Monday, May 22, 2006

Back into the Trenches:

Thought for the Day:
There is no silver bullet and frankly you probably don’t need one. It is far more important to be able to find the right kind of gun, be able to load the gun … and perhaps most importantly, be able to figure out where the werewolf is.
Matthew Oliphant, Useability Works, 03-22-2006

my girls
(As many of you know I am in fact a renaissance man, yes a man of many diverse interests and hobbies, one of which as been the fore front of my spare time these days, that being genetic engineering. I would like to make public my success of growing women in cocoons, soon I will be able to raise an army of hot naked 7 foot tall Amazon warrior women, all loyal to only me. It sure is better than reading Chaucer)

I think:
My wife is slowly poisoning me. I have proof. She doesn’t drink iced tea; I however go though a gallon of sweet tea a day. She always insists on making it for me. For years she has made my iced tea, for years my razor sharp intellect and youthful good looks have decreased. The only sure fire way to defeat her insidious actions is by drinking large amounts of alcohol in an effort to dilute its effects.

I am convinced she is a former KGB agent code named Natasha. If you too had seen her doing belly shots of straight grain alcohol off the washboard abs of underage girls …all while saying dirty-nasty things in dialects not often heard outside of Chechnya or some neighborhoods in Queens, you as well would soon reach my conclusions.

A brief re-cap of the Social Event of the Season:
Due to the numerous local, state and federal laws that were violated during the course of the evening, I refuse to divulge any details, on the grounds that it may serve to incriminate myself and others close to me, however in the event that the statute of limitations expires, or I am able to retrieve certain incriminating photos that were taken of yours truly in a effort to insure my silence, I will give you the reader the sordid details, granted they will most likely start out with “Dear Penthouse…”.

I would be remiss…
If I didn’t say thank-you on behalf of my kind and loving bride, to all those who helped make her party the special-magical event it was. The caliber of individuals who were present served to make it truly a birthday party to be remembered, let us also give thanks that a event of this magnitude only occurs once a year.

Todays Bill:
"This was the noblest Roman of them all."
--From Julius Caesar (V, v, 68)

Quote of the Day:
Not merely an absence of noise, Real Silence begins when a reasonable being withdraws from the noise in order to find peace and order in his inner sanctuary.
Peter Minard

I remain, able to conger up at will, nightmares of tequila and sweaty women’s breasts:

JQP esq.