A shot of bitters and a back rub to start your day:
Thought for the Day:
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
(You can always tell when the fleet is in port. Three dollars and fifty cents and yes he doubles coupons)
14 Things about me:
1) I drink Miller High Life with dbl shots of Rumplemintz in the winter, Bombay Sapphire and Tonic, dbl lime in the summer.
2) I like women with a pot-belly and hairy pits are a big plus.
3) I raised my brother and sister for 3 years in my early 20’s.
4) I have one of those new five blade razors.
5) Most of the people I deal with at work; you would like to kill (really).
6) I am a Liberal Democrat in the union organizer sense.
7) I am Irish and Gypsy.
8) I shave my testy sack ‘cause it makes me feel like a porn star.
9) I trim my nose hair with Ohio Blue Tip Matches.
10) Pork chops with pork chop gravy on Wonder Bread solves most of the worlds problems, don’t believe me, try it.
11) I get drunk and sing Dixie, just to piss people off (that and I happen to like the tune).
12) My wife has big boobs, but I am an ass man.
13) I drink a gallon of sweet tea every day.
14) I don’t go to Starbucks, because I don’t know how to order all the fancy shit and am to embarrassed to ask.
Today:
Hey kids, guess what… I am on the fucking road. …but, the lovely and charming Mrs. JQP is going along, so no fun filled hours at the rest area this trip.
Really, I am staying in a cool B&B close to Danville, Ill. She hit the web site and decided to take the day off work as she put it we can go Antiquing (God, save me now). Such are the joys of being married.
In Other News:
I will not be posting on No-Love-Thursday; however we might be back in town by then, who knows. Also, I will not be posting on Friday, ‘cause I am on the fucking road yet again. I keep telling myself, it’s for the children.
...and in case you were wondering, yes, I am in fact hung-over like a little bitch today, we reap what we sow, that and who was making love to your old lady while you were out making love?
So, if you want wit, read the damn archives, same for drinks and recipes (and yes, I am a bitter little man today, but hey it's better than the lame ass posts I have pulled out of my ass this week).
Today’s Bill:
SONNET 1
FROM fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed'st thy light'st flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content
And, tender churl, makest waste in niggarding.
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.
Quote of the Day:
thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Mark Twain (a Twain two-fer’)
I remain, the indefinable odor of your soul:
JQP esq.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
(You can always tell when the fleet is in port. Three dollars and fifty cents and yes he doubles coupons)
14 Things about me:
1) I drink Miller High Life with dbl shots of Rumplemintz in the winter, Bombay Sapphire and Tonic, dbl lime in the summer.
2) I like women with a pot-belly and hairy pits are a big plus.
3) I raised my brother and sister for 3 years in my early 20’s.
4) I have one of those new five blade razors.
5) Most of the people I deal with at work; you would like to kill (really).
6) I am a Liberal Democrat in the union organizer sense.
7) I am Irish and Gypsy.
8) I shave my testy sack ‘cause it makes me feel like a porn star.
9) I trim my nose hair with Ohio Blue Tip Matches.
10) Pork chops with pork chop gravy on Wonder Bread solves most of the worlds problems, don’t believe me, try it.
11) I get drunk and sing Dixie, just to piss people off (that and I happen to like the tune).
12) My wife has big boobs, but I am an ass man.
13) I drink a gallon of sweet tea every day.
14) I don’t go to Starbucks, because I don’t know how to order all the fancy shit and am to embarrassed to ask.
Today:
Hey kids, guess what… I am on the fucking road. …but, the lovely and charming Mrs. JQP is going along, so no fun filled hours at the rest area this trip.
Really, I am staying in a cool B&B close to Danville, Ill. She hit the web site and decided to take the day off work as she put it we can go Antiquing (God, save me now). Such are the joys of being married.
In Other News:
I will not be posting on No-Love-Thursday; however we might be back in town by then, who knows. Also, I will not be posting on Friday, ‘cause I am on the fucking road yet again. I keep telling myself, it’s for the children.
...and in case you were wondering, yes, I am in fact hung-over like a little bitch today, we reap what we sow, that and who was making love to your old lady while you were out making love?
So, if you want wit, read the damn archives, same for drinks and recipes (and yes, I am a bitter little man today, but hey it's better than the lame ass posts I have pulled out of my ass this week).
Today’s Bill:
SONNET 1
FROM fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed'st thy light'st flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content
And, tender churl, makest waste in niggarding.
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.
Quote of the Day:
thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Mark Twain (a Twain two-fer’)
I remain, the indefinable odor of your soul:
JQP esq.
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 2:20 AM
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