Thursday, April 28, 2005

Running around like my ass wus on fire and my head a catch'en:

Thought for the Day:
Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living. Miriam Beard

The Story so Far:
Well dear reader, its been some time since I have had the time, will and ability to post. So, some up dates are in order.

Friday last we had the services for my grand father, I had the honor of delivering the eulogy. Which was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, but I pulled it off, perhaps sometime when its not so raw I will post what I wrote. Suffice to say, I took my fathers death better, my grandfather was after all a great man.

After the funeral, I sadly had to hit the road. When I say after the funeral I mean right after and I have been on the road ever since. Today is my first day back in the office and I am only here till noon, then once again I am off traveling the highways and bi-ways of this great state.

A brief list of the places I have been to in the service of my fellow man include: Bluffton. Syracuse, Gas City, Terre Haute, Bedford, Shoals, Princeton, Owensville, Peru, Kokomo, Clinton, and Scottsburg. Oh, the many wonderful things, the many wonderful people I have encountered in my labors.

I am getting to be well known by local law enforcement, and distinguished members of the bar, in these towns a villages. Be warned, Governor Mitch Daniels, JQP esq. might just have to whoop yer’ ass come next election.

The sweet and loving Mrs. JQP has been finding plenty to keep herself busy while I am gone.

I am thinking about starting a blog just on places to eat in Indiana, and odd thing I see along the road, say for instance the village of Young America (yes, that’s its name, I had to stop and take a picture on the sign) or say the old bombers from the 40’s and 50’s sitting out at the old Air Force base in Peru. Yes, dear reader, I can tell you where to get a good pork tenderloin, bowl of chili, slice of pie, in 72 counties.

As for excitement, I have not found any fun and nasty strip clubs, but I was involved in a high speed chase this week (FYI its as much fun being the chaser as being chased), after eating at an Amish restaurant on a lake. (Yes, it has been an interesting time). While my Bible sales are lagging, I have found that my trainings have been both well attended and well received by the members of the public service community.

Well, I am heading up north today, followed by a mad dash south. I have a training on the Ohio river in the morning, and then home for the weekend.

I am in “Matt the Cop’s” Wedding Saturday, so I need to be back up here for the rehearsal Friday night. An early congratulations to him and his bride. I was back in town last Saturday for his bachelor party. And dear reader what a time that was, Mrs. JQP and myself ended up in the back off a limo with another couple. Let’s suffice to say and nudity, alcohol and extreme sex acts were a factor. So, at some point I do need to go to confession.


Todays Bill:
"Then must you speak Of One that lov'd not wisely but too well." --From Othello (V, ii, 343-344)

Self-Care and/or Lack there Of:
My flower thinks I need some down time, she is right, I have been burning the candle at both ends this month. I am trying to get as much done before my surgeries next month. She brought up the point that I have not even had time to morn my family’s loss. Well, I think I will have plenty of time for that when I am in the hospital.

I find myself, missing those who are dear to me (those recent those from long ago, souls that touched and knew each other) longing for a touch, a word, a conversation, and feeling an empty spot in my heart….

All. In all…what a long strange trip it had been and continues to be.

Quote for the Day:
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything. Charles Kuralt

On the Road with Willie, I remain:

JQP esq.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Todays Poem:

a man who had fallen among thieves
lay by the roadside on his back
dressed in fifteenth rate ideas

wearing a round jeer for a hat
fate per a somewhat more than less
emancipated evening

had in return for consciousness
endowed him with a changeless grin
whereon a dozen staunch and Meal
citizens did graze at pause

then fired by hypercivic zeal
sought newer pastures or because swaddled
with a frozen brookof pinkest vomit out of eyes
which noticed nobody he looked

as if he did not care to rise
one hand did nothing on the vest
its wide
flung friend clenched weakly dirt

while the mute trouserfly confessed
a button solemnly inert.
Brushing from whom the stiffened puke
i put him all into my arms

and staggered banged with terror through
a million billion trillion stars

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Mr. Johnny Cash, your Poet-Sage of the Week:

cash finger

"The Man Who Couldn't Cry"
There once was a man who just couldn't cry
He hadn't cried for years and for years
Napalmed babies and the movie love story
For instance could not produce tears
As a child he had cried as all children will
Then at some point his tear ducts ran dry
He grew to be a man, the feces hit the fan
Things got bad, but he couldn't cry

His dog was run over, his wife up and left him
And after that he got sacked from his job
Lost his arm in the war, was laughed at by a whore
Ah, but sill not a sniffle or sob

His novel was refused, his movie was panned
And his big Broadway show was a flop

He got sent off to jail; you guessed it, no bail
Oh, but still not a dribble or drop

In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered
And made to make license plates
Water and bread was all he was fed
But not once did a tear stain his face

Doctors were called in, scientists, too
Theologians were last and practically least

They all agreed sure enough; this was sure no cream puff
But in fact an insensitive beast

He was removed from jail and placed in a place
For the insensitive and the insane
He played lots of chess and made lots of friends
And he wept every time it would rain

Once it rained forty days and it rained forty nights
And he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried

On the forty-first day, he passed away
He just dehydrated and died

Well, he went up to heaven, located his dog
Not only that, but he rejoined his arm
Down below, all the critics, they loot it all back
Cancer robbed the whore of her charm

His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went broke
The theologians were finally found out

Right down to the ground, that old jail house burned down
The earth suffered perpetual drought

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Vani tass, vani tatum, et omni i vani tass:

Well, viewing today and service Friday.
and I have to speak at the service...odd, I love to talk but I dont know how to do this one
so much to say, its just a matter finding the words, it will come...

this morning I have been thinking a lot about death and loss, counting the things and people..
who were there and now are not, those who I carry everywhere inside of me,
I wonder how many people carry a part of me with them... so many questions that can not be answered.

Back on the Road:
After the service, I am hitting the road, 6 hour drive down south to do a gig Sat. AM, then back home. Sunday at the manor house and Monday 5 hours south again (other side of the state) then a mad dash up north (7 hours total) to do my one man act at the top o' the state, then back down an hour for a gig in the afternoon, yes dear friends, a few days full of shits and giggles, fun times spent with memberss of the law and order crowd. My ass is tired thinking about it.

So, that being said, I should return back to the world of "the Blog" next week. Until then all my best to you and yours.

JQP esq.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Rolling with the Big-Dog:

Brief Up-Date:

Ok, sorry I have not been around but few of the 20.00 do9lloar a night motels I have been staying in have wireless internet. I trust I am gone but not forgotten. As one reader put it this is the longest break I have taken in a year. This may be true, but know I am out on the road doing the good work for my fellow citizens.

18 cities towns and villages in 6 days, I am beat down, beat up, and plane old tired. I have no idea how traveling salesmen do it let alone those princes of the road the American truck driver. Hell, I am home for two nights and a change of clothes, then back out I go. I can not believe I live in a state where I can drive 6 hours one way and still not leave it.

However, I have gotten to meet a few really good people, and eat a lot of chili and pork tenderloin sandwiches (the un-official state sandwich of Indiana).

On, other news… my grandfather is still with us, but not drinking any water. I stopped by last weekend. So, it will be soon, my hope is that I am not five or six hours away when the time comes.

You ever have those days?

gota go, originally uploaded by John Q. Public.

...when you just want to piss yuourself in the wine section of your local Food-Mart?

You, know what, me to! Funny your dont get a lot of that at Winn-Dixies.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Just a reminder dear readers:

The Road Ahead is a Rocky one:
I will be on the road selling Bibles door to door and pitching my Daylight Savings Plan Investment Scheme (It will return 300% on any investment of over 4,000.00, all you have to do is get 12 other people to join) to Hoosiers in the southern part of this great state all week.
car sharing
Please feel free to look at the collected body of my works available free of charge in my archives, to all students and academics.

Wish me luck, the open road is calling has my gypsy heart beats with wanderlust. I am sure I might have a few stories to tell upon my return.

Pimp me:
The Loving and Giving Mrs. JQP surprised me this morning, in preparation for the many miles I must “travel before I sleep”. Her and a few of the lads from our intercity neighborhood decided to “Pimp my Ride”

my hood is so poor

Wow! Boy oh Boy was I surprised, My flower! She sure got me!!! I am now going to be stylen’ when I am tooling down the back roads kicken’ my Johnny Cash and Canned Heat 8 tracks out. Yes, I am a bad MF’er! In a cool ass ride!!!

Till then, don’t go changing babe, I like you just the way you are!

Dipping snuff and hanging out at Truck Stops, I remain,

JQP esq.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Your Post For Sunday:

Giggles with JC:
sunday pic

On bent knee, I remain:


Saturday, April 09, 2005

...a 101 Fun things to do with Lard!

Thought for the Day:
Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.
Confucius, Chinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC)

Dear Bonnie Price Charley and his Pretty New Wife:
I, John Q. Public would like to take a moment to wish Prince Charles and his new wife Camilla Parker Bows Windsor all the best. Both the Sweet and Ever so Petite Mrs. JQP and I are sorry we could not be there to share your special day, but since my parole officer wouldnt let me leave the state we had to stay home. However you should know we were with you both on "your" day in sprit. Please look for a gift card to Lowes in the amount of 20.00 US Dollars in the post soon. Once again all our best!


(A close up of the Blushing Brides smile. Says a lot about the dentistry sciences in Merry ol’ England, eh what?)

Naked Pictures of JQP:
You know I feel violated. Yes, it finally happened to me. I had an ex-girlfriend post pictures of our erotic love making on the net for the whole world to see. I feel so cheap. Sadly, I had to find out about in from my old Boy Scout leader who recognized me.

I called my old girl friend and asked her what the hell she thought so was doing and to take them down and to never post anything like that again, I am after all a public man. She said “no-way…the pics are just too hot and its generating way to much revenue for her Adult-Pay-Per-View site. She then went on to say that you can’t even tell it’s me.

Well, dear reader, this morning I came here to the public library to use their computer to look at this site and the pictures in question. My God! I am so embarrassed. Anyone who knows me can plainly see that that is me in the pic.

my old girl friend

Who else do you know that has one foot that’s size 11 ½ and another that’s size 12. Damn her.

Today’s Bill:
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
--From Macbeth (V, v, 19)

Quote of the Day:
At 20 years of age the will reigns,
at 30 the wit,
at 40 the judgment.

Benjamin Franklin,
US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)

I remain,

Poet Warrior

Friday, April 08, 2005

Doc Savage is my Hero:

(Better late than never, since Blogger wouldnt let me all day)

Thought for Day:
The wine urges me on, the bewitching wine, which sets even a wise man to singing and to laughing gently and rouses him up to dance and brings forth words which were better unspoken. Homer, The Odyssey, Greek epic poet (800 BC - 700 BC)

My tribute to the hard working staff at Blogger!
blooger staff photo
(Yes, folks these were the people who got beat up in high school and instead of going on a shooting rampage they decided to start a web based business, as they say “revenge is a dessert best served cold” and they are right.

On Last Night:
Well race fans; it was a NO-LOVE-THURSDAY, in its truest form. There was no love being had by anyone. The evening was replete with the normal cast of Pastor Bob, The Dragon Slayer (who insisted on wearing a hooded leather cape), Sr. Mary Red-head and her husband the Barry Bonds of Electricians, Petunia-flower, Joel the Bar man and the pretty Mrs. Joel. Need I say more, it was the all usual suspects. One thing that made this evening different was that it was the day before Pastor Bob’s birthday. (I know you like myself would like to now wish Pastor Bob a very happy birthday) Well, Pastor Bob is much like a hobbit, on his birthday he gives you gifts, in this case it was large amounts of shots and beer given freely to anyone who happened by the bar.
Pastor Bob
(While this is not a photo of Pastor Bob please let it serve as a reference point. In truth, Pastor Bob is blond and blue eyed, about 6’4 and weighs about 100 pounds, yes one of Hitler’s gene experiments gone wrong)

Dear reader it was an epic night. Sadly, I called the beautiful and constipated Mrs. John Q. Public to take me home around 9:00pm, thus ending my night of fun and frivolity with my colleagues from here at the orphanage.

Tattoo John Up-date:
My dear friend from my days at Eaton Tattoo John called me last night. As many readers know he is currently involved in a long term study on the sexual habits of third generation Asian-Americans in Hawaii.

John, has had a hard week, he was distraught over the worlds loss of the Pope, then later in the week Prince Rainier of Monaco who I might add was a close personal friend of his. John decided to let the world know he was in morning. He went to several seedy bars along the waterfront and got very drunk and decided that much like the Mohawk Indian tribe he needed a hair cut. TJ post spider bite upon returning to his abode, he passed out in the front yard. When he awoke he found this, a lump the size of a walnut on his lip. Yes dear reader Tattoo John got bit by a spider when he sat down beside her, or more truthfully as he lay passed out in his front yard, a very hard week indeed for my dear friend.

Drinks for the Week:
Brain Tumor Drink Recipe

Drink Ingredients:
Bailey's Irish Cream
1 oz. Peach Schnapps
Cherry Brandy

pour the peach schnapps into the shot glass, almost to the top. Slowly, and gently layer the baileys in on the side of the glass, to almost full. Add a touch of grenadine, down the middle and a touch of cherry brandy down the middle.

Red Death Drink Recipe

Drink Ingredients:
0.5 oz. Vodka
0.5 oz. 151 Proof Rum
0.5 oz. Firewater
0.5 oz. Yukon Jack

Mix equal parts of each in a large shot glass.

Found Art:
phone book
(Now that was cute)

Today’s Bill:
This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea,
Which serves it in the office of a wall
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,--
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.
William Shakespeare, "King Richard II", Act 2 scene 1
Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)
(In honor of Prince Charles and the woman with the head like a horse he is marrying this weekend)

Quote of the Day:
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
Zeuxis, Greek painter (~400 BC)

Ed Note:
Dear avid reader, since I will be on the road for the next week, please feel free to look thought my archives for the words, wit and wisdom of JQP himself. (Soon to be a major motion picture staring John Cusack as a young JQP and Mickey Roark as JQP later in life, Tom Hanks as Pastor Bob, Sharon Stone as Mrs. JQP, Bo Derrick as Sr. Mary Redhead and Dave Letterman as the Dragon Slayer, and Charles Manson with George W. Bush as themselves, hey it’s all we could afford).

I remain, wetting my pants in sheer anticipation:


Thursday, April 07, 2005

Short and to the Point:

Thought for the Day:
An expert is a person who avoids small error as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
Benjamin Stolberg

President Bush and Junk Bonds:
I don’t know how many of you caught the Boy-King this week showing everyone the bonds for the Social Security System, yes they are paper US Treasury Bonds. He then went on to tell the American people that there is not an account full of money, that there are just these papaer bonds. He led the viewing public to believe that they were worthless. My point is that its wonderful that he showed us and the world his views on US Treasury Bonds, please don’t act surprised if the markets react.

Great Leader
News flash, Bonds, that’s how the Boy-Kings wars are being financed.

On Health:
Well dear children, Uncle JQP did not get the news he had hoped for at my visit to my new surgeon. Yes, pain and several surgeries are in my future. However, the creepy part is that I have to wait until someone dies. (Ok, you can stop the Terri jokes now). I don’t know how I feel about having dead person parts in me, which is odd since I am a donor. Yes, I am going to be all fucked up most of the summer, joy fucking joy.
shaggin on the sand
What is sadest of all dear reader is that my first love, the world of interpretive dance is now in up in the air, let alone my love of being beaten to a bloody pulp in a fast and hard match of Rugby. This my life, my lifestyle, is now in question. Thank God, I still have my voice to fall back on.
big hit in the East
The plus side is that its not going to be done by the VA and since it is experimental, a few doctors from Bethesda will be there to learn how to do it so they can help the troops.

Jimmy, Condi, Bubba, W, and the Holy Father:
WASHINGTON -- President Bush arrived in Rome last night for Pope John Paul II's funeral, bringing with him a delegation of US dignitaries -- as well as a public-relations headache over a botched invitation to former President Jimmy Carter.
Jimmy and the Pope
Bush will appear at the pontiff's funeral tomorrow with former Presidents George H. W. Bush and Bill Clinton. But Carter, the first president to invite a pope to the White House, will not be there.

''I'm very disappointed he isn't going," said Mary Hoyt, Rosalynn Carter's former press secretary, recalling the Carters' warmth for the pope. ''I think he belongs there." A statement from Carter's office earlier this week said the former president had asked the White House whether he could join the US delegation at the funeral but was told that space was limited and other US dignitaries were eager to attend. The White House said that it had extended an invitation and noted that the Vatican, not the White House, limited the US delegation to five people. Laura Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice round out the US delegation.

But some see Carter, a Nobel Peace Prize winner and an outspoken opponent of the Iraq war, as deliberately excluded. (Gee, my Magic Eight-Ball says “Highly Probable”.)

Todays Bill:
"We are such stuff
As dreams are made on and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep..."
--From The Tempest (IV, i, 156-157)

Quote for the Day:
One of the most sublime experiences we can ever have to to wake up feeling healthy after we have been sick.
Rabbi Harold Kushner

I remain, ever so humble:


Wednesday, April 06, 2005

world b-cup

worldcup, originally uploaded by John Q. Public.

You just have to love the Irish, eh what?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

To Teens, Two Heads are Better than One:

I think I was in college before I found someone who enjoyed oral sex and I married her. Now kids are doing it freely….. My God, how times have changed. So, some news and my thoughts in progress on the subject.

and the winner is

Washington - US teenagers apparently prefer oral sex as a safer and morally more acceptable alternative to intercourse, a possible explanation for their rare use of condoms, according to a small poll by the University of California.

Around 20% of the ethnically diverse 580 teenagers - 42% boys, 58% girls with a mean age of 14 - who answered a questionnaire in the study published on Monday, admitted having had oral sex, compared to 14% who had had intercourse.

In addition, one third of the survey group said they intended to experiment with oral sex in the following six months, said the medical researchers headed by University of California pediatrics professor Bonnie Halpern-Felsher.

The teenagers in the survey said they preferred oral sex because they believed it carried "significantly less risk" than intercourse in terms of its health, social and emotional consequences, according to the study.

This perception would explain why condom use among teenagers is so rare, the researchers said.

Although the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including Aids, is considerably lower with oral sex as opposed to regular sexual relations, young people too often underestimate it, said the study published in the latest issue of Pediatrics.


CHICAGO (Reuters) - One in five U.S. teenagers say they have engaged in oral sex, an activity that some adolescents view as not sex at all and certainly less risky than intercourse, a report released Monday said.

The survey of 580 children with a mean age of 14-1/2 found 20 percent said they had engaged in oral sex, compared to 14 percent who said they had engaged in sexual intercourse. In addition, one-third of the multi-ethnic 9th graders surveyed said they intended to have oral sex within the next six months and nearly one-fourth planned to have intercourse during the period. It was more common for boys to have performed oral sex on girls than vice versa, the report said.

Previous studies and numerous campaigns aimed at deterring teenaged sex have focused on intercourse, but as many as half of adolescents experience oral sex first, the report said.

The risk of transmitting infections, including HIV, is significantly less with oral sex than with intercourse but is likely underestimated by teenagers, said the report in the journal Pediatrics. Youngsters who engage in oral sex rarely used condoms or dental dams, even though herpes, hepatitis, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, syphilis as well as the virus that causes AIDS can all be transmitted orally, it added.

"Given the suggestion that adolescents do not view oral sex as sex and see oral sex as a way of preserving their virginity while still gaining intimacy and sexual pleasure, they are likely to interpret sexual health messages as referring to vaginal sex," wrote lead author Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, a pediatrician at the University of California, San Francisco.
"Adolescents also believed that oral sex is more acceptable than vaginal sex for adolescents their own age in both dating and non-dating situations, oral sex is less of a threat to their values and beliefs, and more of their peers will have oral sex than vaginal sex in the near future," she wrote.

blow job king

Ok now a lot of people want to blame my President for this, since he got caught with his “hand in the cookie jar”. Gee, that’s pretty easy and also a bunch of bullshit.

Lets look at a few thing’s here:

There is no sex education, nope none, hell even the “This is you Body” filmstrips we watched in 7th grade are to racy for today’s school boards.

However we have been very successful in scaring the fuck out of kids about the dangers of AIDs and getting pregnant (for good reason).

Kids are literal thinkers, oral sex to them is not sex, sex is intercourse, oral sex is a higher form of kissing.

How does this happen, well to the mix lets add:

Little or no adult supervision mom and dad both work, kids have access (here in the heartland children become sexually active around 12)

And the media, don’t believe me sit down and watch some TV with a child aged 7 to 12 and really look at the things they can see on M-TV and regular networks in prime time, hell to see that kind of shit when I was their age, I would have to sneak into my dads sock drawer and steal one of his Playboys.

My point being kids are sexualized much earlier than we were, dont belive me go to your local middle school, some of what you see will freak you right the fuck out.

Times change and shit happens, but instead of fixing problems people want to spend time pointing fingers.

With Thanks to Master Foley for the story idea.


Just how much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

Thought for the Day:
Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it.
Henry David Thoreau, US Transcendentalist author (1817 - 1862)

On the Task at Hand:
I for the past few weeks have been a grant writing machine. Why you ask? Well, dear reader it could be in part due to the fact that our distinguished Governor of this great state known as Indiana, was nicknamed the “Ax” by good ol’ W, when he worked for him a while back. Yes, that’s right our Governor Mitch Daniels has a nickname that is best suited to a maximum security prison (perhaps someday, brothers and sisters, perhaps someday).

However there are other factors at hand, first and foremost is that I will be on the road through-out this land spreading the good word, while living out of a suitcase and spending my nights wondering just how clean the sheets are at the motel that still advertises “Color TV” and “weekly rates available”. Such is the rest of the month of April well into May. Yes, race fans, my posts starting next week will be a bit more hit and miss. Oh, but the stories I will have to tell upon my return.

That being said, I should also note that my flower and I will be in Indy all day Wednesday, consulting with a surgeon who does the Pacers knees. Yes, once again under the knife I go. I am told that I can look forward to being off work for 6 to 8 weeks (great way to spend your summer, in pain and on crutches). Now, you see why I am working at a frenzied pace.

Your Moral to the Story:
Sometimes being a busy little beaver doesn’t pay off, however on an unrelated side note, my sweet and loving wife’s given name by the Indian tribe she grew-up with was “Little-Beaver”, sadly however my typing and/or spelling skills are even worst in their dialect of Miami, so I will not attempt to type it.

Your Bill for the Day:
O, call not me to justify the wrong
That thy unkindness lays upon my heart;
Wound me not with thine eye but with thy tongue;
Use power with power and slay me not by art.
Tell me thou lovest elsewhere, but in my sight,
Dear heart, forbear to glance thine eye aside:
What need'st thou wound with cunning when thy might
Is more than my o'er-press'd defense can bide?
Let me excuse thee: ah! my love well knows
Her pretty looks have been mine enemies,
And therefore from my face she turns my foes,
That they elsewhere might dart their injuries:
Yet do not so; but since I am near slain,
Kill me outright with looks and rid my pain.

Your recipe for the Week:
Limpin’ Susan


1/2 small green bell pepper
1/2 small yellow onion
3 cloves garlic
1 pound okra
1 pound medium sized shrimp
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 cup long-grain white rice
2 cups chicken stock
1 teaspoon salt
Ground black pepper and cayenne pepper to taste


Seed the bell pepper. Mince the bell pepper, onion, and garlic. Cut the okra into 1/4 inch thick rounds. Peel the shrimp. Make a shallow incision along the back of each shrimp and lift out and discard the black vein in the back.

In a large skillet over medium heat, warm the oil. Add the onion and pepper and saute until softened, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and saute for 2 minutes to release its flavor. Add the rice, stir well until the grains are coated, and cook, stirring often, until opaque, 3 to 4 minutes. Add the okra, stock, salt, and black and cayenne peppers. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat to low, cover, and cook until the rice is tender and the liquid has been absorbed, about 20 minutes.

Taste and adjust the seasonings. Stir in the shrimp and cook until the shrimp curl and turn pink, 5 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a bowl and serve. Serves 4

Quote for the Day:
Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.
Robert Morley

Much like a dead Beaver, I remain:

JQP esq.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Bukkake for the Masses:

Your Political Thought for the Day:


Proof in this outtake:
That a former right-wing presidential candidate finds a new career as a “fluffer” in the gay porn industry. Look for “Below the Belt-Way-Vol. III” soon at an adult video store close to an interstate near you.

Rolling with Sisyphus:

Thought for the Day:
The ancient Greek definition of happiness was the full use of your powers along lines of excellence. John F. Kennedy, US Democratic politician (1917 - 1963)

On My weekend:
Friday: Well, my escapades with members of the public safety community did not pan-out as planed, it’s a shame, they can always get you into the strip clubs for free and dancers love cops and firemen, perhaps the gods were working against me.

I enjoyed a few pitchers of beer, after my service minded chums canceled their RSVPs with some co-workers from here at the orphanage (Sr. Mary Redhead and Pastor Bob). It was while doing this that I came to the realization that mistakes were best made early in the evening as opposed to late, ergo, I ordered myself dbl shots (neat) and swore not to eat. See, what happens when I am without adult supervision?

It was soon after this time that I by happenstance ran into Johnny Vanilla and Tony Two-Times, oh, what fun we had reminiscing about those reckless days of youth we all shared at the Florida State Boys School Reformatory. It seems Johnny as been in hiding for the past three months at rehab-clinic in southern Puerto Rico complete with an 18-hole golf course (I didn’t ask nor should you).

Tony Two-Times however is still working for NASA part-time and moon lighting as a photographer and performance artist on Indian Reservations in the Great Plane states. He is a man of many talents and skills. Not the least of which is live animal training.

All in all, I found the fast paced banter a welcome relief and a distraction from my goal of being shit faced in record time (why you ask, did I want to get such? Well, fuck if I know, I was just in the mood).

It was soon after their departure that my Flower appeared, now you may remember she was to be spending the evening with a professional Hockey team, however after she sang both the American and Canadian national anthems, her work was finished as she made haste to join me her husband in hopes of ending my “free-range” evening (on a side note she did manage to slam shots of vodka with the Russian players from both teams, and got a rather odd shaped hickey from a French-Canadian fellow who was missing a number of teeth).

Anyway, my Flower appeared saddened that she had missed the company and fellowship of Johnny Vanilla and Mr. Tony Two-Times (she is a big fan of their floor show. Yes, it’s not generally known but they had a stage act in the early 90’s that was very popular in New Jersey for a time, think Pen and Teller with a healthy dose of penicillin).

Needless to say, that by that point I was sitting at a table of judges and several other distinguished members of the bar, my Flower thought it might be a good time to make our departure before I finished telling my 57 point plan to put Indiana on the right track. Note to self: always trust your less drunk wife’s opinion on such maters of the heart. We made our escape. Home in bed by 10 pm, mission accomplished.

On Saturday: My sweet and ever so kind wife went into work (they are in the midst of cutting some new tracks for her “Boy-Band”). If you have never heard a techno-remix of the polka classic “The Chicken Dance” you are in for a treat. After that she went shopping with Mrs. Pastor Bob at the local five and dime.

I stayed in and wrote a grant and read two books in the sunny back yard. Early that afternoon, a friend stationed in the Vatican called to tell me of the Holy Fathers passing, I then called my bride to inform her, she became hysterical in the middle of Family Dollar, such was the power and meaning of the Holy Father to her. Mrs. Pastor Bob managed to get her clamed down shortly after store security was called.

After her return she announced she was taking her head ache medicine and she would see me around noon on Sunday. Off to a genital slumber my flower went. For my solitary dinner, I fixed a T-bone and home made “THREE CHEESE PEROGIES” (I caped them because they were that good). I joined my loving and drugged wife in repose at around 11:00 pm.

Sunday: I woke and went to an early Mass, since I knew my flower would but out until at least noon. Much to my surprise she was awake and hard at work, saying she had to pee and that’s why she was up. I don’t know about everyone else, but my loving wife’s menses brings on a cleaning frenzy that the likes if which must be seen to be believed. I follow the first rule of smart husbandry I stayed the fuck out of her way. I found it to be a good time to make my Ribs and Rib-Pie. So, that’s what I did for most of the day.

After cooking them I took three Rib-Pies down to my families to feed the clan and hurriedly returned to the manor house. On my drive back I called J-Thom to wish my god-daughter a happy first birthday and to tell him the check was in the mail, we were both sad that, Mrs. JQP and I could not share this day with them in Memphis.

At about 6 we were joined by Smokey Bone the Drummer and his young innocent bride the Lady Bird for evening vespers. We dined on ribs and beans, while discussing the news of the day in detail.

The evening came to an end when my Flower got up from the chair she had been sitting in and pulled the parlor drapes then shut off the lights, with out a word she went to bed. Such are my loving wife’s habits when Mother Nature makes her visit.

I bid our guest goodnight and safe journey and after a hour or so of reading the family Bible I joined her in bed, for several hours of wild kinky loving making (ok, I dreamt about wild kinky loving making, but it worked out ok).

Today, I had a cancellation or I would be seeing the sights of Gary, Indiana right now. So, it’s once again back to the task at hand, grant writing. Its a normal day for Monday, cleaning up weekend messes and working for the common good of all people.

Your Bill for Today:

Love is too young to know what conscience is;
Yet who knows not conscience is born of love?
Then, gentle cheater, urge not my amiss,
Lest guilty of my faults thy sweet self prove:
For, thou betraying me, I do betray
My nobler part to my gross body's treason;
My soul doth tell my body that he may
Triumph in love; flesh stays no father reason;
But, rising at thy name, doth point out thee
As his triumphant prize. Proud of this pride,
He is contented thy poor drudge to be,
To stand in thy affairs, fall by thy side.
No want of conscience hold it that I call
Her 'love' for whose dear love I rise and fall.

Quote for the Day:
I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.
Gerry Spence, 'How to Argue and Win Every Time'

Penitent, yet a hard man, I remain :


Saturday, April 02, 2005

Pope John Paul II passes at the age of 84:

ISP Superintendent Paul Whitesell Update:

The Man:
On January 10, 2005, Governor Mitch Daniels appointed Dr. Paul E. Whitesell to serve as the 19th Superintendent of the Indiana State Police. He is a 30-year police veteran and world-renown trainer for law enforcement and the U.S. military.

Dr. Whitesell most recently worked as a member of the Chief's staff with the Fort Wayne Police Department. During his tenure with the Fort Wayne department, he served as police psychotherapist and a member of the academy staff. His responsibilities included implementing educational courses on topics ranging from human behavior and psychological issues to instructor development and defensive tactics.

Dr. Whitesell also served as a lieutenant at the Indiana Law Enforcement Academy, and worked eight years with the Indiana State Police, where he was a training sergeant, head defensive tactics instructor and Emergency Response Team leader. He has also worked as a university police officer and an Allen County Sheriff's deputy. During Dr. Whitesell's law enforcement career, his duties have included confinement officer, motorcycle officer, K-9 officer, and firearms instructor.

Dr. Whitesell is a licensed clinical social worker and a licensed marriage and family therapist. Since 1991, his practice has been almost exclusively police related. He has also served as associate professor with Indiana University and as adjunct instructor at the John F. Kennedy Special Warfare Center in Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

The Recent Actions:
With State Police Superintendent Paul Whitesell requesting increased interstate patrols, the state police post in Pendleton, Ind., has announced it will begin unannounced saturation patrols as well as increased rush-hour patrols in Hamilton, Hancock and Madison counties.

I, John Q. Public can attest to the patrols increased effectiveness. Since, I have been pulled over three times in the past 2 months, receiving one warning and two tickets.

I recently had a friend forward me a quote from Dr. Whitesell, made at a memorial service for a fallen officer. "Those of us who maintain a dangerous lifestyle will experience fear and anxiety. But, to do so, allows us to join a fraternity of those who have, since the beginning of man's time, endured...They endured. We endured. It is the cost of the privilege of such company." Paul Whitesell 1988

Yes, brothers and sisters, there is a new lawman in town and he is making his presence known. Drive careful and watch your speed, they are. That, and the ol' boy has big ol' balls & he aint afearing no man, shame it took Mitch to bring him in.


Friday, April 01, 2005

Breaking News:

ok, this is old...but on April First, can not a man dream?

Happy Birthday W

(if it isn’t it should be)

Thought for the Day:
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

On a Friday here at the Penal Colony:
Great Grandpa Pic
Today, my place of employment has taken on the air of “Devils Island” or more properly called “Île du Diable”. Perhaps you recognize this reference from a movie staring Mr. Steve McQueen (a personal hero of yours truly) and a lesser known actor named Dustin Hoffman, the movie was called “Papillon”, but I digress.

I walked in the office and was greeted with a “where the fuck have you been” which in chicken little speak means “the sky is falling, the sky is falling”. Two complaints and staff member who is stepping on their dick and everyone trying to shift the blame.

John Q. to the rescue, yes, today I am the whipping boy. The music stopped and I am left standing. So, while everyone else is busy covering their collective asses, I am hard at work solving said problems, which in due course they will take the credit for, you see dear reader, that’s why I am a team player.

On the Dreams of Youth:
However, I could always fall back on my first love that of Bull Fighting. Yes, not many people know this but I was famous in the early 90’s on the amateur Bull Fighting circuit. People from small towns across Ohio and northern Kentucky might remember me. I was a Hero.

Oh, how the crowd would chant my name “!Signor Public, via Public!” as I walked into the ring. In fact women of all sizes would throw themselves at me, often fights would break out, as they vied for my attention. Those were the days of wine & roses, I remember them fondly.

Sadly however, my career was cut short, in its prime.
spanish rice
It was during my long painful recovery, that decided to study the medical sciences , so off to one of the most well respected medical schools in the Bahamas I went, and the rest as they say is history.

Why, do I bring this up you may ask? Well, dear reader, I find myself today, feeling much the same way I did that fateful day, oh so long ago. Fucking hit in the Balls.

On the Walk of Life:
After teaching last night, I returned to the manor house around 10:30pm for a meal of left-overs, in front of the TV, (got have my fix of C-SPAN, CNN and BBC).

Oddly my Flower was still awake, she had in my absence watched a movie called the “Notebook” and proceeded to tell me all about it, in detail. She then broke down crying. Yes, it was chic-flick night at the House of Public. I am very glad she watches those things while I am gone.

Ok, news flash, I am a guy, why in the fuck would I watch a movie that will make me cry. I see enough of that shit at mother fucking work. That and I am a pussy, on those rare occasions when she has tricked me into watching a chic-flick, I fucking cry like a little girl.

Example: “The English Patient” so told me it was a war movie, lying bitch, and now she loves to tell people how not only do I cry at chic-flicks, that I will leave the room if "Old Yeller” or "Charlottes Web" is on (I will and I do).

Well, anyway, mamma was oh so lovey-dovey last night which is often the case after a sad romantic movie, so this morning it was easy for me to talk her into giving me a blow-job and the check-book. See, fellows there is a plus side. That and I love the Sweet and ever Kind Mrs. JQP, my Little Flower.

Since my flower is hanging out with a profession hockey team tonight (yes, she really is) and I am not even close to being a fan of the sport, I am going out and about. I plan to get some of my chums forom my days at Harvard together and wreck havoc.
some of my chums from Eaton
(Caption: some of my colleagues from the Hospital and the Courts, with Pastor Bob in the middle)

Let lose the dogs of war. Lock your doors, hide your women, we are coming home with our shields or on them. Either that or I might go home and prank call the PBS telethon (that’s always good for shits and giggles).

In Other News:
Yeah, Terri’s body finally caught up with her soul. News flash, she has been gone for a long, long time.

The Pope got last rights, it wont be long before someone is shouting his name and hitting him in the head with a silver ball pen hammer (yes, they really do that and that’s why I am a member of this progresive religion). So, a shout-out is in order to the Big-Guy up-stairs for the Holy Father.

Your Political Thought for the Day:
open minded
(Ed. Note: Now, please don’t think I am anti-homosexual, I support gay marriage, hell, why shouldn't they be allowed to experience the joys of d-i-v-o-r-c-e, property division and attorney fees, I mean damn, for those who practice law its an “un-tapped” market.

But, I really have a problem with the vice-resident. Well; problem is a bit of an understatement, he’s a prick, there enough said.)

Your Bill for the Day:
"Done to death by slanderous tongue
Was the Hero that here lies"
--From Much Ado About Nothing (V, iii, 3-4)

Quote of the Day:
Perseverance is more prevailing than violence; and many things which cannot be overcome when they are together, yield themselves up when taken little by little.
Plutarch, Greek biographer & moralist (46 AD - 120 AD)

I remain, primed for a fight: