A Drunk Wife and Tomato Pies:
Thought for the Day:
Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.
Peter Ustinov
A Most Concise Post on No-Love-Thursday:
My plans for a quite night recuperating from the stomach bug that seems to be going around took a turn last night. I had hoped for a quite evening curled up in front of the fire with my loving and attentive bride, this was not to be.
At around 5:00 Mrs. JQP calls…
Mrs. “Hey, where are you at?
Me: I told you I was going to go home.
Mrs. “You always say something like that and then show-up three days later with stitches and some hard luck story about how you were kidnapped by Puerto Rican separatists”
Me: Hey, that really happened
She. “Well, so your pussing out on No-Love-Thursday?
Me: I guess so, most wives would be pleased.
She: What is everyone going to do with their Peter Pan not there?
Me: You could tell them, I am out looking for my shadow or some bull-shit like that.
She: “Well, I am going.”
Me: What?
She: “You heard me, I am going and I am going to tell everyone that JQP is being a puss just because of some stomach flu”. Your hero Gen. George S. Patton would have gone!
True to my words, I stuck to my guns and stayed in, dinning alone on tapioca pudding and saltine crackers. Later, I dosed on Nyquil at slept the sleep of angels until my bride returned. I got a recap of the evening she enjoyed at around 3:30am. It was my understanding that the meeting involved cheap whisky served in dirty ashtrays and at some point my demure and shy bride was doused in Victoria’s Secret skin care products and rolled in glitter. She looked and smelled like a striper whose part time job is cleaning the settling tanks at the Jim Beam Distillery. This morning she did ask “…how did my underwear get on backwards…where did all these one’s come from”
Food for Weekend:
I plan to spend a great deal of time cooking; this is the week for me to make my famous JQP’s Green Tomato Pies, yes green tomato pie, you can do more than fry them and no its not a dessert. I already have 9 orders and 4 bushels of green tomatoes. Sunday, I have to start my “Three-Pepper Wild Game Sausage Surprise” for a carry-in we are having at work. Rest assured dear reader, they will be very surprised.
In the Life in the Fast Lane Category:
This weekend we are invited to a party at the stately manor of OB/GY Kenobi and his petite wife Land O’ Lakes Girl (LLG). I have bought a rather large bottle of Capt. Morgan’s spiced Rum in anticipation of their drink specials (my personal favorite is the home-made Kailua). Baba Ghannuj Girl already called to confirm our RSVP. I am not sure who else will be in attendance, suffice to say it will be an eclectic crowd of hard drinkers and free thinkers.
Happy Halloween:
And a little known fact this weekend is our anniversary.
Today’s Bill:
"Get thee to a nunn'ry."
--From Hamlet (III, i, 122)
Quote for the Day:
When men exercise their reason coolly and freely on a variety of distinct questions, they inevitably fall into different opinions on some of them. When they are governed by a common passion, their opinions, if they are to be called, will be the same.
Alexander Hamilton
I remain, battered, not fried:
JQP esq.
Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.
Peter Ustinov
A Most Concise Post on No-Love-Thursday:
My plans for a quite night recuperating from the stomach bug that seems to be going around took a turn last night. I had hoped for a quite evening curled up in front of the fire with my loving and attentive bride, this was not to be.
At around 5:00 Mrs. JQP calls…
Mrs. “Hey, where are you at?
Me: I told you I was going to go home.
Mrs. “You always say something like that and then show-up three days later with stitches and some hard luck story about how you were kidnapped by Puerto Rican separatists”
Me: Hey, that really happened
She. “Well, so your pussing out on No-Love-Thursday?
Me: I guess so, most wives would be pleased.
She: What is everyone going to do with their Peter Pan not there?
Me: You could tell them, I am out looking for my shadow or some bull-shit like that.
She: “Well, I am going.”
Me: What?
She: “You heard me, I am going and I am going to tell everyone that JQP is being a puss just because of some stomach flu”. Your hero Gen. George S. Patton would have gone!
True to my words, I stuck to my guns and stayed in, dinning alone on tapioca pudding and saltine crackers. Later, I dosed on Nyquil at slept the sleep of angels until my bride returned. I got a recap of the evening she enjoyed at around 3:30am. It was my understanding that the meeting involved cheap whisky served in dirty ashtrays and at some point my demure and shy bride was doused in Victoria’s Secret skin care products and rolled in glitter. She looked and smelled like a striper whose part time job is cleaning the settling tanks at the Jim Beam Distillery. This morning she did ask “…how did my underwear get on backwards…where did all these one’s come from”
Food for Weekend:
I plan to spend a great deal of time cooking; this is the week for me to make my famous JQP’s Green Tomato Pies, yes green tomato pie, you can do more than fry them and no its not a dessert. I already have 9 orders and 4 bushels of green tomatoes. Sunday, I have to start my “Three-Pepper Wild Game Sausage Surprise” for a carry-in we are having at work. Rest assured dear reader, they will be very surprised.
In the Life in the Fast Lane Category:
This weekend we are invited to a party at the stately manor of OB/GY Kenobi and his petite wife Land O’ Lakes Girl (LLG). I have bought a rather large bottle of Capt. Morgan’s spiced Rum in anticipation of their drink specials (my personal favorite is the home-made Kailua). Baba Ghannuj Girl already called to confirm our RSVP. I am not sure who else will be in attendance, suffice to say it will be an eclectic crowd of hard drinkers and free thinkers.
Happy Halloween:
And a little known fact this weekend is our anniversary.
Today’s Bill:
"Get thee to a nunn'ry."
--From Hamlet (III, i, 122)
Quote for the Day:
When men exercise their reason coolly and freely on a variety of distinct questions, they inevitably fall into different opinions on some of them. When they are governed by a common passion, their opinions, if they are to be called, will be the same.
Alexander Hamilton
I remain, battered, not fried:
JQP esq.
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 2:20 AM
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