Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Hard Hitting news from Scottsdale:

 negodaddy0324wild 143203

Marisa Peck, 23, beat out 85 other contenders in a contest Friday night by Go Daddy Group Inc., the Scottsdale-based domain name registrar known for its racy Super Bowl commercials. Peck won $2,500, a professional photo shoot and the chance to appear in Go Daddy's next Super Bowl ad. As the 2007 Go Daddy Girl-Scottsdale, she will compete against an executive assistant from Cleveland who won the contest in Daytona, Fla., earlier this month, and the winner of August's contest in Sturgis, S.D.

Peck, a cocktail waitress at Minx in Scottsdale, said on her entry form that her biggest accomplishment was graduating from Scottsdale Community College with a 4.0 while dealing with a thyroid problem.

I cant make this shit up:


Saturday, March 17, 2007

Bugger Off, ye bastards bugger off:

Happy St. Paddy's Day!
...sorry about the lack of posts, lets just say there is a long hard story to tell and tell it I shall, it has a bit of everything:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Tent City

naked Mexican midgets and pipe dreams

erotic dancers

kilt sales

rugby players

a trip to ER and the term AMA

care of gunshot wounds

an Asian pedicure and toe shaving

People of fine breeding and trust funds

drinking dirty water with evangelicals

modern art and Kim Chee cocktails

American Patriots and the dangers of Craigslist

Dental hygiene

drunk co-ed girls in foreign lands

a Roman orgy with Norse Gods

pudding pops

skills in knife fighting and knot tying

flower arrangements and ship board entertainment

the import-export business

trained farm animals and bio-fuel

the NCAA

ads in free newspapers and the WTO

Bush Sr. and low cost candles

a Ugandan orphanage

free shots with several MBA candidates

10W30 motor oil

Zippo lighters and used condoms

stolen State Dept. laptop computers

a group of highly trained South African commandos

7 oz. of woman sweat in a bucket seat

two Japanese sex toy catalogs

wet t-shirt contestants in a used Pentecostal church bus

interlocking fields of fire and the proper ranging of the M203

a 72 hour involuntary commitment and the the Good Year Blimp

finger nail clippings and voodoo


eating black beans with Colombians

...and crimes against human nature.

Thought for the Day:
A scholar's ink lasts longer than a martyr's blood. Irish proverb

I would like to dedicate today and most of tomorrow to you my friends, drink in memory of me this fine day, I a humble man, who’s sage like tales and clear vision have had a dramatic impact on the person you are today.

Your Drinks for the Day:(Going with an Irish Theme)

Irish Snack Food:
1 shot each Bushmills, John Powers, Tullamore Dew, (repeat if nessary)

Three Square Meals:
3 Pints of Guinness (you may substitute 6 Harp’s, which is my personal preference, it is after all a feast day.)

Today's Bill:
"Thou art a votary to fond desire."From The Two Gentlemen of Verona (I, i, 52)

Quote of the Day:
An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

I remain, responsible for the cultural stereotypes associated with the Irish:

John Q. O'Public

Friday, March 09, 2007

Rules for the 3rf World and Ohio:

Mark Pace sues PD
(Why yes, I love J-E-S-U-S....)

1. The real essentials [when traveling] are what's in a globetrotter's head-background knowledge, resourcefulness, and sensitivity. A vital commodity to bring on any trip is an open mind. Usually, people make a place, this works in life as well, money helps as well.

,2. Remember, we are all one. Find out for yourself what a miraculous world we live in, contrary to media portrayals. Realize that, sane or loony, we are all here together, and like it or not, this is it. Boost your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being -- take a recess from the nine-to-five habit and chart your own authentic, unrefined, outward-bound escapade, btw: girls in back woods places dig white guys.

3. Lose the main road. You don't always need a plan. Stay off the highways; they hide landscapes and people. Sometimes it's a good idea to rove solo, since spending all of your time with anyone breeds dementia, granted drinking the water often gives you the shits.

4. Buying locally helps you blend in and promotes compassionate capitalism. Honor your gift-purchase on the road. An eight dollar Balinese woodcarving makes a bigger impression than another T-shirt, however they frown upon buying babys and or livers.

5. If you intend to behold the entire globe, visit the distant lands of undrinkable tap water and shamanism while your immune system is hearty. Save FL, HI, CA and/or Western Europe for when negotiating stairs is a bitch.

6. At home, don't become a sporting goods store conqueror. Do you really need a personalized odometer/altimeter for that day hike in Norway, eating the pickled fish is more than enough.

7. The Incan Code dictates: Don't lie, don't steal, don't be lazy. Note: Thirty seven-foot hunting spears will not fit into a flight attendant's coat cabin. While I was toting those Irian Jayan highland hunting spears on 34th St., the common push-and-bump pedestrian anarchy parted and cleared a path to allow my uninterrupted passage.

8. Be sure to take in your surroundings for everything they are worth, even though you may feel uncomfortable or out of place. Resist complaining. Period. Complaining may be a symptom of failing to notice the beauty around you. If you must whimper, break out your translation dictionary or phrase book and transcribe your conundrum to a local. You may realize that your dilemma is a tad pathetic - and you might even learn the language.' You will undoubtedly come across horrifying images, however, the shocking images from around the world are the ones that stay with you.

9. While visiting a hospital in Delhi, India, I observed a mother carrying her dead infant down a long dim hallway, out the front door of the hospital, and into her gruesomely impoverished neighborhood. Her face was like stone. Part of travelling is accepting that you will surely come across as much bad as good. It is up to you how you will choose to come out of the experience.

10.We receive the signals and hear the calling but often ignore the royal thundering within, that voice asking what you truly need to be happy. Too many of us spend thousands shrinking our heads. Out there on the edge of your own Walden [a Walden's Pond] - therapy is free. Wander. Let the woods be your church.

11.Simplify. "Success" can limit as many options as failure; the workaholic lifestyle usually comes along with a pair of blinders that buffers us from other opportunities.

12.No guidebook can tell you how to choose your quest; at best it can catalyze and awaken the quest within you. You can paint by numbers and visit the tourist traps, but you'll never create a holiday masterpiece that way. A masterpiece demands the spirit and impulse of an artist. To construct the adventure of your life, you need more than travel agents and destination recommendations. You need to generate faith in your own trailblazing competence. Born in your heart, tempered by your own mind, molded with your hands, and walked with your own two feet, the trail you blaze is your remarkable gift to yourself, everyone you leave at home, and whomever you encounter along the way.

13.Just remember the ten most omnipotent words in our language: 'If it is to be, it is up to me.'

14.Traveling isn't going where you want, it's wanting to be where you already are. If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. Life is like photography: We use the negative to develop.

15.So with that said 'It's time to reinvent NOMADness on earth.' Nomadic behavior nurtures world peace: a planet where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. Don't get even, get odd. Stagnant people rarely make history, hairy pits chics dig that line, btw: they often have dirty feet.'

I am in Mexico, so fuck off....gringo.


Monday, March 05, 2007

What you see is what...

beer ad
you get...



Friday, March 02, 2007

I would rather be a Hammer than a Nail:

gay tooth fariy
(Make your own caption day)

Thought for the Day:
An honor is not diminished for being shared.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "Shards of Honor", 1986

If I was able to start a Think Tank I would hire:

Nolff, for his insight into music, mutant breeding and Refined Southern Culture.

Butchie, because, I think its most likely better to have him on your side than against you, plus I wouldn’t have to surf the web for sick and wrong porn, he would gladly do it for me.

Tiny for his knowledge of every song every written and all around good cheer, plus we need a trade mark voice.

Ruksak, to head of diplomatic service department, also for his insights into the worldwide white slave trade, also the fucker owes me a drink.

Sky Capt. because it’s always good to have our own pilot on staff.

J. Thomas, for a Jazz insight, that and he is stone groove fucking cool.

Smartypants A) she is a scientist B) she is hot

Pastor Bob it’s good to have a member of the clergy, esp. one who at times covers the bar tab.

Fish Taco Boy, head of intelligence and organizational security, if you knew the man you would know why.

IT Chic, cause we will need some IT support, that and given enough time we can corrupt her to our way of thinking.

Elmo, I agree with 98% of what he says, which of course makes him a genius.

Stiltwalker, my Nubian Queen, so we get the royalty ticket punched, that and she is my baby’s mama.

Eric the Viking, for his insight gleaned from years behind the bar, his big wave surfing ability, and his hobby of pharmacology (as related to performance enhancing drugs).

Kill the Goat Jay, because I think it’s important to have those of a different race, I know those Canadians can be uppity at times, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be heard from, that and they are a tidy people.

Irizarry, chiefly because some asshole is bound to say his name three times in a row.

Robert Dobbs, a kind and gentle man with hobbies in subsistence agriculture.

Dusty, Johnny B. Good et al, for timely political insight and dirty trick planning.

Kevin the Cosmonaut, he is after all a hero, that and it’s always a plus to have someone who gets drunker than you in public. That way you can say “I wasn’t as drunk as Kevin”.

John B. to cover sports, granted in a one sided way, pro Catholic way, but since we would have a think tank, I think we might have a good chance at Notre Dame Football tickets.

M. Chamberlain, for news and views plus he is a natty dresser.

Indygirl, to bring the vegan point of view, that and everything she writes is like poetry to me with seven layers of meaning each one touching my soul.

Tattoo John, because I feel it’s always important to have someone who is transient by nature on the team.

Fatrobot, for in depth knowledge of technology, plus an army of killer robots.

Timmy, because I think it’s important to have a gay activist on staff (we need to be able to pull down grants) and his advice is always right-on.

Baba Ganouj Girl, a shameless flirt and sales maven.

My Flower, because if I didn’t hire her she would throw some secret USMC killer combat moves on me and I am older now, I bruise easy.

The lady justitia, because I just learned they “speaki good eng-lish” down in Australia.

OBGY Kenobi, I know the value of quality medical care, plus the man drinks good whisky and smokes expensive cigars.

My Penis, because I always screen everything through him.

If you feel like you might be able to add to my “High-Speed, Low Drag, Worlwide All-Star, Elite Think Tank and Drinking Preservation Society”, please submit a copy of your résumé in 100 words or less in the comments section. Only the very best need apply (or those willing to cover a bar tab)

Todays Bill:
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.
William Shakespeare

Quote of the Day:
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
John Ruskin

I remain, the Bright Star of your meager and hollow life:

JQP esq.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

You Hairy Pitted Sweetness of the Month: