Joy in a bottle and Mary on my lap, the highway ahead....
...and I aint look'en back.....
Ok, quit sending e-mails, here it is. There now go and have fun!
Your Joke of the Day:
The Survey Says
Seven bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down
to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of
pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying; ditzy, and a
pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want
to be her cabin boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks - no umbrellas
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows
what she wants.
Your Approach: If she wants you, she'll
send YOU a drink.
Drink: Wine - (bottled not 4 liter cask )
Personality: Conservative and classy,
sophisticated.
Your Approach: Try and weave Paris and
clothing into the conversation.
Drink: Alcopops
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and
sophisticated, actually has absolutely no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than
she is...and you're in.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or
looking to get drunk ...and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint.
Nothing to do but wait.
Then there is the male drink analysis....
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut.
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get
laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants
to get laid.
Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will
give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whisky: He doesn't give two shits about
anything and will hit anyone who will
get in his way of getting laid.
Tequila: Piss off, all you fucks, I'm
gonna go tag something with a pulse.
Alcopops: He's gay
Your Mental Defect for the Week:
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Diagnostic Criteria
The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following were present:
-the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others
-the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
Note: In children, this may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior
-The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
-recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions.
-Note: In young children, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed.
-recurrent distressing dreams of the event.
Note: In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.
-acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
Note: In young children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur.
-intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event
Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
1 efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma
2 efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
3 inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
4 markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
5 feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
6 restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
7 sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span)
Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following:
difficulty falling or staying asleep
irritability or outbursts of anger
difficulty concentrating
hypervigilance
exaggerated startle response
Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than 1 month.
The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Specify if:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms is 3 months or more
Specify if: With Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor
(I called in with this one three times last week, it works, esp. if your a postal employee!)
The Drink of the Week:
“My Hairy Ass”
Ingredients:
1 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. Capt. Morgan’s
3/4 oz. Apple Schnapps
3/4 oz. Peach Schnapps
Fill w/ Red Bull
Bar Trick for the Week:
Don’t Touch the Cherry Trick: It's very simple, and all bars should have the items to do it. You'll need a brandy snifter, a stem less cherry (rinsed and dried), and an ashtray . Place the snifter upside-down over the cherry. Challenge a bar guest to get the cherry into the ashtray without touching the ashtray or the cherry.
The only thing they can touch is the snifter, and the only thing the cherry can touch is the snifter. The snifter must remain inverted at all times. (Mashing the cherry on the rim is not permitted.) Note: You can use an olive instead of the cherry, and to add more Difficulty to the Trick you can use a glass of any kind instead of an ashtray, and or use obstacles that the Cherry has to go over. It's easy give it a try. Here's how its done: Simple take the snifter glass place over the cherry and begin spinning it. The centrifugal force will keep the cherry in the glass.
Your Bill for the Day:
Tempt not a desperate man. -- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
A knight jousting with windmills, I remain:
JQP
Ok, quit sending e-mails, here it is. There now go and have fun!
Your Joke of the Day:
The Survey Says
Seven bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down
to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of
pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying; ditzy, and a
pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want
to be her cabin boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks - no umbrellas
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows
what she wants.
Your Approach: If she wants you, she'll
send YOU a drink.
Drink: Wine - (bottled not 4 liter cask )
Personality: Conservative and classy,
sophisticated.
Your Approach: Try and weave Paris and
clothing into the conversation.
Drink: Alcopops
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and
sophisticated, actually has absolutely no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than
she is...and you're in.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or
looking to get drunk ...and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint.
Nothing to do but wait.
Then there is the male drink analysis....
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut.
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get
laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants
to get laid.
Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will
give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whisky: He doesn't give two shits about
anything and will hit anyone who will
get in his way of getting laid.
Tequila: Piss off, all you fucks, I'm
gonna go tag something with a pulse.
Alcopops: He's gay
Your Mental Defect for the Week:
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Diagnostic Criteria
The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following were present:
-the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others
-the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
Note: In children, this may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior
-The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
-recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions.
-Note: In young children, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed.
-recurrent distressing dreams of the event.
Note: In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.
-acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
Note: In young children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur.
-intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event
Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
1 efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma
2 efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
3 inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
4 markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
5 feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
6 restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
7 sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span)
Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following:
difficulty falling or staying asleep
irritability or outbursts of anger
difficulty concentrating
hypervigilance
exaggerated startle response
Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than 1 month.
The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Specify if:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms is 3 months or more
Specify if: With Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor
(I called in with this one three times last week, it works, esp. if your a postal employee!)
The Drink of the Week:
“My Hairy Ass”
Ingredients:
1 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. Capt. Morgan’s
3/4 oz. Apple Schnapps
3/4 oz. Peach Schnapps
Fill w/ Red Bull
Bar Trick for the Week:
Don’t Touch the Cherry Trick: It's very simple, and all bars should have the items to do it. You'll need a brandy snifter, a stem less cherry (rinsed and dried), and an ashtray . Place the snifter upside-down over the cherry. Challenge a bar guest to get the cherry into the ashtray without touching the ashtray or the cherry.
The only thing they can touch is the snifter, and the only thing the cherry can touch is the snifter. The snifter must remain inverted at all times. (Mashing the cherry on the rim is not permitted.) Note: You can use an olive instead of the cherry, and to add more Difficulty to the Trick you can use a glass of any kind instead of an ashtray, and or use obstacles that the Cherry has to go over. It's easy give it a try. Here's how its done: Simple take the snifter glass place over the cherry and begin spinning it. The centrifugal force will keep the cherry in the glass.
Your Bill for the Day:
Tempt not a desperate man. -- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
A knight jousting with windmills, I remain:
JQP
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 2:20 AM
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