon who wears special underwear.

Toenails and Sandals:
Ok, fucking gross me the fuck out…if you’re a dude, trim your toe nails before you throw on some sandals, I am tired of seeing shit packed in your big toenail. Women, same goes with you. I was at a bar a few weeks back and this chic looked like she had on Lee Press-on Toenails, shit she would cut your feet off if you ever slept with her. Good foot hygen show attention to detail.
Here is a fucking clue, toes are not fucking sexy, dirty long toenails are down right gross…if you have to put them where I can see them at least trim and clean ‘em.

Your Recipe for the week:

Mediterranean Grilled Salmon
Serve with: Serve the salmon steaks with a Macedonian salad and a crusty French bread.
Serving: 4 more or less

5 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh basil
1 teaspoon sea salt or Kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black or white pepper
Four 6-ounce salmon steaks
Lemon wedges, split green olives for serving

Mix together the olive oil, lemon juice, parsley, basil, salt, and pepper in a bowl until well combined. Marinate the salmon steaks in the mixture, covered, in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes.

Cook the salmon on a hot grill for 3 1/2 minutes on each side, brushing with the marinade. Serve the salmon with lemon wedges for squeezing.

Make sure the cooking surface is really hot so the fish can sear quickly and seal in the juices to keep it deliciously moist on the inside.

If your Salmon is frozen, 24 hours before you plan to cook start thawing it in the refrigerator in a bowl with filled with enough milk to cover it. Put plastic rap over it or a lid.

Macedonian Salad
Serving: 4

4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon sea salt or Kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, and extra for garnish
3 ripe tomatoes, cut into quarter wedges
1/2 red onion, sliced into rings and halved
1/2 cucumber, sliced lengthwise, then cut into thick half-moons
1/2 red or yellow bell pepper, julienne
16 pitted kalamata (or pitted black) olives
6 ounces feta cheese, cut into small cubes
1 Artichoke heart, oil packed, diced.

Place the olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, oregano, salt, and pepper in a small jar with a screw-top lid and shake to combine.

Place the tomatoes, onion, cucumber, bell pepper, olives, and cheese in a large bowl. Pour the dressing over the salad and toss gently to combine, just before serving. Garnish with a little freshly ground black pepper

Today’s Bill:
Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men, and such as sleep o' nights:
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look;
He thinks too much: such men are dangerous.
William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar", Act 1 scene 2

Quote of the Day:
How can you come to know yourself? Never by thinking, always by doing. Try to do your duty, and you'll know right away what you amount to.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I remain as trendy a pearl buttons on cowboy shirts:

JQP esq.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

John Prine With Iris Dement - In Spite Of Ourselves

My Flower and I have a song that does us justice, I am just crazy about that girl of mine.

Mistakes were made and Alcohol was a Factor:

home work
(I have penned some of the most definitive operation manuals my field has ever seen in the past three months. Yes, dear reader you are in the presence of greatness.)

Thought for the Day:
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.

Where the hell have I been? Well, let me tell you:

I have been selling Bibles coast to coast.

My Flower lost our ass on the Belmont Stakes.

I have been in OR, TN, KY, GA, MA, CA (and Dusty, I feel just right at home in Bakersfield)

I had dinner and way to much to drink with a Japanese American whose Dad was a Green Beret in Nam and friends with my Dad, and we knew each other in elementary school at Ft. Bragg.

I borrowed a cyclo from in front of an Asian restaurant and made 83 cents giving patrons rides to their cars.

I kissed a stripper and now have sores on my lips.

I dislocated my shoulder and cracked three ribs, while going across a RR bridge on my hands (I fell).

I firmly believe that both Pat Sajak and Andy Williams were members of the John Birch Society.

I have 14 kinds of hot peppers and 9 different types of heirloom tomatoes growing in my kitchen garden.

I got into a friendly fist fight on my birthday after drinking a bottle of hard liquor.

I got to meet 6 members of the New Haven Law Enforcement community and one Police Dog.

I don’t care much for Police Dogs.

While drinking at an establishment that caters to gentlemen of a different complexion, I was given a 10 pound catfish.

My Flower bought me a surplus medics kit, she keeps in her purse, see I told you she loves me.

The good folks of Unadilla, GA elected me Mayor.

I competed in a Highland Game; I am a telephone pole tossing fool.

The people I work for gave me two new jobs and are threatening to have me move back to Phoenix.

I helped coach My Flowers rugby team, to what turned out to be a resounding defeat.

I saw My Flower take joy in hurting others, I was so proud.

I got drunk in the Rugby Bar naked and they wouldn’t kick me out.

I have been sober a record 4 days now and my liver and I are speaking again (thanks Dr. Phil)

Intervention in my circle of friends often starts with cocktails and ends up with shots…

Today’s Bill:
Leave her to heaven
And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge,
To prick and sting her.
William Shakespeare, "Hamlet", Act 1 scene 5

Quote of the Day:
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, from Self-Reliance

I remain much like the pocket like space under the fly opening of a pair of tighty whiteys, useful for hiding things from others but embarrassing to reach:

JQP esq.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner

My mother used to sing this to me when I was but a wee' lad. To this day, it brings a tear to me' eyes...

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Well I never....

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The South

That's a Southern accent you've got there. You may love it, you may hate it, you may swear you don't have it, but whatever the case, we can hear it.

The Midland
The Inland North
The West
The Northeast
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz