Your Hairy Woman of the Month:

(“…her pit hair says cute and yet sassy.”)


(…and a little something to keep you warm on those cold winter nights.)

All my best, play nice children:

JQP

Kidney Stones and Job Interviews:

(Make your own caption day)

News up-date:
I feel like shit and have since Sunday. I often lay on the bathroom floor crying like a little girl. Such is the price for a life well lived.

I had an interview downtown yesterday working for a very large Union. They want me to run offices and programming in 6 states. The pay and benefits are kick ass, but some of the stuff they are wanting me to do I don’t know my ass from a hole in the ground on.

I think I have a good shot at it and it would be fun to get involved with a job that sticks in to the man. The down-side is the area I would cover, now get this: AZ, NV, TX, VA, NC and SC. 60% travel. Well, I need something ASAP, because of course my truck is fucked up, I think the transmission is going out, shits and giggles.

Today, I have a interview with a illness based not-for-profit, doing programming state wide (and this is a pretty good sized state). It doesn’t pay as well but it sounds like I would have lots of room to create and a lot less travel. Wish me luck; I am looking for a good match and some cash in my pocket.

Other than that I am looking and feeling my best and putting my best foot forward:

JQP

Situation Normal, all fucked-up:

(Perhaps, I shouldn’t wear a mid-drift t-shit when I go to interviews.)

Thought for the Day:
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
Jean Cocteau

Supper tonight:
Pork Chops with Greek seasoning, onion, pepper and squash with dill and spanakopita. I am thinking a sweet white wine to go with it; pork is after all the other white meat.

The number that keeps coming up for me:
For the past few months, the number “11” as been coming up for me. When I look at the clock its always 11 after. When I get gas, the pump clicks off at something 11. When I but something, the number 11 is somehow in my change. Any ideas on what this could mean? I am getting a little freaked out about it.

Resumes:
I now have out 520 resumes and have been without a job since mid-December. I get I am to over qualified for the positions they have available, or that I don’t have the right degree. “We don’t want to hire you, because we would get you trained and you would leave for a better job”. I had one Ex. Dir. Tell me that I had a better resume than hers; at least she gave me a referral.

I just read the average time for a white collar worker to be out of work is 4 to 6 months. I have applied to jobs ranging from NFP’s (not-for-profits) to Union Pacific. Just hoping something comes through; I don’t do well with free time.

Transportation:
My truck is in the shop today, in an effort to fix my breaks. I had to wait until my Flowers payday. So, I have been without any means of transportation, other than travel by foot. It is my hope that it wont be 500 bucks or something. See, at least I still have hope.

Cable TV:
Sucks, we have Cox here and its about half as good as Comcast. Cheaper but about half as good. Funny, in the backward mid-west, we had better cable. I now just listen to NPR all day because there is really nothing on.

Todays Bill:
“ Then must you speak
Of One that lov'd not wisely but too well."
From Othello (V, ii, 343-344)

Quote of the Day:
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
e e cummings

I remain to poor to be eccentric and to sane to be institutionalized:

JQP esq.

The Great Leader, in his own words:

(Join me today in my praise of strong leadership and Lands End jackets.)


Quotes from the man who did not allow either his DWI arrest
or theft arrest prevent him from stealing the Presidency and starting an unnecessary war:

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between mother and child." - GWB

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"You are visiting Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." GW Bush,
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change."

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." Dec. 20, 2000

"It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."

"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun."

"Mr. Vice President, in all due respect, it is—I'm not sure 80 percent of the people get the death tax. I know this: 100 percent will get it if I'm the president."

"A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness." Sept 2000

"Quotas are bad for America. It's not the way America is all about."

"If affirmative action means what I just described, what I'm for, then I'm for it." St. Louis, Mo.


"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

"The future will be better tomorrow." "Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr. to reporters in 10/9

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican"
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The
rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
...George W. Bush, Jr.

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 5/20/96

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/18/95

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr.

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush, Jr



"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." GW Bush, Jr. to Sam Donaldson

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." ...

"Public speaking is very easy." ...

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican"

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make." ...Gov GW Bush, Jr.

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." GW Bush

I did not vote for him as you know. My Grandpa used to say, you buy yer’self a three dollar whore, expect about three dollars worth.

JQP

Up, Up and Away, in my beautiful balloon:

(A tribute to both Man-Back-Hair and NASCAR)

As I said in my comments earlier, I have three interviews set up the first week of Feb. one working in a NFP one working in state government and one working for the Fed. Both the state and the Fed job are offering a shit load of cash to come to work for them but the NFP sounds like it might be fun. 107 days here, two jobs in that time and over 500 resumes out, its about time it started turning around for me, cash is tight, props to the man upstairs for listening to my almost constant prayers.

On the home front, we are getting used to being alone again, after a few months with a roommate. It is a lot more relaxing. It’s been cold here, hell Sunday it snowed in Scottsdale. My luck move to the desert and it snows.

On the plus side by the weekend its suppose to be back up in the 60’s. Other than that really nothing new to post, such is the life of the retired.

I remain, wearing black socks with my sandals:

JQP

A PSA from JQP:

(no one e-v-e-r gave me candy, damit)

Sub-Slut for my Loving:

Stolen, without shame from a great Texan and and fine humanitarian: http://blindintexas.blogspot.com/

A Very Public Morning set to Music:

4:30 AM
Wake, shit, shower, shave, see the wife off…
NPR, Newspapers (online) coffee

5:00am
E-Mails, coffee
Truly Do - Bud and Travis

6:00am
Two eggs over easy, rye toast, fresh tomato juice.
Jolie Louise - Daniel Lanois
Pee, more coffee

7:00am
Get Your Life – Livingston
Fed Employment Register, State of AZ job postings

8:30am
Don't Be Cruel - Cheap Trick
Mondo Rondo - Serpent Cathedral
Good Work - BoDeans
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot - Eric Clapton

10:00AM
Various online Job Boards, coffee…
Baby, I Need Your Loving - Bon Jovi
Old Time Rock and Roll - Bob Seger
Big Big Man - Beat Farmers
A Whiter Shade of Pale - Protocol Harlem

11:45AM
Local Job Boards, switch to sweet tea, pee
Family Tradition - Hank Williams Jr.
Cold calls on places resume sent to, in a valiant effort to follow-up.
Start planning lunch (some form of stir-fry, third day in running) NPR...

Giving you insight into a life lived on the edge:

JQP esq

Rolling a Stone up a Hill:

Busy looking for work...

A More Than Random Update:

Since Last we spoke…

The interview went well last Wednesday, about two hours via phone with some people from their HQ in Texas, but their process takes several weeks or so I am told.

We are broke, Raman Noodle time, I am thinking about drinking my mouthwash and/or aftershave.

My Flower, surprised me, she knows I am getting (getting? Fuck, I have the t-shirt) depressed. She called J. Thomas “The Jazz Man” in Memphis and had him come and visit. It was a surprise! More so than the time I caught my first wife in bed with a close friend of mine.

Thus, no up-dates till today, Lets just say it was Thursday to Monday with the following cast: Myself JQP esq., My Petite and Loving Flower, J. Thomas “The Jazz Man”, Tattoo John (my youthful ward) and Kevin the Cosmonaut.

Mistakes were made and alcohol was a factor…..but not on my tab.

I once again proved that my escape and evasion skills are still razor sharp.

Skate punks that hang-out in tattoo parlors, fight in packs just like ferial dogs.

My brakes went out in the mountains, which made for a fun drive.

I am told it will cost 400 bucks to fix them.

I can’t even get downtown to sell plasma now.

Over the weekend my home here in the foot hills became a flop house for those who gladly misspent their youth.

The Asia song “Heat of the Moment” and John Cougar’s “Jack and Dianne” are stuck in my head.

We ate well and drank even better.

Tattoo John will be leaving for Indiana this week, due in large part to two factors, one the lack of employment for a man of his talents and second, My Flower tossing his ass out.

I hope she doesn’t toss my ass out soon to; it’s a long walk back to Indiana.

I e-mailed my resume to every Ex. Dir. in a 50 mile radius this morning, in an effort to get around the HR gate keepers.

My angle is let me write grants and I will pay for myself, run your programs and make you look good, cross your fingers.

Brothers and Sisters, this living in the desert (101 days total) is getting me down.

I am still reading a book a day, watching the Hitler Channel (is there ever anything else on the History Channel) and having personal hygiene activities be the high light of my day.

That’s not true, when My Flower comes home is the high light of my day, I and the hounds wait at the door shaking our collective asses and wetting on the carpet.

Other than that, nothing of any note from here on the Res.

Wishing you and yours the very best,

JQP

Say a Prayer for me:

(My secret? I dress for success fuckers!)

Well, at 9am Mountain time Wednesday I have an interview. Wish me luck…’cause this retirement shit is not working out for me. All afternoon I have been standing in front of the mirror saying “Hello there! Welcome to Wal-Mart!” I think I have it down.

I remain steadfast and loyal, but like your Lab likely to chew the crotch out of panties:

JQP

From the Desk of Mrs. JQP:

This is from a reporter in Orlando Mike Thomas
COMMENTARYJanuary 3, 2007

Call me a traitor, but I am professionally obligated to tell the truth.We don't have a chance. Florida is a small, academically elite, basketballschool. The Buckeyes are brutes coming down out of the frozen wasteland,looking for one more corpse to trample before moving on to the NFL. They will destroy us. And then it's off to E. 15th Ave. to burn mattresses,cars, small animals and fraternity pledges. Except for Maurice Clarett. He'll just rattle his cup on the cell bars. This is amazing. A star player goes off to prison and they just reload. It's like playing Florida State .

These are not the pleasant little Big Ten Badgers from Wisconsin or thecerebral Wolverines from Michigan . The Buckeyes are big, dumb, and now, frighteningly enough, they are fast. Remember what the 1995 Cornhuskers did to us in the Fiesta Bowl? Imagine ifthey also had the ability to throw a forward pass. It would have been likegiving Sitting Bull assault rifles at Little Bighorn. That's what we are up against with the 2006 Ohio State Buckeyes. We are the treading water. They are JAWS. When they are done with us, send them to Iraq to quell the insurgency. The only good thing about this game is that it isn't in Florida . Because whenever Ohio State fans travel to a bowl game in the Sunbelt , they buyone-way tickets.

It's not that I don't like people from Ohio . It's just that now there are more people from Ohio in Florida than there arepeople from Ohio in Ohio . Our managing editor is from the Cleveland Plain Dealer. The reporter sittingnext to me went to Ohio University , as did one of our tourism reporters. For crying out loud, the last two Gators coaches came from Ohio ! It's like a non-stop Mariel Boat Lift. They flood across our borders, up to18 of them crammed in a single 1987 Plymouth Voyager. Sure must be some kind of hellhole up there.

Anyway, for those few people in Orlando who are not from Ohio , let me fill you in on the Buckeyes. Whereas Florida 's mascot is the alligator, a fierce, man-eating predator,Ohio State 's mascot is a tree nut, albeit a formidable one that could causeconsiderable gastric distress if eaten to excess. Before every game, a little man wearing a nut head and prison garb in Ohio State colors runs out on the field. He certainly is no Chief Osceola with a flaming spear. He's more likesomething you'd see on Sesame Street or Dora the Explorer. I dare say Albert the Alligator will keel over laughing when he sees him. But Nut Head whips those fans into a frenzy. It can be 10 degrees below zero but invariably four burly brutes will bare their jiggling man fat to reveal the letters OIOH.

Whereas we do the Gator Chomp and the 'Noles do the Tomahawk Chop, theBuckeyes do the Woody Punch. All this is why the standard retort of Michigan fans after Ohio State beatsthem is: "Oh yeah, we'll we play again next year but you'll always be dumb.' But they are making strides at Ohio State . They can write in cursive now. During the marching band routines at halftime, the tuba player has dotted the correct letter in Ohio three games in a row.

They've come up with a new degree program called "undeclared major'' that 39 players on the football team have enrolled in. And, as I previously mentioned, they now can be trained to throw thefootball. We are doomed. Art Schlichter offered me a 19-point spread and I didn't take it. Please have mercy on us, oh mighty Buckeyes.

Mike Thomas can be reached atmthomas@orlandosentinel.com or 407-420-5525.

Notes on the Weekend:

I ended up in ER most of Friday.

I got lots of stitches in my foot.

No I wasn’t drunk, I cut my foot on our glass tops coffee table.

Arizona is out to get me.

This city has been overrun by Buckeyes.

I am calling Ohio by a minimum of 12 points.

I don’t care much for Buckeyes.

Over 300 resumes out, if someone doesn’t hire me I am going to fucking lose it.

Happy birthday to Elvis, BBG and my hounds, the girls are 4 now.

Hanging my Head Low:

ND wins in Bowl Game Overtime:

(that’s my prediction, you may say I am a dreamer but I am not the only one)

And now for your first hairy pitted beauty of the New Year.



All my best,

JQP (looking and feeling my best)

Random Thoughts on the 2nd day of a New Year:

(My Back Yard)


I don’t think Ford should have pardoned Nixon. Hell, they didn’t cut My President, Mr. Clinton any slack.

A head injury does serve to slow one down a bit, worry not I am once again back to my razor sharp wit and keen intellect.

Middle age is sucking just a bit.

There are a shit load of good restaurants here.

Scotch Eggs are good for a hangover; however sauerkraut perogies with dill sour cream should not be overlooked for its restorative values.

I watched the bowl game and for a change the team I was cheering on won, the Broncos win was something to see. It’s odd having bowl tickets to games you don’t give a shit about.

We celebrated English new year at 5 pm, chiefly because we didn’t want to be out on amateur night, btw the cops here are not amateurs.

For your first DUI here everyone goes to tent city for two weeks, them old boys don’t fuck around here.

Sheriff Joe offered me a job being a prison guard at tent city, to-date I have very politely refused.

I can’t figure out my new cell phone.

M. Chamberlain and OB GY Kenobi prank called me last night.

I am reading a book every two days.

I am hopeful that someone will hire me now the holidays are over, I need a job, I don’t do well with free time.

I am thinking about growing a beard.

I made fried cabbage with red apples and steaks for New Years day, no Hopping John this year, southern food is hard to find here.

I still have not hung my art work.

I am trying to get a federal job, shit you should see what they pay.

Applying for a federal job is about as easy as doing your own taxes.

Never eat at a taco joint where any of the employees have scabs on their finger tips.

I am blessed with a good woman, who doesn’t like me to bleed all over her house.

I heal quick.

I go to the casino down the road to eat, because I am a cheap ass.

Westerners are an odd group.

I don’t think I will enjoy retirement at all.

I have started writing the great American novel, my brain as been like a drunken party with Somerset Maugham, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Faulkner, and my mentor HST all getting asked to leave by the bouncers.

While I am here I am going to have a look around the western half of the land, with a few side trips south of the border (as soon as I find out if those warrants from Interpol are still active).

I was turned down for membership in the Sun City Jewish Men’s Society, and the Muslim Brotherhood of Greater Phoenix. Oh well, I guess I still have a Masons to fall back on.

In the Polar Bear tradition, I jumped in my pool yesterday.

I miss my friends and job still.

I do a much better job of pissing people off than of making new friends.

What can I say; I have a hard time suffering assholes.

I am going to bake bread today.

No more negative thinking is my mantra, even if GWB 43 is still president.

Tonight for our evening meal, it’s Italian, homemade cheese tortellini, fresh Sicilian sauce (which I am going to go shopping for, there is a lot of stuff in it and it all must be fresh), & home made garlic bread.

That is all,

JQP esq.