Weeds in the Garden of the Soul:

(A candid shot, of one of the highly skilled members of my crack drink testing team. Tiffany is a recent graduate of Scottsdale Community College and the University of Phoenix Online, plus she is a real charmer.)

Thought for the Day:
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. Evan Esar

On Walking in the Desert:
Tuesday night, I picked up my truck from the dealer downtown (where it was towed after being assaulted by a Jeep driven by a text messaging mad man). It looked great, hell they even cleaned out the inside for the first time this century. However, on my way to work I got a chance to take it up to highway speeds, there in lay my disappointment.

The fucking thing started shaking like a dog shitting razor blades.

So, I in the most professional voice I could muster I called the shop and very politely make the receptionist cry and the service manger run out and install a remote starter on his car. I have been very cool till now about this whole getting hit thing, but now if they are going to start fucking with me, I am going to get the slimmest personal injury lawyer in the valley and become a burr under their skin, or salt and sand ground into their fucking eye-balls.

Fuck my neck still hurts and they made me drive a KIA for over two weeks, is that not enough? Now they wish to fuck with a man’s truck. Why don’t they come over and kick my dogs or wipe their ass with my momma’s Bible

On Work:
I had my big office move this week, but I being a man who can at times be both ruthless and cunning (I am also a cunning linguist of some renown, but I digress) got to work early and moved the name tags on office assignments. As a result the day laborers put all my shit in a different office on the far side of the building, hidden away from prying eyes. By the time our crack team of building mangers caught the mistake they had already sent the laborers on their way.

Later they came to me and asked “Gee, JQP there was some kind of mix-up with the office assignments, you were supposed to get the new large glass walled one right off the main hall, instead they put you way back here, are you ok with this, cause’ we let the moving company go already?

I said “Well fellows, I hope you learned something from this mismanagement, I already un-packed (hell, I hadn’t packed a thing to begin with, let ‘em move my desk and filing cabinets full), I guess it will be ok, no b-i-g deal” followed by “However, since its hot and all I sure could use one of those covered parking spots”, all said with resignation and heavily augmented by several sighs.

Word of advice, don’t bet against me, I like to win, often leaving scorched earth and shattered dreams in my wake.

On My Flower:
Many of you have asked about the rumors that My Flower might be leaving me for more comfortable pastures. While she is still contemplating her decision to reunite with her first love, no decision as yet been made. Please note that I am not the kind of man to stand in the way of true love. I however, have been looking at moving into a converted shipping container in an industrial back lot, located in south-central Apache Junction, should this in fact come to pass; I am nothing if not a planner.

Todays Bill:
How poor are they who have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees.
William Shakespeare

Quote of the Day:
Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons. It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth. Walt Whitman, Song of the Open Road

I remain, much like a caustic chemical to the uninformed:

JQP esq.