Private thoughts of a Public Man

Requiem for the Living:

2011-05-01T16:20:00.001-07:00

Saylor Bob and Finnegan's Baptism:

Any metro-sexual can be a Hipster, Saylor Bob is a Hip Cat, a bastard love child of 1948 Detroit and Fitzgerald's East Egg, a walking celebration of all that is America, set to the subversive beat of improvisational jazz and the artists pallet of imagination.

I salute you Saylor Bob, you and this our American Dream.

I remain as always, your bedbug in the pillow of compliancy:

JQP esq

Yet another Post-Holiday Post:

2009-01-08T16:20:00.003-07:00

Thought for the Day:
The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
Charles DuBois

Status Update:
I sit here typing this in front of a roaring fire, sadly missing a large part of my eyebrows. However, homemade napalm does in fact facilitate starting a fire in the fireplace, granted my dosage does need some tweaking. I trust, you the reader are full well on track to disregard those pesky New Years Resolutions, I being self assured never much for those trappings designed for those of weaker constitutions.

What a year it has been, some of the selected highlights would be:
Replacing stolen copper pipes.
Travels across the western world as a world famous consultant.
Curing Polio, only to find out someone beat me to it.
Taking 3rd place at the haggis toss, during the Tri-State Highland Games.
Both my flower and I being part of Staffing Cut-Downs, for a total of three places of employment.
Finding secret joy in dbl. shots and the musical stylings of that song smith Mr. Glen Campbell.
Getting into a fight on my birthday and having a police dog attack me
Working on the O’bama campaign, I always support the Irish
My hard work translating into a cushy government job for My Flower
Working 3 part-time jobs, for 60 to 70 hours a week.
Car problems and more car problems
Winning the Southside Catfish Noodling Invitational
Having the tips of two fingers reattached
Playing some of the best lackluster Rugby of my distinguished career
Making gin in my bathtub and having my feet smell like juniper for two months
Spending time with those I love and care for.
Several colorful trips to the local ERs.
Once again gaining full time employment saving my fellow man

Yes, dear friend…it has been a slow year I shall endeavor to uphold the high standard(s) of this blog.

Today;s Bill:
Macbeth:
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28

Quote of the Day:
Your equipment DOES NOT affect the quality of your image. The less time and effort you spend worrying about your equipment the more time and effort you can spend creating great images. The right equipment just makes it easier, faster or more convenient for you to get the results you need.
Ken Rockwell

I remain, as effective as your first mustache and just as sharp.

JQP esq.

A Post Thanksgiving Post:

2008-11-29T04:20:00.001-07:00

(Both I and my Kind and Courteous staff wish you a most enjoyable Holiday Season)

Thought of the Day:
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't.
Anatole France

In the News:
True to the old Hee Haw song “If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all.” My Flower and I have since I last posted: lost our gainful employment, gained gainful employment and had major car repair(s). Add to that numerous painful injuries sustained while trying to teach several friends the finer points of rappelling at a local abandoned quarry (a sport, I am giving some thought to giving up) and the occasional impromptu bar fighting demonstration.

Thank God, at least I have major medical. I am currently working 3 part time jobs for a average of over 70 hours a week, covering a 12 county area, which I might add has cut into my extracurricular actives, granted not has much as My Flower would like.

I still enjoy teaching modern interpretive dance at the youth center and running SWAT sniper courses for Latin American Law Enforcement agencies, in my spare time I knit socks for soldiers and read to the blind (often cutting edge Swiss post modern works, in the original German dialect that I speak with a heavy Amish accent).

On the good news side of life, I am told my broken ribs are now healed and I removed the stitches from my ear, which was partially ripped from my head two weeks ago, but that’s a story for another time and one, truth be know my wife tells better. My Flower got a great government job helping with the redistribution of wealth and on the plus side she really enjoys her comrades at the collective.

I borrowed money from my formerly lucrative retirement plan before the market crash, which paid for a wild night in Havana (The city of Havana, Illinois)as My Flower and I celebrated 12 years of co-habilitation bliss. …and at least we are not living in the out-lands of a Reservation.

Your Seasonal Recipe of the Week:

Uncle JQP’s Sentry Soup:
1 48 qz Jar of Randall’s Deluxe Pinto Beans
1 48 qz Jar of Randall’s Deluxe Northern Beans
1 48 qz Jar of Randall’s Deluxe Mixed Beans
4 tbp of Sorghum Molasses
1 large red onion diced
3 cups of strong black coffee, more to taste
2 shots of cheap whisky
1 tsp Red pepper
1 tsp Black pepper
1 tsp cheap meat tenderizer
6 slices of thick cut bacon, ripped into bite sizes bits

Directions:
Toss it all in a large Crock Pot, stir and let everyone get to know each other. Set on High for 2 hours, low for 4, stir every now and again. Serve with stone ground corn bread, if you don’t know the difference you shouldn’t be making corn bread in the first place. This dear reader is the best use of beans, old coffee and whisky I have found to date.

Today’s Bill:
Claudio:
"Done to death by slanderous tongue
Was the Hero that here lies"
Much Ado About Nothing (V, iii, 3-4)

Quote for the Day:
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
Baltasar Gracian

I remain much like the metaphorical lost traveler who is you childhood hopes and dreams:

JQP esq.

Behold the End of Capitalism as we the Trusted few Knew it:

2008-09-16T16:20:00.000-07:00

I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night

I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night,
Alive as you or me
Says I, "But Joe, you're ten years dead,"
"I never died," says he
"I never died," says he
"In Salt Lake, Joe," says I to him,
Him standing by my bed,
"They framed you on a murder charge,"
Says Joe, "But I ain't dead,"
Says Joe, "But I ain't dead."
"The copper bosses killed you, Joe,
They shot you, Joe," says I.
"Takes more than guns to kill a man,"
Says Joe, "I didn't die,"
Says Joe, "I didn't die."
And standing there as big as life
And smiling with his eyes
Joe says, "What they forgot to kill
Went on to organize,
Went on to organize."
"Joe Hill ain't dead," he says to me,
"Joe Hill ain't never died.
Where working men are out on strike
Joe Hill is at their side,
Joe Hill is at their side."
"From San Diego up to Maine,
In every mine and mill,
Where workers strike and organize,"
Says he, "You'll find Joe Hill,"
Says he, "You'll find Joe Hill."
I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night,
Alive as you or me
Says I, "But Joe, you're ten years dead,"
"I never died," says he
"I never died," says he

Unfashionable becomes the fashion once again…

JQP

R-E-S-P-E-C-T:

2008-09-10T04:20:00.000-07:00

(Nobody makes baby stand in a corner.)

Granted...

(Nobody puts lipstick on my hog, but Mrs. JQP)

I remain the splinter in your dark, dark soul:

JQP

I am putting the Band back together:

2008-09-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

..and am working part time up around South Bend selling Bibles and Cutco Knifes, other than that being poor sucks ass.

as always, I remain much like the sand in your bathing suit of your hopes:

JQP esq.

Last Day as a Trend Setting Consultant:

2008-07-31T04:20:00.001-07:00

(I am a man of singular vision and pure bodily fluids)

Last Week Update:
Last weekend my Flower and I drove 4 hours each way to enjoy the long awaited Pierogifest, http://www.pierogifest.net/ . We ate more Polish food in three hours than I have ever dreamed could eatten.

To the point I am still sweating like a Pole and Pole sweat my friends smells funny, not like white people (we all know white people smell like wet chickens). I engaged in the Polish traditional folk dances and beer drinking rituals, but after 3 hours and several over flowing Port-a-Potties my Bride bailed on the event and I headed to the Dunes.

Now if you have never been to the Dunes I highly recommend it. We sat on Indiana’s only sandy beach and marveled at the Gary, IN air quality and pharmaceutical waste floating in the water. But, truth be known, I would move up there, just a short train ride into Chicago, and you have beach and woods, all very pretty if you don’t look east or west on the beach…however I bet the winters suck ass. I don’t think we will be making the 8 hour round trip next year, but I feel like I got my ticket punched.

This Weekend Warning Order:
Memphis Tom and his daughter Sweet-Pea (my Goddaughter) will be visiting for 5 wonderful fun filled days. So, I am dismantling our Meth lab and unloading all the unregistered handguns. She is school age now so I am thinking I can teach her how to skin wildlife and make improvised munitions, oh and how to make bread.

On Government Cheese:
Well dear reader, I am busying myself with the never ending search for a lucrative career. I am interviewing across this great land and with a few NGOs over the pond providing services in places the tourists miss.

My personal laptop is currently being repaired by those highly skilled folks at Best Buy; they assure me that it should be back in my hands in four to six weeks. Since today I must send my work laptop back to my previous employer I will have limited access to you clusters of electrons and neutrons on a screen about 14 inches from my face (that is after all how most of you exist to me).

Quote of the Day:
“I have been to the district around Sparta in southern Greece, whose inhabitants were famous for their brevity of speech. When Philip of Macedon threatened them with, "If I enter Laconia, I will raze Sparta to the ground," the Spartans' reply was, "If."

So, until then my friends and enemies who like to keep tabs, all my best:

JQP

More news at the top of the hour:

2008-07-22T04:20:00.000-07:00

(Hey, I am above all else a people person!)

Laid right the fuck Off:
Due to corporate downsizing my rather lucrative contract was not in fact renewed after all indications were that it was going to be. Add to this, that as a contract employee I can not get unemployment.

So, I and my bride have begun to enjoy our Grapes of Wrath like existence while I seek somewhat gainful employment. I guess I could go back to being a brain surgeon or driving the church bus but damn it, creative dance was my life.

All my best,

JQP esq.

Racist against Texans:

2008-07-15T07:49:00.000-07:00

A Indiana State Trooper pulls over two good ol’ boys from Texas

The cop walked up and tapped on the window
with his nightstick.

The driver rolled down the window and "WHACK!,"
the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.
"You're in Indiana , son," the trooper
answered.

"When we pull you over in the Hoosier state , you better have your
license ready by the time we get to your car.

"I'm sorry, officer!" the driver said, "Me ‘en my buddy here are from Crawford, Texas and don't know your laws here.

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives
the guy his license back.

The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on
the window.

The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK!," the
trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What'd the holy-hell ‘ya do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper.

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"Because, I know you damn Texas people," the trooper says... "Two miles
down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that
asshole would've tried that shit with me!'"

In the News:

2008-07-15T04:20:00.001-07:00

I have been saying this for a few years, but I think we might be in for a shit storm of young men and women acting-out when they get out of boots. Anyone who has served or been in a relationship with someone who has can tell you there is a readjustment period you have to go through. I always looked at it as luck of the draw, sometimes you bounce right out of it, sometimes you don’t.

I just ran across this article about some folks who were kind of fucked before they were in the service. I bring this to your attention so you keep it in mind when you hear about some vet with PTSD doing something dumbass, there is a chance that the vet might have been a bit fucked before he or she put on the uniform.

I always ask my friend(s) when they get back “what do you need from me?” and then do my best to give it (it’s often picking up the bar tab and telling some stories that you don’t want anyone else to hear) Just my two cents.

Post-traumatic stress gives some veterans an easy out from postwar crimes
By Russell Carollo - McClatchy Newspapers
Troops' criminal histories ignored

Lance Cpl. Roel Ryan Briones saw the horrors of the Iraq war firsthand, including the site where his fellow Marines allegedly killed 24 women, children and other civilians at Haditha. So when he returned to Kings County, Calif., got drunk and drove a stolen pickup into someone's living room, family and friends blamed the psychological effects of war, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

His crime, like others committed by returning war veterans, caught the attention - and sympathies - of lawmakers and veterans groups. California passed legislation in 2006, and at least four other states have drafted or considered laws to empower judges to send these veterans to treatment in lieu of prison because their crimes may be the byproduct of war.

But a yearlong examination by The Sacramento Bee found veterans sometimes had criminal records and other questionable backgrounds before enlistment, and experts said that since crime is not a typical symptom of PTSD, their subsequent crimes more likely were a product of their backgrounds than of the war. "It's an excuse, the way I see it," said Catherine Casey, whose 16-year-old daughter was killed in 2006 by another former California-based Marine driving drunk in Minnesota. "To use it as a crutch or an excuse for our behavior is, as far as I'm concerned, unacceptable."
Casey, a police investigator who does background checks for the Minneapolis Police Department, was angry not only because her daughter died, but also because she learned the man who killed her daughter had a history that included alcohol offenses before he joined the military.

For decades, the public has recognized that war can cause psychological problems, but it was the post-Vietnam era that spawned a large number of studies into what became known as PTSD. The Bee's examination found that the services are accepting a growing number of recruits with criminal backgrounds, and experts said they are more likely to suffer PTSD and more likely to respond to stress by committing crimes. "If these individuals who, because of their past histories and their genetics, are prone to be violent and have been violent in the past, stress can exacerbate that behavior," said Dr. Elisabeth Binder, an assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University in Atlanta who has recently completed a PTSD study.

Is stress an excuse?

Lance Cpl. Briones' criminal history in the southern San Joaquin Valley began long before he experienced the stress of a combat zone, and that criminal history is directly connected to his ending up in Iraq. "He wasn't a person who I would classify as a real upstanding citizen, before or during the military," said Kings County Deputy District Attorney Adam Nelson.

Briones was arrested on felony drug charges on July 20, 2003, after Hanford police received complaints about intoxicated people at a convenience store. Officers found seven baggies in Briones' pockets that they reported contained marijuana and money, an indication he had been selling drugs, according to Nelson. Briones was "very intoxicated," the police report says, and he "was out of control at the jail and had to be restrained several times to keep him from hurting himself or others."

Later, Nelson said, "his attorney contacted our office and said the guy wants to go into the military. At the time, we said that would probably be the best thing for him." The office agreed to drop charges if Briones enlisted, but Nelson now believes that agreement was a mistake. Shortly before he deployed to Iraq in 2005, Briones was charged with drunken driving in Orange County, not far from the Marine Corps' Camp Pendleton. He pleaded guilty and was sentenced to three years' informal probation.

In 2006, the Marine Corps charged Briones with stealing nearly $4,000 in night-vision goggles and binoculars in Iraq and with trying to send two 9 mm pistols in the mail. The Marines also accused Briones of a rape at Camp Pendleton. That same year, he came home on leave to Kings County, stole a pickup and drove it into a living room, with a blood-alcohol level nearly double the legal limit. A police report described Briones' behavior in the jail as "combative," similar to his behavior in jail before he joined the military.

Still, his war experiences were quickly blamed.

"My boss was getting crank calls at his house, swearing at him because he's prosecuting this hero," Nelson said. Briones faced a maximum sentence of three years and eight months for vehicle theft, DUI and vandalism, but he pleaded guilty only to vandalism and received a two-year sentence. All the military charges were withdrawn shortly after the accident. Nelson said a psychiatric evaluation found that Briones "was suffering from stress, but that it was not an excuse for what he did."

California justice

Because of links to the Haditha killings, the Briones case was making headlines worldwide as the chairwoman of the California Assembly's Veterans Affairs Committee was pushing fellow lawmakers to offer veterans treatment in lieu of prison.
"I brought [Briones] up, I remember, during the committee," said Assemblywoman Nicole Parra, who is from Hanford, in Kings County. "I didn't know the specifics of the case to say he had PTSD, but I said ... you've got to believe that [the war] had to have had some kind of impact." Told that Briones had been arrested on felony drug sale charges prior to his service, Parra said, "Yeah, so he sold drugs. But again, he went to war, saw horrific crimes being committed. Did that time and experience in Iraq affect him when he got back?"

The first version of the bill would have mandated that judges divert veterans diagnosed with PTSD to treatment. The governor vetoed it. "The trauma of war is unfortunate, but justice for crime victims and the safety of the public must remain a paramount concern of the criminal justice system," Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote in his veto message. The version signed by Schwarzenegger in September 2006 empowers California judges to bypass sentencing guidelines and choose between treatment or jail for veterans convicted of any crime.

Linking crime to stress

The media and the public have focused most of their attention on the war records of returning veterans who commit crimes, not their criminal records. Mastermichael Ramsey was one of more than 100 veterans identified in a New York Times series linking crimes by veterans to post-traumatic stress. But Ramsey's criminal history began in his hometown of Milwaukee long before he joined the Army and long before he experienced the stress of a war zone. Thirteen days after his 17th birthday, in May 1999, Ramsey was accused by Milwaukee police of threatening to "shoot and kill" someone. He was ordered to court on a charge of disorderly conduct, but failed to appear.

Two days later, Ramsey was accused of stealing a Toyota and driving it to school, resulting in a six-month jail sentence, which was stayed, and a two-year probation term. Six months after his sentencing, Milwaukee police restrained Ramsey at Harold S. Vincent High School as he shouted profanities and tried to physically confront a school official, who had accused him of gambling. Ramsey was charged with disorderly conduct and again missed a court appearance, prompting the court to issue a warrant for his arrest. Within four months, Ramsey was accused of shoplifting, and two months later, police records show, undercover Milwaukee police purchased drugs from Ramsey's roommate at their residence. Ramsey, who was on probation at the time, was arrested there on outstanding warrants. On Valentine's Day in 2002, Ramsey was arrested on a charge of carrying a concealed weapon after he tried to enter Federal Plaza in Milwaukee with a pellet pistol in his backpack.

Within four months, he went in to the Army and subsequently was deployed to Iraq.

"He got into the service with that kind of record?" asked Deputy Inspector Edward Bailey of the Milwaukee County Sheriff's Office. "It surprises me not as a law enforcement officer. It surprises me as a prior-service Army officer." In November 2005, Ramsey and two other soldiers were drinking heavily, violating a military prohibition on consuming alcohol in Iraq. The two other soldiers began to argue, according to Ramsey, and one of them, Spc. Chris Rolan, shot and killed Pvt. Dylan Paytas. Ramsey's account of what happened that night was the only version of events provided at Rolan's court-martial, since Rolan didn't testify. Rolan was convicted of unpremeditated murder, and Ramsey was discharged for what the military described as "other-than-honorable" reasons.

Crimes without combat

Not all military personnel who commit civilian crimes ever experienced war firsthand, and even some of the ones who served in a war zone have chosen not to blame war-related stress. Ian Bowers served in Iraq for about two months, and a military spokeswoman said he likely didn't see combat. When he was accused in a fatal drunken driving accident in Madison, Wis., his attorney did not use the war as an excuse for the crime, although his service was mentioned during his sentencing hearing. "I don't know that Iraq had much of anything to do with this," said attorney Bill Ginsberg. "This is your run-of-the-mill drunk driving."

Still, an editorial in the local Madison newspaper portrayed Bowers as among a group of veterans who "have had no problems with their lives or the law before their war service," and Bowers also was included in the New York Times series linking crimes by veterans to PTSD. In 2004, when Bowers was 17, he was charged with theft after officers reportedly found him near a Madison shopping area wearing a pair of stolen $70 boots and two pairs of jeans, one with a sales tag still on it. He pleaded no contest to stealing the boots, but police could not determine where the pants had come from. One month later, Bowers' mother complained to deputies that her sons were smoking marijuana and that she had found stolen property in her house, including BB guns. Six months later, the mother again called authorities, saying Bowers had confronted her after she found him with another boy who had been smoking marijuana.

"She was extremely disturbed and frightened by the behavior," a sheriff's report says, adding that Bowers' mother feared he "wanted to physically harm her." Bowers pleaded no contest to a disorderly conduct charge in the second incident and paid a $243 fine. In February 2006, weeks after pleading guilty to speeding more than 20 mph over a posted limit, Bowers enlisted in the Army. On leave at Christmas that year, Bowers was driving a 2002 Chevy Impala when it collided with another vehicle, leaving two dead and two injured. Bowers pleaded no contest to two counts of homicide and one of injury by intoxicated use of vehicle, and in January of this year he was sentenced to 13 years in prison.

Treatment or jail?

As word of the California law spread, Assemblywoman Parra's office fielded calls from lawmakers in other states, including New York, Montana and Minnesota. Minnesota tried to take the California law further, proposing that judges be empowered to divert veterans to treatment even before their criminal cases were decided. "Presumably if you get treatment and everything is fine, then that stay becomes permanent," said Hennepin County, Minn., prosecutor Pat Diamond. "You walk away without anything on your record. It was a route that we thought wasn't appropriate." Opposition from prosecutors and victims advocates led Minnesota lawmakers to rewrite the law. A version similar to the California bill became law in May, making Minnesota the second state to pass such legislation.

Minnesota attorney Brockton Hunter wrote the new bill, and his inspiration was a client, former Marine Anthony Joseph Klecker, who also entered the military with a troubled past. Klecker was expelled from Como Park Senior High School in St. Paul for carrying a knife to school, Hunter said. Soon after graduating from another high school, he learned his girlfriend was pregnant. "He worked several jobs, various stuff, low-level, hourly wage jobs," Hunter said. "He was trying to find direction in his life, and he was trying to find a career to support his new family."

During high school and after graduation, Klecker collected several traffic citations, was cited for underage drinking and - he admitted to a probation officer - used marijuana periodically. Days before he joined the Marine Corps in November 2000, he was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, registering a blood-alcohol level of more than 0.10, but the charge was reduced to careless driving.

Klecker's Marine unit, based near San Diego, was among the first to deploy for Iraq, and the unit engaged hostile forces several times, according to his attorney and court records. In one incident that Hunter said significantly contributed to his client's PTSD, Klecker fired a machine gun into a civilian van that moved toward him despite warning shots. "He never did find out if he killed anyone innocent," says a memorandum that Hunter filed in court to support his plea for treatment instead of prison. "This experience has probably been the hardest one for Tony to live with."
In the months following his discharge from the Marines in late 2004, Klecker joined the Minnesota National Guard. Back home, his drinking led to at least two arrests for barroom altercations, one of them a felony arrest for terrorist threats that resulted in an acquittal.

Hunter said he met Klecker when he represented him for one of the assault cases, and he called Klecker's behavior "classic PTSD." The two bonded, Hunter said, as Klecker's problems continued. On the night of Oct. 27, 2006, while on probation for one of the other assault cases, Klecker drank shots for hours at a St. Paul bar. Early the next morning, the car he was driving rammed into a concrete freeway barrier, knocking it into the opposing lane. Sixteen-year-old Deanna Casey, driving home from a late shift at a McDonald's, smashed into the barrier, then collided with the cab of a semi-truck that hit the same barrier and flipped over.

PTSD became the centerpiece of Hunter's plea for special treatment.

The New York Times series cited Klecker, too, saying that he saw "fierce combat in Iraq and struggled with nightmares and rage," but rather than seek treatment for PTSD, it said, he "tried to blunt his symptoms with heavy alcohol use." A subsequent Times story, published just last week, continued to depict Klecker as a victim of PTSD but mentioned part of his pre-military background. At the time of the fatal accident, Deanna Casey was dealing with her own problems. She had been sexually assaulted by her uncle, who was sentenced four months earlier. Like Klecker, the uncle, a Minnesota state trooper, blamed PTSD, caused by his job.

"My daughter was assaulted on Christmas Eve 2004," Catherine Casey said. Deanna had trouble sleeping in a dark room after the assault, she said, adding that "if anyone was suffering from PTSD, it was her." Klecker's probation officer recommended 57 months, but the judge, apparently moved by Klecker's war record, sentenced him to treatment, community service, probation and, in effect, time served.

His rehabilitation was short-lived.

Klecker's probation was revoked following two altercations at a veterans treatment facility, where he also was accused of carrying a knife. This time, the judge sentenced him to four years, but he could be eligible for release in fewer than 18 months.

Canned Heat-On The Road Again-Live at Montreux 1973.

2008-07-08T16:31:00.001-07:00

JQP

My Tribute to Canned Heat:

2008-07-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

(a little know fact is that my mother on her death bed (God Bless her soul) told me that my father was a roadie for Canned Heat, during the Hooker and Heat Tour 76')

Happy 12 years My Flower

2008-07-07T13:08:00.001-07:00

you cvoer my bar tab an' I'll take ya to TGIF for dinner!

(I posted this song again A) cause I like it, B) cause it sums me n my flower up pretty well, C) cause you tube droped the link so piss off ya'll

Today is my Wedding Anniversary:

2008-07-07T04:20:00.000-07:00

(Which means I have at least a 30% chance of getting lucky)
JQP

From the Desk of My Flower:

2008-07-06T04:20:00.000-07:00

Mrs. JQP’s Rules for successful Sunday Hard Charging at Rugby Bars:

Don’t buy drinks for the local indigenous population – they can be a vicious lot, pillaging your wallet until there’s nothing left.

Go forward with Operation “Pay Cash as you Go”, A) set a budget - $150 or $200 and stick to it! B) Once the cash is gone – it’s time to go NO MATTER WHAT

Don’t get sucked into conversation with strangers about Rugby, or the war in Iraq, aside from what we think… THEY DON’T CARE and never will! They just humor us because their scared

Keep in mind that we have a super busy week… time to get our shit together and get things done. A Monday hangover sucks worse than any other and sets the tone for the week.

Remember feeling like shit from any previous episode(s) and commit to not repeating it! High speed , Low Drag Troop!

Dream of all the other fucking crazy shit you would like to strive toward and remember how the money you’re spending could go a long way toward that goal! Farms in Africa are not free, unless there is a great deal of civil unrest.

Remember how sad your drunken wife looked passing out on a friends couch immediately followed by vomiting in their trash can – nobody wants to look/feel like that. That and you didn’t like me tossing up on your back as you carried me down those three flights of stairs.

Don’t buy drinks for the bartenders – they usually don’t return the favor and doesn’t really buy any additional love (everyone already loves you just as much as they can).

We probably got MORE points being a designated driver to the drunk kids than we did from buying them more drinks, even if you did roll them for cash.

Enjoy friends and good times – but nothing in excess… it feels good to feel good the next day and not feel like we’ve done something terrible we need to be sorry for. Like that time we took those dancers home, or the night last month when you knocked that kids teeth out.

Remember: It’s ok to drink to an excess, it’s NOT ok to drink and be a dumb fuck!

Happy 4th of July:

2008-07-04T04:20:00.000-07:00

Funny videos

JQP

Happy 400th Quebec’

2008-07-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

(Since you the reader know, I love all things French, esp. hairy arm pitted French Canadian girls with bad teeth.)

John McCain vs. Mrs. Obama:

2008-07-01T04:55:00.002-07:00

Gen. Wesley Clark, acting as a surrogate for Barack Obama’s campaign, invoked John McCain’s military service against him in one of the more personal attacks on the Republican presidential nominee this election cycle. Clark said that McCain lacked the executive experience necessary to be president, calling him “untested and untried” on CBS’ “Face the Nation.” And in saying so, he took a few swipes at McCain’s military service. After saying, "I certainly honor his service as a prisoner of war. He was a hero to me and to hundreds of thousands and millions of others in the armed forces, as a prisoner of war," he added that these experiences in no way qualify McCain to be president in his view:

“He has been a voice on the Senate Armed Services Committee. And he has traveled all over the world. But he hasn’t held executive responsibility. That large squadron in the Navy that he commanded — that wasn't a wartime squadron,” Clark said. “I don’t think getting in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to become president.”

(Ok, once again it’s business as usual. Well when I was a young man I went through an E and E course, and brothers and sisters after those fun love guys got a hold of me, I was singing like a bird.

This fuckin shit is a play right out of the Swift Boat campaign book, I thought with all this high minded shit we might be in for something different. But no, we have the same two parties working to keep all of us divided. I would rather they it get together and man up. Attack policy not the person(s), we deserve better. )

JQP

You 4th of July Holiday Week Moment of Zen:

2008-06-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

(God Bless America)

The realities of the new Africa

2008-06-29T16:20:00.000-07:00

I saw this one while watching the Rugby World Cup this year...

JQP

On Rap, Convenience Stores and Nacogdoches:

2008-06-27T04:20:00.005-07:00

(I myself make it a point to support free market economies nationwide.)

Thought for the Day:
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891

On rap, the American educational system and inner-city convenience stores:
Since my much heralded return to the bread basket of this great nation, I have noticed a rather inconsequential but noticeable change in either the hearing capabilities and/or reading levels of those I do business with (convenience stores, clergy, law officers, dry cleaners & prostitutes), or I have developed a heavy accent or perhaps a lisp.

I seems that daily in my interactions with others and I am required to use my name, they inevitably ask me “ummm, how do you spell that?” I reply, “Lets see, John Q. Public”. “How?” in reply I say “J-O-H-N Q. P-U-B-L-I-C”, you know like get a fucking clue, sound it out, buy a fucking vowel. It’s not that damn hard.

I could understand if my name we say: Hiram Xavier Fitzpatick-Carpstinkbutski (which by the way is the nom de guerre I use when traveling in Northwest Asia and Ohio, but that’s a story for another time).

Ok, the first 30 times it was no big deal, but now I am forced to ponder…is there something bigger going on and this morning dear reader, I can only come to the following, I live in the ghetto, and first hand I am able to observe the effects of loud bass driven rap in the closed confines of automobiles.

Hell, they rattle the fine china tea set I have on my Louis the VII buffet in the main hall of the manor house when they drive by. Thus, the first cause is voluntary hearing loss, I am talking like being a roady for Van Halen in the 80’s hearing loss.

Secondly, I would like to site the educational system, they coddle these kids today (think grumpy old man) when I was in school, from kindergarten on, they ran a tight ship. If you didn’t know your shit, you my friend were fucked. I spent most recesses in the classroom learning how to tie my shoes, spell, read a clock, and divide fractions (yes, high school sucked for me). But thanks to the schools iron handed discipline and frequent use of corporal punishment I now can do two of those four previously mentioned tasks.

I know it can’t be me.

Your Drink for the Week:

Kokomo Joe Recipe
Ingredients
1 oz Banana Liqueur
1 oz White Rum
½ oz Cheap vodka
5 oz Orange Juice
3 oz Pina Colada Mix

Directions
Combine ingredients with one cup of crushed ice in a blender. Blend until smooth. Pour into a hurricane glass, garnish with a slice of orange, and serve. I had 9 of these little wonders one morning at the Hip-Hugger in Kokomo, Indiana. I would recommend both the strip club and the drink.

Nacogdoches Dave Cocktail Recipe
Ingredients
2 oz Dark Eyes Vodka
1 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Peach Schnapps
5 oz Sunny Delight

Directions
Pour ingredients into a highball glass, stir, and serve. Texan’s love their sweet drinks and I love this shit, but after 12 or so I want to puke my asshole up. Warning: do not chase this with white wine and shots of Jaeger.

Today’s Bill:
Free from gross passion or of mirth or anger
constant in spirit, not swerving with the blood,
garnish'd and deck'd in modest compliment,
not working with the eye without the ear,
and but in purged judgement trusting neither?
Such and so finely bolted didst thou seem.
William Shakespeare

Quote of the Day:Temptation rarely comes in working hours. It is in their leisure time that men are made or marred.
W. N. Taylor

I remain, standing naked in the darkened corner of your soul, playing canasta with your subconscious:

JQP esq.

Skinny Chics and High Power Weapons:

2008-06-26T11:33:00.001-07:00

Come the revolution, me and My Flower will be just fine, it you skinny folks that need to watch out.

Behold the Sublime Power of Intellectual Curiosity:

2008-06-26T04:20:00.007-07:00

(Well, so begins another day in the salt minds of your soul)

Thought of the Day:
Truth is what stands the test of experience.
Albert Einstein

JQP on Four Timely Subjects:

Politics:
Granted my horse in the race won, but I see some pit falls ahead for Mr. Obama. 1) Those stupid remarks cutting working class white voters (guns, God, etc..) will be played over and over again. 2) Changing course on campaign funding, smart but is going to bite him in the ass. 3) His hot wife, who just happens to be smart. 4) His lunatic ex-preacher, now they tell me he is a Muslim, but they also say he has a Baptist preacher? Where the fuck is that at in the Koran?

Fist Slam:
First off, when I was in AZ this thing swept the state; from Republican golfers to Indians selling baskets along the road. So, imagine my surprise when Fox News tells me it’s a secret terrorist hand shake and I thought the fucking Masons were odd with theirs. For the record, I refuse to bump fists, I do the whole Dap, ‘cause I am down with it that way.

VP Bets:
The Big O will make the choice of Edwards, McCain, will bow to pressure and pick up the Mormon who wears special underwear.

Toenails and Sandals:
Ok, fucking gross me the fuck out…if you’re a dude, trim your toe nails before you throw on some sandals, I am tired of seeing shit packed in your big toenail. Women, same goes with you. I was at a bar a few weeks back and this chic looked like she had on Lee Press-on Toenails, shit she would cut your feet off if you ever slept with her. Good foot hygen show attention to detail.
Here is a fucking clue, toes are not fucking sexy, dirty long toenails are down right gross…if you have to put them where I can see them at least trim and clean ‘em.

Your Recipe for the week:

Mediterranean Grilled Salmon
Serve with: Serve the salmon steaks with a Macedonian salad and a crusty French bread.
Serving: 4 more or less

5 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh basil
1 teaspoon sea salt or Kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black or white pepper
Four 6-ounce salmon steaks
Lemon wedges, split green olives for serving

Mix together the olive oil, lemon juice, parsley, basil, salt, and pepper in a bowl until well combined. Marinate the salmon steaks in the mixture, covered, in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes.

Cook the salmon on a hot grill for 3 1/2 minutes on each side, brushing with the marinade. Serve the salmon with lemon wedges for squeezing.

Tips:
Make sure the cooking surface is really hot so the fish can sear quickly and seal in the juices to keep it deliciously moist on the inside.

If your Salmon is frozen, 24 hours before you plan to cook start thawing it in the refrigerator in a bowl with filled with enough milk to cover it. Put plastic rap over it or a lid.

Macedonian Salad
Serving: 4

4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon sea salt or Kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, and extra for garnish
3 ripe tomatoes, cut into quarter wedges
1/2 red onion, sliced into rings and halved
1/2 cucumber, sliced lengthwise, then cut into thick half-moons
1/2 red or yellow bell pepper, julienne
16 pitted kalamata (or pitted black) olives
6 ounces feta cheese, cut into small cubes
1 Artichoke heart, oil packed, diced.

Place the olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, oregano, salt, and pepper in a small jar with a screw-top lid and shake to combine.

Place the tomatoes, onion, cucumber, bell pepper, olives, and cheese in a large bowl. Pour the dressing over the salad and toss gently to combine, just before serving. Garnish with a little freshly ground black pepper

Today’s Bill:
Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men, and such as sleep o' nights:
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look;
He thinks too much: such men are dangerous.
William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar", Act 1 scene 2

Quote of the Day:
How can you come to know yourself? Never by thinking, always by doing. Try to do your duty, and you'll know right away what you amount to.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I remain as trendy a pearl buttons on cowboy shirts:

JQP esq.

John Prine With Iris Dement - In Spite Of Ourselves

2008-06-25T09:15:00.001-07:00

My Flower and I have a song that does us justice, I am just crazy about that girl of mine.

Mistakes were made and Alcohol was a Factor:

2008-06-25T04:20:00.002-07:00

(I have penned some of the most definitive operation manuals my field has ever seen in the past three months. Yes, dear reader you are in the presence of greatness.)

Thought for the Day:
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
Aristotle

Where the hell have I been? Well, let me tell you:

I have been selling Bibles coast to coast.

My Flower lost our ass on the Belmont Stakes.

I have been in OR, TN, KY, GA, MA, CA (and Dusty, I feel just right at home in Bakersfield)

I had dinner and way to much to drink with a Japanese American whose Dad was a Green Beret in Nam and friends with my Dad, and we knew each other in elementary school at Ft. Bragg.

I borrowed a cyclo from in front of an Asian restaurant and made 83 cents giving patrons rides to their cars.

I kissed a stripper and now have sores on my lips.

I dislocated my shoulder and cracked three ribs, while going across a RR bridge on my hands (I fell).

I firmly believe that both Pat Sajak and Andy Williams were members of the John Birch Society.

I have 14 kinds of hot peppers and 9 different types of heirloom tomatoes growing in my kitchen garden.

I got into a friendly fist fight on my birthday after drinking a bottle of hard liquor.

I got to meet 6 members of the New Haven Law Enforcement community and one Police Dog.

I don’t care much for Police Dogs.

While drinking at an establishment that caters to gentlemen of a different complexion, I was given a 10 pound catfish.

My Flower bought me a surplus medics kit, she keeps in her purse, see I told you she loves me.

The good folks of Unadilla, GA elected me Mayor.

I competed in a Highland Game; I am a telephone pole tossing fool.

The people I work for gave me two new jobs and are threatening to have me move back to Phoenix.

I helped coach My Flowers rugby team, to what turned out to be a resounding defeat.

I saw My Flower take joy in hurting others, I was so proud.

I got drunk in the Rugby Bar naked and they wouldn’t kick me out.

I have been sober a record 4 days now and my liver and I are speaking again (thanks Dr. Phil)

Intervention in my circle of friends often starts with cocktails and ends up with shots…

Today’s Bill:
Leave her to heaven
And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge,
To prick and sting her.
William Shakespeare, "Hamlet", Act 1 scene 5

Quote of the Day:
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, from Self-Reliance

I remain much like the pocket like space under the fly opening of a pair of tighty whiteys, useful for hiding things from others but embarrassing to reach:

JQP esq.

Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner

2008-06-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

My mother used to sing this to me when I was but a wee' lad. To this day, it brings a tear to me' eyes...

Well I never....

2008-06-01T16:20:00.000-07:00

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The South That's a Southern accent you've got there. You may love it, you may hate it, you may swear you don't have it, but whatever the case, we can hear it.
The Midland
The Inland North
The West
The Northeast
Philadelphia
North Central
Boston
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Africa you never see on TV:

2008-05-30T15:33:00.001-07:00

...a little known fact, but I to was born in Africa...

Call me Coach

2008-05-19T04:20:00.002-07:00

(In other news, I am Coaching Womens Rugby, and friends women are mean)

I have been sick the past week and a half, one of those joys of just being me. So, I have been a little tardy on posts. Which to you my three readers must be painful. For that I am sorry. I however, have not missed any work deadlines and have been on the road to two states during this time. The only thing worse than traveling is traveling sick. Whaaa, fucking whaaa, for me.

All my best,

JQP

The Band - The Weight

2008-05-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

My first concert: and to this day this song followes me around like a bad penny.

(that is all)

Air Zimbabwe's Meals

2008-05-14T16:20:00.001-07:00

guess I am back to doing contract work, you know consulting...

JQP

No-Love Thursday:

2008-05-08T16:20:00.002-07:00

(and dear reader, I am to drunk to post anything of note)

All my best,

JQP

...willie the pimp

2008-05-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

....this song changed me when I first heard it at the age of 9. Yes, I in fact blame Zappa for who I am today.

Sunrise-Sunset

2008-05-07T04:20:00.001-07:00

(My Flower and I are the Sonny and Cher of the Fast Crowd)

Well, my horse in the race didnt win here in Indiana, but won the war. I would have to say that I was very unhappy with his local camp, I asked for a yard sign three times, stopped in and everything. Three times they said they would drop one off for me, no-sign... so, what does that tell you?

I have been working on some crap for the west coasties that is eat'n up all my time, I have made a total of 46 calls today. Which is a lot for a gentleman such as myself who has the cheerful phone voice that sounds like a chainsaw running on battery acid (however I sing like a bird).

Back to the Salt Mine of home officing:

JQP

Spiderbait - Black Betty

2008-05-06T16:20:00.000-07:00

Oh Hell yes children...

On 3 hour phone calls and gin:

2008-05-06T04:20:00.000-07:00

(I am lazy and over worked today, which dont complment eachother well)

A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. I got run out of a job I liked once, and while it was happening, a guy stopped me in the hall. Smart guy, but prone to saying too much. I braced myself. I didn't want to hear it. I needed a white knight, and I knew it wasn't him. He just sighed and said: When nobody has your back, you gotta move your back. Then he walked away. Best advice I ever got. One sentence.

2. Tell if someone is lying. Everyone has his theory. Pick one, test it. Choose the tells that work for you. I like these: Liars change the subject quickly. Liars look up and to their right when they speak. Liars use fewer contractions. Liars will sometimes stare straight at you and employ a dead face. Liars never touch their chest or heart except self-consciously. Liars place objects between themselves and you during a conversation.

3. Take a photo. Fill the frame.

4. Score a baseball game. Scoring a game is an exercise in ciphering, creating a shorthand of your very own. In this way, it's a private language as much as a record of the game. The only given is the numbering of the positions and the use of the diamond to express each batter's progress around the bases. I black out the diamond when a run scores. I mark an RBI with a tally mark in the upper-right-hand corner. Each time you score a game, you pick up on new elements to track: pitch count, balls and strikes, foul balls. It doesn't matter that this information is available on the Internet in real time. Scoring a game is about bearing witness, expanding your own ability to observe.

5. Name a book that matters. The Catcher in the Rye does not matter. Not really. You gotta read.

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. One guy at your table knows where Cobain was born and who his high school English teacher was. Another guy can argue the elegant extended trope of Liquid Swords with GZA himself. This is how it should be. Music does not demand agreement. Rilo Kiley. Nina Simone. Whitesnake. Fugazi. Otis Redding. Whatever. Choose. Nobody likes a know-it-all, because 1) you can't know it all and 2) music offers distinct and private lessons. So pick one. Except Rilo Kiley. I heard they broke up.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
Buy The Way to Cook, by Julia Child. Try roasting. Braising. Broiling. Slow-cooking. Pan searing. Think ragouts, fricassees, stews. All of this will force you to understand the functionality of different cuts. In the end, grilling will be a choice rather than a chore, and your Weber will become a tool rather than a piece of weekend entertainment.

8. Not monopolize the conversation.

9. Write a letter.
So easy. So easily forgotten. A five-paragraph structure works pretty well: Tell why you're writing. Offer details. Ask questions. Give news. Add a specific memory or two. If your handwriting is terrible, type. Always close formally.

10. Buy a suit.
Avoid bargains. Know your likes, your dislikes, and what you need it for (work, funerals, court). Squeeze the fabric -- if it bounces back with little or no sign of wrinkling, that means it's good, sturdy material. And tug the buttons gently. If they feel loose or wobbly, that means they're probably coming off sooner rather than later. The jacket's shoulder pads are supposed to square with your shoulders; if they droop off or leave dents in the cloth, the jacket's too big. The jacket sleeves should never meet the wrist any lower than the base of the thumb -- if they do, ask to go down a size. Always get fitted.

11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.

12. Show respect without being a suck-up. Respect the following, in this order: age, experience, record, reputation. Don't mention any of it.

13. Throw a punch. Close enough, but not too close. Swing with your shoulders, not your arm. Long punches rarely land squarely. So forget the roundhouse. You don't have a haymaker. Follow through; don't pop and pull back. The length you give the punch should come in the form of extension after the point of contact. Just remember, the bones in your hand are small and easy to break. You're better off striking hard with the heel of your palm. Or you could buy the guy a beer and talk it out.

14. Chop down a tree. Know your escape path. When the tree starts to fall, use it.

15. Calculate square footage. Width times length.

16. Tie a bow tie.
Step 1: Make a simple knot, allowing slightly more length (one to two inches) on the end of A.
Step 2: Lay A out of the way, fold B into the normal bow shape, and position it on the first knot you made.
Step 3: Drop A vertically over folded end B.
Step 4: Double back A on itself and position it over the knot so that the two folded ends make a cross.
Step 5: The hard part: Pass folded end A under and behind the left side (yours) of the knot and through the loop behind folded end B.
Step 6: Tighten the knot you have created, straightening, particularly in the center.

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
When I interviewed for my first job, one of the senior guys had me to his house for a reception. He offered me a cigarette and pointed me to a bowl of whiskey sours, like I was Darrin Stephens and he was Larry Tate. I can still remember that first tight little swallow and my gratitude that I could go back for a refill without looking like a drunk. I came to admire the host over the next decade, but he never gave me the recipe. So I use this: • For every 750-ml bottle of whiskey (use a decent bourbon or rye), add: • 6 oz fresh-squeezed, strained lemon juice• 6 oz simple syrup (mix superfine sugar and water in equal quantities)
To serve: Shake 3 oz per person with ice and strain into chilled cocktail glasses. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice or, if you're really slick, a float of red wine. (Pour about 1/2 oz slowly into each glass over the back of a spoon; this is called a New York sour, and it's great.)

18. Speak a foreign language. Pas beaucoup. Mais faites un effort.

19. Approach a woman out of his league. Ever have a shoeshine from a guy you really admire? He works hard enough that he doesn't have to tell stupid jokes; he doesn't stare at your legs; he knows things you don't, but he doesn't talk about them every minute; he doesn't scrape or apologize for his status or his job or the way he is dressed; he does his job confidently and with a quiet relish. That stuff is wildly inviting. Act like that guy.

20. Sew a button.

21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
Once, in our lifetime, much of Europe was approaching cultural and political irrelevance. Then they made like us and banded together into a union of confederated states. So you can always assume that they were simply copying the United States as they now push us to the verge of cultural and political irrelevance.

22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
Otherwise, ask after it.

23. Be loyal. You will fail at it. You have already. A man who does not know loyalty, from both ends, does not know men. Loyalty is not a matter of give-and-take: He did me a favor, therefore I owe him one. No. No. No. It is the recognition of a bond, the honoring of a shared history, the reemergence of the vows we make in the tight times. It doesn't mean complete agreement or invisible blood ties. It is a currency of selflessness, given without expectation and capable of the most stellar return.

24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Brand, amount, style, fast, like so: Booker's, double, neat.

25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
Use a contractor's hammer. Swing hard and loose, like a tennis serve.

26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.

27. Play gin with an old guy. Old men will try to crush you. They'll drown you in meaningless chatter, tell stories about when they were kids this or in Korea that. Or they'll retreat into a taciturn posture designed to get you to do the talking. They'll note your strategies without mentioning them, keep the stakes at a level they can control, and change up their pace of play just to get you stumbling. You have to do this -- play their game, be it dominoes or cribbage or chess. They may have been playing for decades. You take a beating as a means of absorbing the lessons they've learned without taking a lesson. But don't be afraid to take them down. They can handle it.

28. Play go fish with a kid.
You don't crush kids. You talk their ear off, make an event out of it, tell them stories about when you were a kid this or in Vegas that. You have to play their game, too, even though they may have been playing only for weeks. Observe. Teach them without once offering a lesson. And don't be afraid to win. They can handle it.

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
Sometimes the laws of physics aren't laws at all. Read The Quantum World: Quantum Physics for Everyone, by Kenneth W. Ford.

30. Feign interest. Good place to start: quantum physics.

31. Make a bed.

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I once stood in a wine store in West Hollywood where the owner described a pinot noir he favored as "a night walk through a wet garden." I bought it. I went to my hotel and drank it by myself, looking at the flickering city with my feet on the windowsill. I don't know which was more right, the wine or the vision that he placed in my head. Point is, it was right.

33. Hit a jump shot in pool. It's not something you use a lot, but when you hit a jump shot, it marks you as a player and briefly impresses women. Make the angle of your cue steeper, aim for the bottommost fraction of the ball, and drive the cue smoothly six inches past the contact point, making steady, downward contact with the felt.

34. Dress a wound. First, stop the bleeding. Apply pressure using a gauze pad. Stay with the pressure. If you can't stop the bleeding, forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Once the bleeding stops, clean the wound. Use water or saline solution; a little soap is good, too. If you can't get the wound clean, then forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Finally, dress the wound. For a laceration, push the edges together and apply a butterfly bandage. For avulsions, where the skin is punctured and pulled back like a trapdoor, push the skin back and use a butterfly. Slather the area in antibacterial ointment. Cover the wound with a gauze pad taped into place. Change that dressing every 12 hours, checking carefully for signs of infection. Better yet, get to a hospital.

35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).

36. Make three different bets at a craps table. Play the smallest and most poorly labeled areas, the bets where it's visually evident the casino doesn't want you to go. Simply play the pass line; once the point is set, play full odds (this is the only really good bet on the table); and when you want a little more action, tell the crew you want to lay the 4 and the 10 for the minimum bet.

37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
I play cards with guys who can't shuffle, and they lose. Always.

38. Tell a joke. Here's one:
Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."

39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
Aces. Eights. Always.

40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. Use his first name. Don't use baby talk. Don't crank up your energy to match his. Ask questions and wait for answers. Follow up. Don't pretend to be interested in Webkinz or Power Rangers or whatever. He's as bored with that shit as you are. Concentrate instead on seeing the child as a person of his own.

41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
You don't own the restaurant, so don't act like it. You own the transaction. So don't speak into the menu. Lift your chin. Make eye contact. All restaurants have secrets -- let it be known that you expect to see some of them.

42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
Go ahead, use baby talk.

43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. Just turn off the damned main.

44. Ask for help.
Guys who refuse to ask for help are the most cursed men of all. The stubborn, the self-possessed, and the distant. The hell with them.

45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. Rotate your arm rapidly in the grip, toward the other guy's thumb.

46. Tell a woman's dress size.

47. Recite one poem from memory. Here you go:

WHEN YOU ARE OLD
When you are old and gray and full of sleep, And nodding by the fire, take down this book, And slowly read, and dream of the soft look Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true, But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars, Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled And paced upon the mountains overhead And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
--William Butler Yeats

48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.

49. Say no.

50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Cook until the white appears solid...and no longer.

51. Build a campfire.
There are three components:
1. The tinder -- bone-dry, snappable twigs, about as long as your hand. You need two complete handfuls. Try birch bark; it burns long and hot.
2. The kindling -- thick as your thumb, long as your forearm, breakable with two hands. You need two armfuls.
3. Fuel wood -- anything thick and long enough that it can't be broken by hand. It's okay if it's slightly damp. You need a knee-high stack.
Step 1: Light the tinder, turning the pile gently to get air underneath it.
Step 2: Feed the kindling into the emergent fire with some pace.
Step 3: Lay on the fuel wood. Pyramid, the log cabin, whatever -- the idea is to create some kind of structure so that plenty of air gets to the fire.

52. Step into a job no one wants to do. When I was 13, my dad called me into his office at the large urban mall he ran. He was on the phone. What followed was a fairly banal 15-minute conversation, which involved the collection of rent from a store. On and on, droning about store hours and lighting problems. I kept raising my eyebrows, pretending to stand up, and my dad kept waving me down. I could hear only his end, garrulous and unrelenting. He rolled his eyes as the excuses kept coming. His assertions were simple and to the point, like a drumbeat. He wanted the rent. He wanted the store to stay open when the mall was open. Then suddenly, having given the job the time it deserved, he put it to an end. "So if I see your gate down next Sunday afternoon, I'm going to get a drill and stick a goddamn bolt in it and lock you down for the next week, right?" When he hung up, rent collected, he took a deep breath. "I've been dreading that call," he said. "Once a week you gotta try something you never would do if you had the choice. Otherwise, why are you here?" So he gave me that. And this...

53. Sometimes, kick some ass.

54. Break up a fight. Work in pairs if possible. Don't get between people initially. Use the back of the collar, pull and urge the person downward. If you can't get him down, work for distance.

55. Point to the north at any time.
If you have a watch, you can point the hour hand at the sun. Then find the point directly between the hour hand and the 12. That's south. The opposite direction is, of course, north.

56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.

57. Explain what a light-year is. It's the measure of the distance that light travels over 365.25 days.

58. Avoid boredom. You have enough to eat. You can move. This must be acknowledged as a kind of freedom. You don't always have to buy things, put things in your mouth, or be delighted.

59. Write a thank-you note.
Make a habit of it. Follow a simple formula like this one: First line is a thesis statement. The second line is evidentiary. The third is a kind of assertion. Close on an uptick.
Thanks for having me over to watch game six. Even though they won, it's clear the Red Sox are a soulless, overmarketed contrivance of Fox TV. Still, I'm awfully happy you have that huge high-def television. Next time, I really will bring beer. Yours,

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. It tells a lot about who you are and where you came from. Me? I like Hellman's mayonnaise and Genesee beer, which makes me the fleshy, stubbornly upstate ne'er-do-well that I will always be.

61. Cook bacon.
Lay out the bacon on a rack on a baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.

62. Hold a baby.
Newborns should be wrapped tightly and held against the chest. They like tight spaces (consider their previous circumstances) and rhythmic movements, so hold them snug, tuck them in the crook of your elbow or against the skin of your neck. Rock your hips like you're bored, barely listening to the music at the edge of a wedding reception. No one has to notice except the baby. Don't breathe all over them.

63. Deliver a eulogy. Take the job seriously. It matters. Speak first to the family, then to the outside world. Write it down. Avoid similes. Don't read poetry. Be funny.

64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. When I was a kid, because I'm Italian and because the Irish guys in my neighborhood were relentless with the beatings on St. Patrick's Day, I loved the very idea of Christopher Columbus. I loved the fact that Irish kids worshipped some gnome who drove all the rats out of Ireland or whatever, whereas my hero was an explorer. Man, I drank the Kool-Aid on that guy. Of course, I later learned that he was a hand-chopping, land-stealing egotist who sold out an entire hemisphere to European avarice. So I left Columbus behind. Your understanding of your heroes must evolve. See Roger Clemens. See Bill Belichick.

65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
If you can't, play more ball.

68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. Note your landmarks -- mountains, power lines, the sound of a highway. Look for the sun: It sits in the south; it moves west. Gauge your direction every few minutes. If you're completely stuck, look for a small creek and follow it downstream. Water flows toward larger bodies of water, where people live.

69. Tie a knot.
Square knot: left rope over right rope, turn under. Then right rope over left rope. Tuck under. Pull. Or as my pack leader, Dave Kenyon, told me in a Boy Scouts meeting: "Left over right, right over left. What's so fucking hard about that?"

70. Shake hands. Steady, firm, pump, let go. Use the time to make eye contact, since that's where the social contract begins.

71. Iron a shirt. My uncle Tony the tailor once told me of ironing: Start rough, end gently.

72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
Blanket. Heavy flashlight. Hand warmers. Six bottles of water. Six packs of beef jerky. Atlas. Reflectors. Gloves. Socks. Bandages. Neosporin. Inhaler. Benadryl. Motrin. Hard candy. Telescoping magnet. Screwdriver. Channel-locks. Crescent wrench. Ski hat. Bandanna.

73. Caress a woman's neck. Back of your fingers, in a slow fan.

74. Know some birds. If you can't pay attention to a bird, then you can't learn from detail, you aren't likely to appreciate the beauty of evolution, and you don't have a clue how birdlike your own habits may be. You've been looking at them blindly for years now. Get a guide.

75. Negotiate a better price. Be informed. Know the price of competitors. In a big store, look for a manager. Don't be an asshole. Use one phrase as your mantra, like "I need a little help with this one." Repeat it, as an invitation to him. Don't beg. Ever. Offer something: your loyalty, your next purchase, even your friendship, and, with the deal done, your gratitude.

I remain the yardstick of your life:

JQP

Post Traveling Blues:

2008-05-05T04:20:00.001-07:00

In the past two weeks I have done the following:

Surfed during a storm, granted not well, but I went out there

Enjoyed Rouladen and Spätzle at a German bar on the beach while listening to Pink Floyd.

Spent 400.00 on mint juleps without the benefit of a 400.00 drunk.

Tied bow ties for 3 drunk college kids

Was the keynote speaker at two events

Ate BBQ in KY, TN, NC and SC

Ate a total of 5 pounds of shrimp over 4 days

Stayed in a motel with a happy fingers massaging mattress, however had no change

Saw a horse break its’ legs

Accepted a ride from a guy whose name really is Bubba, in a white panel van with no door handles on the inside

Got a complement for being able to say Buford and Horry correctly

Searched for My Flower while she ran around a crowd like a mushroom fueled hippy at a Grateful Dead tribute band concert

Got drunk with the NC State Rugby team

Had over a 100 people ask to have their pictures taken with me.

Had over 30 women touch me inappropriately

Saw my Petite Flower bitch slap 6 frat boys

Got heartburn, for two days in a row

Went to an Oyster roast

Made network news three times in two weeks

Didn’t place one bet at the horse race of all horse races

Drove over 2,500 miles

Sang “Rockytop” with a partially clad young lady sitting on my shoulders.

Cried like a little girl ‘cause my leg hurt

Had a conference call on the deck of an aircraft carrier

Enjoyed a free breakfast at the Citadel

Ate 6 brats back to back.

Was told I have the legs for a kilt

Got pulled over by members of three different law enforcement communities, without citation

Other than that, it’s been pretty boring:

JQP esq.

I am the Sunshine of your Life:

2008-05-02T04:20:00.004-07:00

(This Blog Endorses O’bama, after all we always vote Irish)

Quote of the Day:
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. Herbert Spencer

The fast paced lifestyle of JQP et al…
Well, kids, after being back in Indiana for 24 hours it is once again time to hit the road. I am after all a rolling stone/rambling man… wherever I hang my hat is my home (this was for you fans of popular music from the late 60’s to the mid-70’s).

Myself and I loving and dutiful wife, Mrs. JQP, are on our way to Indianapolis this evening, for a dinner with friends at St. Elmo’s which is possibly the best steakhouse in the world. After which we will be having drinks and sausages at the Rathskeller. In the very early morning we along with various hangers-on will be making my spiritual pilgrimage.

Yes, dear reader…I am off to the Kentucky Derby. If nothing else tune in and watch me sing "My Old Kentucky Home" …I am after all if nothing else an accomplished vocalist.

I cant decide what to wear, my Loving and Petite wife, bought a hat and a poka-dot sun dress in Charleston last week. I am thinking about either my seersucker suit, ascot, and Panama hat, or my new Kilt… I am leaning toward the kilt, the chicks dig it….of course with a Citadel Rugby jersey (On a side note: I spoke at the Citadel Tuesday and they bought me breakfast, I so fucking rock).

Or….

Your drinks for the weekend:

You will need:

2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups water (branch water is ideal)
Fresh Mint
Crushed Ice
Kentucky Bourbon (2 ounces per serving)

Make a simple mint syrup* by boiling sugar and water together for 5 minutes; cool. Place in a covered container with 6 or 8 bruised mint sprigs. Refrigerate overnight.
Make a julep by filling a julep cup* or glass with crushed ice, then adding 1 tablespoon of mint syrup and 2 ounces of bourbon. Stir rapidly with a spoon to frost outside of cup or glass. Garnish with a fresh mint sprig..

*This makes enough syrup for about 44 juleps.

Extra Tips:
Always use a premium Kentucky bourbon
Use crushed or shaved ice and pack in cup.
To bruise mint, place in a cup and gently pass the back of a spoon between cup and the leaves a time or two. You want the mint to release some of the fragrant oils.
Add a straw cut to protrude just above the rim of the cup and serve. You should be able to get a faint whiff of the mint sprig when you're sipping.
Keep the covered syrup in the refrigerator (after removing the mint leaves) if you don't plan on drinking all the servings.. Enjoy later....

Your Song of the Day:

My Old Kentucky Home
By Mr. Stephen C. Foster
(who built the first cotton gin, invented peanut butter and the steam engine)

The sun shines bright in the old Kentucky home,
'Tis summer, the people are gay;
The corn-top's ripe and the meadow's in the bloom,
While the birds make music all the day.

The young folks roll on the little cabin floor,
All merry, all happy and bright;
By 'n' by Hard Times comes a-knocking at the door,
Then my old Kentucky home, goodnight.

CHORUS

Weep no more my lady
Oh! weep no more today!
We will sing one song for the old Kentucky home,
For the Old Kentucky Home far away.

They hunt no more for the possum and the coon,
On meadow, the hill and the shore,
They sing no more by the glimmer of the moon,
On the bench by the old cabin door.

The day goes by like a shadow o'er the heart,
With sorrow, where all was delight,
The time has come when the people have to part,
Then my old Kentucky home, goodnight.

CHORUS

The head must bow and the back will have to bend,
Wherever the people may go;
A few more days, and the trouble all will end,
In the field where the sugar-canes grow;

A few more days for to tote the weary load,
No matter, 'twill never be light;
A few more days till we totter on the road,
Then my old Kentucky home, goodnight.

CHORUS

Your Weekend links for a Goodtime:

http://www.kentuckyderby.com/2008/
http://www.stelmos.com/
http://www.rathskeller.com/
http://www.medicinenet.com/colostomy_a_patients_perspective/page5.htm
http://www.notsoboringlife.com/pipe-smoking/guide-to-pipe-smoking/

Thought of the Day:
Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King Jr.

I remain, much like your favorite Uncle, when he got out of Prison:

JQP esq.

I am a God to my People:

2008-05-01T04:20:00.003-07:00

On a diet of Pork Cracklins' and RC Cola:
I have been remiss. Granted, life without my own personal laptop (thanks Best-Buy), which limits my ponderings for you the select. For this I say...sorry...

I am here alive and doing well, fighting the good fight, living my life, bad and nationwide. However, please note the post desert funk might finally be abating. Which is good for you dear reader as I have oh so many stories to share.

Time in the Trenches:
Needless to say since last we spoke I have been to VA, MA, NY, SC, NC, LA, GA, OH, KY, TN, CO, back to AZ x2 and Detroit-City-In-Da-House, give it up ya'll. …and today I find myself washed up on the banks of my quant NE Indiana port town. I was on the TV News last night in the great state of South-by-god-Carolina; I am after all a hero.

Well, my time here at the public library draws to a close, a homeless man wants to check current copper prices, and after up-dating my stock portfolio and looking up flossing best pratices, I am over my time limit.

I remain, much like the bright burning eye in the darkness of your pitiful soul:

JQP esq.

Your Zen for the Day:

2008-05-01T04:19:00.000-07:00

XOXO,

JQP

Been a Long Time since I Rock and Rolled:

2007-12-05T04:20:00.000-07:00

(I get by with a little help from my friends)

Well, dear reader my exile in the desert soon draws close to an end. This weekend my Flower and I shall pack up grandma’s piano and other various sundry belongings and trek back into the interior of this our great and noble land.

For those of you who didn’t know, my Flower’s lucrative contract as an image consultant for Sheriff Joe Arpio and fellow boy band enthusiast Senator John McCain was not renewed. The inside scoop is that she was replaced by a follower of a certain sect that requires its adherents to wear special underwear.

As a result, we are forced to leave this land of milk and honey. Yes, I shed many tears…tears of fucking joy. I have not been this happy since I defeated those charges of being a cross dressing-drug mule and was freed from a Thai prison (my second runner up would be the ending of the 1982 All State Boy Scout Jamboree).

Yes dear reader, we Publics don’t do anything easy, after working for the man in the copper mines through a summer of 120 degrees plus, we leave here in order to enjoy all that an upper Midwest winter has to offer the intrepid.

I shall miss both the sunrises and sunsets here, the mountains of northern Arizona, our home on the Reservation and the cast of colorful locals who have endeared themselves to us. Rest assured my list of what I won’t miss is much longer.

I will try to post from the road, but we will have to see how that goes. As it stands we would like to be on the road by Sat afternoon, which puts us back in Indiana midweek, the good Lord willing.

Until then, I remain much like those venereal warts you thought you got cleared up during you junior year in college.

JQP esq.

2007-11-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

(Mr. T is damn happy we are moving home.)

JQP

Well...

2007-11-13T20:07:00.000-07:00

(If your wondering what fucking Utah looks like, a candid shot of me and one of my hounds)

It's not that I dont love ya'll but I have been covering the Western US. which means I know my airports. However, the new news is... Might be back in the heartland by Thanksgiving, or at the latest X-Mas.

Such is life in my wifes fast paced world.

JQP

Photo Dump

2007-10-13T04:20:00.000-07:00

my Little Sisters Wedding:

(bridesmaids make me take notice)

(No Male Pouch)

BTW: Piss on ya, XOXO

JQP

Even though:

2007-09-29T16:20:00.000-07:00

…Notre Dame is sucking hind tit this year, here is proof that there is a God.

Hanging my head low,

JQP

Ode of a Traveling Man

2007-09-28T04:20:00.000-07:00

(a candid shot of an HOV lane I was in recently)

I have an idea that some men are born out of their due place.
Accident has cast them amid certain surroundings, but they
have always a nostalgia for a home they know not.

They are strangers in their birthplace, and the leafy lanes they have
known from childhood or the populous streets in which they
have played, remain but a place of passage.

They may spend their whole lives aliens among their kindred and remain aloof
among the only scenes they have ever known. Perhaps it is
this sense of strangeness that sends men far and wide in the
search for something permanent, to which they may attach
themselves.

Perhaps some deeprooted atavism urges the wanderer back to lands
which his ancestors left in the dim beginnings of history.

Sometimes a man hits upon a place to which he mysteriously feels that he belongs.

Here is the home he sought, and he will settle amid scenes that he has never
seen before, among men he has never known, as though they were
familiar to him from his birth.

Here at last he finds rest.

Moon and Sixpence, by Somerset Maugham

Yes, I still live and lots to share...

XOXO

Things the tourism folks don’t tell you:

2007-09-24T16:20:00.000-07:00

http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0926killer-amoeba0926-ON.html

http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0913plaguehtml.html

all my best,

JQP

More Manly Rugby:

2007-09-07T18:42:00.001-07:00

The Haka - New Zealand Vs Tonga. These fuckers scare the shit out of me and I am (as a rule) a fearless man.

World Cup or Homoerotic Male Combat:

2007-09-07T16:20:00.000-07:00

Start of the Rugby World Cup
Friday 7th September
France v Argentina 11am and 6pm
Saturday 8th September
ENGLAND v USA 3pm and 6pm
Sunday 9th September
New Zealand v Italy 11am
Wales v Canada 3pm
Scotland v Portugal 5pm
(all times mountain)

You decide! Granted like all deities I am asexual, meaning I would be willing to have sex with letters of the alphabet. However, I should note the Phoenix has its own gay rugby team and those Nancy-Boys are some bad asses.

...and ND under Penn by two touchdowns at the half. Joe Pa smells an easy win.

I remain, an ambiguous ideal in the hearts and minds of easily lead:

JQP esq.

Happy Labor Day, Comrades:

2007-09-03T04:20:00.000-07:00

Hug a Teamster today:

Eight-Hour Day
Five-Day Workweek
Health Insurance
Good Pensions
Paid Sick Leave
Higher Wages
Overtime Pay
Job Safety
Paid Holidays
Job Security
Severance Pay
Paid Vacations
Family and Medical Leave

The preceding benefits were brought to you by the working women and men of America's unions, who won them at the bargaining table and set the standard for all working families.

Until the revolution, I remain:

JQP esq.

The Irish Got Spanked

2007-09-02T09:53:00.001-07:00

Dino, John, Me, et tu...

2007-08-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

I know its two Dino’s in the same month, but at I have spent the last few days hooked up to more machines than a Borg. Yes, old JQP has somehow inherited faulty equipment. But no worries dear reader, it is after all Italian food weekend here at PTOAPM.

Tonight getting out of my truck, in my driveway, I got attacked by the neighbors big ass german shephard...which resulted in ME grabbing two steak knives from the kitchen and chasing the neighbors dog throughout the neighborhood- don't fuck with JQP and JQP won't fuck with you, a motto to live by...

The cops are sitting in my driveway, because my wife the animal lover wouldn't let me kill it. And YES, I am that pissed off about it. If I was 80 and a war veteran it would have been a local tragedy..."War veteran killed by dog" I can't understand WHY people in Arizona aren't like people in South Carolina... That dog just needs shootin' and it's owner needs their ass whooped. so kids entertain yourselves and have a pleasant holiday weekend!

As always, much like the unidentifiable snot in the nose of a 2nd grader (w/nods to Tiny),

I remain,

JQP esq.

Ironside for Attorney General:

2007-08-28T04:20:00.000-07:00

Like rats fleeing a sinking ship, first the cocksucker of all cocksuckers then Ally Boy. I hope Jr. starts wondering …

JQP

French Girls have Strangely Erotic Smells

2007-08-27T14:55:00.001-07:00

On a Saturday with Friends:

2007-08-24T04:20:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day:
Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.
Franklin P. Adams

(Today, I am taking a break from my fast paced life style.)

Under Doctors Orders:
My chronicling the day to day life and lifestyle of yours truly I know has been somewhat hit and miss. So, allow me to include you the reader on some of the highlights of these past few weeks. You see its been hard to type with a cast on my left arm (which I might add has cut my sex life by 93%) and a sling on my right…and there in begins my story.

My Loving Flower woke one Saturday morning not long ago and said to me: “Oh, Loving Husband, Light of my Life, arise, I have an idea I wish to submit for your thoughtful and kind consideration.” I awoke, pulling my self from a strangely erotic dream involving Pygmies with very sharp teeth, Mini Driver and my 2nd grade teacher Sister Mary Smells Like Pee. I blame the dream on some smoked fish and capers I had enjoyed over a bottle of Sangria with some Persian automobile salesmen during Vespers the night before.

“Loving man, who by far rises above all others. After your rugby match may we go on a hike at the near by mountain, instead of you being painfully over served inebriating substances at the after party?” Now, dear reader, I have gotten older and now I find myself playing frontline, well second row, rather than wing, which truth be known is close enough. Granted, never a stellar player, I do from time to time enjoy mortal combat as long as there is alcohol served. I am if nothing else a simple man.

I thought to myself, I can turn this into a win. Spending time with a group of like minded individuals actively engaged in bleeding and/or making others bleed, drinking distilled grains and fermented hops, and going for a walk with My Flower. I placed a call to my good friend Indian Joe (I call him Indian Joe because he is in fact named Joe). I like Indian Joe, he is a thinker and a damn good dentist.

He said “Fuck Dude, I have a Mother-Fucking Killer idea, let me call Wild Steve the Samoan, I will call you right back.” I dear reader sat back knowing a very interesting day was afoot. I told my Flower that, her ideas were taken under advisement and would be incorporated into the days festivities. I told my sweet Baby-doll, I bet your going to have a blast” her reply was "Oh, that is a bet I will take”. What that foretold, I did not know, if I had perhaps a day at the botanical gardens would have been more in order, followed perhaps by a pedicure.

An hour later Indian Joe called and said “dude it’s all set, this is going to be so fucking cool”. In retrospect, I could say that that is where my day was to take an unusual turn. My Love went with me to the warm-up Keg and Egg breakfast after which I played my usual lack luster game, after the match I pissed blood, which in rugby circles is considered a good omen. This was followed by myself and the lads drinking congratulatory shots followed by ice cold Rolling Rock (whose bottles Kenny the Frat Boy likes to break over his head).

We also enjoyed the after game show put on by our supporters the Naked Tittie Crew, which our wives and girlfriends lovingly call the scabby whore crew. It was at that point that Wild Steve the Samoan approached my Loving Bride and I saying “grunt…come on bra…you two are riding with me, fart”.

We along with several younger members of the team and a few of Wild Steve the Samoan’s extended family climbed into his ride, a 1984 GMC Ambulance which last saw active service at the turn of the century with the local VA. “ got dis’ government surplus bra, fucken-A cheap only 138,000 miles”. I could tell this is not what my Flower had in mind, for a relaxing hike in the mountains, but she is a trooper and even took a turn on the beer bong the college kids were passing around. Like I said she is a sport. Our 14 vehicle caravan started out for distant peaks.

Enter, co-ed naked rappelling.

Well, I was the only one to naked rappel but get into that and the bet I lost. Both teams, our families and friends, descended on some cliffs and begin to illegally rappel in a national park. The plan being we would hold out until reinforced park rangers and a helicopter pushed us from our mountain lair. Friends Iwo Jima, did not have as elaborate a battle plan.

We tied off, tossed our ropes over, had a few drinks and then stood around looking at each other. So, who was going to be the first one over the side…comments were made about the perceived shortness of the ropes, however no one volunteered to go back down the cliff and check, group consensuses being that, if anything it was only about 5 feet short. Tommy Hilfiger dude suggested that we do rock-paper-scissors to see who the lucky man to carry our honor over the side would be.

It was at this point that my Flower, who had until then been uncharacteristically silent, pushed her ex-Marine Corp self to the front of the group and looking each one in the eye said: “Jesus Christ, you fucking bunch of Pussies, why don’t you fuck’en grow a pair. My JQP is going to go over the side and he is going to Australian rappel and he is going to do it naked ‘cause my honey is a man.” Before the blood could rush back into my face, My Flower smiled and said "...take it off baby, Airborne!" Next thing I know Indian Joe has me tied into a homemade Swiss seat, buck naked and I am on the edge, friends in more ways than one.

Now for those of you who don’t know Aussie rappelling is face out, ie: not facing the cliff, so when you step off, you really step out. You basically run face first down the side of a cliff. Gay-Ray-Ray, who was in the 10th Mountain and who’s gear we were using said Man, I have never seen shit like this (laugh) your fucking naked (laugh) this is going to be a story to tell, (then with a serious look) you remember your parachute landing fall (or PLF for you legs) right? Because JQP old buddy you might just end up using it.

It got quiet, very quiet, I felt the desert breeze blowing up my ass crack. Looking strait out I said a quick one to JC and the Sunshine Band and over the top I went. To audable gasps of those collected. At the moment of no return I heard my Flower, Shout, "Semper Fi, fu-c-ke-rrr…" and down I went.

I had planned a slow descent, but I have always found that impossible when doing the Aussie. Now the last time I had done this it was out of a chopper, which friends you know is much easier. Down, down I went. 50, 100, 200 feet, at about two’ is when I knew I might have a problem. Some quick math told me I was right. There was a strange sound and next thing I new I was upside-down, bleeding and looking at some big stone close-up. The first thing I heard when I came to was ‘fuck man, look at all that blood, he’s fucking dead man. '

It seems everyone ran for their cars and rushed to the bottom after I went over to see the results. Indian Joe, being a trained medical professional pushed his way to the front of the crowd shouting don’t move him, he might go into shock, to which one of the college kids shouted “shut the fuck-up your only a fucking dentist”. I understand that after the excitement Joe set him straight on "only being a dentist" and ended up providing him a grand worth of dental work to repair what he broke, during his education sesson, but I digress.

It appears we were "only" about 28 feet short of rope and our field expedient Swiss seat, modified with duct tape and clothesline really wasn’t engineered as thoroughly as the event demanded. Luckily, I landed on my head. I found myself floating in and out of a timid grip on reality. It was at this point I hear the voice of my Loving Flower, shouting "Let me through you bunch of Fucks", yes dear reader, my love, coming to aid me.

“John Q. Public, get the fuck up, it was only a 30 foot drop head first onto boulders, you are not this much of a pussy, shake it off, Goddamnit, and get yourself in Wild Steve the Samoan’s ambulance before you bleed all over this fucking mountain". So, I shyly got up.

“Well, that's just fucking great dumb ass, tried to break your fall with your arms?” There I stood naked covered in rope and my own blood, realizing first that, mother fucker I had the world record for crotch chaffing, then her her words slowly sunk in. I took stock.

My left arm while functioning was bent back flat half way up the forearm and my right shoulder was somewhere in the middle of my back, not to mention the head injury and 3 broken ribs. All in all, pretty good. My Flower handed me my clothes and helped me dress while Indian Joe feed me a beer. She whispered, "...don’t show pain in front of these fucks, honey, you’re a hero, now lets just walk to the truck". Show pain? I couldn’t feel anything yet, my how I wished that would have lasted.

Wild Steve the Samoan fired up his ride and we were off on a trip down the mountain that even in my condition was scarier than my nude rappelling adventure. With everyone in tow, leaving Gay-Ray-Ray to bitch about blood on his ropes and how the Swiss seat wasn’t his fault, we were on our way to the closest hospital.

We went to my favorite ER and actually got the same nurse I had went I attempted to stitch up my head that one night after I fell into the wall. “Don’t tell me, rugby party right?" Since I looked so bad and had 40 people with me they got me into a room quick. Needless to say after a few “that is the stuipiedest thing I have ever heard of a grown man doing, and a couple of the your very lucky to be alives followed 24 hours of observation I was discharged. Best of all I didn’t miss a day of work, I am a bad ass after all and my Flower has been a wonderful caretaker. And friends, next time she suggests something I think I will listen a bit closer.

Todays Bill:
"Frailty, thy name is woman!"
Hamlet (I, ii, 146)

Quote of the Day:
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
Don Marquis

I remain, much like the unused sex toy in your underwear drawer:

JQP esq.

A Weather Channel News Flash:

2007-08-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

(Dean cleans out Jamaica and sets his eyes on Mexico, cause "Hey baby he is cool like that".)

Baby steps,

JQP

An extra in Dune and other acting firsts:

2007-08-09T04:00:00.000-07:00

Friends, fellows and countrymen:
I have been remiss, granted I have been busy working to save the world as we know it, but alas…I know you the reader have suffered untold trials and tribulations without my timely tomes to guide you along life’s mile markers. Rest assured I have several story lines I am exploring even now. They include but are not limited to:

Breaking pita with Ugandans
Working for the rich
A week in the Smokies with my family
Sweet tea and kilt wearing in Pigeon Forge
A week in a dry county with my family
Native American welcome home parties
Man tracking and fruit pie recipes
Pub curry
Even more observations on male restroom behavior
PMS, rock concert promotions and Mrs. JQP
England vs. Wales Rugby and the bet I lost
The Southwest vs. the Midwest vs. the South
Skills in self back hair trimming

Until I have time to share these and other timely thoughts, all my best:

JQP

Freebird Mother Fuckers:

2007-07-25T09:26:00.001-07:00

I am on my way:
…to the mountains of Tennessee to attend the marriage of my little sister. I am giving her away (which might be the only chance I get to do this in my life). I will be spending 5 days with extended family in a cabin. This will be the longest time I have spent with them in 22 years. On the plus side I get to wear my kilt and I am friends with several lawyers and bail bondsmen in the area. Magic 8-Ball says there might be a story to tell, or two out of this trip.

I was recently asked how I felt the You Tube debate went. Well, my man won. Yes, you heard it here, I am calling it. Now for the format, what fucking bullshit, a fucking snowman? A song? A bunch of dumb shit questions?

Fucking hell, I see why we lget our asses kicked in elections now. The fucking screeners for that thing should have their asses kicked; they had the chance to make it a real open forum for we the people to ask the questions that could have given us a better idea of who can fix the fucking mess the ruling junta has left us in. Instead they give us entertainment, to much Daily Show and not enough News Hour.

So, all my best from Sky Harbor on my way to Atlanta, then to Knoxville….

JQP

On Male Public Restroom Behavior:

2007-07-18T04:20:00.000-07:00

(Enough to make any father proud.)

#1 and #2:
You know, I have come to the realization that every state and every place of employment has its own male bathroom rules and/or behavior. I would like to share a few of my observations with you the reader.

First off let me start by saying that I come from a self flow observation and culture. When I urinate, I look where I am aiming and keep my head down, I tend not to be a chatty person when peeing and like to finish the business at hand and move on.

Now, in South Carolina folks tend to want to chat you up while pissing. Which I find awkward, seeing that I don’t like to open my mouth in a public bathroom and cant stand the thought of the great unwashed’s poop germs getting on me. To the point I will breathe through my shirt if someone has spoiled the air with what ever partially digested food products they have ingested and eliminated.

In the North, you can’t go to a public restroom without running into some poor fellow in some far stall grunting like a caveman attempting to make fire. I often wonder if these poor souls eat whole chickens and/or hams and are surprised when in comes time to void themselves, or if they are trying to push a football throw a garden hose. Please note, that since Jr. High, I have found any rest room noise while at times unavoidable not to be actively encouraged.

Now in Arizona, one thing I have noticed is that men will walk into a stall to pee. Yes, standing up, with the door closed and locked and just peeing, this being done with numerous urinals available.

However, if you run into anyone in a men’s restroom you don’t speak you nod, the Black Man/ Mexican Man’s nod and no it doesn’t matter what your racial makeup might be, Hell I just ran into our Indian IT guy and got the nod.

For those of you who don’t know the Black man/ Mexican Man’s nod it a nod up, vs. a nod down, more commonly seen among white insurance sales men you encounter on any Midwestern street, including the obligatory smile on their face. In Arizona, one should never have a smile on their face when greeting another in a public rest room. Just a bad-assed nod up.

These are some of the things that trouble me, I welcome you the reader to share your thoughts and/or observations.

JQP

Your Recipe for the Week:

2007-07-17T04:20:00.000-07:00

(Tina, from over at the road house by the Res. just loves these little bastards!)

Arizona Scotch Eggs (oven)

Ingredients:
1 pound spicy pork or Italian sausage
Fine cornmeal
8 plain or pickled hard-cooked eggs**
1/3 cup cornmeal
1 egg, beaten
Cheyenne powder (3 tsp)
Garlic powder (1 tsp)
Black pepper (1 tsp)

Directions:
Divide sausage into 8 (2-ounce) portions. On lightly crumb-sprinkled surface, pat out each portion to about 1/8-inch thickness. Wrap completely around 1 of the hard-cooked eggs, pressing edges together to seal. Repeat with remaining sausage and hard-cooked eggs. Roll sausage-coated eggs in crumbs and spices then dip in beaten egg. Place on baking sheet and bake in preheated 375 F oven until lightly browned, about 38 minutes.

** To pickle, drain 1 can (16 oz.) pickled hot peppers, reserving juice. Set peppers aside for another use. In medium saucepan, combine reserved pepper juice, 1 3/4 cups white vinegar, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 1/2 tablespoons whole allspice and 3 cloves of garlic, halved. 4 tbl of Tabasco. Bring to boiling, stirring until sugar is dissolved. Reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes. Arrange 8 hard-cooked eggs in 1-quart jar with tight-fitting lid. Pour hot mixture over eggs. Cover tightly. Store in cool place. Refrigerate to blend flavors, at least several days or up to several weeks. After opening, refrigerate and use within 1 week.

Serve with sliced tomatoes, onions, cheese, corn on the cob, flat bread and beer (I use Sol)… lots of beer. It’s a big hit with my multi-ethnic fan base here in the Great American Southwest.

Enjoy,

JQP

I won a Major Award, from a well respected Blogger:

2007-07-16T16:20:00.000-07:00

Since, I tend to color outside the lines on a good day….

http://leftinaboite.blogspot.com/2007/07/okay-mary-ellen-over-at-divine-democrat.html

1 http://booleanwombat.blogspot.com/

2 http://nolff.kickass-bbq.com/

3 http://blindintexas.blogspot.com/

4 http://thewierdturnpro.blogspot.com/

5 http://abriefsecond.blogspot.com/

JQP

Mr. T can save John McCain’s Campaign:

2007-07-16T04:20:00.000-07:00

All the better with a Mini-T

JQP

Bastille Day:

2007-07-14T04:20:00.000-07:00

I haven’t really had anything to say for the past few weeks as a result I welcome your suggestions and/or questions.

JQP

A Photographic Tour of Hidden Culinary Delights from the Bible Belt:

2007-07-12T04:20:00.000-07:00

The Merry Month of June:

2007-07-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

(Your GMILF for the Day)

Since it’s all about me, a list of “I’s”:

I went to Jerome, AZ which is described as a “biker town with an artist problem”.

I bought 9 books, which always makes me happy.

I got a shitty hair cut for 8 dollars.

I spent several days in the close company of Federal Agents.

I have been cooking a lot of food from the Med. Region, plus the normal US summer food.

I got drunk with a 7 foot tall mutant biker who had a winner dog that road around on his shoulder.

I turned 40 and noticed gray hairs on my back.

I wrote two grants.

I worked on my deep dark Jamaican tan.

I spent every free moment on weekends in the pool drinking, mojitos.

I spent 14 days with Cousin Molly, whose Detroit charm and skill sets are legionary.

I listened to all the works of Ms. Etta James back to back very loudly, in reply to next-doors impromptu rap retrospective of the early 21st century.

I got invited to join the Indian Am-Vets; I guess they are going for diversity.

I went to a bluegrass festival one weekend and a national rodeo the next in Prescott, AZ.

I called into work 3 times during the month, all related to transportation issues.

I took a nice 6 mile walk in the desert (114 degrees) wearing a suit.

I took notice that we lost another 100 of our finest during the month of June.

I missed my family and friends.

I made some new friends.

I really enjoyed mass yesterday, good readings.

This ends transmission.

JQP

One Great Union, One Great Strike!

2007-06-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

More from the News that Pisses me off Category:

Senate GOP blocks union-organizing bill
The measure would have made it easier to gain a foothold at nonunion businesses. Democratic sponsors were unable to bring it to a vote.
By Joel Havemann, Times Staff Writer
1:22 PM PDT, June 26, 2007

Senate Republicans today blocked organized labor's top legislative priority this year: a bill designed to make it easier for unions to organize workers at nonunion workplaces.

No issue splits the national parties more starkly than organized labor, and today's vote was no exception. All 50 Democrats stood behind labor, and among the 49 Republicans, only Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania broke ranks.

The resulting tally, 51 to 48, left the Democratic majority nine votes short of the 60 it needed to cut off debate in the Senate and bring a bill to a vote.

The House passed the bill, 241 to 185, on March 1. That was 43 votes fewer than the two-thirds necessary to override the veto that could have been expected from President Bush.

The bill would have required employers to recognize unions if more than half of eligible workers signed union cards. Under a 60-year-old law, employers who are presented with union cards from a majority of their employees may demand an election by secret ballot, which is designed to prevent coercion of workers by unions.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said there was good reason for this safeguard.

"The secret ballot has been standard everywhere else in this country for more than a century," he said. "It simply hasn't been questioned. Americans have come to assume that in everything from electing their high school yearbook editor to their president, their vote is sacred and it is secret.

"That is, until now."

He said the bill that the Senate derailed today was written to help not workers but union bosses, who have watched helplessly as union membership in the United States has plunged, according to the Census Bureau, from 23% of the work force in 1983 to less than 14% in 2005.

Under the Democrat-sponsored bill, McConnell said, workers would be exposed to "coercion and intimidation by employers and union bosses alike."

Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.), a sponsor of the bill, argued that a rise in incomes of the rich -- and a concurrent decline in incomes of the poor -- coincided with a decline in union membership.

Thanks to unions' loss of bargaining power, he said, young men are now for the first time in American history earning less than their fathers did at the same age.

Giving unions the authority to organize workers on the strength of cards signed by workers, Kennedy said, would merely level a playing field that has been tilted by union organizers' lack of access to workers at the same time that "the employer has access to these individuals all day long."

Teach your children this song:

I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night,
Alive as you and me.
Says I "But Joe, you're ten years dead"
"I never died" said he,
"I never died" said he.

"In Salt Lake, Joe," says I to him,
him standing by my bed,
"They framed you on a murder charge,"
Says Joe, "But I ain't dead,"
Says Joe, "But I ain't dead."

"The Copper Bosses killed you Joe,
they shot you Joe" says I.
"Takes more than guns to kill a man"
Says Joe "I didn't die"
Says Joe "I didn't die"

And standing there as big as life
and smiling with his eyes.
Says Joe "What they can never kill
went on to organize,
went on to organize"

From San Diego up to Maine,
in every mine and mill,
where working-men defend their rights,
it's there you find Joe Hill,
it's there you find Joe Hill!

I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night,
alive as you and me.

Says I "But Joe, you're ten years dead"
"I never died" said he,
"I never died" said he.

Now News that makes me Happy:

Lugar Urges Quick Shift in Iraq War Strategy
By JEFF ZELENY
Published: June 26, 2007

WASHINGTON, June 25 — After offering a bleak assessment of the Bush administration’s strategy in Iraq, Senator Richard G. Lugar of Indiana, the ranking Republican on the Foreign Relations Committee, said today that he was urging lawmakers and President Bush to change course quickly to protect a further erosion of America’s standing in the world.

“We’re heading into a very partisan era,” Mr. Lugar said in an interview today, following a speech he delivered on the Senate floor on Monday night in which he called on the administration to rethink its Iraq strategy. “The president has the opportunity now to bring about a bipartisan foreign policy. I don’t think he’ll have that option very long.”

For months, Mr. Lugar has kept his skepticism about the president’s Iraq policy to himself, seldom offering anything beyond a wait-and-see reply. But three weeks ago, Mr. Lugar said, he privately concluded that the troop buildup plan was not achieving its goals and he began preparing remarks he delivered Monday evening.

“In my judgment, the costs and risks of continuing down the current path outweigh the potential benefits that might be achieved,” Mr. Lugar said on the Senate floor. “Persisting indefinitely with the surge strategy will delay policy adjustments that have a better chance of protecting our vital interests over the long term.”

Mr. Lugar is among the highest-ranking Republican in Congress to call for a troop drawdown in Iraq, a position that Senator George Voinovich, an Ohio Republican, quickly echoed today in a letter to the president. While the White House moved to play down the criticism, the comments from the two Midwestern senators reverberated across Capitol Hill today, where other Republicans said their patience also was expiring.

“I think September is absolutely the endpoint of decision, whether individuals will come to a conclusion before that, I think is likely,” said Senator Richard Burr, Republican of North Carolina. “What you’re beginning to see is a natural process of people evaluating the events on the ground in Iraq.”

White House officials attempted today to minimize the importance of Mr. Lugar’s comments, saying the senator’s opposition to the administration’s Iraq plan was nothing new. Speaking during his daily news briefing, the White House press secretary Tony Snow dismissed questions about whether the White House was concerned that Mr. Lugar’s criticism of on the Iraq war would encourage fellow Republicans to join him in his break with the president.

Still, the Bush administration is worked vigorously to limit any political damage, hastily setting up a meeting this week between Mr. Lugar and Mr. Bush’s national security adviser, Stephen J. Hadley.

But Republican officials privately conceded that should the images out of Iraq continue to be bloody in September — a likelihood — the White House would find it that much harder to maintain Republican support for the strategy, if not the war itself. They acknowledged that flagging Republican support is likely to emerge during the next debate over the war appropriations and military spending this summer.

Democrats seized upon the remarks from the Republicans, particularly those by Mr. Lugar, and said they were a sign that the tide is shifting in the protracted Iraq debate.

“I am encouraged by what he said and it just adds to the momentum for change,” said Senator Carl Levin of Michigan, chairman of the Armed Services Committee. “Hopefully, he’ll take some very specific steps to implement what his words mean. They are powerful words.”

...and thats the way is see it:

JQP

Friggen' Cousin Molly

2007-06-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

(yes, she is still here)

Hung-way-Over

2007-06-22T16:20:00.000-07:00

(I am razor sharp today.)

shhh...

JQP

Aged like a fine Wine:

2007-06-21T04:20:00.000-07:00

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too--yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party.

What a long Strange Trip it’s been:

JQP esq.

Your Hairy Pitted Girl:

2007-06-20T04:20:00.000-07:00

(…for the month of June. Chastity has a body odor I find strangely reminiscent of sweet basil. She is also well known in tribal circles for her skills in brown rice candle making and passionate advocacy for the use of menstrual cups.)

It’s all about the Black Irish:

2007-06-19T16:20:00.000-07:00

For everyone of you watching this at home, yes….
My Cousin Molly is in from out of town.
From a land far, far away…
and she has decided to bless us with her presence for the next 14 days
...or until her visa runs out and they deport her

She has been drinking Irish Car-Bombs since she got here.
Posts until the 28th will at best be hit and miss.

JQP

Your Drinks for the Weekend:

2007-06-15T04:20:00.000-07:00

The Dirty Shirt and Soiled Thong:

Ingredients:
1/2 oz Absolut Kurant
1/4 oz Grand Marnier
1/4 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur
1/4 oz Midori melon liqueur
1/2 oz Malibu rum
1/4 oz Amaretto
1/2 oz Cranberry juice
1/4 oz Pineapple juice

Mixing instructions:
Shake ingredients in a mixing tin filled with ice cubes. Strain into a rocks glass. Effective with female recent college grads (and in the term effective, one should take the title largely into count). “I’ll have a Sapphire and Tonic, Tiffany wants a D Squared T”

The Rugby Rambo Shot

Ingredients:
1/2 oz Jägermeister
1/2 oz Rumple Minze

Mixing instructions:
Served chilled, I prefer mine presented in a dirty astray that has been thoroughly wiped out with a tainted raw pork chop wrapped in Tiffany’s thong, then again that’s how I roll.

Bottoms (or your choice of any other part of you body) up!

JQP esq.

Weeds in the Garden of the Soul:

2007-06-14T04:20:00.000-07:00

(A candid shot, of one of the highly skilled members of my crack drink testing team. Tiffany is a recent graduate of Scottsdale Community College and the University of Phoenix Online, plus she is a real charmer.)

Thought for the Day:
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. Evan Esar

On Walking in the Desert:
Tuesday night, I picked up my truck from the dealer downtown (where it was towed after being assaulted by a Jeep driven by a text messaging mad man). It looked great, hell they even cleaned out the inside for the first time this century. However, on my way to work I got a chance to take it up to highway speeds, there in lay my disappointment.

The fucking thing started shaking like a dog shitting razor blades.

So, I in the most professional voice I could muster I called the shop and very politely make the receptionist cry and the service manger run out and install a remote starter on his car. I have been very cool till now about this whole getting hit thing, but now if they are going to start fucking with me, I am going to get the slimmest personal injury lawyer in the valley and become a burr under their skin, or salt and sand ground into their fucking eye-balls.

Fuck my neck still hurts and they made me drive a KIA for over two weeks, is that not enough? Now they wish to fuck with a man’s truck. Why don’t they come over and kick my dogs or wipe their ass with my momma’s Bible

On Work:
I had my big office move this week, but I being a man who can at times be both ruthless and cunning (I am also a cunning linguist of some renown, but I digress) got to work early and moved the name tags on office assignments. As a result the day laborers put all my shit in a different office on the far side of the building, hidden away from prying eyes. By the time our crack team of building mangers caught the mistake they had already sent the laborers on their way.

Later they came to me and asked “Gee, JQP there was some kind of mix-up with the office assignments, you were supposed to get the new large glass walled one right off the main hall, instead they put you way back here, are you ok with this, cause’ we let the moving company go already?

I said “Well fellows, I hope you learned something from this mismanagement, I already un-packed (hell, I hadn’t packed a thing to begin with, let ‘em move my desk and filing cabinets full), I guess it will be ok, no b-i-g deal” followed by “However, since its hot and all I sure could use one of those covered parking spots”, all said with resignation and heavily augmented by several sighs.

Word of advice, don’t bet against me, I like to win, often leaving scorched earth and shattered dreams in my wake.

On My Flower:
Many of you have asked about the rumors that My Flower might be leaving me for more comfortable pastures. While she is still contemplating her decision to reunite with her first love, no decision as yet been made. Please note that I am not the kind of man to stand in the way of true love. I however, have been looking at moving into a converted shipping container in an industrial back lot, located in south-central Apache Junction, should this in fact come to pass; I am nothing if not a planner.

Todays Bill:
How poor are they who have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees.
William Shakespeare

Quote of the Day:
Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons. It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth. Walt Whitman, Song of the Open Road

I remain, much like a caustic chemical to the uninformed:

JQP esq.

Rainy days and Sundays get me down:

2007-06-13T16:20:00.000-07:00

(Make your own caption day here at PTOAPM, make it good! Btw: if you know the movie you so f’ing rock!)

I had a post:
…but someone was using ninja mind reading skills and ruined it for me, suffice to say, now you will not know all about my years at sea.

J.Q. O'Public

Sand in my Metaphorical Shorts:

2007-06-12T16:20:00.000-07:00

Thought of the Day:
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
J. W. Schopf

On Reliable News Sources:
My top means of keeping my finger on the pulse of not only the nation but humanity at large: Soldier of Fortune, Readers Digest and Blogger. What more does a man of vision need.

On Work:
I have pulled something cool off with the Federal government and several unnamed agencies (suffice to say they go by the normal three capital letters). As a result I have been working on a fed-grant that is due Friday, which if you have ever written a federal grant you would understand that about a month is the right turn around time to complete one. The cool thing is if we get it, there is a lot of good that can be done for the great citizens of the American Southwest.

On Cross Cultural Communications:
Friday last my Flower and I were invited to a listen to a live band at an Indian Bar. We went and in doing so I learned a few things about the local Native American culture. They dance in a large circle to a band doing 70’s cover songs. I had lots of beer and shots bought for me. They don’t like white people generally and at their bars in particular. Lets just say it was an interesting evening. One thing I have noticed, is that in dangous places and events, I have gotten a lot better about leaving before I end up A) jailed B) in the hospital C) in a shallow grave, having coyotes dig for my bones out in the desert somewhere.

On Last Night:
Kevin the Cosmonaut took me out for a pre-birthday week dinner at a German restaurant in Mesa (which somehow supports several fine German establishments) who knew that Germans love the desert and large permanent RV parks that cater to those on a fixed income. The food was excellent, Pork Shank and Bavarian Semmelknödel. My tummy was happy and I made it home by 8:00 pm, sober. I had turned down his first offer of paying our way into a Asian health spa. Behold the power of old age and wisdom (that and a scary wife).

Today’s Bill:
"So wise so young, they say do never live long."
From King Richard III (III, i, 79)

Quote of the Day:
There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.
Bertrand Russell

I remain the equivalent of the cable TV installment appointment of your teenage ambitions:

JQP esq.

Sunday at the Public Casa:

2007-06-10T16:20:00.000-07:00

After the early Mass, my loving bride and I enjoyed a long leisurely meal of
French Press Coffee and Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice.
Warmed Fresh Bread (I made bread Saturday).

And this little gem:

Poached Eggs and Tomato on Potato Pancakes

1/2 cup chopped onion
1-1/2 cups coarsely grated, peeled baking potatoes (about 1 1/2 large potatoes)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
2 slices of lean bacon, chopped
4 large eggs
4 (1/4-inch thick) slices of tomatoes
Basil Hollandaise (see recipe below)
4 basil sprigs (garnish )

In a large bowl, combine the onion, grated potatoes, salt, pepper, and bacon. For each pancake, spread 1/2 cup of mixture on a hot oiled grill or skillet, keeping pancakes two inches apart. Cook over low heat, undisturbed, for 20 minutes. Increase heat to medium and cook the pancakes for an additional 5 to 10 minutes or until the undersides are browned. Turn the pancakes and cook them another 10 minutes. NOTE: The pancakes may be kept warm in a preheated 250° F oven for up to 30 minutes while you poach the eggs.

To poach eggs: Use a pan that is at least 3 inches deep so there is enough water to cover the eggs and they do not stick to the bottom of the pan. To prevent sticking, grease the pan with a little oil before filling with water. Bring the poaching liquid to a boil and then reduce to a simmer before adding the eggs (bubbles should not break the surface). Break each egg onto a saucer or into small cups or bowls. Slip eggs carefully into simmering water by lowering the lip of each egg-cup 1/2-inch below the surface of the water. Let the eggs flow out. Immediately cover with a lid and turn off the heat. Set a timer for exactly three minutes for medium-firm yolks. Adjust the time up or down for runnier or firmer yolks. Cook 3 to 5 minutes, depending on firmness desired. Remove from water with slotted spoon. Lift each perfectly poached egg from the water with a slotted spoon, but hold it over the skillet briefly to let any water clinging to the egg drain off. Drain well before serving.

To serve, arrange the potato pancakes on heated serving plates, top each one with a tomato slice, and then top each tomato with a hot poached egg. Spoon some of the Basil Hollandaise over the eggs. Garnish with the basil sprigs and serve.

Now a day of Mimosas, Sol and sunshine pool side…

JQP

Please Drink Responsibly:

2007-06-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

Your Drinks for the Weekend:

Mojito de Public

1 1/2 oz white tequila
1/2 oz creme de cassis
2 lime wedges
12 fresh mint leaves
1 - 6 oz 7-Up® soda
Muddle sugar, mint and squeezed lime wedges in mixing tin until mixture smells like spearmint gum. Fill with ice, add tequila and cassis, shake until the tin is icy to the touch. Pour into a Collins glass, top with 7-up and garnish with a sugarcane stick (no kitchen should be without) and fresh mint. A few of these and you will want to swim to Cuba.

JQP’s Homemade Absinthe

1 pint Everclear
3 tsp crumbled wormwood
2 tsp crumbled anise seeds
1/2 tsp fennel seeds
4 cardamom pods
1/2 tsp ground coriander
2 tsp chopped angelica root
1 pinch of Allspice (I add it to everything)
Steep wormwood in vodka for 8 to 12 hours. Remove, add the rest and steep for one week. Try this is under your own risk, please note: I am told the blindness is only temporary. I might try to make this later this month.

Hail Britannia (it’s a long story):

JQP

Incense, Peppermints and Strawberry Wine:

2007-06-07T04:20:00.000-07:00

(In adulthood Tiffany never understood her reoccurring dreams about the yellow bicycle trolls. Yes, I work in a growth industry.)

Thought of the Day:
Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche -- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea. For instance, my grandmother used to say, 'The black cat is always the last one off the fence.' I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was undoubtedly true. Solomon Short

Folding metal chairs are instrument of Torture:
My ass hurts from sitting in workshops all day. I am at a conference up on the north side of Phoenix the rest of the week. 44 miles away, and it took me two and a half hours to get there this morning, however only 50 minutes to get home. The plus side is the food at this place is kick ass, I ate 4 steaks and two baked potatoes for lunch. JQP loves him some free food.

The workshops are ok; I could have taught two of the four I went to. I felt sorry for the presenters, they had a few deer in the headlights moments in the question department. So I quit asking questions. When ever one does presentation, one must always be prepared for the long sharp knifes.

I haven’t been here long and I ran into several people I had met from different parts of the southwest, so at least I am getting around. They seem to like me, they really like me.

On Reminiscing:
I miss No Love Thursdays, need I say more?

On Other News:
My Flower has been having a shit few weeks at work with a problem employee. The hoops her employer is making her jump through fucking blow my mind. It is really a case of if she were treated like a man; no one would expect her to put up with this shit. Sexism is running rampant. She called me from a public payphone the other day, asking questions about automobile ignition triggering mechanisms and the chemical composition of Semtex.

Poor girl is on edge, just a bit, which of course friends and neighbors makes me on edge. A tornado doesn’t give a shit what is fucks-up if you know what I mean. Back to sleeping with one eye open. The things I do for her career, being the wonderful man that I am.

Today’s Bill:
"I go, and it is done; the bell invites me.
Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell
That summons thee to heaven or to hell."
Macbeth (II, i, 62-64)

My Reading for the four weeks:
http://www.amazon.com/Worst-Hard-Time-Survived-American/dp/061834697X
A book about the good old days, well worth the read if you live in the west.
http://www.amazon.com/Year-Merde-Stephen-Clarke/dp/1582345910
Funny shit about living with the French.
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?isbn=0743226712
It had been on my book shelf to long, it had some good points and stuff I didn’t know.
http://www.amazon.com/Nathan-Bedford-Forrest-Search-Enigma/dp/1589804155
I am glad I never had to fight this fucker, a real life redneck badass and generally disagreeable fucker.
http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/catalog/titledetail.cfm?titleNumber=681101
Speaking of disagreeable fuckers
http://www.amazon.com/Echo-Harry-Bosch-Michael-Connelly/dp/0316734950
I am currently reading this, Connelly is my secret read, I love chewing gum for the mind.

One of the things I always do when I go to other peoples houses I always look at what is on their book shelf (well, there and in their medicine cabinet and underwear drawer). You caqn tell a lot about a person by doing that. Makes me wonder what hypothesis someone would come up with after reading my blog.

Quote of the Day:
A truly great book should be read in youth, again in maturity and once more in old age, as a fine building should be seen by morning light, at noon and by moonlight.
Robertson Davies

I remain your idiot savant of good judgment and style tips:

JQP esq.

I live in a Hallmark Movie:

2007-06-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

(That’s my boy)

Since my last posting I have been in Utah, New Mexico and all over Arizona, suffice to say none of the tourist spots. Local indigenous people find me a fine drinking companion. What can I say, starting a program from the ground-up can be both time consuming and taxing of the seemingly limitless pools of exceptional creativity I possess.

I spent a pleasant day yesterday with members of the US Attorneys Office and the FBI, pleasant in such that I was neither a suspect nor under charges. I then went to a bar down from the Federal building with a few of them and got shit faced drunk.

My Flower said the group of drinking companions that I would normally associate with in Indiana, South Carolina and various Indian Nations, to be much more desirable than this fine group. FYI the Feds dig cocktails.

I plead the 5th:

JQP esq

I'm love'n it:

2007-06-01T16:20:00.000-07:00

Valet Parking:

2007-05-31T04:20:00.000-07:00

(A sample of finding art in the most unlikely places.)

Hard at work saving the world, or at least parts of AZ:

JQP esq.

Greetings from the Apache Nation:

2007-05-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

(Yes, children your Uncle JQP spent his Memorial Day with the native inhabitants of southeast Arizona. I was an eye opening experience.)

Some of the things I learned:
Indians don’t talk a lot.
They will agree with you just to get you to shut the fuck up.
Apaches are bad asses.
You would have to be a bad ass to live out there.
People wear cowboy hats outside of Texas.
Fuck, folks are poor down there.
Casinos really suck, especially if that’s the only place to eat and its German food night.
Apaches don’t do German food well.
Apache women are hot.
A big city is one with 8,000 people.
Mormons are everywhere.
If there are 8,000 people there will be 20 Mormon churches.
I want to club the next person in the head who says: “What pretty cactus”.
There are no radio stations down there.
I need to buy a Bowie knife.
There is just so much Indian Fry Bread a man can eat.
Tribal Cops smile a lot.
I paid only 2.90 a gallon for gas.

Now I must unpack and shake the sand out of my moccasins and start the London Broil in have had marinating since Sunday.

I remain, invisible but always present, much like the bed bugs at the Best Western I stayed at:

JQP esq.

Your Hairy Pits for the Week:

2007-05-29T04:20:00.000-07:00

(Hairy pited women kick-ass)

The Reason for the Season:

2007-05-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

(Lest we forget)

I am old enough to have actually have humped a '60. In other news, being broke as fuck tends to make one a good boy, mass and now home, reading and cooking. Monday, I have to once again, hit the road and sell those Bibles, I have souls to save.

If you love your freedom, have sex with a vet today:

JQP

Your Drinks for the Holiday Weekend:

2007-05-25T04:20:00.000-07:00

Aussie Screw-up Cooler Recipe
Ingredients
Ice cubes
15 ml (squeezed) Lemon Juice
20 ml Triple Sec
glass (Fill With) 7-Up
40 ml Coconut Rum
50 ml Orange Juice

Directions
Pour all ingredients (except 7-up) into shaker with ice. Shake well. Strain into a Highball glass filled with ice and top up with 7-Up. Garnish with a slice of lemon and a spiral of orange peel. Serve with a straw. Best if drank by a hot co-ed with B-Cups in a miniskirt, while being held upside down.

Kokomo Joe Recipe
Ingredients
1 oz Banana Liqueur
1 oz White Rum
½ oz Cheap vodka
5 oz Orange Juice
3 oz Pina Colada Mix

Directions
Combine ingredients with one cup of crushed ice in a blender. Blend until smooth. Pour into a hurricane glass, garnish with a slice of orange, and serve. I had 9 of these one morning at the Hip-Hugger in Kokomo, Indiana. I would recommend both the stip bar and the drink.

JQP’s a Pimp Cocktail Recipe
Ingredients
2 oz Dark Eyes Vodka
1 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Peach Schnapps
5 oz Sunny Delight

Directions
Pour ingredients into a highball glass, stir, and serve. I love this shit, but after 12 or so I want to puke my asshole up. Warning: do not chase this with white wine and shots of Jaeger.

Any asshole can be a statistic, be a hero make some headlines.

All my best,

JQP esq.

A Rental Kia, Sweet Tea, Waffles and Fried Chicken:

2007-05-24T16:20:00.000-07:00

Thought of the Day:
Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
G. K. Chesterton

(I was once a successful real-estate agent in the Low Country of South by God Carolina, well known for my guerrilla marketing strategies )

Carolina’s calling:
Man, it’s been 100 plus for weeks. I miss South Carolina; at least there nature had the decency so that if it was damn hot, there was an ocean nearby. Here I am stuck in the world’s largest beach. Dry heat my ass. Shit, I miss Bike Week, esp. Black Bike week and SOS.

Lunch Today:
On the plus side I found this joint today, it made what has been a shitty week all the more better. http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?showtopic=72127

My Neighbors are Fighting:
The Indian’s-Native Americans-First Nation (whatever is your PC term of choice) are building a new casino in the desert across the street from me. This, of course has all the white people around here really pissed off. You see they are not subject to zoning or any of that shit. The “Neighborhood Protection Committee” (sounds kind of like Orwell meets the KKK) came to my door tonight and asked me to sign a petition to stop those savages.

I kindly corrected them, this is not a neighborhood, it’s a fucking subdivision on the edge of nowhere, people are far from neighborly. Hell, they are all from LA, need I say more?

I told them that the way I see it the white man has been fucking them hard for the past 200 plus years, it’s about time they got a little bit of a reach around. Fuck the white man.

Then I told them that if they didn’t get out of my driveway I was going to turn the hounds on them and go throw some crazy ass Billy Jack moves on their old shriveled tight white asses.

You don’t fuck with an Amish-Irish-Melungeon who is actively self-medicating injuries due to a text messaging yuppie behind the wheel of a well armored Hummer. The only thing that is pissing me off, is that all the heavy equipment they are running across the street on the Reservation is kicking up a fuck load of dust, which of course is actively turning my pond into a mud-hole.

Today’s Bill:
"The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not mov'd with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils."
From The Merchant of Venice (V, i, 83-85)

Quote of the Day:
Fervor is the weapon of choice for the impotent.
Frantz Fanon

I remain your midnight sun in these trying times:

JQP esq.

Welcome Back Timmy:

2007-05-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

Fun Timmy Facts:

(Many of you might not know this, but Timmy moon lights as a sport writer.)

(Timmy likes to take his holidays at local dude ranches, many abound in rural Zionsville)

http://whoreallygivesashit.blogspot.com/

Convalescing on someone else’s dime:

2007-05-22T16:20:00.000-07:00

(I love me some pain pills and punk rock nursing students)

JQP

Your ISP has been recorded: DOD #3.96

2007-05-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday My Flower:

2007-05-16T16:20:00.000-07:00

(A Grand Cayon Family Vaction snap shot, enjoy)

I am busy being at beck and call of my Loving Bride, coking supper, followed by rubbing her feet then washing her hair, then rounding out the night with chic flicks. Behold the price of love.

JQP

Lame much like Barbaro:

2007-05-15T16:20:00.000-07:00

(My dad started his second tour 40 years ago today. Funny a whole new generation of kids will be able to say that now.)

Thought for the Day:
I asked a man in prison once how he happened to be there and he said he had stolen a pair of shoes. I told him if he had stolen a railroad he would be a United States Senator.
Mother Jones

The Week To-date:
Wednesday, I am spending most of the day on the roads of the greater Phoenix Metropolitan area doing what they pay me to do for a change. One cool thing is I have set it up so I will end up close to home thus get home early.

Why is getting home early important you may ask? Well, Wednesday is my Flower’s annual celebration of her birth, so I have to have the evening planned and set. Sadly, we will not be at the Macedonian Road House with our closest personal friends and camp followers as in years past. This is the life of a shy retired couple (they were quiet people, kept to themselves) here in this barren paradise.

I have to spend most of Thursday on the Reservation. I am looking forward to it. It’s a great chance to see how services are delivered effectively when overseen by tribal, local, county, state government and about a dozen Federal agencies. However, prior to that I am having my 90 day review. I better be evaluated as walking on water.

Friday, I am spending the whole day up in Flagstaff selling Bibles to the locals. After which, I will be joining Mrs. JQP her team of crack media spin artists in a belated (but payday supported) alcohol fueled group defragging of our C Drives.

Like everything else in my life this is subject to change at a moments notice, that’s why I live my life two steps ahead of the rolly polly, “high speed-low drag” are my watch words.

A loss for someone I respect greatly:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10192744

Today’s Bill:
"Not that I lov'd Caesar less, but that I lov'd Rome more."
From Julius Caesar (III, ii, 22)

Quote of the Day:
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions. Albert Einstein

I remain as always, the chef for the hunger of your soul:

JQP esq.

…and a very Happy Monday to you:

2007-05-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

If I was a violent man…
I would beat the little fuck who broke into my house in Indiana and stole all my copper pipes, chiefly by ripping out the fucking walls, which of course also fucked up my 8 month old water heater and my electric heat pump. Yes, I would beat the living shit out of them. However, I would beat him to death with my insurance agent.

I would pick up my insurance agents and swing them like a club, pummeling the copper thief into the mass of refuse they are. Why, would I beat someone to death using the unusual weapon of an insurance agent you might ask? Well dear reader, that’s because I am a planner. You see my insurance company doesn’t want to pay to have it all fixed. So, think of it as two ass whippings for the price of one.

On my Job:
You ever wonder why the Book of Job is spelled the same way as what we do for a living. The new thing at work is that they are moving my department into he newly remodeled part of our building.

Yes, I get to move from an office to a cubical and friends and neighbors it’s not just any cubical, it’s a fucking glass cubical. I can’t pick my nose and wipe in under the desk anymore, forget about surfing the net, I got the biggest office, which lucky me has one whole wall of floor to ceiling windows that look out onto the main hall. “Look Mom at that funny monkey”. Shits and fucking giggles, think the Boy in the Bubble with a very bad attitude. Fuck it, it beats being unemployed.

It’s enough to make a fellow go Buford Pusser on someone’s ass. Good thing I am not a violent man.

As always all my best to you and yours,

JQP esq.

Happy Weekend Everyone:

2007-05-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

Did you know…

…gave me VD

Just thought I would share:

JQP esq.

Greetings from the Great American Southwest:

2007-05-10T16:20:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day:
“A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.”
Oscar Wilde

On my Unexcused Absence:

I am humbled by the fact that so many of you members of the cultural vanguard of Western Civilization were troubled by my extended absences. Please allow me the opportunity to discount any rumors and/or supposition that may or may not have taken place.

The following is a list of possible factors, true or false you decide:

I had a change of heart about GWB and “The War on Who the Hell Ever” and re-enlisted in the service of this great nation.

Dude, I am putting the band back together!

I have been hospitalized for nervous exhaustion and numerous orthopedic injuries.

I went native.

I am currently involved in filming a few episodes of new series Law and Order Prison Life, where I have several guest star appearances.

I have been charged with felony liver and kidney abuse in Indiana and thus have been in hiding.

Blame it on the French.

I have been reading a good book.

My job is keeping moving all over this state.

I quit drinking and thus don’t have anything witty to say.

They only let the homeless on the computers and the downtown public library for 10 mins. at a time.

I won the lotto, bitches.

They really check my computer at work.

I changed my name to Harry Running Bull and now run a sweat lodge out of an abandoned Ford Fiesta in my back yard.

Walmart makes me work overtime.

I am mad, dont talk to me.

I got some black market Viagra and have spent the time sitting in a darkened room touching myself inappropriately.

I have taken my interactive nude poetry reading on the club circuit in the Catskills.

I just got voted off American Idol

I started a kinky sex cult and book of the month club.

I have been a guest of Sheriff Joe Arpaio and the wireless reception at tent city is shitty.

I have been spending my spare time plucking my body hair.

I took a job as a Burmese drug mule and thusly have been spending a lot of time pooping Heroin in cheap motel rooms close to airports.

I am writing an autobiography and your all in it.

All of the above.

Dear reader the decision is yours chose wisely.

Todays Bill:
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
--From Macbeth (V, v, 19)

Quote of the Day:
We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.
Lynn Hall, Where Have All the Tigers Gone?, 1989

I remain has always, your hairy backed Adonis:

JQP esq.

Forget the Alamo, Remember Kent State:

2007-05-04T16:20:00.000-07:00

"Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living"
Mother Jones

The Glorious Return of the Prodigal Son:

2007-04-18T16:20:00.000-07:00

Friends, Felons, and the Facetious

Announcing the one night only limited engagement of JQP esq. direct from the wastelands of Southern Arizona

Appearing at the

No Love Thursday All Star Alumni Reunion and Social Hour

Henry’s Bar
Thursday the 19th of April, 2007
4PM or until I am tired of your company

The night’s activities include:

Monster Truck Jamboree
Goat Roping Rodeo
The Finalists of the Miss NE Indiana JV Exotic Dancer of the Year
The Harlem Globetrotters
Ham Radio Swap Meet
A benefit concert by Mr. Barry Manilow
A special appearance by Mitch Daniels
Back again this year Ice Capades

…and as always reckless banter and excessive drinking
Yes, something for every taste

Tickets available at all Ticketmaster locations

(reposted at request)

A Note From Mrs. JQP

2007-04-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

I wish all of you in the Great State of Indiana who will be enjoying the company of my loving and dutiful husband a great "falling down" and if one of you bastards don't drive him home, I will personally find the time to kick your ass! Also, no trips to the ER - which means NO O's, NO Fistfights and NO NO NO RUMPLEMINTZ (or Rumplemintz under heavy adult supervision, and I mean heavy, if applicable!) Rugby and Pair of Dice showclub are optional

and for Nolff, Butchie and Elmo a little something special:

Check out Neighborhood Watch at http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=d9fe611d5a8e90fefdc9 - it's on http://funnyordie.com

Dare I say thought provoking?

2007-04-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

JQP

Sunshine on a Sunday:

2007-04-15T13:54:00.000-07:00

(A moment of my own personal Zen, the pier at Surfside Beach, SC)

Check-out the big brain on Brad:
Instead of expanding a war why not spend some of that money and human capital on getting America off the teat of Mideast oil, want to be a power in the new century build a new environmentally friendly renewable energy source.

I you really want to win the next election, come up with a plan to shift all that increase in earnings the rich have had in the past 10 years to the working and middle class.

Bush et al should be impeached and tried.

Never date someone 20 years younger that you, I mean hell what would you have to talk about?

As always, I am still a fan of the flat tax.

JQP

Gone Fishing in the desert:

2007-04-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

I have been secretly breeding a team of catfish ball players with hopes of someday soon capturing the national league west, that and they never really got the hang of boxing. What can I say it’s a hobby.

JQP