Found on the Web for the Month of Dec.
Like Minds, the Thoughts of a Great Man:
Thanks to Tom and Jerry for the insightfulness of these holiday words, I can only hope there is a little something special in my stocking this year.
(Names have been changed to protect elected officials)
The Poor and Christmas:
When you send toys to poor children on Christmas, orhelp out at a food kitchen on Christmas Eve; you arenot helping. Let me say it again. You are nothelping. You are only throwing the rest of theirmiserable life into stark relief. These poor, filthydisgusting dregs of society, who have no one to blamebut themselves for their pitiful circumstances, nowget this message shoved in their face: Hello from the rarified world of the middle class.This is what your life could be like every day if wereally wanted to make more than a token effort. Ifwe were willing to do without one cup of mocha javalatte supreme every week, if we bought one less Oprahmagazine. We could feed you like this every day. Wecould give your children toys every week, and clothes,too.
Your daughter wouldn't have to suck cock to buyyou cigarettes. But we don't care. We couldn't give a shit. Insteadwe collect DVDs of crappy movies that we will neverwatch again. We would rather use our money to pay forthe electricity to run our elaborate Christmas lightsthat we leave on all night. We would rather pay forpretty lights that no one is looking at than help you. We want to throw parties for people we don't like inan effort to throw our affluence in their faces. We would rather spend $20 on our secret Santa present forthat fat whore in our office who we normally wouldnever speak to. Even though the cap on presents was$10, we'll be damned if we're going to look like cheapbastards. Or better yet, we'll buy 'gag' gifts like adult diapersso everyone can comment on how clever we are, and thenthrow them away.
Meanwhile, you sit in that alley stewing in your own piss. Boy, I'll bet you wish youhad one of these adult diapers right now. Instead yourprivates are encased in a block of yellow ice. Rich people love Christmas. We buy our kids andourselves whatever we want, and it doesn't matter. Wecould give money to charity, and sometimes we give alittle. It doesn't really matter. We have gobs of money and we need the write off.
Mostly we chair committees to raise money. You ignorant middle class people give money to our charities. You volunteer andwork for free. You stupid suckers. And these charities throw great parties to honor us rich people for beingso giving. Usually we get awards, and get to givespeeches about how generous we are. Sometimes we even get little plaques. You pathetic middle class sheep love Christmas. Your lives are so dreary and dull. Cut down a tree and put it inside our house. That ought to cheer you up. Give the mailman a 3 lb can of popcorn because he looks like he could uses 3 fucking pounds of popcorn. The true meaning of Christmas is that it's way better to be rich than it is to be poor.
Santa clearly givesbetter gifts to rich kids than he does to poor kids.Unless you are Jewish; Santa hates Jewish kids. In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I'm apracticing Muslim. Not a strap a bomb to my belt, blowmyself up Muslim. More like I occasionally tape acouple firecrackers to my tits and light them off. But that's only so that I know I can still FEEL SOMETHING,you know what I mean?
I'm just kidding about being Muslim, but the firecracker thing is true. Happy Holidays.
Now is that a belly laugh or what?
Piss on you; I remain,
JQP
Thanks to Tom and Jerry for the insightfulness of these holiday words, I can only hope there is a little something special in my stocking this year.
(Names have been changed to protect elected officials)
The Poor and Christmas:
When you send toys to poor children on Christmas, orhelp out at a food kitchen on Christmas Eve; you arenot helping. Let me say it again. You are nothelping. You are only throwing the rest of theirmiserable life into stark relief. These poor, filthydisgusting dregs of society, who have no one to blamebut themselves for their pitiful circumstances, nowget this message shoved in their face: Hello from the rarified world of the middle class.This is what your life could be like every day if wereally wanted to make more than a token effort. Ifwe were willing to do without one cup of mocha javalatte supreme every week, if we bought one less Oprahmagazine. We could feed you like this every day. Wecould give your children toys every week, and clothes,too.
Your daughter wouldn't have to suck cock to buyyou cigarettes. But we don't care. We couldn't give a shit. Insteadwe collect DVDs of crappy movies that we will neverwatch again. We would rather use our money to pay forthe electricity to run our elaborate Christmas lightsthat we leave on all night. We would rather pay forpretty lights that no one is looking at than help you. We want to throw parties for people we don't like inan effort to throw our affluence in their faces. We would rather spend $20 on our secret Santa present forthat fat whore in our office who we normally wouldnever speak to. Even though the cap on presents was$10, we'll be damned if we're going to look like cheapbastards. Or better yet, we'll buy 'gag' gifts like adult diapersso everyone can comment on how clever we are, and thenthrow them away.
Meanwhile, you sit in that alley stewing in your own piss. Boy, I'll bet you wish youhad one of these adult diapers right now. Instead yourprivates are encased in a block of yellow ice. Rich people love Christmas. We buy our kids andourselves whatever we want, and it doesn't matter. Wecould give money to charity, and sometimes we give alittle. It doesn't really matter. We have gobs of money and we need the write off.
Mostly we chair committees to raise money. You ignorant middle class people give money to our charities. You volunteer andwork for free. You stupid suckers. And these charities throw great parties to honor us rich people for beingso giving. Usually we get awards, and get to givespeeches about how generous we are. Sometimes we even get little plaques. You pathetic middle class sheep love Christmas. Your lives are so dreary and dull. Cut down a tree and put it inside our house. That ought to cheer you up. Give the mailman a 3 lb can of popcorn because he looks like he could uses 3 fucking pounds of popcorn. The true meaning of Christmas is that it's way better to be rich than it is to be poor.
Santa clearly givesbetter gifts to rich kids than he does to poor kids.Unless you are Jewish; Santa hates Jewish kids. In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I'm apracticing Muslim. Not a strap a bomb to my belt, blowmyself up Muslim. More like I occasionally tape acouple firecrackers to my tits and light them off. But that's only so that I know I can still FEEL SOMETHING,you know what I mean?
I'm just kidding about being Muslim, but the firecracker thing is true. Happy Holidays.
Now is that a belly laugh or what?
Piss on you; I remain,
JQP
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 2:21 AM
<< Home