Mad Dogs and Englishmen:

Suffice to say, the weekend was more in line with my normal lifestyle choices, a brief re-cap:

I took Friday afternoon off, and sat in the sun drinking sweet tea, eating scones and reading scholarly materials.

I got a sun-burn on my nose and left ear, it hurts.

I smoked 3 very expensive cigars.

I hired incorrigible neighborhood youth to clean up my back-yard, but ended up showing them some of the many uses of dental floss and drain cleaner.

Little Kevin called (6 times) to say he will be in town from Phoenix for a week starting Friday.

I trumped my flowers comment “if you were a cereal you would be Skankliberry Crunch” with “if you were a fairytale you would be Slutpelstiltskin”.

My little sister gave birth; both she and the baby are fine.

I went a book store and got three new books, which always makes me happy, I also got to make fun of the hippy playing guitar at the attached coffee shop.

A RCA rep. bought us dinner; I ate a porterhouse steak, a lobster and four shrimp cocktails.

We made a trip to Greek run omelet house in the Dale of Wayne.

I bought a newspaper and peanuts from a Nation of Islam guy.

Saturday night, we hung-out with the Alaskan CW McCall and his wife Cutie-Pie.

I got a hair cut, I am pretty. I use ethnic hair care products.

My Flower went shopping for new panties and a Derby hat while I got drunk at a TGIF @ the Mall, yes I was slumming.

I had to show them how to make a real Mojito, I then drank nine of them.

I smoked 3 more very expensive cigars.

I was introduced to a cowboy from Poe.

Driving around in a Limo Saturday night led to corresponding trips to 6 1/2 strip-clubs. (1/2 because I fell down in the parking lot on the last one and the left me till they were done, you know sometimes gravel just feels good).

My Flower picked me up and did a fireman carry with me all the way to the limo, nice to know that in combat she would never leave me behind.

I got bit in the armpit by a woman with a snake. It still hurts.

I accidentally called my father in-law and the Drummer-Boy and his wife Lady-Bird, at 1:45am Sunday due largely to the fact that I was getting a lap-dance from a Nubian Princess and my phone was in my pocket and she had a very talented ass.

I bought a rose from a gypsy for ten dollars.

I got into an argument about how to palletize equipment and combat load a C-123.

I was the usher at the 10:00am Mass, looking a feeling my best.

I went and bought all the ingredients for my special stuffed pork-chops.

I had no idea why my legs hurt, until my Flower reminded me that I had two Thai Girls standing on my lap, performing a SE Asian cultural fertility dance at some point during the night, I vaguely remember the flaming batons.

I picked ten tomatoes from my uber-tomato patch.

I got a shitty job offer in Kuwait but it was still better than the one in Uganda.

I dumped three loads of shingles in unlocked dumpsters around the city, I am after all an out-law.

My Flower informed me she will be having a Scrapbook/Sex Toy Party next Sunday.

I bet she will put out the towels and little bars of soap I am not allowed to use.

My subsequent plans are to go trap shooting next Sunday.

I had sex instead of watching 60 Minutes last night, which I might add lasted until half way through Cold Case. My Flower made some good purchases at Victoria’s Secret.

All in all, a quiet normal weekend.

Off to do battle with the Dark Lords of Global-Consumerism and Trickle-Down Economics, after that I might get some lunch:

JQP esq.