Wednesday, November 30, 2005

On Prostitution and Mountain Biking:

Thought for the Day:
Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
Alan Watts

The Pacifier

A Somewhat Normal Day:
Yesterday after work I went to my favorite bar in the company of Pastor Bob. Pastor Bob is a man of many hobbies. His latest involves small arms and import and export licenses. What started out as a friendly Hot Toddy on a cold Indiana afternoon, quickly turned into a sales pitch reminiscent of high pressure time-share salesmen.

He wants to start a company and wants myself and a group on like minded individuals with certain skill sets to become investors and partners. After about an hour of his pitch, we were joined at the bar by M. Chamberlain, News Paper Man who brought welcome relief.

I was able to engage him in conversation about something other than projectile velocity and combat weight of currently fielded weapons systems. M. Chamberlain gave me the recaps of BBG’s Notre Dame Party and we naturally started discussing bowl game picks. After about a half an hour of this I left, Tuesday is after all the night I knit socks for the soldiers.

It was on my way home that fate played her hand. I suddenly got the urge to stop by one of the drinking establishments that caters to gentlemen of a different cultural background than my own. I am known in many places, this being one of them.

Upon arriving I told the bartender that it was nice to see the place without the customary Police Line Do Not Cross tape that often is stretched around the parking lot, his reply was that it had been a slow holiday weekend.

I like this place, its one of the few places you can still get pickle pigs feet and hot pickled eggs for 50 cents. While enjoying my Colt 45 Malt liquor and pigs feet, I was engaged in conversation by a gentleman who has in his employ several sex workers. Not knowing many pimps, I was intrigued. We spoke of his business and the ups and downs of the sex trade. It seems the worse the economy is the better his business is. He asked me if I was in the market for any of the full range of services that he could provide. I polity declined, however I did find his rates most reasonable.

He then asked if I was “in the market for any bikes”, “bikes?” I said, yes bikes. I told him I don’t have children, he replied, how about adult mountain bikes; new still in the box. “Just fell off the truck yesterday”. Well, not being one to pass a good deal, I followed him to his place of business, which oddly was right next to my one of my favorite Vietnamese restaurants. I met three of the nice ladies he had working for him, so nice in fact they helped load the bicycles into my truck (I am after all a disable veteran and my knee is giving me problems). My loving bride and I are now the proud owners of two brand new mountain bikes, both bought for the grand total of 30 dollars for the pair at a local bordello. All done before 6:30 on a Tuesday night.

Now other wives might be somewhat taken aback by the odd turn of events the day had in store for me. Not my wife, my flower was more than pleased with my purchase. Even enjoying the story about how the bikes came into my possession. Her statement was “don’t you wish you would have had someone with you, because you’re the only person I know of that this kind of shit happens to”. I told my flower that I didn’t need someone there to validate my story; riding on my new bike will be validation enough.

After that, we enjoyed a meal of hamburger steaks, homemade biscuits and fresh green vegetables (my loving wife cooked it all by herself). After such a fulfilling meal we found ourselves retiring to the master chambers to watch Law and Order until sleep took us. Yes, dear reader we were in bed asleep by 9pm. Such is just another day in the life of yours truly.

Today’s Bill:
"How now? A rat? Dead, for a ducat, dead!"
--From Hamlet (III, iv, 23)

Quote of the Day:
In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
Marlene Dietrich

I remain, gently tapping, tapping at the chamber door:

JQP esq.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Today is a test of my Management Skills:

As a result, I am off doing what they pay me to do, ie: perform miracles with little or no support. Add to that, that I fucked up my knee hauling firewood last night and you have a recipe for a very interesting day, much like the time in chemistry you decided to mix all the chemicals to see what colors they would make and they ended up having to evacuate the school. Happy Tuesday, only 3 more to go, children.


Monday, November 28, 2005

I miss Walking Around in a Robe a Silk Pajamas all Day:

Thought for the Day:
Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.
Franklin D. Roosevelt, radio address, October 26, 1939

my Aunt and Uncle
(Now wasn’t that fun spending time with family and all, just think you get to do it all again in a few short weeks.)

A Brief Overview of the Public Thanksgiving Holiday.
I took last Wednesday off, to prepare for the trip on the Great White North, which as in typical Thanksgiving fashion required that my flower and I drive through a blinding snow storm. Thursday, we ate and left, so we could play dodge ball with the truck drivers, to see who was going to get the best position in the ditch. I didn’t get there early enough for the annual dog hunt, so my fears of being shot in the face by a drunken UP’er were unfounded. There are few things like a white-knuckle drive after a day of family time.

On Friday, J. Thom the Jazz man and his family stopped by on their way back down to Memphis. Yes, my Goddaughter is just cute as all hell. After dinner, we were able to escape from the loving embrace of our wives and made or way to my favorite bar followed by a quick tour of the Rugby Bar. We were joined for this evening of fun and frivolity by Irizarry, Sky Captain, and Tiny, plus the usual hanger-on’ers and camp followers.

On a side note: I for the third year in a row won the “17th Annual Show us you Tongue Contest”, which qualified me to move onto National Semifinals. However, being the slow learner that I am, I once again learned that pain pills and large quantities of distilled liquors to not mix.

Saturday, I slept in and woke to a made breakfast, (thanks to J. Tom, some house guests are ok to have). We saw them off and then went back to bed for a much needed nap. After which I my flower and I had tea, spending the rest of the day, relaxing and getting to know each other in a Biblical fashion.

We had mixed feelings about skipping BBG’s ND party, but the down time was much needed. My love and I built a fire and watched the game, damn brothers and sisters that was a game to watch. On another note, USF won again, it is looking like we might get a chance to meet up with our arch rival a small Catholic college football power house from Montana. If so, Pete the Fire Man, Matt the Cop and I are going to make the trip to watch some kick-ass football.

Then on Sunday, I spent wife my wife shopping, which is right up there with getting my teeth drilled with out the benefit of Novocain. But it’s what she wanted to do and I being the good husband complied. After a day of shopping I got the rare opportunity to brush my flowers hair while she ate sweet potato pie and watched Chic-Flicks on TV. There is something to be learned here, don’t bet against football game half way through.

Which takes me to today, a Monday back in the salt mines of my soul. Friends there is much labor to be done, the holidays season is always busy for us in the world of human services. So, dear reader off to my daily struggle while wishing you a very fine week.

Today’s Bill:
Against my love shall be, as I am now,
With Time's injurious hand crush'd and o'er-worn;
When hours have drain'd his blood and fill'd his brow
With lines and wrinkles; when his youthful morn
Hath travell'd on to age's steepy night,
And all those beauties whereof now he's king
Are vanishing or vanish'd out of sight,
Stealing away the treasure of his spring;
For such a time do I now fortify
Against confounding age's cruel knife,
That he shall never cut from memory
My sweet love's beauty, though my lover's life:
His beauty shall in these black lines be seen,
And they shall live, and he in them still green.

Quote for the Day:
If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.
Bertrand Russell

I remain, much like the in inappropriate Monkey at the Zoo, of your Psyche:

JQP esq.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I spend my days Polishing the Brass on a Sinking Ship:

buggy boat
Thanksgiving Greetings from Northern Indiana!

Thought for the Day:
There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
Mark Twain

Last Post for Few Days:
prego ice bath
I am off to the UP to join my wife’s primitive tribal people for their annual dog hunt, a delicacy they find quite tasty. Oddly, since many of them don’t own a pair of shoes, internet access will be limited to say the least. I would like to take this moment to wish everyone a well earned day of thankfulness. J. Tom the Jazz Man and his wife Sweet-Pea and my God Daughter, Sweet Potato are coming up from Memphis Friday for a visit. Until we meet again, may good food, company and drink, grace your table.

Your Recipes for the Holiday and After:

Blackberry Dumplings
This dish is not made with pie crust but with ordinary biscuit dough, made just a trifle shorter than usual. Roll the dough out a little thinner than for biscuit, on a well-floured cloth. Cover the top of the dough with a thick layer of fresh, ripe blackberries. Roll the dough and berries up and tie the whole in the cloth on which it was rolled. Put the whole thing in a pot of briskly boiling water. Bring it back to boiling point as quickly as possible and then cook steadily until done. While the dumplings boil, make a sweet sauce as follows: Take 1 1/2 cups of top milk, one cupful of sugar, 1/4 cup of butter. Cook together thoroughly and flavor by putting in sprigs and leaves of mint, which have been bruised. Remove the mint leaves before serving the sauce, which should be served hot on slices of the boiled dumplings.

Mama Stamberg's Cranberry Relish Recipe
(I am after all a NPR fan and yes this is good)

2 cups raw cranberries
1 small onion
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup sour cream
2T Red Horseradish

Grind the cranberries & onion together. Add remaining ingredients and mix. Put in a plastic container and freeze. Thanksgiving morning (or even the night before), move the container from the freezer to the refrigerator compartment to thaw (it should still have some little icy slivers left). The relish will be thick, creamy, and shocking pink (OK, Pepto Bismol pink). Makes 1 1/2 pints!

Dobbs Himself’s Small Batch Beef Stew
From the drunken ramblings of a great American and friend in the collective unconscious, a recipe for you.

1.5 lbs. London broil
4 small potatoes cubed
3 pieces garlic minced
2 medium size onions chopped
1 bag organic carrots
1 can whole kernel corn
Bag of green beans or broccoli chopped
2 cans beef broth
salt and pepper to taste

Cook meat, onions, potatoes, for a hour in a big old pot with 2 cans beef broth and then add all veggies. cook on low to medium for another 2 hours then mix 1/4 cup flour with some water in a cup and mix it, add it to the stew and presto you have done a Dobbs stews. He recommends that you then smoke a “doobie” and have a Bombay and Tonic and a foot massage, before dinning.

Your Mail Order Bride for the Thanksgiving Holiday Weekend:
(…Domestic Violence Bruising is such a turn on…)

Random thoughts:
Trench War

I really hate Mitch Daniels.

I like the Amish

Coffee Black, Folgers

I have rather large glaring issues with my family.
Example: all my brothers and sisters, got their baby clothes, all carefully put away and stored at my grandparents, however when I enquired about mine, I was told “oh, your stuff we gave to the Mexicans”.

I am permanently banned from Graceland

I dip snuff; as a matter of fact I am dipping right now.

Mail Pouch adds from the turn of the century still make me giggle.

I look at porn

I cuss way to much, but not as much has my loving and potty mouthed wife.

I have a large collection of antique post cards for no apparent reason.

I also have large collection of the following: modern art done by very modern artists and old photos of people I am not related to.

I read too much.

I am not a handyman

I can and have shoed a horse and harnessed a team.

Sometimes, I miss the Army.

I think I am related to Fulkner

I like being Catholic, most days.

I drink a lot of Sweet Tea

John Coaltrain kicks my ass

French should only be spoken by people who know how to speak it.

I have pretty green eyes.

Having sex in order to procreate can often become a part time job and is often looked forward to with has much enthusiasm, by both parties.

I love football, but the only sport I ever played was Rugby.

I have been in to many fistfights and it’s not something I am proud of.

I really do love my family.

I don’t fart

I miss Hunter S. Thomson

I don’t smoke pot

I really, really, love my wife, she is my best friend and no I am not kissing ass.

I like waking up early.

Today, I am wearing my grandfather’s cardigan.

I used to hunt, I don’t anymore

I am very proud of my friends.

I was told yesterday, that I excel in systems thinking and I have no idea what the fuck they were talking about.

Rumplemintz is like crack to me

I don’t eat red beets, squid, organ meats, or anchovies.

I learned how to drive in 48 Ford pick-up and a Model 50 John Deere.

I love to cook. Ergo, I love to eat.

I am haunted by things I have done and/or seen done and that’s ok.

I miss my dad.

I really miss South Carolina.

I hate the student loan people.

I love bean soup & cornbread.

I smoke a pipe.

I enjoy Cream of Wheat

I know lots of very odd people.

I think that “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
madness, starving hysterical naked,…” is one of the best opening lines for a poem.

Your Drinks for Thanksgiving:

tray guy

Absinthe Cocktail
(Yes, you can import up to two bottles for your own personal consumption in the US)

Drink Ingredients:
1 tsp. Sugar
1 Egg White
1 1/2 oz. Absinthe

Garnish with lemon twist or a Shrunken Head

Cafe Diable
(Nice in front of a fire place or a trash can fire)
Drink Ingredients:
5 oz. Rum
2 tbs. Sugar
2 Orange Peel
2 Cinnamon
5 cup Coffee
10 Whole cloves

Place all ingredients except the coffee in a chafing dish. Heat gently, stirring constantly. Ignite and allow to burn for 1 minute. Slowly add coffee. Ladle into cups, remove the spices. Makes 4-6 servings.

Queen of Scots
(College kids and old ladies love this one)

Drink Ingredients:
1 tsp. Lemon Juice
1 tsp. Sugar
0.5 tsp. Chartreuse
0.5 tsp. Curacao
2 tsp. Water
2 oz. Scotch

Combine sugar and water, stir until dissolved, then add lemon juice and scotch, and stir. Pour into cocktail glass filled with ice and float green chartreuse and blue Curacao, for plaid effect.

There will be no, No-Love-Thursday meeting this week, in observance of the national Holiday, suffice to say across this great land, there will be more than enough No-Love” shown on this holiday

Today’s Bill:
Those hours, that with gentle work did frame
The lovely gaze where every eye doth dwell,
Will play the tyrants to the very same
And that unfair which fairly doth excel:
For never-resting time leads summer on
To hideous winter and confounds him there;
Sap cheque'd with frost and lusty leaves quite gone,
Beauty o'ersnow'd and bareness every where:
Then, were not summer's distillation left,
A liquid prisoner pent in walls of glass,
Beauty's effect with beauty were bereft,
Nor it nor no remembrance what it was:
But flowers distill'd though they with winter meet,
Leese but their show; their substance still lives sweet.

Quote for the Day:
They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers.
David Assael

I remain, your ever present internal voice of bravado:

JQP esq.

On Drinking:

Its not often that someone forwards me something this valuable, respectfully submitted for your edification:

Hangover rating system

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able
to function relatively well. However, you are still parched.
You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are
craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You
may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The
coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is
still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House
excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are
definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her
perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic
friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were
home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a
gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late 3D and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover, (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the upchuck out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.

Death sounds pretty good about right now....


British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

Monday, November 21, 2005

Juggling for fun and Profit:

Thought for the Day:
Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!
Theodore Roosevelt

16 b and w

On Friday, I left work around 3 and went home to work on stuff around the house. All, in fact I succeeded in doing was taking a nice long nap. My pretty and kind bride arrived home around 6:30 to a meal of spaghetti and meat balls, garlic bread and Caesar salad. After which we went for a walk and upon returning to the manor, built a fire and enjoyed some tea and a few good books. Such is the wild and action pacted lifestyle of the Family Public on a chilly Indiana Friday.
Saturday, we both had to work in the morning, her promoting some new boy band, myself teaching. My class sucked, it was like talking to a room of zombies, for starters it was a very small class only 6 people. Its find it’s hard to get a small group engaged, 12 to 30 its much easier, you’ll always have someone who cant keep their mouth shut and that at least will get the others talking and asking questions. We got done early, so I went home to await my flower.

When she returned, flushed with success, from a well timed and executed promotion, we adjourned to the abode of Baba Ganouj Girl for the ND game, while listening to the USF game on the radio. M. Chamberlain News Paper Man, proved himself a force to be reckoned with in the kitchen with his secret recipe Meatless Sloppy Joes. Also in attendance were land O’ Lakes Girl and her children. Kids have some really kick ass toys these days, shit all my parents ever gave me to play with was a rock and used razor blade and a sack of old marshmallows.

After the game, my wife and I went unfashionablely shopping at K-Mart. I love K-Mart, it’s the low-brow Walmart. I bought 7 pairs of hunting socks (you know the kind with the hunter orange tops) and a bag of apples. Shopping finished, off we went to the Macedonian Road House, where my loving bride and I were joined by Tiny and the Giant Irishman.

My flower dined on home made chicken and noodles and I on sauerkraut, boiled potatoes and pork roast, dear reader, it was most tasty. We fished it off with some pickled green tomatoes (you can not go there with out eating some form of pickled farm produce.

Sunday morning I went to the early Mass, while my wife sleep in, I assume she found her sleep refreshing, due to the fact that upon my return she called on me to perform my husbandly duties before she would make breakfast. After, such a satisfying morning, I left her company to travel to the hinterlands and spend time with my extended family.

The continuing sage of dividing the personal property of deceased loved ones:
Once again I made the Trek South to the Old-Place and spent Sunday with those of whom I share a partial genetic coding with.

It was the day when all of us were there, thusly we were able to divide up everything. However, not without some hurt feelings along the way. I went from room to room and pointed at something, if they were the only one who wanted it, they got it, and if anyone else wanted it they then had to roll dice, high roll wins.

Now this might seem like a full proof plan, but for several things, most of the family came heavily armed (it's deer season, you know) and my family loves to gamble (a bug, I have not picked-up, thank the Lord, I have enough monkeys on my back). The end result was that they were rolling dice over everything, even at one point mistakenly rolling for a box of trash we had not yet carried to the burn pile. So, what should over taken at most a few hours, took all day.

I however, came up a winner (which, you the avid reader know is my way). I got a new freezer (which I think upset my older sister, who had wanted to give it to her son, even to the point of saying "hey, we will give you a deer, if you give us the freezer", to which I replied, "now, just what in the fuck, am I going to put that deer in, since currently I don’t have a freezer?") 12 beats snake-eyes, the freezer is mine.

I also won: an antique dinning room set, two old oak kitchen tables, a new sofa, those two chairs with the wild floral print that sat in the front room that no one was ever allowed to go into, a bar set, a brass duck (life-size), a spittoon, two pipe racks and 10 pipes, three cardigan sweaters (new), Playboys from the 60’s and 70’s (I like the articles), two coffee tables and commercial mixer, (my loving wife will now learn to bake bread). So, now it’s moving all the stuff from down there to up here and finding room for it.

I am on the road and then in meetings. Big deal, high power meetings, that will tell me a nature of what my work will be like for the next few years. Got to love reorganization and Federal/State funding streams.

Your Bush Bashing for the Day:
bush head

Your Bill for the Day:
My words fly up, my thoughts remain below.
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.
William Shakespeare

Quote for the Day:
Natural ability without education has more often attained to glory and virtue than education without natural ability.

I remain, the Red Headed Step-child at the Family Picnic:

JQP esq.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Looking and feeling my best on a Friday:

Thought for the Day:
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

Make your own Caption:
a boy and his dog
(Sensing an opportunity for quick cash, Teku broght his pet hyena to the village.)

I am on the Road:
North, then West… as a result, I don’t have the time or presence of mind to write a lot. Suffice to say, there were many blogable moments during last evenings NLT celebration. I would at this point, I would like to give Pastor Bob a shout-out, and thank him for the Mexican beverage theme for the evening (rot in hell you prick). I would also this morning, like to thank the rabid cat who must have at some point urinated in my mouth. Yes, children I am looking and feeling my very best.

I invite those of you who were there to describe your favorite moments of the evening, either on your own blogs or in the comment section, those of you who were not there, please feel free to make up your own stories of the nights activity.

In other News:
I have to teach Saturday morning again, so there goes half the day. My bride told me before we went to sleep that she has to work all day Sat. Might have to trek over to BBG’s house for the ND party, but then again I also got invited to the USF game, truth be known, the USF game will be a bit more of a show, the boys just finished their 4th undefeated regular season, first of the national title playoff games and its right here in River City. Also, Tiny is tailgating and can get me in free. But then I don’t like the cold, so who knows.

tray guy

Your Drinks for the Week:

Lactating Black Irish
2 parts Irish whiskey (Bushmill's Black Bush)
2 parts Kahlua
1 Maraschino cherry
Pour Over Ice cubes
Mixing instructions:
Stir ingredients and let sit for one minute.

Foxy Brown’s Orgasm
1/4 shot Sloe gin
1/4 shot Blue Curacao
1/4 shot Peach schnapps
1/4 shot Vodka

Black is my heart, so to are the drinks for the week. I had five of these last night. Warning: do not have more than two if you have do things like breathe or get up the next day.

Your Bill for the Day:
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.
William Shakespeare

Quote of the Day:
There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness.
Franz Kafka

I remain, chanting the mantra “Mistakes were made and alcohol was a factor”:

JQP esq.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Its a Bitter Cold No-Love-Thursday:

Thought for the Day:
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Ode to Festus:
I would like to dedicate this post to a man who had a large influence in my childhood. This one’s for you Festus. A man, who got no love in his life, even from Ms. Kitty the town whore, but episode after action packed episode of Gunsmoke, somehow managed to maintain his dignity, while saving Marshall Matt Dillon’s ass. Plus, the old boy had a pretty cool mule.

Tonight right after my labors in the Salt-Mine, I plan to walk across to my favorite bar and attend the weekly meeting of the No-Love-Thursday Drinking Club and Mutual Aid Society. Yes, I should enter the decompression chamber around 4:00 pm, good Lord willing. I know not, at this early hour who plans to be in attendance, but I do know dear reader, I am ready. More than ready has my loving and petite bride said this morning “fuck, you are in rare form today”. Who wouldn’t be after watching the boy king and the puppet master on TV last night.

What Today Means’ to Me, By JQP esq.
It is once again the day of the week when we celebrate our shitty jobs, our crappy relationships, our unrealized dreams, politics, religion and the issues of the day. With perhaps some shots and a song or two thrown in for good measure (we are after all a very musical people).

JQP is boiling the water; it’s up to you to make the soup. Show someone you care, be a prick, an asshole, rude, inconsiderate SOB, say something scaring, today is the day for karmic payback for all the injustices that have been put upon you.

Tonight, right after work, we get to do it in the company of friends, Gestalt for the Drinking set, yes, Virginia, the big kids at the back of the bus are going to blow off steam. It is after all easier than climbing a tower and trying to aim a high powered rifle with a pair of panty hose pulled over your head.

Going with my Festus theme today, I bring you your weekly Bush bashing:
Bush Festus
(see even I give No-Love to Festus)

Today’s Bill:
"Et tu, Brute?"
--From Julius Caesar (III, i, 77)

Quote for the Day:
You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
Aristophanes, Knights, 424 B.C.

I remain, the Driver of the Short Bus of your Self-Esteem:

JQP esq.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Winter Arrives:

Thought for the Day:
Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. Mark Twain

midgets wrestling
At first the long term effects of repeated exposure to performance enhancing drugs among pre-school age children was not evident.

In Local News:
The old rhyme “we are all in our places, with bright smiling faces” does in fact not apply to me. I am taking the day off, yes a self granted perk, a day of rest and recuperation, of reading in front of a fire and eating steaks. This truth be known has more to do with health than laziness. I still have not beaten this damn bug and now I have a fever. So, my body is telling me to slow the fuck down and oddly, today I will listen.

After Work:
Last night I went to my favorite bar with Pastor Bob for fortification against the coming storms. We ended up arguing about early Jewish rituals and the current liturgy of the Coptic Church (I won). He had to leave early, it seems he had to enter a ginger bread house he made in a local holiday contest (he proudly told me he came in 3rd last year).

Has he was walking out, M. Chamberlain and BBG walked in, they were a bit long in the face do in large part to a motivational speech they had to listen to at work. That and he recently got another rejection letter from a publisher on his magnum opus “101 Everyday uses of Toenail Clippings; One Mans Story of Self Discovery”.

I was home by 6 and cooked some Jerked Shrimp with zucchini and tomatoes. I sat and watched the storm blow through, while reading and drinking some Earl Gray. My loving bride, returned from her labors at around 11:30, saying that oddly she enjoyed her evenings activities. She was a judge at an amateur pole dancing contest, proceeds going to Hurricane Relief, anything for a charity. Off to bed we went enjoying the sleep of angels.

Today’s Bill:
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.
William Shakespeare

Quote for the Day:
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.

I remain, disillusioned with Publishers Clearing House:

JQP esq.

Recipes for the Week:

It’s cold, so its time for JQP to start cooking some foods that stick to the ribs while satisfying the soul. And coming for a long line or poor people, here is a meal that not only is damn tasty and easy to make, its cheap as all-hell.

Hoosier Rolled Steak

1 1/2 lb skirt steak (I like cheap meat), in one piece (750g for you across the pond)
2 bacon rashers, chopped (I love the word rashers)
4 slices spicy salami, chopped
1/2 cup cooked wild rice
2 hard-boiled eggs, chopped
1 tablespoon Real Mayonnaise
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon course ground pepper
1/2 teaspoon Allspice
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
2 tablespoon sherry

How To:

1. Trim steak and beat with a meat cleaver or a rolling pin.

2. Gently fry bacon and salami, combine with rice, chopped hard-boiled eggs, mayonnaise, salt, pepper and ginger and mix well.

3. Spread rice mixture over steak, roll up carefully and secure with skewers.

4. Place meat roll in a roasting dish, pour sherry over and cover with lid or with aluminium foil.

5. Place in a 350-375°F (180 or so for you metric readers) moderate oven and bake for 1 hour.

6. Remove from roasting dish and serve hot in slices with green vegetables and new potatoes or root vegetables .

7. Make a gravy from pan juices, if desired (I do)

JQP’s Mum’s Yorkshire Pudding
(Well, what do you do with that gravy, JQP?)

¼ cup of bacon dripping
½ cup milk
1 egg, well-beaten
½ cup sifted all-purpose flour
¼ teaspoon salt
Dash of pepper if you want (I do, but then again I add pepper to everything)

How To:

1. Pre-heat oven, Temp: 450º F If you use a glass pie plate turn the heat down to 425°F.

2. Now combine well-beaten egg and milk; beat till light. Gradually beat in sifted flour and salt; beat with egg beater till smooth. Let stand 10 minutes.

3. Put about 2 tablespoons bacon dripping into pan or divided up between 6 large muffin tins or into an 8"x8" pan. Heat in oven, make sure you watch pan as it will start to burn, and that’s no good. Pour batter into hot pan; bake in hot over till done. Serves 4.

4. The trick is the hot fat and the hot oven. Don't keep opening the oven to check. Time: 10 - 15 min.

5. Timing is everything you have to serve immediately or it will deflate as it gets cold. Pour your beef gravy over top.

Mary Magdalene

On another Note:
Mary M.

It’s November, and the Saint of the Month is Mary Magdalene. I have not forgotten., not at all. In honor of memory, this cold day, I drink a soulful cup, to you and to have known if only for a time.

But then again Bill always says it better:

So is it not with me as with that Muse
Stirr'd by a painted beauty to his verse,
Who heaven itself for ornament doth use
And every fair with his fair doth rehearse
Making a couplement of proud compare,
With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems,
With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare
That heaven's air in this huge rondure hems.
O' let me, true in love, but truly write,
And then believe me, my love is as fair
As any mother's child, though not so bright
As those gold candles fix'd in heaven's air:
Let them say more than like of hearsay well;
I will not praise that purpose not to sell.


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Wishing I had a Fur Coat to keep me Warm:

(since hair is one of, if not the primary theme today)

A good looking woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a pub on a Thursday night in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

pits and a smile

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of the bar, a steely-eyed JQP slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the one and the same JQP slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the pretty ballerina another drink!"

Then Joel the Barman approached JQP and said, "I say, old man, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her -- the ballerina?"

pit in paint

JQP replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

Adapted from Eye at

Stringing Barbed Wire and setting out Trip Flares:

Thought for the Day:
There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

pay for sex
(There are many valid arguments has to why prostitution should be legal in the US, I to-date have found none more powerful than this.)

On the Subject of Prostitution:
Something that I have mixed fellings about is the fact for most of my friends, I bought them their first prostitute. You know back in the day when all we had to worry about was the dose of the clap. Yes, I took many a young men on their first trip to “Happy Fingers Health Massage & Asian Spa” (Open 7 days a week, 9a to 3a.).

While not a user of the services provided today (who the hell these days has disposable income, that and I find, internet porn and masturbation more than met any unexpected needs), I do see the merits in taking some corn feed and hand spanked, young college boys and showing him a little bit about the world. Mostly how to act and treat people with respect. I think it was easier me taking them than them learning about such places the way I did at an equally impressionable age while wearing the uniform of this great nation.

I think that legalized prostitution would be an easier sell than legalized marijuana and more people by far smoke dope. Hell, legalize them both and tax the hell out of them. We have to pay for this war somehow. Then again this could all be a rationalization for past behavior, if that’s the case I have so very much more on my plate than this that keeps me up at nights.

The Weather:
Yes, I am bloging about the weather. Indiana’s weather fucking sucks. Its this early and they are talking about highs today of 64, followed by thunderstorms, hail and high winds, add to that tornados. Tomorrow, they are calling for a high of 38, rain tuning to sleet, followed by an inch of snow. If someone from the south is reading this, please help me find a job. These damn yankees mean to kill me up here.

On Today:
I am on the road today and when I am not on the road I am going to be up to my wee’ lil ass in paper work, thusly I bid you fare thee well, as you a fellow traveler take on the days trials.

Your Bill for the Day:
"All the infections that the sun sucks up
From bogs, fens, flats, on Prosper fall, and make him
By inch-meal a disease!"
--From The Tempest (II, ii, 1-3)

Quote for the Day:
There is no den in the wide world to hide a rogue. Commit a crime and the earth is made of glass. Commit a crime, and it seems as if a coat of snow fell on the ground, such as reveals in the woods the track of every partridge, and fox, and squirrel.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (yes, I am still on a Emerson kick)

I remain, nose to the grind stone of public service:

JQP esq.

Monday, November 14, 2005

A brief recap of the people, places and events that make up my fast paced lifestyle.

Thought for the Day:
Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air…
Ralph Waldo Emerson

class presd

Last No-Love Thursday: After being told by a vast majority of fellow members of this most esteemed of drinking clubs that they would not be in attendance, I had planed to go and have one or two with Sky Captain, since it is hard to find the boy with both feet on the ground.

It was on my walk over that I was accosted by Irizarry (proving once again that if you say has name three times he will appear and if not appear, bang his head against a wall much like a moth drawn to a flame, either is a satisfactory result I have found and a source of much amusement). Add to that M. Chamberlain and BBG, both of whom said they couldn’t make it and you have a core group of celebrants.

After some good natured discourse and fermented hops I left, having other duties to perform (like to spend my free time knitting socks for the soldiers and/or reading to the blind). I have said it before and I will say it again, dear reader if you build it they will come. I will trust both Irizarry and Sky Capt. to post on some of the stories that were told, I am still cracking up over one in particular.

Friday was a day if which I had to teach all morning. When I teach I pace; I can’t stand still. I find it helps because it keeps my students focused but the end result is my knee always hurts like hell after about two hours of this behavior. This class was four hours long, thus I went home, took a pill and tripped to the light fantastic, that is until my loving bride got home (hell, it was after all Veterans Day, damnit).

We then went shopping and started preparing the much needed supplies for the event of the weekend, our turn to host the ND/whoever is playing St. Francis Party. Dear reader, I found myself prepping ribs and icing beers until the wee’ hours of the morning.

Which takes me to Saturday. I once again had to teach in the morning. Another four hour class of eager cheerful minds henceforth, the problem. Who was going to cook the 25 pounds of ribs? I (like most men) am very funny about other people touching my grill, very funny indeed. I started them in a triage system carefully explaining it to my still sleeping wife and went off to do my duty.

When I returned, well, let’s just say, I had a fit. I quickly recovered and went about the tasks at hand. I had made three types of ribs (using JQP’s Secret Rib Rubs) Macedonian (I then use the same method they use to cook a lamb), JQP's Hoosier Rub and "The Jazz Mans" West Tennessee Damn Ol’ Boy Rub. Sadly, the only ribs I could easily identify were the Macedonian ribs, as a result some of the party’s attendees got a bit of a surprise (pleasant but still a surprise). The South Carolina Low Country BBQ sauce was a hit (its gold in color), which made me happy.


We had about 18 couples in attendance, friends, fellow NLT members and members of our local indigenous population (otherwise known as neighbors) plus the usual camp followers, hanger-on-ers and children,. We were well represented in the following fields: Media, Medicine, Law, Law Enforcement, Academia and the Mental Health field. The party got into swing at around 12:30 and was over by 9:00, that’s the cool thing about getting old, everyone leaves early.

pass out

Eat and drink we did. All 25 pounds of ribs, a pound of oysters (smoked) 2 pounds of shrimp, a cheese cake, and one pound of Schuler’s Bar Cheese. Now as for the drinking, well, it’s better measured by the four garbage cans of empty beer bottles that now reside next to the stables. OB/GY Kenobi won the award for the best theme beer, which was a "Ghetto Norte Damn Party".

Party Favors

I drank beer I had not even seen since the Army. Runner up was M. Chamberlain News Paper Man, with the most obscure (Old German). Next morning before Mass, I cleaned up while my wife slept in late enjoying the sedating effects of consumption of large amounts of cheap red wine (MD 20/20 and Thunderbird).

It took me back to a younger JQP who was briefly employed at the Rugby Bar, dragging large trash cans full of bottles to the dumpster on cold Sunday mornings. (Editors Note: Little Kings, does in fact taste to good to be beer)

good pusst gone bad

After my Sunday morning of activity, I went down south to help with the ongoing process of cleaning out my grandparents’ home. Once again very little progress was made. I got home around 5:30; showered grabbed a book and went to bed. My loving wife and I enjoy ending a weekend in bed early, reading and watching TV. All in all a normal weekend for the family Public.

Your Mail Order Brides for the Week:

Your Bill for the Day:
"Oh, I am fortune's fool!"
--From Romeo and Juliet (III, i, 141)

Quote for the Day:
People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
(Yes, I am rereading some of Waldo’s works, much to my benefit I trust)

I remain, the empty wallet of your self respect:

JQP esq.

Friday, November 11, 2005

It’s much more than a Flag:

It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but please just thank a veteran today. Regular, National Guard or Reserve, they all stood their post and for that deserve our respect.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Your Recipes for the Week:

Sweet Potato Pone
georgetown Co
This is a recipe from a Gullah woman I worked with (she saved my life by throw’en the roots on someone who aimed to do me harm), its damn’ tasty and in the north no one seems to know that there are a lot of things one can do with a good ol' sweet potato.

2 large sweet potatoes2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup sugar1 teaspoon nutmeg
2 tablespoons margarine, melted 1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup dark cane sugar

Peel and grate sweet potatoes. Add other ingredients and mix thoroughly. Pour into greased baking dish and cook in slow oven at 300 degrees F until done, about 1 hour.

Pickled Shrimp (pronounced Pick’elt Shrimp)
more shrimp boats
This appetizer is easy to make and very tasty, adjust to your own tastes, goes well with whisky cocktails and/or strong beers.

To sterilize the jar, place it, along with the lid, in a large pot, cover with water and bring to a rolling boil for 5 minutes. Remove with tongs, and allow to cool without touching the inside of the jar or lid.

1/4 Cup crab boil seasoning
2 1/2 pounds medium (45-60 per pound) shrimp, peeled and deveined
3/4 Cup White wine vinegar, with four tbl. spoons of Tabasco added
6 teaspoons celery seeds
1 teaspoon mustard seed
2 teaspoons salt
1 Cup extra virgin olive oil
1 large onion, thinly sliced
24 Bay leaves

Place crab boil seasoning in cheese cloth. In and tie securely and place inn a large stock pot with 6 cups water. Bring to a vigorous boil; simmer for 5 minutes then add shrimp.

Boil shrimp for 3 minutes and drain.

In a small bowl, whisk together the vinegar, celery seeds, mustard seed, salt, and pepper. Add oil, whisking continuously until well-blended; set aside.

In a clean, sterilized one-quart canning jar, place a layer of about 15 shrimp and top with some of the onion and 4 Bay leaves. Repeat layers of shrimp and layers of onions and Bay leaves until all of the shrimp are used up. Top with the last of the onion and Bay leaves.

Pour the dressing over the contents of the jar, pushing everything down so that the oil and vinegar mixture covers everything. Seal the jar and let marinatein the refrigerator for at least for 24 hours.

When you remove shrimp, use a clean fork and make sure unused shrimp are covered by remaining oil and vinegar mixture. Will keep , refrigerated, for about 2 weeks.

Serve shrimp skewered on toothpicks or with crackers or fried grits cakes.

Benne Wafers
Crackers from South Carolina, crackers get it?

1/2 cup sesame seeds
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup butter
4 tablespoons milk
1 large egg, slightly beaten

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Sprinkle sesame seeds in a single layer onto an ungreased baking sheet and toast for 10 minutes. Let cool.

Sift together flour, baking powder and salt. Add butter a small amount at a time and cut into dry ingredients with a pastry cutter until mixture resembles cornmeal.

Add milk a little at a time, then stir until dough comes together. Stir in sesame seeds.

On a lightly floured surface, gently knead dough until dough is no longer sticky. Roll out dough until it is no thicker than the actual sesame seeds. Cut into 2 inch rounds and place on lightly greased baking sheet.

Using a pastry brush, brush each wafer with beaten egg.

Bake until golden brown, about 12 to 15 minutes. Allow to cool and store in an air-tight container.

Makes about 3 dozen.

There is a Little Bull Fighter in all of us:

Thought for the Day:
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
Sir Winston Churchill

bull figthing midgets
(You just cant go wrong with Bull Fighting Midgets)

On a cold No-Love-Thursday:
Oddly, since my last post I don’t feel an overpowering need for No Love. However, rest assured that in the course of completing my duties today, I will find myself in a position that warrants behavior that could best be described as showing no-love.

I don’t know if I will be in attendance at the meeting tonight, I know M. Chamberlain (News Paper Man), will not be there, he is flying to New York to interview at the Times in hopes of getting Judith Miller's old job. Pastor Bob, I understand has locked himself away in a abandoned water tower on the city’s outskirts and is reading the works of Martin Luther, Thomas Merton and Douglas Adams. As a result, I don’t know if he will be in attendance. Like most things it’s up in the air and to much to contemplate at this early hour.

Party Announcement:

Mr. and Mrs. JQP will be hosting a Game-Day get together at the manor house on Saturday Nov. 12, from 12:00 till whenever I tell everyone to get the fuck out of my house. I will be making my world famous ribs (20 pounds of them). Everyone is welcome as we eat drink and cheer Notre Dame and St. Francis on to victory.

Feel free to bring whatever and as always full and/or partial nudity is strongly encouraged.

Courtny Love july
(I had a sexual dream last night involving Ms. Love and Gretchen Wilson)

Your Bill for the Day:
"Now go we in content
To liberty, and not to banishment."
--From As You Like It (I, iii, 139-14)

Quote for the Day:
For believe me: the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and greatest enjoyment is - to live dangerously.
Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, section 283

I remain, the wet toilet seat of your self-esteem:

JQP esq.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Things that just Piss me Right the Fuck off:

Thought for the Day:
Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ok, its early….but…stealing an idea from other people

1) I don’t want the government in my gun cabinet
Cousin Billy duck hunting

2) Sure as Hell, if I don’t want them in my gun cabinet, I don’t want those fuckers in my bedroom.

3) Ok, about my whole life I have used the adage “when I grow a uterus I will have an opinion” Well, I had some one I cared very much about get pregnant and have and abortion, no, she at no point asked me and yes my lovely Mrs. And I did want the baby. I have spent years and many tears… just to try and have a child. Abortion is not, nor should it be, birth control. The pill, depo shot, rubbers, etc… that’s birth control. Abortion, is for people with no choice left, and folks I see that every fucking day. Now don’t get me wrong… some people should get abortions who don’t , but that’s a whole ‘nuther story…
sperm build-up

4) Another thing that pisses me off: Old stories about me: Ok, when I drink, I mispeak, big fucking surprise. For example…

Ok, since your curiosity is peeked, a story:
In 1988, a young JQP fresh home from some third world hell-hole walks into a bar (yes, I know this sounds like a joke) I was at a bar (big fucking surprise) in Bluffton, Indiana (a place at that time that was famous for sketchy seedy establishments.) I was at a place called the Bavarian Inn, with Pastor Bob and a childhood friend named Chuck. I was asked to dance by the cutest girl in the place; ass like two round cherries, perfect skin, great hoosier poodle hair… you name it, this girl was a 14 on a 10 scale. So there I am dancing, strokin’ her in places her young body didn’t even know she had…(well, we were both younger at the time, both legal, just young) So anyway, back to dancing to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Free Bird…she’s stroking my hair, rubbing up against me when she leans in really close to me and says: “ I like it up the ass…” Surprised by this, I rub up close to her and return the comment…”Me too”… quicker than I could grab her hand and find a more appropriate place for action, she’s disappeared never to be seen again. I, back to Pastor Bob and Chuck say: “What’d, I do?, “Where’dshe go”, they to me “What the hell did you say/do to her” I proceed to recite the story of her getting hot and bothered and saying “I like it up the ass” and I said “Me Too”… Pastor Bob and Chuck roll into laughter saying “Me too, me too… Damn, do you realize what you just said to that girl… Me Too…Me too… Well, it took me 3 years to understand what the hell went wrong there…
Ergo, me mis-speaking when drunk pisses me off…

5) George W. Bush pisses me off… I worked for his daddy and Ronny Reagan, may the good Lord be the final judge on those bastards…That bunch of ( fill in the blank w/ your favorite cuss word now)
Bush is the Man

6) People against Organized Labor… I get tired of having to stand up for the working man. What’s organized labor given us? 40 hour work weeks, health insurance, vacation, retirement, a fair wage for a fair days work…you name it, trace it back to organized labor asshole…
TJ post spyder bite

7) Organized Labor pisses me off… Now we need unions for some unions … UAW, United Steelworkers , Teamsters etc… Big bunch of organized assholes. I come from a long line of old school IWW, asshole-fucks
trouble afoot

8) Parasitic Corporations – CEO’s for who make a shit load more than their people on the front line… The rule of non-profits is 5 to 1, the exec SHOULD only make 5 bucks for every 1 dollar the LOWEST PERSON MAKES, that shit just ain’t happenin’ in the fuckin’ corporate world the rule is 5,000 to 1. The AVERAGE head of the top 20 of the fortune 500 companies makes nearly a million a day…the GM head guy makes 380 million PER YEAR… that’s like winning the lottery every fuckin’ day of the year…ASSHOLES
big baby

9) Media pisses me off… My lovely and charming bride works in this arena and could tell you more, but basically they’re all a bunch of lying cocksuckers in if for themselves and their big fucking egos. My dear sweet flower, I love you, but YOU to are ALL ABOUT YOU…AssHole.
Rush limbaugh

10) The United States Marine's – You fuckers march better than me AND you have better uniforms. Anyone can be a god damn jarhead, it takes a man to be Airborne…his knees in the breeze and his ass in the blast…whooo-ah on THIS ASSHOLE…(that being said, I am an honorary member of the Marine Corp by an act of the Comandant, so Sempre Fi my mother fuckin’ bruthers and sistas)
Marine looking pretty

11) Gov. Mitch Daniels pisses me RIGHT THE FUCK OFF… Fuck you, you 3-foot tall nazi asshole…Asshole
mitch corn

12) Pregnant chicks who rip you off when their waiting on your table at the bar. I would’a tipped you a fuckin’ 20-dollar bill , but since you over-charged me and charged me for the table next to me and then told me it was an error , fixed it, but over charged me by extra money AFTER the error…FUCK-TARD ASSHOLE!
Dirty Harry

13) People who don’t like southerners… just ‘cause I have an accent doesn’t mean I’m STUPID… Just means I have an education that lies south of the border and I don’t mean that little tourist trap driving into North Carolina, look it up “South of the Border” ASSHOLE!
rednecks are real

14) Racists…PISS ME OFF… Mrs. JQP was almost a Black woman, but her family was a racist and didn’t want their darling daughter dating the token white boy (those of you who have been to an afro-american family reunion and tried to fit in, you know what I’m talking about) so instead, I married the runner up… a fire filled red-head, with absolutely twisted sense of humor, no rythym and /or style, whose first love is the goddamn MEDIA whom I already said I fuckin’ hate…but the bonus is she’s got a booty and built like a brick house (if you know the song, you know what I’m talking about) and I ain’t buyin’ no house of straw… go ahead Mr. Big Bad Wolf, try and blow my bitch down, she’ll fuckin’ take you for a ride you’re gonna have to tell the wild ones about…ASSHOLE

15) People who quote modern pop culture like they made it up themselves. Friends is off the air for a reason, you don’t see me quoting Moonlighting, or Northern Exposure, both good shows, but have an original thought…ASSHOLE

16) People who didn’t understand my doctoral dissertation…who can’t see the congruent theme between the following movies: Grapes of Wrath, Mr. Smith goes to Washington, The Longest Day , Dr. Strangelove, One Flew Over the Cuckoos nest , Cramer Vs. Cramer , Apocalypse Now, Taxi Driver ,The Princess Bride, Things to do In Denver when your Dead, Pulp Fiction, and any of the Harry Potter Trilogy…? They’re all about same guy for Christ sake, get it together, who DOESN’T GET IT… ASSHOLES!

17) So basically, I still feel like shit, I shouldn’t have gone out with Pastor Bob, & the Dungeon and Dragons player of the week, but damnit, there are so many things that piss me off, not the least which is the fact that I’m pacing in the music room while I dictate this to my loving bride . Ok, and I just turned on the TV…Wheel of Fortune pisses me off, just on general principle. FUCK YOU PAT SAJACK ASSHOLE and your little whore too…yes, Vanna, I called you a whore… because I think Vanna fucking White Sucks! (and why her last name gotta be White? Racist mutherfuckers)
living large carnie style

18) Co-Pays REALLY piss me off. Gave me a fucking experimental Texas dead guy knee, and want to charge me more than what I make in a year. ASSHOLES…
ol' four legs

19) Fuck the government and their Sallie-Mae Mother Fuckin’ pieces of arrogant, avoiding, phone message leaving PRICKS… Timothy McVay woulda been a mother fuckin hero had he just blown up those student loan PRICKS (ok that was a bit much, lil' Timmy is still riding ol' sparky like he should, but if your going to pick a target pick one everyone hates)… Why the fuck can’t some owing mother fucker hack into their goddamn computer systems and wipe out debt across the country. ( Mrs. JQP helped w/ this one, she HATES those assholes) ...FUCKING ASSHOLES…Sallie Mae can join all the fuckin’ folks in the 9th layer of hell and freeze dried snacks!
chums thumb

20) The final thing of the day (could be more tomorrow) that pisses me off…you cowardly sons a bitches that mis-treat the kids…You’re just lucky I don’t do my job the way I want to. Pick up the paper and imagine JQP and crew standing on that line every fucking day as the last line of defense your children have before some fuckin’ “Lester Molester”, “Big Daddy Knock-Down” , “Neglectful Nanny”, “Don’t touch me in my naughty spot” mother fucker gets a hold of them. And what really pisses me off is during the day, I’m the most professional son of a bitch you’d ever want to meet…but inside my skin, I could do what REALLY needs to be done to these sub-human bastards.
I am a winner

21) Add-on: people who have never played rugby and don’t understand. It’s a sport of rogues played by gentlemen. Unfortunately, now, it’s a sport of gentlemen, played by rogues… Show-boatin’ Pussy ASSHOLES, step up to the plate and get your ass kickin’ here…ASSHOLES (Give Blood, Play Rugby)
why I miss rugby

22) Another Add-On, Tourists piss me off, having lived a large part of my "owned" life in a tourist town, we really dont give a fuck who you are or where your from, or what you do there, just leave your hard earned dollars behind. On the plus side the cast changes weekly.
nudist santa

Your Bill for Today:
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.
William Shakespeare (I quoted this tonight)

Quote for the Day:
Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.
Mahatma Gandhi

I remain, the big drunk teamster at the end of the bar of your soul:

JQP esq.