I too was born a coal miners daughter:
Thought for the Day:
Few are agreeable in conversation, because each thinks of what he intends to say than of what others are saying, and listens no more when he himself has a chance to speak.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
(At first everyone thought the methane gas leak was loads of laughs, soon they were to discover just how wrong they were.)
NLT:
Once again it’s that time of week when the illuminati, holders of the secrets of the 7th seal, seekers of truth and wisdom, free drinks and reckless banter, gather at the venerable Mahogany Bar. Yes children, its time for the meeting of No-Love-Thursday Drinking Club and Mutual Aid Society.
I however, find the co-pays that my crack medical team insists on receiving before performing any life saving measures; have bitten a rather large chunk out of my rather shapely ass. Thusly, my coffers are empty. I find that in the sprit of republican fiscal responsibility, I could be temped into submitting to my more base needs and attending. But, only for the sum of one pitcher of cheap draft beer (hang my head in shame).
I have not heard if anyone else plans to attend, so if you plan on being there please RSVP, so I know how many funny party hats to bring and cookies to bake. My start time would be around 4:00pm, or as soon as I am finished arguing my case before the Supreme Court (Mrs. JQP).
On the Day Ahead:
I have been charged with coming up with two marketing plans and one program organization plan, plus the start of a new web based training project (I am lucky if I can turn the damn computer on). Add to that, I have a state report that needs to go out first thing this morning and you have a fun filled day, I think I will be ready for NLT in a lot of ways.
Dinner, Lawn Care and Mitch Daniels:
After making a wonderful dinner ( Indonesian curry beef and lemon-hot pepper couscous) that was enjoyed by all, my Svelte Bride and I went on a walk with the hounds around the estate. With the sudden rain fall this week, it soon became apparent that our lawns needed mowing, either that or wait a week and bring a hay bailer in. Using gentle persuasion, I got My Flower to mow the lawn with the new power mower she got from a co-worker who recently fled Indiana. Lazy ass, abusive husband you ask? Read on…dear soul, read on...
Now those of who know me personally know that I am more than a bit of a traditionalist. I use a Webber Grill, gas grills are evil, what is the fucking point? I might as well be in my own kitchen cooking on my Viking Commercial Grade Stove and Oven Combo.
Charcoal and wood, fire, raw meat, it’s a man thing. This world view of mine has carried over into lawn care. I use no fertilizer, no insecticide, no lawn care service, and most importantly no power mower. Yes, I mowed the lawn with a lawn mower that I found in the back of the garage when I got this house.
A 1954 Easy Mow Ever-Sharp Reel-Mower, I was the Wally Clever of my block. No gas, and noise, no problem. Oh yes, those were the days of wine and roses.
Sadly, my 1954 Easy Mow Ever-Sharp Reel-Mower, gave up the ghost three weeks ago, it snapped in half, how, I have no idea, but in half it was. Which started me searching for a suitable replacement, I had to travel into Amish country to find like minds who shun motor power lawn equipment.
Now here is the shocker, a reel mower, costs 150.00. While readying my credit card for an impulse purchase, My Flower said “Dear sweet husband, man whom I love so, can we speak further about this before you spend “our” money for your passionate cause? At which time she informed me the Soon-To-Be-Moving-To-Vegas-To-Become-High-Priced-Call-Girl-Former-Co-Worker, would sell us her new power mower with all the attachments, a new shovel, a new hoe, garden hose, full gas can, and yard trash bags all for the amazing low price of only 50 bucks.
After an impassioned plea for the power mower I gave in, with the proviso that since she loves power equipment (in lots of ways) she was to be the one who mowed the lawn. My Flower, seeking yet one more place to exert her influence over my domain, ready agreed.
Thus my comments last night, about her getting off her ass and mowing the lawn with her new power mower, in retrospect perhaps not the smartest move on my part.
Mow she did...
...bitter and angry she was.
While I sat and supervised, stopping only to made myself a gin and tonic (dbl lime). Like most good husbands it is needless to say, I can at times be manipulated, (she would say that threats of physical violence, often involving external genitals work best, that and Marine Corp death grips). I was however quick to pick up on her subtle verbal cues of displeasure with me such as: “You better get off your mother-fucking ass and help”.
…and who can forget…
“tellmeonemoretimehowtodothis
andIamgoingtocram
thisfuckingpowermowerupyourass
youfuckingdickhead
knowitallprick
ishouldofstayedalesbian
burnyouinyoursleepfucker ”.
Sensing her mood, I took a different course of action, I made myself look busy. Being a smart man with a strong instinct for self preservation, I went and weeded my extensive gardens. Please note, I have over two hundred varieties of plants growing, many of them legal to cultivate. Also I should note that My Loving Bride is not allowed to weed since last year during my period of confinement she weeded about 100 plants, to include by prize winning Afghani Poppies and my own Tulip-Onion cross breed, (I mean, everyone wants a pretty onion don’t they?)
Suffice to say, I worked in my yard until 10pm, which oddly corresponds with when she un-locked the door to our palatial manor home (note to self, always take keys with you).
Which of course brings to Mitch Daniels, Indiana’s Republican Visionary Governor.
I blame him for the martial discord I and my Loving Petite Bride had to endure last night. If not for the states move to daylight savings time, I would have been too late in the day to take on projects of this nature. On a normal Indiana day pervious to his medaling, we would have been relaxing on the davenport reading Readers Digest to eachother or watching re-runs of Little House on the Prairie, while eating pickled farm produce.
But no, this extra hour of daylight served to up-set the delicate balance of domestic tranquility that is my home. For that I curse you Mitch Daniels, Hoosier-Home-Wreaker! In fact dear readers, I has is often the case am above reproach, it is in fact all that fucking Mitch’s fault.
Today’s Bill:
SONNET 150
O, from what power hast thou this powerful might
With insufficiency my heart to sway?
To make me give the lie to my true sight,
And swear that brightness doth not grace the day?
Whence hast thou this becoming of things ill,
That in the very refuse of thy deeds
There is such strength and warrantize of skill
That, in my mind, thy worst all best exceeds?
Who taught thee how to make me love thee more
The more I hear and see just cause of hate?
O, though I love what others do abhor,
With others thou shouldst not abhor my state:
If thy unworthiness raised love in me,
More worthy I to be beloved of thee.
Quote of the Day:
Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.
Henry David Thoreau
I remain, much like you in the firmly held belief that every day I wake-up not on fire is a good day:
JQP esq.
Few are agreeable in conversation, because each thinks of what he intends to say than of what others are saying, and listens no more when he himself has a chance to speak.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
(At first everyone thought the methane gas leak was loads of laughs, soon they were to discover just how wrong they were.)
NLT:
Once again it’s that time of week when the illuminati, holders of the secrets of the 7th seal, seekers of truth and wisdom, free drinks and reckless banter, gather at the venerable Mahogany Bar. Yes children, its time for the meeting of No-Love-Thursday Drinking Club and Mutual Aid Society.
I however, find the co-pays that my crack medical team insists on receiving before performing any life saving measures; have bitten a rather large chunk out of my rather shapely ass. Thusly, my coffers are empty. I find that in the sprit of republican fiscal responsibility, I could be temped into submitting to my more base needs and attending. But, only for the sum of one pitcher of cheap draft beer (hang my head in shame).
I have not heard if anyone else plans to attend, so if you plan on being there please RSVP, so I know how many funny party hats to bring and cookies to bake. My start time would be around 4:00pm, or as soon as I am finished arguing my case before the Supreme Court (Mrs. JQP).
On the Day Ahead:
I have been charged with coming up with two marketing plans and one program organization plan, plus the start of a new web based training project (I am lucky if I can turn the damn computer on). Add to that, I have a state report that needs to go out first thing this morning and you have a fun filled day, I think I will be ready for NLT in a lot of ways.
Dinner, Lawn Care and Mitch Daniels:
After making a wonderful dinner ( Indonesian curry beef and lemon-hot pepper couscous) that was enjoyed by all, my Svelte Bride and I went on a walk with the hounds around the estate. With the sudden rain fall this week, it soon became apparent that our lawns needed mowing, either that or wait a week and bring a hay bailer in. Using gentle persuasion, I got My Flower to mow the lawn with the new power mower she got from a co-worker who recently fled Indiana. Lazy ass, abusive husband you ask? Read on…dear soul, read on...
Now those of who know me personally know that I am more than a bit of a traditionalist. I use a Webber Grill, gas grills are evil, what is the fucking point? I might as well be in my own kitchen cooking on my Viking Commercial Grade Stove and Oven Combo.
Charcoal and wood, fire, raw meat, it’s a man thing. This world view of mine has carried over into lawn care. I use no fertilizer, no insecticide, no lawn care service, and most importantly no power mower. Yes, I mowed the lawn with a lawn mower that I found in the back of the garage when I got this house.
A 1954 Easy Mow Ever-Sharp Reel-Mower, I was the Wally Clever of my block. No gas, and noise, no problem. Oh yes, those were the days of wine and roses.
Sadly, my 1954 Easy Mow Ever-Sharp Reel-Mower, gave up the ghost three weeks ago, it snapped in half, how, I have no idea, but in half it was. Which started me searching for a suitable replacement, I had to travel into Amish country to find like minds who shun motor power lawn equipment.
Now here is the shocker, a reel mower, costs 150.00. While readying my credit card for an impulse purchase, My Flower said “Dear sweet husband, man whom I love so, can we speak further about this before you spend “our” money for your passionate cause? At which time she informed me the Soon-To-Be-Moving-To-Vegas-To-Become-High-Priced-Call-Girl-Former-Co-Worker, would sell us her new power mower with all the attachments, a new shovel, a new hoe, garden hose, full gas can, and yard trash bags all for the amazing low price of only 50 bucks.
After an impassioned plea for the power mower I gave in, with the proviso that since she loves power equipment (in lots of ways) she was to be the one who mowed the lawn. My Flower, seeking yet one more place to exert her influence over my domain, ready agreed.
Thus my comments last night, about her getting off her ass and mowing the lawn with her new power mower, in retrospect perhaps not the smartest move on my part.
Mow she did...
...bitter and angry she was.
While I sat and supervised, stopping only to made myself a gin and tonic (dbl lime). Like most good husbands it is needless to say, I can at times be manipulated, (she would say that threats of physical violence, often involving external genitals work best, that and Marine Corp death grips). I was however quick to pick up on her subtle verbal cues of displeasure with me such as: “You better get off your mother-fucking ass and help”.
…and who can forget…
“tellmeonemoretimehowtodothis
andIamgoingtocram
thisfuckingpowermowerupyourass
youfuckingdickhead
knowitallprick
ishouldofstayedalesbian
burnyouinyoursleepfucker ”.
Sensing her mood, I took a different course of action, I made myself look busy. Being a smart man with a strong instinct for self preservation, I went and weeded my extensive gardens. Please note, I have over two hundred varieties of plants growing, many of them legal to cultivate. Also I should note that My Loving Bride is not allowed to weed since last year during my period of confinement she weeded about 100 plants, to include by prize winning Afghani Poppies and my own Tulip-Onion cross breed, (I mean, everyone wants a pretty onion don’t they?)
Suffice to say, I worked in my yard until 10pm, which oddly corresponds with when she un-locked the door to our palatial manor home (note to self, always take keys with you).
Which of course brings to Mitch Daniels, Indiana’s Republican Visionary Governor.
I blame him for the martial discord I and my Loving Petite Bride had to endure last night. If not for the states move to daylight savings time, I would have been too late in the day to take on projects of this nature. On a normal Indiana day pervious to his medaling, we would have been relaxing on the davenport reading Readers Digest to eachother or watching re-runs of Little House on the Prairie, while eating pickled farm produce.
But no, this extra hour of daylight served to up-set the delicate balance of domestic tranquility that is my home. For that I curse you Mitch Daniels, Hoosier-Home-Wreaker! In fact dear readers, I has is often the case am above reproach, it is in fact all that fucking Mitch’s fault.
Today’s Bill:
SONNET 150
O, from what power hast thou this powerful might
With insufficiency my heart to sway?
To make me give the lie to my true sight,
And swear that brightness doth not grace the day?
Whence hast thou this becoming of things ill,
That in the very refuse of thy deeds
There is such strength and warrantize of skill
That, in my mind, thy worst all best exceeds?
Who taught thee how to make me love thee more
The more I hear and see just cause of hate?
O, though I love what others do abhor,
With others thou shouldst not abhor my state:
If thy unworthiness raised love in me,
More worthy I to be beloved of thee.
Quote of the Day:
Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.
Henry David Thoreau
I remain, much like you in the firmly held belief that every day I wake-up not on fire is a good day:
JQP esq.
posted by John Q. Public esq. at 1:20 AM
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