Random Thoughts of past Events:
Why Karaoke and family events is a bad idea:
This year a cousin of the family started a Karaoke business to help pay the bills when his roofing job wasn’t. Now, I don’t know your feeling on Karaoke, but I tend to view it with has much joy as say getting my teeth drilled, or perhaps a prostrate exam.
Now, add to that mix your family and large amounts of alcohol. Yes, dear reader it is disturbing. In fact, it is a quick and easy way to turn any Hallmark Christmas celebration into something akin to stopping by the bar over by the interstate; you know the one within walking distance of the trailer park. Does any one need to see their grandmother and grandfather dance and sing along to Sir Mix-a-Lots hit single “I Love Big Butts”. Or better yet, your sisters and Aunts dirty dancing?
Dear reader it was scaring. Thank God, we have EAP here at work.
On Law Enforcement:
Over the holiday I had the opportunity to go on a “ride along” with Officer Matt. Keep in mind that rules don’t apply to members of the law enforcement community, or has Officer Matt is fond of saying “I am the Law”. The one point of action for the night was when “…two male subjects entered Taste of Bombay Indian Buffet and proceeded to rob the place.” What made it odd was the part of taking the statements from those poor owners who had just been robbed. “I am standing here beside myself with fear, from the robbery of my restaurant”. My hats off to you, you Princes of the City, protectors of our freedoms. Sadly, this is all I can share about the time spent with those fine members of Indiana Law Enforcement, for fear of jeopardizing future investigations.
Rednecks with PhDs, merits and mistakes:
There are a large amount of veterans, parolees, and PhDs in my family. To an outside observer it may seem odd, but to those familiar with our primitive mountain village it makes sense. Now there are some un-enjoyable things about this mix of people, one is the fact that if you get two of us together there is going to be three opinions. Do you have any idea how much fun it is to argue the merits of the land war in Iraq with the veterans, who is the better defense attorney with the convicts and Comparative reading of Post Modern French Writers with the Rednecks?
Give me the first two anytime, something about the Rednecks with PhDs just isn’t right. Picture this, 7 of us playing the family game of quoting Shakespeare, where you have to site the act and scene. While chewing tobacco and drinking shots of cheap Irish whiskey and ice cold Miller, its taxing. That and these old boys just don’t give up, I got into work this morning and there are 22 e-mails correcting my quotes. Don’t worry dear reader I sent out a few of my own, yes…we by nature don’t let things drop and will keep going till we prove our point.
Why you should not bet everyone that you can field strip an M-16 blind folded in under 30 seconds:
Now, to set the stage, before everyone left for Midnight Mass all the “men-folk” brought out their new firearms to pass around and show-off. You know nothing says Christmas like an assault rifle. It was at the point of my Nephew playing show and tell with his AR-15 that the Sweet and Inebriated Mrs. John Q. Public said: “JQP can strip this thing in less than 30 seconds blind folded. (Yes, I know what your thinking, Wow, JQP what a neat party trick, well dear reader in the circles I run in it is). I
t was at this point the competitive nature of my family came out, money was bet. Did you ever notice that when your whole family is watching you, 100% of the time something goes wrong? I know many of your are very familiar with the proper method of field striping an M-16, its very easy to do and a smooth process to watch in well trained hands. It was however the putting it back together again that became the problem.
There is a very small pin that holds the whole thing together, and that dear reader was the problem, it was split, so, it took me an hour and a half to put the damn thing back together. I was asked “Well, what did you do in the service when this happened” Well, if I was getting shot at, I looked around for a M-16 laying on the ground or ran the fuck away, if I wasn’t I went and got a new pin” Word of advice, carry spare parts.
Cool Gifts I received:
This year from an old Army buddy named Danny Big Hair, I got a box of dried meats, I would tell you what they are but I have no idea, but has I told the Kind and Dieting Mrs. John Q. Public I am sure they are Atkins approved.
From a friend in the Middle East I got two oriental rugs, nice ones….very nice.
My dear friend and chum from my Eaton days, Tattoo John got me a necklace made out of human teeth, it looks cool and it does get noticed.
And from my loving wife two cook books, one on Tuscan cooking and the other on Improvised Munitions. She said she hopes that I will look up recipes before I start trying to make Semtex in the kitchen again from memory.
Thought for the Day:
Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way...you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.
Aristotle Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC - 322 BC)
Your Bill for the Day:
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,To the last syllable of recorded time;And all our yesterdays have lighted foolsThe way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,And then is heard no more: it is a taleTold by an idiot, full of sound and fury,Signifying nothing."
--From Macbeth (V, v, 19)
Todays Poem:
The Night Has A Thousand Eyes
THE night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of a bright world dies
When day is done.
The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.
Francis William Bourdillon
Quote for the Day:
No tree has branches so foolish as to fight amongst themselves. -- Ojibwa Indian saying
I remain, to you....
JQP esq.
This year a cousin of the family started a Karaoke business to help pay the bills when his roofing job wasn’t. Now, I don’t know your feeling on Karaoke, but I tend to view it with has much joy as say getting my teeth drilled, or perhaps a prostrate exam.
Now, add to that mix your family and large amounts of alcohol. Yes, dear reader it is disturbing. In fact, it is a quick and easy way to turn any Hallmark Christmas celebration into something akin to stopping by the bar over by the interstate; you know the one within walking distance of the trailer park. Does any one need to see their grandmother and grandfather dance and sing along to Sir Mix-a-Lots hit single “I Love Big Butts”. Or better yet, your sisters and Aunts dirty dancing?
Dear reader it was scaring. Thank God, we have EAP here at work.
On Law Enforcement:
Over the holiday I had the opportunity to go on a “ride along” with Officer Matt. Keep in mind that rules don’t apply to members of the law enforcement community, or has Officer Matt is fond of saying “I am the Law”. The one point of action for the night was when “…two male subjects entered Taste of Bombay Indian Buffet and proceeded to rob the place.” What made it odd was the part of taking the statements from those poor owners who had just been robbed. “I am standing here beside myself with fear, from the robbery of my restaurant”. My hats off to you, you Princes of the City, protectors of our freedoms. Sadly, this is all I can share about the time spent with those fine members of Indiana Law Enforcement, for fear of jeopardizing future investigations.
Rednecks with PhDs, merits and mistakes:
There are a large amount of veterans, parolees, and PhDs in my family. To an outside observer it may seem odd, but to those familiar with our primitive mountain village it makes sense. Now there are some un-enjoyable things about this mix of people, one is the fact that if you get two of us together there is going to be three opinions. Do you have any idea how much fun it is to argue the merits of the land war in Iraq with the veterans, who is the better defense attorney with the convicts and Comparative reading of Post Modern French Writers with the Rednecks?
Give me the first two anytime, something about the Rednecks with PhDs just isn’t right. Picture this, 7 of us playing the family game of quoting Shakespeare, where you have to site the act and scene. While chewing tobacco and drinking shots of cheap Irish whiskey and ice cold Miller, its taxing. That and these old boys just don’t give up, I got into work this morning and there are 22 e-mails correcting my quotes. Don’t worry dear reader I sent out a few of my own, yes…we by nature don’t let things drop and will keep going till we prove our point.
Why you should not bet everyone that you can field strip an M-16 blind folded in under 30 seconds:
Now, to set the stage, before everyone left for Midnight Mass all the “men-folk” brought out their new firearms to pass around and show-off. You know nothing says Christmas like an assault rifle. It was at the point of my Nephew playing show and tell with his AR-15 that the Sweet and Inebriated Mrs. John Q. Public said: “JQP can strip this thing in less than 30 seconds blind folded. (Yes, I know what your thinking, Wow, JQP what a neat party trick, well dear reader in the circles I run in it is). I
t was at this point the competitive nature of my family came out, money was bet. Did you ever notice that when your whole family is watching you, 100% of the time something goes wrong? I know many of your are very familiar with the proper method of field striping an M-16, its very easy to do and a smooth process to watch in well trained hands. It was however the putting it back together again that became the problem.
There is a very small pin that holds the whole thing together, and that dear reader was the problem, it was split, so, it took me an hour and a half to put the damn thing back together. I was asked “Well, what did you do in the service when this happened” Well, if I was getting shot at, I looked around for a M-16 laying on the ground or ran the fuck away, if I wasn’t I went and got a new pin” Word of advice, carry spare parts.
Cool Gifts I received:
This year from an old Army buddy named Danny Big Hair, I got a box of dried meats, I would tell you what they are but I have no idea, but has I told the Kind and Dieting Mrs. John Q. Public I am sure they are Atkins approved.
From a friend in the Middle East I got two oriental rugs, nice ones….very nice.
My dear friend and chum from my Eaton days, Tattoo John got me a necklace made out of human teeth, it looks cool and it does get noticed.
And from my loving wife two cook books, one on Tuscan cooking and the other on Improvised Munitions. She said she hopes that I will look up recipes before I start trying to make Semtex in the kitchen again from memory.
Thought for the Day:
Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way...you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.
Aristotle Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC - 322 BC)
Your Bill for the Day:
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,To the last syllable of recorded time;And all our yesterdays have lighted foolsThe way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,And then is heard no more: it is a taleTold by an idiot, full of sound and fury,Signifying nothing."
--From Macbeth (V, v, 19)
Todays Poem:
The Night Has A Thousand Eyes
THE night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of a bright world dies
When day is done.
The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.
Francis William Bourdillon
Quote for the Day:
No tree has branches so foolish as to fight amongst themselves. -- Ojibwa Indian saying
I remain, to you....
JQP esq.
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 2:20 AM
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