On Sandy’s Feet, UFOs and Purple Assed Apes:
Good Morning to You:
Its 1:23 in the morning and I am neither having sex nor getting home late from a bar.
(Painted Ladies: haunt my dreams)
Behold the Prolonged effects of Insomnia, as I journey into day three with very limited sleep, as is often the case I am looking and feeling my best. Of course, I have full day ahead of me, several big meetings where I will have to be on top of my game.
Thought for the Day:
Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
Albert Einstein
Day Six of the “JQP’s First Annual Viewers Choice Awards
for “Tattoo of the Year”. Come on you chicken shits, I know there are more of you out there wearing some bad assed ink, or just plain old bad ink. Shoot your submission to indianacityboy@yahoo.com Operators are standing by, for this limited offer! Your chance to be part of history!
JQP esq. “Supreme Court Justice in Exile”:
Once again, I am denied my shot at being both named and confirmed to this nations highest court. I have been “put on ice” in trade craft speak. Thus my recent period of confinement, aboard a rusty freighter, sailing aimlessly around the Great Lakes.
Yes, dear reader, I was abducted by over-weight former KGB agents, who were offered huge cash salaries and free dental plans by former members of the Skull and Cross Bones that are now posted in key positions with the World Bank and Credit Unions across the Mid-West, they took on the job, using skills not seen since the height of the Cold War. All I can say is Thank God for wireless internet and the US Navy.
I was poised to expose the current coup taking place in the Supreme Court. Many of you know that I, John Q. Public, was publicly named has the heir apparent to the seat held by the late William Rehnquist. Less well known is the fact that I clerked for him in the mid-70’s, yes, dear reader I was the Doogie Howser of the Supreme Court.
However let me note that my time clerking was not one without scandal. I had originally started clerking for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, it seems she had heard about some of my “special skills” and she wanted me in her stable of young “eager” minds, that and I filled out my Tough Skin jeans well. Chiefly, the skill that peeked her interest, was the story behind how I got my merit badges in Eagle Scouts.
I volunteered at a local Skilled Nursing Facility, chiefly my duties involved rubbing old women’s feet, to include buffing bunions with either emory boards or rat-tail files. Dear reader, I give good foot and Sandy let it be known she was not one to be denied.
It got to the point that she couldn’t write her briefs without my tiny hands working her feet. Let me describe her feet for you the reader; Sandy has a water retention problem, her toes resemble pieces of imported cut smoked sausages. You can imagine what effect it had on me at such a tender age. An effect that took its physical tolls as well; I developed both Planters Warts and a skin fungus that required years of treatment and psychiatric counseling.
To this day the smell of Channel # 5 and the adhesive used to secure the no-leak padding in under garments favored by the “active senior lady”, make my stomach upset and my palms start to itch. It was at this time that William Rehnquist, in response to the pseudo-sexual harassment and violations of child labor laws that I threatened to go public with; offered to have me come and clerk for him and guaranteed that I would be named his successor.
Instead they (Rove and his Merry Band of Sub-Contractors, Thank God that Halliburton goes for the Lowest Bidder, or we all would be in trouble) kidnap me and name not only John Roberts to Wild Bills seat (if I only had a dollar for every time I had to go and pick Johnny-Boy from Studio 54, with half a kilo shoved up his nose and underage Thai He-She prostitutes under each arm) they start moving to give Sandy’s chair at the table to Harriet Miers.
What does she have that I don’t? Granted, she does have those sad beat down puppy dog eyes and a misshapen mouth, but hell, I might not look has GQ as I do now when I am 60. Not to speak out of turn but I have noticed that when I have run into her at cocktail parties in Georgetown (she is so B-List) that she makes me itch. We do have something in common however; neither of us has ever been a judge.
Neither experience or success are have to’s anymore, just look at our President, its who you know and who you blow, or in my case, who’s feet you rub.
Hell, I have not even passed the Bar after 11 attempts and in case your wondering, that still puts me in the top 1/3 of LSU’s Law School Alumni. However there are others who would say that I have made a career out of not passing any bars.
I mean damn, passing my Medical Boards to be a doctor in Indiana was not half as hard. To which I credit the top notch training I received at several of the best medical schools in the Bahamas (Visa and Master Card accepted). The only study aids I needed to prepare for my exams were an old Red Cross First Aid manual I picked up at a garage sale and the children’s game “Operation”. Now, as for the Bar, they have the audacity to have expected you to actually have read some of that crap, like hello? It’s happy hour somewhere.
Has for my being kidnapped, fear not dear reader. I was rescued earlier this evening by members of Seal Team 6, who train for this kind of thing. They distracted the Romanian crew by pretending to be a Gay-Encounter Charter Cruse in distress just off the coastline of Put-In Bay, Michigan. They then used weapons that are still classified Top Secret. Having been trained on these weapons by alien instructors at Area 51.
I found the effects of their firepower quite interesting. The main result was to turn the crew into equal numbers of Silver Back Guerrillas and those damn purple assed baboons, who spend their days jerking off and throwing poop.
I was in large part spared these effects due to my being held in the hold, surrounded by 55 gallon drums of Latvian made Mincemeat pie filling heading for grocery shelves across America just in time for the holidays.
The sweet and very concerned about my disappearance, Mrs. JQP says that the only noticeable things are, a great deal more gray in my back hair and a chartreuse shade slightly visible to the naked eye on my round cherry shaped ass.
I was glad I was able to catch her before she left; she had decided to start searching for me since my disappearance, both her and “Mandingo” our Pool-Boy, had cleaned out our bank accounts and were going to fly to Las Vegas in the morning, starting their search for me there. Boy, would that have been a wasted trip.
Today's Bill:
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.
William Shakespeare (I love this one)
Quote for the Day:
The welfare of the people is the ultimate law.
(Salus Populi Suprema Est Lex)
Cicero
I remain, playing you internal reruns of “The Benny Hill Show” during those deep soulful moments of introspection:
JQP esq.
Its 1:23 in the morning and I am neither having sex nor getting home late from a bar.
(Painted Ladies: haunt my dreams)
Behold the Prolonged effects of Insomnia, as I journey into day three with very limited sleep, as is often the case I am looking and feeling my best. Of course, I have full day ahead of me, several big meetings where I will have to be on top of my game.
Thought for the Day:
Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
Albert Einstein
Day Six of the “JQP’s First Annual Viewers Choice Awards
for “Tattoo of the Year”. Come on you chicken shits, I know there are more of you out there wearing some bad assed ink, or just plain old bad ink. Shoot your submission to indianacityboy@yahoo.com Operators are standing by, for this limited offer! Your chance to be part of history!
JQP esq. “Supreme Court Justice in Exile”:
Once again, I am denied my shot at being both named and confirmed to this nations highest court. I have been “put on ice” in trade craft speak. Thus my recent period of confinement, aboard a rusty freighter, sailing aimlessly around the Great Lakes.
Yes, dear reader, I was abducted by over-weight former KGB agents, who were offered huge cash salaries and free dental plans by former members of the Skull and Cross Bones that are now posted in key positions with the World Bank and Credit Unions across the Mid-West, they took on the job, using skills not seen since the height of the Cold War. All I can say is Thank God for wireless internet and the US Navy.
I was poised to expose the current coup taking place in the Supreme Court. Many of you know that I, John Q. Public, was publicly named has the heir apparent to the seat held by the late William Rehnquist. Less well known is the fact that I clerked for him in the mid-70’s, yes, dear reader I was the Doogie Howser of the Supreme Court.
However let me note that my time clerking was not one without scandal. I had originally started clerking for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, it seems she had heard about some of my “special skills” and she wanted me in her stable of young “eager” minds, that and I filled out my Tough Skin jeans well. Chiefly, the skill that peeked her interest, was the story behind how I got my merit badges in Eagle Scouts.
I volunteered at a local Skilled Nursing Facility, chiefly my duties involved rubbing old women’s feet, to include buffing bunions with either emory boards or rat-tail files. Dear reader, I give good foot and Sandy let it be known she was not one to be denied.
It got to the point that she couldn’t write her briefs without my tiny hands working her feet. Let me describe her feet for you the reader; Sandy has a water retention problem, her toes resemble pieces of imported cut smoked sausages. You can imagine what effect it had on me at such a tender age. An effect that took its physical tolls as well; I developed both Planters Warts and a skin fungus that required years of treatment and psychiatric counseling.
To this day the smell of Channel # 5 and the adhesive used to secure the no-leak padding in under garments favored by the “active senior lady”, make my stomach upset and my palms start to itch. It was at this time that William Rehnquist, in response to the pseudo-sexual harassment and violations of child labor laws that I threatened to go public with; offered to have me come and clerk for him and guaranteed that I would be named his successor.
Instead they (Rove and his Merry Band of Sub-Contractors, Thank God that Halliburton goes for the Lowest Bidder, or we all would be in trouble) kidnap me and name not only John Roberts to Wild Bills seat (if I only had a dollar for every time I had to go and pick Johnny-Boy from Studio 54, with half a kilo shoved up his nose and underage Thai He-She prostitutes under each arm) they start moving to give Sandy’s chair at the table to Harriet Miers.
What does she have that I don’t? Granted, she does have those sad beat down puppy dog eyes and a misshapen mouth, but hell, I might not look has GQ as I do now when I am 60. Not to speak out of turn but I have noticed that when I have run into her at cocktail parties in Georgetown (she is so B-List) that she makes me itch. We do have something in common however; neither of us has ever been a judge.
Neither experience or success are have to’s anymore, just look at our President, its who you know and who you blow, or in my case, who’s feet you rub.
Hell, I have not even passed the Bar after 11 attempts and in case your wondering, that still puts me in the top 1/3 of LSU’s Law School Alumni. However there are others who would say that I have made a career out of not passing any bars.
I mean damn, passing my Medical Boards to be a doctor in Indiana was not half as hard. To which I credit the top notch training I received at several of the best medical schools in the Bahamas (Visa and Master Card accepted). The only study aids I needed to prepare for my exams were an old Red Cross First Aid manual I picked up at a garage sale and the children’s game “Operation”. Now, as for the Bar, they have the audacity to have expected you to actually have read some of that crap, like hello? It’s happy hour somewhere.
Has for my being kidnapped, fear not dear reader. I was rescued earlier this evening by members of Seal Team 6, who train for this kind of thing. They distracted the Romanian crew by pretending to be a Gay-Encounter Charter Cruse in distress just off the coastline of Put-In Bay, Michigan. They then used weapons that are still classified Top Secret. Having been trained on these weapons by alien instructors at Area 51.
I found the effects of their firepower quite interesting. The main result was to turn the crew into equal numbers of Silver Back Guerrillas and those damn purple assed baboons, who spend their days jerking off and throwing poop.
I was in large part spared these effects due to my being held in the hold, surrounded by 55 gallon drums of Latvian made Mincemeat pie filling heading for grocery shelves across America just in time for the holidays.
The sweet and very concerned about my disappearance, Mrs. JQP says that the only noticeable things are, a great deal more gray in my back hair and a chartreuse shade slightly visible to the naked eye on my round cherry shaped ass.
I was glad I was able to catch her before she left; she had decided to start searching for me since my disappearance, both her and “Mandingo” our Pool-Boy, had cleaned out our bank accounts and were going to fly to Las Vegas in the morning, starting their search for me there. Boy, would that have been a wasted trip.
Today's Bill:
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.
William Shakespeare (I love this one)
Quote for the Day:
The welfare of the people is the ultimate law.
(Salus Populi Suprema Est Lex)
Cicero
I remain, playing you internal reruns of “The Benny Hill Show” during those deep soulful moments of introspection:
JQP esq.
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 12:12 AM
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