I get more ass than a toilet seat:

"Shake That"
(by the great American composer Mr. Eminem, this song is destine to be a new classic)

Shady, Aftermath
There she goes shaking that ass on the floor
Bumpin and grindin that pole
The way she's grindin that pole
I think I'm losing control

[Verse 1 - Eminem]

Get buzzed, get drunk, get crunked, get fuucked up
Hit the strip club don't forget once get your dick rubbed
Get fucked, get sucked, get wasted, shit faceted
Pasted, blasted, puke drink up, get a new drink
Hit the bathroom sink, throw up
Wipe your shoe clean, got a routine
Knowin still got a few chunks on your shoestring
Showin I was dehydrated till the beat vibrated
I was revibed as soon as this Bitch gyrated
And hips and licked them lips and that was it
I had to get Nate Dogg here to sing some shit

[Verse 2 - Nate Dogg]

Two to the one from the one to the three
I like good pussy and I like good trees
Smoke so much weed you wouldn't beleive
And I get more ass than a toilet seat
Three to the one from the one to the three
I met a bad bitch last night in the D
Let me tell you how I made her leave with me
Conversation and Hennessey
I've been to the muthafuckin mountain top
Heard muthafuckers talk, seen 'em drop
If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock
And when I bust yo ass I'm gonna continue to rock
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet
It's real easy just follow the beat
Don't let that fine girl pass you byye
Look real close cause strobe lights blind

[Verse 3 - Nate Dogg]

We bout to have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (Go head shake your butt)
I'm lookin for a girl with a body and a sexy strut
Wanna get it poppin baby step right up
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I'm lookin for a girl that will do whatever the fuck
I say everday she be givin it up

[Chorus - Nate Dogg]

Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Come on girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Ohh girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Come on girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me

[Verse 4 - Eminem]

I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygentist
Open your mouth for about four or five minutes
Take a little bit of this flouride rinse
Swish but don't spit it, swallow and I'll finish
Yeah me and Nate d-o double g
Looking for a couple bitches with some double d's
Pop a little champagne and a couple E's
Slip it in her bubbuly, we finna finna have a party

[Verse 5 - Nate Dogg]

Have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (Go head shake your butt)
I'm lookin for a girl I can fuck in my hummer truck
Apple Bottom jeans and a big ol' suck
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I want a bitch that sit at the crib with no panties on
Knows that she can but she won't say no
Now look at this lady all in front of me, sexy as can be
Tonight I want a slut, will you be mine?
I heard you was freaky from a friend of mine

[Bridge - Eminem]

Now I hope you don't get mad at me
But I told Nate you was a freak
He said he wants a slut, hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind

[Chorus - Nate Dogg]

Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Cmon girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Ohh girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Cmon girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
We bout' to have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (go ahead shake that butt)
I'm lookin for a girl with a body and a sexy strut
Wanna get it poppin baby step right up
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I'm lookin for a girl that will do whatever the fuck
I say everday she be givin it up

[Outro - Eminem]

There she goes, shaking that ass on the floor
Bumpin and grindin that pole
The way she's grindin that pole
I think I'm losing control

God, come one

[Eminem makes noises]

I ain't leavin' without you bitch

Come here home with me

And my boy, and his boy, and his boy, and his gurl

haha, Nate Dogg

[deep breathing]

In Other News:


Last night I went out with M. Chamberlain News paper Man, and in two hours and numerous shots solved all of the world’s problems.

Sadly, I had written our solutions down on a cocktail napkin that also contained a navigational chart for the waters around Hiltonhead, SC. Much to my dismay, the world will have to continue suffering, as to the fact I also set my Miller Lite on said napkin and the ink ran.

Contrary to media reports, I did not get into a fight with a well known and highly regarded Pastry Chief at a local watering hole frequented by such people (it wasn’t much of a fight; I just kicked him in the balls).

After our cocktails, Mr. Chamberlain volunteered to drive me home, I readily accepted, however I insisted we stop at a local Bodega, thusly fortified with Mexican deep fired pork fat we continued to the Public manor. We then sat through the worst scary movie I have ever seen, even in my inebriated state.

However after M. Chamberlain News Paper Man, left our humble home, my loving and kind bride was taken over by a demonic force and beat the shit out of me, just for attempting nasal sex, by forcing my forefinger into her left nostril (hey, in some cultures it’s a big turn on). My flower gets moody when her egg drops.

Today, I am covered in bruises from where she threw some Marine/Rugby/Roller Derby moves on my ass. Needless to say, I slept down-stairs in the music room with a fireplace poker…

My baby doll, can be dangerous to the uninitiated when she gets like that. All in all, a nice “blow off steam” evening.

I remain, a lonely drifter traveling the highways and byways of your soul:

JQP esq.