Revenge of the Borg:
On being Hopeful when I Awake:
When I woke from my fevered slumber at 3:30am, I thought to myself, I just might be getting over this. Knowing that my co-workers and society at large depends on me, after all my motto is “anything for the children”. I set my mind to going to work. I laid out one of my favorite suits (my lime green Brooks Brothers knock-off, with a Black DKNY tie, I have loved this suit ever since I bought it from a small shop off of Fatima Square in downtown Beirut). Thinking that I, JQP would cut a dashing figure in court today.
But, it was not to be… even though I had stopped by my neighborhood Korean health food store (every block should have one), and was told the “medicine” I purchased from Mrs. Kim would set me straight in 24 hours or less (she even threw in some kimchee, have you ever had a Kimchee Bloody Mary? I am working on perfecting the recipe).
After my shower, first pot of coffee, honey ham, with Red-Eye gravy, two eggs over easy, with toast, I still felt like shit. About that time, the Hard Working and Dedicated Mrs. John Q. Public returned to the manor house. She had been working tirelessly promoting her new “Boy-Band” in Evansville, Indiana; where they had a concert at the National Guard armory.
On looking somewhat Odd:
She was the first person to notice it, I am yellow, yes yellow (gee, makes you want to invite me over to sit in your hot-tub, doesn’t it? Anyone for soup?), after attempting to administer a rectal thermometer (un-successfully I might add). She insisted that we go to the ER. I however was reticent toward the idea, since I was just there for the dog attack and head trauma on Monday night, and I blame my visit there for my current malady.
After taking my temp. in a more conventional way, I found that yes indeed I am still sick, (101, for those of you who are like myself, health care professionals, after all I didn’t work my ass of at those medical schools in the Bahamas for nothing). But, still I was yellow, having seen cases like this before I started ruling out possibilities, I had not traveled to the tropics in at least the past seven days, I quit drink from mud-puddles years ago, I had not used any public restrooms recently, and my last liver function test was ok, so that ruled out any quick acting diseases, drug interaction perhaps, after consulting the PDR, I could find nothing more that I was used to. Environmental factors, there might lie my answer.
On Women and Soap:
I proceeded to retrace my steps, bed and bath, and there I hit upon the answer. It was at this time 4:38, my eyes had adjusted to the fact that I was in fact awake, and I saw it. Now, I don’t know about you, but it has been my experience that women love to buy anything that has the words “body wash” in it.
Don’t even get me started on decorative soaps, I mean what the hell is the point in having soap you cant use, but I guess it makes since because the only thing to dry you hands with would be those hand towels you cant use. Which is why when I am a house guest, I make it a point for men everywhere to use both the good soap and the decorative hand towels my hosts have so proudly displayed (there, you are forewarned).
You didn’t notice it didn’t lather-up?
I must say, that it was not without some surprise that I found the root of my yellow coloring sitting there in the shower. It should be noted that during my shower, I realized that we were out of soap (I am an Irish Spring man myself). Reaching out of the shower I grabbed the closest bottle of what at the time I assumed was “body-wash”. It seems the Cost Cutting and Resourceful Mrs. John Q. Public had a coupon for self-tanning lotion. Why they would package something like Self-Tanning lotion in a bottle that mirrors one of those “Body-Washes” is anyone’s guess, I feel it to be a public health hazard, and said so in an e-mail I sent off the customer complaint department of the manufacturer. At this point, my Sweet and Kind wife started laughing so hard she fell onto in floor. So, dear reader, I remain with sick and with a high-yellow look about me.
Enter the Borg:
Which of course brings me to the Borg, who called me at 5:00am (which I can only assume is soon after it arises from its cocoon or pod, whatever they plug themselves into). “Good Morning John, sorry did I wake you?” No been up for hours, as a matter of fact I was just going to call you. “Oh, are you still sick?” No, I just wanted to find out what your wearing to work today, yes I am still sick and no I will not be in. “Well, who is going to cover for you” I don’t know. Perhaps you could find out, and have them give me a call, and I will tell them over the phone how to perform my job without killing anyone. “Hey, Ok, that sounds like a good plan, hope your feeling better, Soon”.
Now it should be noted that it most likely sounded like a cocktail party was going on, Dear, Sweet Mrs. John Q. Public had put in a CD of French café music, turned it up all the way and while still laughing very loudly had decided it was a good time to rearrange the wine glasses (in the process breaking only three, a new record for her). I guess my point is the Borg thought it was going to get me back for calling it early. Now, was that silly or what? Its just as well, cricket is on ESPN 2 today, followed by Bull-Riding. I wonder what Lifetime will have on this afternoon.
Quote for the Day:
Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady.
Francois de La RochefoucauldFrench author & moralist (1613 - 1680)
Really Jaundiced Looking, I remain:
JQP MD
When I woke from my fevered slumber at 3:30am, I thought to myself, I just might be getting over this. Knowing that my co-workers and society at large depends on me, after all my motto is “anything for the children”. I set my mind to going to work. I laid out one of my favorite suits (my lime green Brooks Brothers knock-off, with a Black DKNY tie, I have loved this suit ever since I bought it from a small shop off of Fatima Square in downtown Beirut). Thinking that I, JQP would cut a dashing figure in court today.
But, it was not to be… even though I had stopped by my neighborhood Korean health food store (every block should have one), and was told the “medicine” I purchased from Mrs. Kim would set me straight in 24 hours or less (she even threw in some kimchee, have you ever had a Kimchee Bloody Mary? I am working on perfecting the recipe).
After my shower, first pot of coffee, honey ham, with Red-Eye gravy, two eggs over easy, with toast, I still felt like shit. About that time, the Hard Working and Dedicated Mrs. John Q. Public returned to the manor house. She had been working tirelessly promoting her new “Boy-Band” in Evansville, Indiana; where they had a concert at the National Guard armory.
On looking somewhat Odd:
She was the first person to notice it, I am yellow, yes yellow (gee, makes you want to invite me over to sit in your hot-tub, doesn’t it? Anyone for soup?), after attempting to administer a rectal thermometer (un-successfully I might add). She insisted that we go to the ER. I however was reticent toward the idea, since I was just there for the dog attack and head trauma on Monday night, and I blame my visit there for my current malady.
After taking my temp. in a more conventional way, I found that yes indeed I am still sick, (101, for those of you who are like myself, health care professionals, after all I didn’t work my ass of at those medical schools in the Bahamas for nothing). But, still I was yellow, having seen cases like this before I started ruling out possibilities, I had not traveled to the tropics in at least the past seven days, I quit drink from mud-puddles years ago, I had not used any public restrooms recently, and my last liver function test was ok, so that ruled out any quick acting diseases, drug interaction perhaps, after consulting the PDR, I could find nothing more that I was used to. Environmental factors, there might lie my answer.
On Women and Soap:
I proceeded to retrace my steps, bed and bath, and there I hit upon the answer. It was at this time 4:38, my eyes had adjusted to the fact that I was in fact awake, and I saw it. Now, I don’t know about you, but it has been my experience that women love to buy anything that has the words “body wash” in it.
Don’t even get me started on decorative soaps, I mean what the hell is the point in having soap you cant use, but I guess it makes since because the only thing to dry you hands with would be those hand towels you cant use. Which is why when I am a house guest, I make it a point for men everywhere to use both the good soap and the decorative hand towels my hosts have so proudly displayed (there, you are forewarned).
You didn’t notice it didn’t lather-up?
I must say, that it was not without some surprise that I found the root of my yellow coloring sitting there in the shower. It should be noted that during my shower, I realized that we were out of soap (I am an Irish Spring man myself). Reaching out of the shower I grabbed the closest bottle of what at the time I assumed was “body-wash”. It seems the Cost Cutting and Resourceful Mrs. John Q. Public had a coupon for self-tanning lotion. Why they would package something like Self-Tanning lotion in a bottle that mirrors one of those “Body-Washes” is anyone’s guess, I feel it to be a public health hazard, and said so in an e-mail I sent off the customer complaint department of the manufacturer. At this point, my Sweet and Kind wife started laughing so hard she fell onto in floor. So, dear reader, I remain with sick and with a high-yellow look about me.
Enter the Borg:
Which of course brings me to the Borg, who called me at 5:00am (which I can only assume is soon after it arises from its cocoon or pod, whatever they plug themselves into). “Good Morning John, sorry did I wake you?” No been up for hours, as a matter of fact I was just going to call you. “Oh, are you still sick?” No, I just wanted to find out what your wearing to work today, yes I am still sick and no I will not be in. “Well, who is going to cover for you” I don’t know. Perhaps you could find out, and have them give me a call, and I will tell them over the phone how to perform my job without killing anyone. “Hey, Ok, that sounds like a good plan, hope your feeling better, Soon”.
Now it should be noted that it most likely sounded like a cocktail party was going on, Dear, Sweet Mrs. John Q. Public had put in a CD of French café music, turned it up all the way and while still laughing very loudly had decided it was a good time to rearrange the wine glasses (in the process breaking only three, a new record for her). I guess my point is the Borg thought it was going to get me back for calling it early. Now, was that silly or what? Its just as well, cricket is on ESPN 2 today, followed by Bull-Riding. I wonder what Lifetime will have on this afternoon.
Quote for the Day:
Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady.
Francois de La RochefoucauldFrench author & moralist (1613 - 1680)
Really Jaundiced Looking, I remain:
JQP MD
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 6:30 AM
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