She sat picking her nose:
Thought for the Day:
A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy.
Benjamin Disraeli, Speech in the House of Commons, Mar. 3, 1845
British politician (1804 - 1881)
On Joining the Team:
Yesterday, I went and got an Indiana State Drivers License, after my third attempt. Yes, my third attempt. The first time I was over confident, “why, should I have to study, piss on it”. I got eight wrong, out of 58, but sadly you can only miss 4. The second time, I got 5 wrong (you can take the test every 24 hours), and yesterday I got them all right. I think I should have gotten extra credit for being the only person in the place that could speak English who wasn’t an employee. Yes, dear reader three attempts.
My license had been expired for about a year; add to that it was an out-of-state license. Now I know you’re asking yourself, “JQP, you’re a man well known for your law abiding ways and attention to detail, how ever did this happen?” Well, dear friend its really quite easy, I didn’t want to give up my South Carolina license, to do so would admit that I, John Q. Public esq. now live in this state… that it is not some temporary happenstance…
...that I can no longer walk over to the beach after work, hear the waves while going to sleep, give wrong directions to tourists, go clam dig’en with “Eric the Viking”, eat real She-Crab soup, and drink Bloody Mary’s with the Judge at 7:00am before court.
Yes, its true…I live in Indiana…but God willing, when myself and the Sweet and Loving Mrs. JQP have a child (I keep telling her that in order to do that we should have sex more than the one day a month when her temperature is right) that our baby, will be born at the beach and their first steps be in the sand. So, anyway, I am now a legal driver in this state, my outlaw days are far behind me (I tell the same thing to my parole officer).
On Spending Time:
Yesterday, I had the chance to wait in a crowded waiting room (the DMV) for three hours. Have you ever noticed that in just about every waiting room you will find a magazine about private airplanes?
Ok, WTF, how many of my fellow citizens sitting there waiting, would benefit from a few articles on powered flight? Ummm, none…hell I was one of the few who could speak/read English. Who in the fuck do they target with these magazines in waiting rooms? Do they think that your average person in there for say their license plates would pick one up and go “Damn, that’s just what I need to get me, one of them there air-o-planes; I wouldn’t have to mess around with that damn DMV no more”.
After several hours of thought, I came to the realization, that it must rest in the hands of the guy who sells magazine subscriptions, that SOB, has got to be one hell of a salesman, “Buddy, what your waiting room needs in a magazine on airplanes, yes sir the magic of flight etc….” My hat off to you un-known magazine subscription sales guy!
After my adventure:
I returned to the manor house, spent; mentally, physically and spiritually, so I took a two hour nap (hey, its was after all my self granted perk that I wasn’t at work, so I was calling the shots). After my nap I raked and reseeded my front yard (three loads of leaves, the joys of huge trees). Last year I had planted about 200 different kinds of flowering plants, so it was with both joy and trepidation I closely inspected the newly cleaned beds, much to my surprise it looks like about 75% are coming back in.
After a quick shower, I joined a colleague from here at the Orphanage for a beer after work. I enjoyed a wonderful Ham and Swiss sandwich and two frosty beverages made from fermented hops. I returned home at around 5:30 and took the hounds for a walk around the estate. Mrs. JQP was “working” late at a karaoke bar looking for new talent for the current “boy-band” she so tirelessly promotes.
At 6:00, I found myself in repose watching documentaries on cable. I managed to get in two before slumber took me. One was called “Behind the Crime Tape” or something like that, it was somewhat interesting if you’re into looking at decomposing bodies. I however wasn’t. The next one was about a bunch of men in a studying to be priests in Ohio. Now that one was a bit more interesting.
Not many people know this, but I almost became Fr. JQP one time, long, long ago. If it wasn’t for that one vow I think I would have made it.
Ok, get your minds out of the gutter, it wasn’t chastity. It was obedience. My view is if your going to make me give up sex, don’t tell me what the fuck to do, life is give and take is it not?
Sadly, the Roman Catholic Church leadership and I were never able to come to a suitable understanding on the subject, so to this day I remain what some people would call a “Bad-Catholic”. I however prefer saying that I am actively being the best catholic I can be.
Needless to say the two hours spent watching the documentaries were better spent than just 15 minutes of watching the hit movie “Taxi”, which I discussed in yesterdays post.
Today’s Bill:
SONNET 60
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crown'd,
Crooked elipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow:
And yet to times in hope my verse shall stand,
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand.
Your slang for the Week:
Waahaii: Exclamation of surprise, alarm, or fear.
Example: "Waahaii! I didn't know you were standing there, Boss! My God what are you doing with your hands!?"
Angry Pirate: when having anal sexual relations with your partner and one spits on said partners back , causing he/she to think you have reached orgasm, but when they start to turn around you grab them by the hair and shout ARR-ARR-ARR!
Ed Note: Mrs. JQP prefers the British Navy song “What shall we do with the drunken Sailor”.
Grunde: The space of epidermis constituting the area betwixt the anal opening and the scrotum of a male, although a female also has a significantly smaller area of equal definition (substituting vaginal crevice instead of scrotum, of course).
Balls to the wall: Term used by pilots. when accelerating quickly, the throttle is pushed all the way to the panel and the throttle lever (ball) actually touches the panel (wall). Hence, balls to the wall.
(This week’s challenge is to use all four in the same conversation with an unsuspecting person, if you complete this task you will get 5-points extra credit on you final)
Quote of the Day:
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.
Mark Twain, 'Notebook,' 1935
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)
Hurriedly reloading ammo, I remain:
JQP DDS
A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy.
Benjamin Disraeli, Speech in the House of Commons, Mar. 3, 1845
British politician (1804 - 1881)
On Joining the Team:
Yesterday, I went and got an Indiana State Drivers License, after my third attempt. Yes, my third attempt. The first time I was over confident, “why, should I have to study, piss on it”. I got eight wrong, out of 58, but sadly you can only miss 4. The second time, I got 5 wrong (you can take the test every 24 hours), and yesterday I got them all right. I think I should have gotten extra credit for being the only person in the place that could speak English who wasn’t an employee. Yes, dear reader three attempts.
My license had been expired for about a year; add to that it was an out-of-state license. Now I know you’re asking yourself, “JQP, you’re a man well known for your law abiding ways and attention to detail, how ever did this happen?” Well, dear friend its really quite easy, I didn’t want to give up my South Carolina license, to do so would admit that I, John Q. Public esq. now live in this state… that it is not some temporary happenstance…
...that I can no longer walk over to the beach after work, hear the waves while going to sleep, give wrong directions to tourists, go clam dig’en with “Eric the Viking”, eat real She-Crab soup, and drink Bloody Mary’s with the Judge at 7:00am before court.
Yes, its true…I live in Indiana…but God willing, when myself and the Sweet and Loving Mrs. JQP have a child (I keep telling her that in order to do that we should have sex more than the one day a month when her temperature is right) that our baby, will be born at the beach and their first steps be in the sand. So, anyway, I am now a legal driver in this state, my outlaw days are far behind me (I tell the same thing to my parole officer).
On Spending Time:
Yesterday, I had the chance to wait in a crowded waiting room (the DMV) for three hours. Have you ever noticed that in just about every waiting room you will find a magazine about private airplanes?
Ok, WTF, how many of my fellow citizens sitting there waiting, would benefit from a few articles on powered flight? Ummm, none…hell I was one of the few who could speak/read English. Who in the fuck do they target with these magazines in waiting rooms? Do they think that your average person in there for say their license plates would pick one up and go “Damn, that’s just what I need to get me, one of them there air-o-planes; I wouldn’t have to mess around with that damn DMV no more”.
After several hours of thought, I came to the realization, that it must rest in the hands of the guy who sells magazine subscriptions, that SOB, has got to be one hell of a salesman, “Buddy, what your waiting room needs in a magazine on airplanes, yes sir the magic of flight etc….” My hat off to you un-known magazine subscription sales guy!
After my adventure:
I returned to the manor house, spent; mentally, physically and spiritually, so I took a two hour nap (hey, its was after all my self granted perk that I wasn’t at work, so I was calling the shots). After my nap I raked and reseeded my front yard (three loads of leaves, the joys of huge trees). Last year I had planted about 200 different kinds of flowering plants, so it was with both joy and trepidation I closely inspected the newly cleaned beds, much to my surprise it looks like about 75% are coming back in.
After a quick shower, I joined a colleague from here at the Orphanage for a beer after work. I enjoyed a wonderful Ham and Swiss sandwich and two frosty beverages made from fermented hops. I returned home at around 5:30 and took the hounds for a walk around the estate. Mrs. JQP was “working” late at a karaoke bar looking for new talent for the current “boy-band” she so tirelessly promotes.
At 6:00, I found myself in repose watching documentaries on cable. I managed to get in two before slumber took me. One was called “Behind the Crime Tape” or something like that, it was somewhat interesting if you’re into looking at decomposing bodies. I however wasn’t. The next one was about a bunch of men in a studying to be priests in Ohio. Now that one was a bit more interesting.
Not many people know this, but I almost became Fr. JQP one time, long, long ago. If it wasn’t for that one vow I think I would have made it.
Ok, get your minds out of the gutter, it wasn’t chastity. It was obedience. My view is if your going to make me give up sex, don’t tell me what the fuck to do, life is give and take is it not?
Sadly, the Roman Catholic Church leadership and I were never able to come to a suitable understanding on the subject, so to this day I remain what some people would call a “Bad-Catholic”. I however prefer saying that I am actively being the best catholic I can be.
Needless to say the two hours spent watching the documentaries were better spent than just 15 minutes of watching the hit movie “Taxi”, which I discussed in yesterdays post.
Today’s Bill:
SONNET 60
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crown'd,
Crooked elipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow:
And yet to times in hope my verse shall stand,
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand.
Your slang for the Week:
Waahaii: Exclamation of surprise, alarm, or fear.
Example: "Waahaii! I didn't know you were standing there, Boss! My God what are you doing with your hands!?"
Angry Pirate: when having anal sexual relations with your partner and one spits on said partners back , causing he/she to think you have reached orgasm, but when they start to turn around you grab them by the hair and shout ARR-ARR-ARR!
Ed Note: Mrs. JQP prefers the British Navy song “What shall we do with the drunken Sailor”.
Grunde: The space of epidermis constituting the area betwixt the anal opening and the scrotum of a male, although a female also has a significantly smaller area of equal definition (substituting vaginal crevice instead of scrotum, of course).
Balls to the wall: Term used by pilots. when accelerating quickly, the throttle is pushed all the way to the panel and the throttle lever (ball) actually touches the panel (wall). Hence, balls to the wall.
(This week’s challenge is to use all four in the same conversation with an unsuspecting person, if you complete this task you will get 5-points extra credit on you final)
Quote of the Day:
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.
Mark Twain, 'Notebook,' 1935
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)
Hurriedly reloading ammo, I remain:
JQP DDS
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 2:20 AM
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