Post Traveling Blues:

In the past two weeks I have done the following:

Surfed during a storm, granted not well, but I went out there

Enjoyed Rouladen and Spätzle at a German bar on the beach while listening to Pink Floyd.

Spent 400.00 on mint juleps without the benefit of a 400.00 drunk.

Tied bow ties for 3 drunk college kids

Was the keynote speaker at two events

Ate BBQ in KY, TN, NC and SC

Ate a total of 5 pounds of shrimp over 4 days

Stayed in a motel with a happy fingers massaging mattress, however had no change

Saw a horse break its’ legs

Accepted a ride from a guy whose name really is Bubba, in a white panel van with no door handles on the inside

Got a complement for being able to say Buford and Horry correctly

Searched for My Flower while she ran around a crowd like a mushroom fueled hippy at a Grateful Dead tribute band concert

Got drunk with the NC State Rugby team

Had over a 100 people ask to have their pictures taken with me.

Had over 30 women touch me inappropriately

Saw my Petite Flower bitch slap 6 frat boys

Got heartburn, for two days in a row

Went to an Oyster roast

Made network news three times in two weeks

Didn’t place one bet at the horse race of all horse races

Drove over 2,500 miles

Sang “Rockytop” with a partially clad young lady sitting on my shoulders.

Cried like a little girl ‘cause my leg hurt

Had a conference call on the deck of an aircraft carrier

Enjoyed a free breakfast at the Citadel

Ate 6 brats back to back.

Was told I have the legs for a kilt

Got pulled over by members of three different law enforcement communities, without citation

Other than that, it’s been pretty boring:

JQP esq.